Was I Really So Dense?

I really enjoy Ex christian.net...I never "envisioned" myself as an EX christian...maybe more of a NON Christian after many years, several DECADES of "living the christian life" and living it well, or so I thought.

I realize HOW DENSE I was mentally and intellectually. I KNOW that I was DEEP IN DENIAL about the domestically abusive marriage and a personality disordered (mentally ill) spouse and his dysfunctional daughter. I used DENIAL in order to survive (coping mechanism) WITHIN that abusive framework and until denial was broken, I truly believed that "it would get better" and that divorce might not happen...

Just like with "my christianity"...I NEVER and I repeat, NEVER EVER thought that I would someday NOT BE a chrisitan anymore. It was just TOO FAR AWAY for me to even visualize. I was JUST SO STEEPED into the denial and the delusion of a myth; LIKE SO MANY OTHERS PRECEDING IT in history, that I thought that I had "FOUND THE TRUTH"... WHY oh WHY did I cling onto A DELUSION when the TRUTH is much easier to understand and accept and LIVE????