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Last Goodbyes
By TheBluegrassSkeptic
Death for me over the years has rarely been difficult to process and move on. I've buried quite a few, only mourned a couple. The two I mourn are now memories I guard so earnestly a mother bear could not rival my ferocity. These two people immediately bring on the wet eyes and short tight breaths when I just so much as think on their lives, their influence, and my loss. This past January I experienced a third loss of someone very important in my life. It's hit me very hard, and I am surprise- 0 comments
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New Brain Needed
Anyone ever had that feeling of walking on ice or on egg shells, even when there's no reason to be feeling like that?
I've come to the conclusion that my brain is possibly wired to deal with crisis every second of every day....
The majority of my life has been extremely stressful and not all that pleasant, the last two weeks I've had a rather calm life minus my kids running away and my other (real) mum being really fucking sick
.. All of that I can deal with.. Apparently what I struggle with is having no major urgent situations or problems to solve. It's like I have to be stressed to function which isn't particularly helpful nor is it a very nice way to live as most here will know.All I've ever wanted is a normal life, but I have been feeling more and more insane of late and if I don't figure out how to rewire my impulses soon its going to drive me insane, that's PTSD for you I guess. At least I'm aware of it and hopefully on the right track.... Seeing my shrink tomorrow is going to be interesting. Usually I have some ridiculous bullshit stressful scenario to discuss but not this week...
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Genesis 1:1
The Book of Genesis is the first of the 66 books traditionally accepted as the Protestant canon of the Bible. Because of Mark 10:3, Luke 24:27, and John 1:17, Moses is thought by many to be the author of Genesis, as it is part of the Pentateuch, or the Law. According to chabad.org, Moses was born in 1393 BCE and died in 1273 BCE. Christiananswers.net posits that Moses compiled his book from accounts kept by Adam, Seth, and the other 11 generations mentioned in Genesis (i.e., "this is the book of the generations of...") and added his own comments under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. The last event mentioned in Genesis is the death of Joseph (Genesis 50:26); Joseph is said to have lived from 1562 BCE to 1452 BCE (according to chabad.org), meaning Moses was born 59 years after the events Genesis describes. Christian scholars have not come to any considerable agreement as to the birth and death years of Moses, but Dr. John Van Seters states that the book of Genesis was likely written in the 5th or 6th century BCE.
Genesis 1:1 comes from the Greek Old Testament, also known as the LXX Septuagint. As with all verses of the Bible quoted in this manner within this work, It is printed in green, with any words attributed to Christ in red. All verses are taken from the King James Version of the Bible, as it is under public domain--meaning it may be quoted without permission from its publisher, in keeping with the DMCA.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
The word for "God" ('elohiym) is especially troubling, as it can mean:
Outline of Biblical Usage
(plural)
rulers, judges
divine ones
angels
gods
(plural intensive - singular meaning)
god, goddess
godlike one
works or special possessions of God
the (true) God
God
(source)
And "the heaven" (shamayim) is especially troubling, as it can mean (omission mine):
Outline of Biblical Usage
(portion omitted)
visible heavens, sky
as the visible universe, the sky, atmosphere, etc
as abode of the stars
Heaven (as the abode of God)
(source)
And finally, "the earth" ('erets):
Outline of Biblical Usage
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land, earth -
earth-
whole earth (as opposed to a part) -
earth (as opposed to heaven) -
earth (inhabitants)
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country, territory -
district, region -
tribal territory -
piece of ground -
land of Canaan, Israel -
inhabitants of land -
Sheol, land without return, (under) world -
city (-state)
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ground -
soil
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people of the land -
space or distance of country (in measurements of distance) -
level or plain country -
land of the living -
end(s) of the earth
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lands, countries(source)
So there we have three potentially mistranslated words in the first verse of the Bible, but they are of vital importance, as the alternatives present very different meanings. In further posts, I'll start looking at the verse in context of that which comes after it, and I'll build on the information given. I'll also be adding sources and additional knowledge as I find it in my research.
Lastly, formatting is a bitch. I'll clean it up later.
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often in contrast to Canaan
[*]
land
[*]
ground, surface of the earth
[*]
(in phrases)
[*]
(almost wholly late in usage)
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Not Doing Good
Things are not going well at all and I am in a very depressed condition once again. In bed all day today and haven't stopped crying. The spiritual atmosphere at home is at a fervor and it is very detrimental to my fragile mental state. A-mum is preparing for the most important event of the year for her, which is a Christian religious conference, so she has to spend a lot of time (many months actually) preparing materials and then she will act as teacher for a part of the conference. I am in too fragile a condition to deal with this right now. Everywhere I go in the home there are open bibles and religious materials much of which was written by a-mum, making me feel as though my mind and feelings are under assault. It has brought too much "Jesus" into my fragile little safety nest of home where I try to find a little bit of stability in the world. I have confessed on this website that I struggle with fears of the outside world having had some very bad experiences with men and learning to perceive them all as dangerous. Home is the only holdout I've got for escape from the world but it is burning down, so to speak, with the fires of Jesus. Jesus, to me, is just another dangerous man, but worse, as he is the invisible god controlling the minds and actions of the people. A-mum gets into a nervous fit of rage if she is interrupted or distracted from her "holy work" or if she perceives me as not supporting it. It slipped out, I asked her to stop doing it (the conference) and that of course led to an angry outburst. She still does not know the truth about me being an EXC and she is still Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. On the phone: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. When talking with her friends: lets pray to Jesus! When children come over, singing songs about Jesus with them. When we get in the car we must have Christian radio which I beg a-mum to turn off. I have sent many signs out that I am EXC but she is too wrapped up in her faith to notice the signs of my disapproval.
What I have noticed is that when a-mum's (and a-family in general) Jesus fervor goes up, the anger and control exerted by them over me also goes up. Also, the verbal abusiveness and emotional manipulation increases. When the intensity about Jesus increases, my thoughts of Jesus and God get more severe, and I experience them as being very real beings which desire to hold me as hostage and do increasingly evil things to me. At this time I am trying to avoid human contact and am only interacting with the "safety" of the computer.
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Diary Of A Food Addict: Renewal
Can't believe it has been over a year ago since I posted on this blog last.
SHAME ON ME!
Well, no, not really. I've actually made a lot of progress over the last 13 months, and made some permanent life style changes that I stuck with, and don't miss at all. As I am sure most of you remember, and if you don't just check out the gallery, I used to look like this.
Yeah, I was rockin' the scale at nearly 220 lbs (99.8 kg)..... Now, within about 4 months, I'd plateaued out, reaching 188lbs (85.3 kg). Looking like this.
And then I fell off the face of the planet, letting everything get in the way of me taking care of me. And I put the weight right back on.....
A lot has changed since May of 2014. For one, I am single now, and eliminated the number one cause of my stress eating. I also have been working a very physically demanding job that requires a lot of squatting, stomach crunching, lifting...all day long. I also changed my dietary habits to be a bit more Mediterranean, and have cut out red meat for the most part. I am nearly 100% red meat free, and will probably completely commit by this time next month as my body throws a fit when I do have a burger or steak once a week. I no longer crave beef at all. Chicken rarely so. Fish has been my absolute friend and companion, along with pork here and there.
But what about my number one go to friend in my fridge?
No, have not been able to give it up. I've come to realize I have a corn syrup addiction and that is why after cleaning my system of caffeine, I still felt like utter dog shit. So, I will continue for now, my soda consumption, though I do only have for part of the day now, instead of all day long. Coffee has become a favorite habit in the morning instead of fizzy sugar. Here's hoping I find a truly workable solution for corn syrup addiction!
It seems that I have found a good combination of exercise, diet, and alleviated a major stress situation. And since getting my own place back in October of this past year? Results have been good. Here is what I look like now.
I've gone from 220 lbs to 170 lbs (77 kg). I quite literally have been putting off going through my clothing the past few months because I just couldn't accept that I had actually made the change over, but I did this week. 85% of my wardrobe (including underwear dammit) is gone now, being too loose to fit. I even tried keeping a few pair of my size 16 waist jeans to use in conjunction with heavy thermals (I work outdoors). Still too loose. What I found really impressive is that I didn't just cut wait, I've built muscle. My arms are somewhat more toned, and I can feel the layer of muscle under my still semi poochy gut. I am at a point I know I can start toning and actually see the result, not just wonder where under the fluffy white marshmallow surface of my body I have definition.
Now to decide what to work on. The fat on my hips and abdomen has shrunk dramatically, but it's still fluffy stuff that looks horribly uneven now that I've dropped weight. I don't want to be all svelte and cut, I mean, I've had four kids and split my abdominal more than once. But a bit more less flumpy around the edges would be nice, right? This is going to be tough. How do you bust fat that is on a part of your body that has no muscle to work? All I can think is cardio.
UGHHHHHHH.......
Yeah, I still haven't dealt with my aversion to it.
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The Mind And Belief
Over the past several weeks, I have been contemplating various attributes of the human mind. I have been reading research on the Psychology of Belief and researching motivated reasoning and confirmation bias. At this point, I have come to the conclusion that, much like the cosmos and our universe, the human mind is incredibly complex and, at this point, has not been fully understood. There are numerous theories as to why humans think the way they do, and why humans act the way they do. And much like the discussions regarding our origins in the universe, there is still so much we don't know or understand about the mind and why we think and reason the way we do and what purpose the way we think and reason and interpret our world serves us in the now and in the future.
In my puffed up brain, it would be my desire to show many wonderful and awesome things about the way humans think and reason and get you all to learn new and exciting things that I have come to understand over the past several weeks. A lofty goal, indeed. But I also understand the limits of my ability to write articulately and the fact that most people reading this are not where I am in my quest for understanding why I believed in the Christian god for so long and how my thoughts and actions were so greatly influenced by my own perceptions and understandings of my world. But, maybe for the sake of me just thinking out loud for others to see, or just for my own cathartic experience, I would like to share some of what I have discovered. I am by no means an expert, but a fledgling behaviorist, trying to find understanding in why and how we do the things we do.
If you remember Psychology 101 from school, you will likely remember the name Piaget. He is famous for his work with children. But what you may not realize about him is that he experienced a crisis in his youth regarding faith and the things that his family was telling him in regards to religion. This crisis resulted in him being influenced to start the path that led him to developing our current understanding of how beliefs form.
That being said, Piaget understood the concept of Schema, which you can read about here, and how children use schemata to build their knowledge base and ultimately use that knowledge base to develop their worldview. He developed his theory of cognitive development using schemata.
Why is this important? Well, for many of us, we adopted the religion of our parents, and likely, their families. You adopted their worldviews as you grew and began to process that knowledge. They adopted their worldviews from their parents and so on it goes. As a child you developed your schemata and as you did, the information you were given influenced further information you were given and you developed whatever worldview you ended up with. At this point, I could go on and on about how schemas work and how they affect who you are and what you think. I want to stress that this is incredibly important if you want to understand why you fell for the Christianity trap. You really likely had no choice in the matter. It was only until you started to receive information that consistently challenged the established schemata that you began to find out that there existed different information which, subsequently, began to start a new process of thinking for you.
This translates to the other areas that I have been studying: motivated reasoning and cognitive bias. These concepts shape the way you interpret information and how you determine whether or not it will shape your worldview. Every person uses motivated reasoning for all the information that you receive, accept and place in your schema. Every second of every day, your brain receives and interprets numerous data. Much of it is processed and discarded without it even being consciously known to you. A perfect example of this is the fact that you wear clothes every day. Your skin receives sensory information when your clothes touch it, but your brain has become accustomed to that sensory information, so it has learned to ignore the general information regarding what your skin is feeling. It is only when that information is different, that the brain processes it differently, and you notice it.
In the same way, we also receive numerous information from people, through the internet, tv, radio, etc. We process that information in real time and ultimately, our brains determine whether or not that information is relevant at that time. This processing involves the schemata that we have previously developed in our past and the brain processes each bit of information it receives based on the schemata that it has formed from previous information. This is why confirmation bias exists. As humans, we tend to only accept information that fits into our already developed schemata. And this is where motivated reasoning fits in as well. Humans actively seek out information that confirms our already preconceived notions, beliefs, and ideas. We seek to be validated in our worldview and because of this; we seek out information that confirms our already determined worldview. It is because of motivated reasoning that we immediately discard anything that goes against what already exists in our schemata. It is only a brief few moments of cognitive dissonance that can potentially affect our schema related to the information and at that point, we can either investigate further the information presented and then update our schema, or we can use a self-defense mechanism, and simply create a plausible (in our minds) scenario as to why that information is the exception rather than the rule, thus resolving the discrepancy.
Why is all of what I just explained important?
Well, because of this understanding, we can better understand why we fell into the trap of believing Christianity (or any other religion) for so long. You were already “doomed” to become a Christian (or whatever religion your parents chose) before you even had a fighting chance. Secondly, once you embraced your particular worldview, your brain primarily sought out information that solidified that worldview and developed a much more deep rooted belief system. So, in many ways, you couldn’t help to believe what you ended up believing.
Another important thing that you need to understand about how your mind works is this: your mind does so much more in processing information than you are aware of. This means that your mind is making decisions for you before you are actually aware of these decisions. Studies have been conducted that have shown that researchers can predict when a decision has been made in people’s brain as many as a few seconds before the person actually decides. Our brains process information in a particular way and sometimes that particular way is not the most efficient way. This explains why, after a speech or debate with someone, that you start to have those thoughts about what you should have said, or why you remember things after the fact. Our brains can only recall so much information at a time and, depending on the schema that the information you were looking for was stored in, you may or may not remember something because of what your brain is attempting to access.
This whole process also affects something that is very important to Christianity: Free Will
How your brain receives, processes, filters, and stores information is something that you have only so much control over. This affects the possibility of free will. If your brain can only access so much information at a time or it accesses only certain information at a time based on the schema system of storing information, how can you legitimately say that we are actually making a fully informed decision? Or if our brains are making decisions before we are consciously aware of it, how is it that we are actually making a truly, fully informed, thought out decision about something? How can we be held responsible for something that we are not consciously aware of, or that we have no control over?
It is because of this information that I have come to the conclusion that Free Will is an illusion. It isn’t physically possible to have free will, even if we really wanted it. But that might be a whole other discussion...
As I am writing this all out, I can’t help but think back to Jesus. In the forums, someone posted a thread about whether or not Jesus sinned (or something like that). Ultimately a short discussion ensued as to whether or not Jesus was fully tempted or whether he was truly human. Applying this information about the mind to Jesus (assuming he was a real person and he was actually fully human) then only one of two possibilities can exist that I can see:
1 – Jesus was truly human and his mind worked just like any other human, thus making him a victim of his own mind. His own mind would have caused him to sin, regardless of whether or not he wanted to. He was limited by the information that his brain processed. His parents made mistakes, so there is no possible way that he could have not made any mistakes. Humans learn by watching and mimicking the actions of their caretakers. He likely would have believed false or inaccurate information, and his behavior about said information would have been affected by those beliefs. This is what it truly means to be human. If Jesus was actually human, then he had to sin.
Or
2 – Jesus was in fact the Son of God and was fully God and fully human. But because of his divinity, he was able to overcome the pitfalls of his own mind and he was able to use motivated reasoning in the most efficient way possible, thus streamlining his thoughts and his schemata. He was able to avoid sin because his mind was protected by his divinity and was not subject to the same processes that normal humans have. His mind processed information that only related to his mission on earth and what he had to do to accomplish that mission. All of this was only accomplished because Jesus had an unfair advantage. This makes the “sacrifice” he made, less than honest. It makes him less than human and more divine. This gave him an unfair advantage that the rest of humanity did/does not have. And this makes him unable to relate to anyone else, despite what Hebrews says that he was tempted in all ways as we are. If number 2 is true, then Jesus was not what the bible claims and is not what Christianity claims and makes him a fraud.
What you just read is my understanding of the human mind and how it relates to our creation of our own worldview and how what we think and believe is influenced by forces that are, in some ways, beyond our control. It is certainly not comprehensive and certainly needs more work. But it is where I am at right now in the whole process of understanding why my mind works the way it does. I would like to stress that there is so much more regarding this topic that I have not addressed that applies well to this discussion, but that I have already written a long entry.
Please read more about this if you wish. I welcome any thoughts or other information that you might want to add.
Thanks
Storm
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I Feel I've Come A Long Way
Back in February 2013, when I was still a fairly new member, I posted my deconversion testimony. It can be found here: http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/55452-my-deconversion/#.VH7w7cnzjaI
I recently re-read it again and the first thing I noticed was all of the grammar errors I made. My first instinct was to rewrite the whole thing and fix every single one, but then I realized that is probably not a good idea.
Back when I wrote my deconversion testimony, I can honestly say that I wasn't the same person that I am today. Back then, I was an insecure, recent deconvert who didn't even know what he wanted out of life yet. Also, at the time, my deconversion was still a fresh wound that had only just begun to scab over. The experiences that I described were still fresh in my mind as I was writing it and I can remember what an emotional experience it was to describe my experiences.
If I were to rewrite my testimony and correct all of the errors, it wouldn't be the same. It would no longer reflect the state of mind I was in at the time and the starting line of my uphill battle with self-induced depression and freedom from religion would no longer be visible.
Most of my progress happened this year and I've been evolving ever since. Last winter, I finally worked up the courage and the motivation to try applying for college and I've nearly completed 2 semesters already, which is crazy because I used to think there was no way I'd be able to do this. I also became employed for the first time earlier this year, back in the summer, and I am determined not to screw up.
I think a lot of my progress happened because of working and going to college. Slowly I've been learning not to be over-critical of myself and my failures. This bad habit I have of being my own worst critic is something that I inherited from my Christian days. Since I'm finally overcoming this problem, this just shows how much I have recovered from the damage caused by Christianity. I feel like I'm almost free. I still criticize myself a bit too much sometimes, but I'm getting better at putting a stop to it by focusing on something else. I'm learning not to feed that inner monster, so that it will go away.
Now, I am in what I think is the final stage of freeing myself from Christianity entirely. I am convinced that the only way to do this is to come out of the ex-Christian closet to the friends and family I have that are still religious, so that I no longer have to make excuses when I miss church for weeks at a time or worse yet, go to church and torment myself.
Since writing my deconversion testimony, I've fought my way up the hill for quite a while and defeated many of the mutated monsters that emerged from the rabbit holes of self-induced depression (which I think is caused by over-criticizing myself and my personal flaws). I've encountered many horrors and came close to running back the way I came and hiding in a hole, a few times. Now, I'm getting close to the top of this hill and I'm closing in on the three-headed dragon that lives up there. Maybe if I finally manage to slay this dragon, I will have defeated Christianity's grip on my life and I'll be free.
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The Horror Story I Told In The Chatroom
Last night my friend told me his story at the bar, he was horrified, but he had to tell me. He was trekking through a forest in a Northern European country. He had a compass, a map and his backpack was filled with a tent and sleeping bag. The load weighed heavier on his back, his eyes was heavy lidded. He got more and more tired, he had to find a good place to set up the tent. He trekked through still more forest until he found a flat patch of ground that would have been near water.
He set up the tent and his bed. He had food and started to dress for bed.
Anyway, the bed was uncomfortable. The air got colder. He fitfully slept.
Each time he woke up and went back to sleep, unbeknownst to him, a tool by tool that he needed for getting out of the forest vanished.
Something that wasn't branches lashed against the thin layer of his tent. That finally woke him up.
The tent door opened, seemingly by itself. His breath got shallower, as the zip unzipped, there was no shadow on the door.
His body did not move for fear. A whoosh of air and he was carried as if he was Gulliver but he could see nothing but the ground and he was in his bedclothes as he floated out of the tent.
He floated until he was into a cave, into its darkness.
It was utterly dark, he heard only water on the ground.
Then the cave lightened and he gasped.
Innumerable tiny grey creatures swaying back and forth, whispering as one...
His mind was polluted with the most gruesome images. He described it as him seeing the worst of the world. Fishes devouring their young; a Nazi skinning a person; jaws suddenly detached in accidents. There were infinitely worse images I shall not attempt to describe.
The creatures then whispered to him, "Do not come to the forest. The forest is dead. Humans, you did this to us, you cut down the creatures of the forest." Then he saw his foot being set on and his bare feet's smallest toe got taken off.
He did not feel pain, he merely saw blood pouring out of his stump. The creatures said to him, "This is how we feel when you cut down a single tree."
Then pain came down like a bunch of bricks.
He screamed and screamed.
They carried him back to his tent and they put his cellphone in his hand.
He frantically dialled the cellphone as he staunched his wound.
Then he spoke to the medical service of the country.
After he made the call, he fainted.
He woke up in the hospital.
Well, the thing is, he showed me the stump.
I believed him.
Years after...
I found out the horrible truth.
His ex-girlfriend cut off his toe because he abused her for years and she had enough.
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Confessions: When Will My Deconversion Be Complete?
When I was a Christian, I read the book ''A Grief Observed,'' by C.S. Lewis. C.S. Lewis was once a self-proclaimed atheist, but as his life took many turns, he was drawn to Christianity. He is often quoted by many Christians, as being a poignant voice for them. Frankly, he still is one of my favorite authors. He has a way with words that is not only convicting, but also comforting.
In ''A Grief Observed,'' C.S. Lewis talks about loss, pain, suffering, and the process of grieving.
"Nothing will shake a man -- or at any rate a man like me -- out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself." ~ C.S. Lewis
What is this truth that he's talking about? For him, it must have been Christianity. It must have been a belief in the supernatural, and a god...and somehow, this helped him grieve the gut-wrenching loss of his wife. This 'truth' as he calls it, must have been pretty damn comforting, during a time of great sorrow and pain. Truth with a capital 'T.'
I once accepted C.S. Lewis' truth, as my truth. Prayers and supplication were my truths. Suffering once had redemptive value, as that too was another one of my truths. But, a few years ago, I embarked on a journey away from this truth, and traveled down a stark, lonely path towards a new one. When I discovered what it meant to call myself an atheist, it felt like someone had given me a great gift that had been sitting in front of me all of my life, waiting to be opened. Also known as ''reality,'' this gift provided me the keys to freedom, to living my life authentically, and learning to trust my own intuition. When practicing religion, especially one of the Abrahamic versions, you need to realize and accept that you are no longer in charge of your own life. This 'god' that you've agreed to follow, is going to guide you, comfort you, and shelter you from every frightening storm imaginable. But, in return, you will be obligated to 'serve' this god, and that can be the tricky part. I was indoctrinated at a young age, into Christianity, and children are human sponges, as they say. I was a good girl, all of my life...followed the rules, and all of my choices, were based on how I could put others' needs above my own. (to a fault, at times)
I've talked to lifelong atheists both here, and in my offline life, who have a somewhat dark opinion of Christianity - that it is steeped in deception, fear and depravity. As an atheist now, I can identify with them, but having been a zealous Christian, I remember making excuses for those things. We are only deceived, because evil is present in the world. We fear that which we don't fully understand, and how can we ever fully understand the mystery of faith? And, depravity is part of the sin complex. Religion isn't depraved, it is mankind that rejected God's gift...and thus, depravity exists.
See? One can make up a lot of seemingly convincing and viable excuses to stick with religion. The brain is an amazing organ, and it will find a way to process that which is unfathomable. (How can one fathom lies? Call it religion. lol)
So, today, is one of those days that I thought blogging about all of these thoughts, might be cathartic for me. I'm an atheist, but there is something that I can't quite fully let go of, when it comes to my former self as a theist. I don't quite know anymore what that something is, even though I've done much self reflection.
Bur, then it dawned on me today, that maybe I will never know what that something is, and I must find a way to accept that I was duped by religion, nothing more or less. Perhaps, this is what C.S. Lewis meant by suffering, and how it will lead you to truth. The road has been illuminated for me, and if I dare to look over my shoulder at how far I've come, there is still this part of me that wishes to run back over all that trampled ground, back into the waiting arms of theism. The comfort of nothingness, as compared to the vast potential that awaits me. I know what I've left behind, so why do I still look back?
Therein lies the process of grieving. It is a push-pull paradigm that one must go through, in order to grow, learn and emerge a butterfly. I'm not there, yet. I'm still grieving. As futile as it seems on some days, I cannot move forward until I allow myself to grieve the loss of my faith, fully and deliberately. My deconversion will be complete, when I've fully processed and made peace with the fact that religion was never my friend. Never my saving grace. Never my Comforter. I'm almost there, but not quite yet.
I sometimes think it would be easier, if it were all true.
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Reasessment Part Ii
I will be attending a session, talk, transmission, or whatever you want to call it, by my Tibetan teacher this weekend. It is on the preliminary practice of Tibetan Buddhism according to the Nyigma Dudjom Tersar Ngondro practice, and more specifically, guru yoga.
I know he is going to give a transmission of the section. This is an authorization to do the practice. It is a tenant of Tibetan Buddhism that you cannot really effectively do this particular practice unless you have a transmission or an empowerment by the teacher. Part of the reason is that Tibetan Buddhists do not believe the mind is located in the brain. The mind is limitless, without beginning or end. Therefore, there is no separation (in ultimate reality) between the mind of the student and that of the teacher. The teacher's realization becomes the student's realization, if all conditions are right (there are a few- too much detail to go into here). The ideas behind it are pretty esoteric.
This practice is lengthy. It takes about 40 minutes to complete the whole Ngondro, and then however much time you want to do the extra practice of the particular section of the guru yoga. And ideally, this is daily. 100,000 repetitions. This does not leave much time for other activities if you work full time.
I have never had anything resembling a spiritual practice in my life. I did not even have one as a Christian - I always thought most prayer was useless, and being forced to go to church isn't in the same category. Its called practice and that is what it resembles. Its most like practicing a musical instrument every day, or a martial art - practicing forms. I think it is a form of mind training. After so many repetitions it must go in very deeply, and then it is easily called up when negative thoughts arise.
I read something pertinent to this question by the great Advaita Vedanta master, Nisargadatta Maharaj. A western person was asking him how chanting a mantra and doing practices in a foreign language could possibly be of benefit to a western person who has no cultural background to reinforce it. Maharaj said it really didn't matter what type of practice one does, it is the intention behind it. I am not sure, but I think I posted it in the Spirituality forum fairly recently. For anyone on Facebook who knows me there, I also put it on my page. It was extremely helpful.
My purpose in posting this to say where I am at in my particular journey, not in order to promote Tibetan Buddhism. I have gone through a lot of inner struggle over the last 8 years with getting into another religion and it has not been easy. My other blog entries probably convey some of that. Now, at least for the moment, I see it as beneficial and positive for myself.
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Episode 3 - Which Type Are You?
An illustration by Joas Adiprasetya
In a voyage, a man fell into the sea. Unfortunately, that poor man cannot swim so he yell for help. Luckily, some people in the ship are willing to help him. However, each of those persons has a different background:
The first person is a moralist. He take a book "how to swim" and throw it near that drowning person. Then he yell: read that book and follow the guidance, you will survive!
The second person is an idealist. He believes in the motto "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime". He believe that he should be a facilitator and give the example. Then he jump to sea near that drowning man and say: look at the way I swim, do as I do and you will survive.
The third person is an institutional. He see that and yell: help is on the way. We will make a rescue team and we will discuss the best approach to save you. Hang in there, you will survive.
The fourth person is a positive thinker. He shout: my super friend, your situation is not as bad as you think it is. Just think about the dry land and you will get what you are thinking.
The fifth person is a revivalist. He see the drown man, he know that salvation of soul is more important. So he ask: my friend, do you believe that you will go to heaven after you die if you believes in Jesus. That drowning man is already in the water with only his hand waving for help. The revivalist see the raising hand and say: thank you jesus, that man raise his hand as a sign he believe in you.
the last person is a realist. He jump to the sea and help that drowning person,
Which one is you?
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Logical Fallacies: Argument From Ignorance
During my deconversion process, I had given up the idea that the Bible was without error. There was contradictions, not just within the text itself, but within the content, as well. Claiming the Bible was inerrant, became increasingly difficult for me to accept. I came to the decision that God did not pass along a perfect document, but maybe there was still truth that you can get from it. The Bible seemed more like it was a collection of various thoughts and interactions with God. And, if that was true, than I could still get something from it. I had given up any beliefs of a young Earth, a true Adam and Eve, the Biblical story about the Earth's origins, Noah's Flood ...etc. I had given up quite a lot. All these things had an enormous amount of evidence to demonstrate that the Bible was inaccurate. But, the one thing I had clung to was the argument of the Prime Mover. God must exist because there would be no other way for the universe or life to come into existence on it's own. It was around this time that I began to discover the logical fallacies.
If you look up the logical fallacies online there are giant lists of them. In practice, there seems to be only a handful that are used over and over again. The most common ones are: Argument from Ignorance, Argument, from Antiquity, Straw man Fallacy, Ad Hominem, Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, Appeal to Authority, Appeal to Complexity, Appeal to Popularity, Appeal to Emotion, No True Scotsman, and the Slippery Slope Argument. These are the logical fallacies that I run into, pretty much, on the daily basis.
Logical fallacies can only be fallacies when they point to a flaw in reasoning. There may be some cases when an argument may seem like a fallacy, but is not actually flawed reasoning. For example, an appeal to popularity, doesn't demonstrate something is true or valid, but appealing to popularity maybe valid if you are only interested in what is common to that group. Christianity is the most common religion in America, so I am more likely to run into a Christian in American than not. I am not claiming that Christianity is true, only that it's popular in America.
The flaw in my reasoning about the origins of the universe and life is that I was making an Argument from Ignorance. Another way to state my argument above is, "We don't know or understand how the universe or life began, therefore it must have been a God." The first half the statement is in contradiction to the second half. By claiming ignorance, it is then illogical to claim to know how these origins began.
I find the Argument from Ignorance used most often when a theist is claiming that science can't explain something, and therefore it's acceptable to believe that their belief is true. Each truth claim must be supported by it's own evidence. The lack of evidence for one truth claim doesn't then validate another. If someone has a belief that some God-like entity is responsible for some event, the existence of this entity would first have to be demonstrated, and then they would also have to provide evidence that this entity is capable of doing the things that they are claiming it has done. Without the evidence, the claim is unreasonable to accept. Simply saying. "You don't have an answer, so my answer is true" is flawed reasoning. And, that is the Argument from Ignorance fallacy.
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Atheism Thoughts
I joined American Atheists yesterday to support their legal work on the separation of church and state in the US. I'm still not comfortable with telling strangers or acquaintances who ask that I'm atheist, though. Well, that's the blog entry; I'm new to this and don't have much to say.
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The Girl That Shouldn't Be Here
Into this world I came. Unexpected.
It was my grandpa's worst nightmare.
So bad, he told my mom to never come home pregnant.
And as you so often get what you fear most, thats what happened.
Because of the absence of love she saw no other way then to run away.
The only reason to go back home was, to give birth.
And then he made her stay.
There was no help. Only desparation.
Finally she got to know some people who helped her out.
With her troubled soul she could not recognize those folks had weird believes and their motives where not in the right place eiter.
So there I came. Into this world. Unexpected. And not to be undone.
In contrast to my innocense there was only blame put on my mom.
Instead of celebrating her and the miracle she was performing in creating a child she experienced her life turning into hell even more.
How in all the world did you think I would not be affected by that blame?
How in all the world did you think I would feel welcome when treating my life giver like dirt?
How in all the world?
Adoption came to discussion.
No, my mom was not ready.
Her dad did not take care of her concerns.
The appointment at the office was not made by her.
My mom was sent there, talked into signing a paper that made it clear, we would lose each other.
Everybody was convinced, this was the best for me.
Only she left that place full of doubts and already great regret.
How did no one care about what's best for her too?
How did no one understand that her wellbeing was linked to mine?
There has been so little creativity in all that matter. So little love.
There they where. Adopting a child.
Because christians had to be social. Helping other people.
Obviously it was the best for me. So everybody told themselves.
I needed to be protected. From my own blood.
My mom lost her right to see me when I was four.
The confusion was huge and no one dared to explain.
Only God. He was now very present. Jesus here, Jesus there.
I was scared. But even more I was concerned about hell.
So young and so vulnerable.
How could you think to tell me about your God and all would be beneficial for me?
How could you think I was not aware of your rejection of my mother?
How could you think I would accept your love when you denied it to my mother?
Was it love anyways?
They sent me to sunday school.
Told me about that loving father in heaven.
Why wasn't there a loving father on earth in the first place?
Would that be so hard?
Those morals you had.
How did you think they where any good?
To call a girl in a news story a pig because she got pregnant at age 12.
How dare you! You don't even know her story. And to me this gets personal even if you don't mean to. Don't call me too sensitive. Rather call yourself unloving and stone-hearted. And stop telling me about a loving father in heaven.
And Hell.
How much trouble and fear can a child take?
Yes my school career started off bad.
How could I be interested in education when so much was going on?
And no one even asked me what I thought about all of it.
No one wanted my opinion.
Four year old have no opinion I guess...opinions come when you get a job and move out.
But Hell. Heaven and Hell and God and Jesus. That's stuff four year olds can process.
God loves everyone. He has a plan for everybody. Oh, my life had a purpose.
Just how in all the world could he plan my coming before the foundation of the world if I came the way I should never have come? How can you say something like this, if you put blame on the people who brought me into existance? How can you believe that and at the same time reject my mother?
I would not be here without her. If you don't love my mother, you don't love me.
You don't believe in a loving father in heaven either. Because if you did, you would not find excuses for not loving. So don't expect me to believe something you don't.
To hell with your expectations!
To hell with your hate!
To hell with your ignorance!
To hell with your believe!
To hell with your morals!
To hell with all that keeps you and me from having a relationship.
Something real. Something deep.
To hell with all that keeps love out of the spectrum!
I don't fucking hate you. But I hate the way you treat me. I hate the way you think. I hate the way you think you did your best!
Yes, maybe you did. Maybe that's all you could.
My past is past. I know.
At the same time I deal with it's consequences on a regular base.
Depression.
The feeling of not being welcome. Not being wanted. Being a mistake.
Not knowing what I want to.
Feeling all alone.
Having trouble to establish healthy relationships. Finding friends.
Deep pain.
No, I don't hold on to it.
It holds on to me.
I tried to let it all go.
It keeps coming back.
Drives me crazy soemtimes.
Tears. Lots of tears have been cried and still run down my cheeks.
Stop blaming me.
Stop telling me God heals all the weary.
Stop everything that is not love.
Well, I should not be here.
According to your morals.
According to the way you dealt with my arrival. With my mom.
I came anyways.
You don't have to love me.
Love is not a duty.
And I guess you can't.
That would be fine with me.
If you could just admit it.
If we could just be real.
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From Christianity To Another Part 1
Many of you have left Christianity behind and turned to atheism or something else. Some of you may have some concerns or doubts about your abandonment of Christianity like:
What if I'm wrong and their right?
What if hell is real, and what if I'm going there for leaving my Christian life
I still want to believe there is a god without being religious.
First and foremost I'd like to rejoice that you have succeeded in overcoming your brainwashing, because billions of people are still mentally imprisoned, but you successfully left for the sake of happiness and the well being of your mind
Though I bet some of you still want to believe in god and Jesus without being confined to a religion.
I'd like to say that the teachings of Jesus is simple, his teachings centered around searching for spiritual truth and compassion as well as loving kindness for the world. However something has gone wrong, the church has twist Jesus' teachings of love and altruism around and instead lie to everyone by saying that we are all hell bound sinners who need to rely on the works of Jesus instead of our own works.
In it's current state, Christianity is wrong at best and blasphemous at worse as well as stealing the lives of people.
What did Jesus believe about going to church?
Jesus made it clear that he does not want his followers going to church and letting the religious authorities take over our search for truth, truth is not limited to the church of the bible.
Jesus also did not want people to pray in public but in seclusion. The worse enemies of Jesus were the Pharisees, who have taken all keys to heaven and won't enter and won't let you enter either, but be as wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove (Thomas,39)
The search of truth is found within
Is the bible true?
The bible is an interesting book, it contains 66 books with many different writers many whom which never knew each other and whom came from different times. The bible has some truth within it but sad to say there are very serious and minor errors within the bible. The bible is in fact not the word of god in fact the bible even admits this itself when it says ''in the beginning was the word and the word was god and the word was with god'' it even says later on during the introduction of Jesus that Christ is the word of god (Revelation 19:13)
To see many errors and contradictions in the bible look up the skeptic's annotated bible
What about hell?
The truth is this, there is no place if eternal fire and everlasting punishment.
The place called hell originated with the pagan greeks and was called by a different name.
Sheol, hades, Gehenna and tartarus.
Sheol meant the grave
Gehenna was not even an afterlife but a place in Israel
Hades meant the land of the dead
Tartarus was a place of fire and everlasting punishment and so was Gehenna.
The pagan greeks used the threat of everlasting fire to keep their folks in line but later admitted that they lied and there was no place of fire and eternal punishment. The only Jews who believe the greeks about a place of fire, sulphur and brimstone was the pharisee's Jesus' enemies. The doctrine of infinite pain and misery an a dark abyss increased the power of the Pharisees for anyone who believed them would be terrified and whiplashed into obedience. Hell was than thrown into the bible for further fear and brainwashing. Hell only appears 8 to 12 times in the bible and does not appear at all in the old testament, but the mythical pagan hades, sheol, gehenna and Hades do but non of these are a place of suffering. Universal salvation is confirmed in the bible. If anyone threatens you with ''hell'' just remember that it is a pagan myth and does not belong in the Abrahamic religions.
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Still Trying To Get To The Bottom Of It.....
When I was a kid I liked the song JOY JOY this must surely mean, jesus first and yourself last and others in between. That resonated with my natural propensity for looking after people, so I learned early to care deeply about everyone's needs. To me this has been the focus of my life, the way I thought we were meant to live to make the world a better place for all of us.
During my time as a christian I was often puzzled by people not reciprocating that. I have spent a lot of my life crying because I think deep in my heart I knew the truth but just did not want to face it in all its glory. I thought there was something deeply wrong with christians, but now I realise it is everyone, and it is considered "normal" behaviour.
Over the past few years since deconversion I keep running into the same problem, me being happy to care about how I treat other people, but them not paying much attention when I need something from them. I am a fixer, and if there is an issue I like to drag it out and discuss it with the other person, so we can fix it. What I often get though is, well, nothing. People are not interested in fixing problems if it requires effort on their part. I am very concerned with what I can do to make them feel loved or needed or wanted, but they are not on the same page as me. Because that attitude is so foreign to me, it causes me a LOT of cognitive dissonance. I just don't get what it is not to care. I want to find solutions for everything, even if that involves me giving, because that is what I do.
I have come to realise though that I am not even on the radar for other people. I completely underestimated how concerned people are with their own inner lives, and how completely unconcerned they are with the inner lives of others. I can beg, plead, cry, ask nicely, get angry, do everything I know to try and get them to listen and care about certain things, but they just......don't. I don't even know what that shit is, but I know it makes me so angry I could punch people.
I am a giver in a world of takers, but am I just meant to lie down and take it? I don't want to anymore. The only thing I can do to avoid punching people is just to accept they don't give a shit, and that irks the fuck out of me after everything I am prepared to do for them. I don't think there is any solution for this. I want them to care, but I cannot make them. Why are their wants and needs so important to me, but mine so unimportant to them?
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Kings Kaleidoscope / Art And Religion
"What a waste of talent" was the first thought that came to my mind-Typcial cheesy christian worship lyrics but great music and vocals. I hesitated to download the free album but in the end I thought "why not". I enjoy the music and lyrics are cheesy and senseless most of the time.
Art was a long time inspired by religion. All those drawings, paintings and sculptures of gods and goddesses, of maria with baby jesus. All those beautiful churches and cathedrals build to honor god. I enjoy and admire them. I adore the talent of the artists and their way of expression their feels, their uniqueness, without believing in their religious inspiration. Where is the difference to music?
Art will always be greater then the inspiration.
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The Real Reason Jesus Is Mispronounced, ...
As we all know, Jesus (oft pronounced Gheezus) is actually meant to be pronounced, Yeshua.
The reasons of this are a combination of transliteration, as well as changes in the English language. But there's something that everyone's missed out.
If a priest pronounces it as Yeshua, then the congregation will also know that christ is called Yeshua, no matter how it is pronounced. Also the following priest would undoubtedly know this too, since he would have been schooled by someone who knows the name.
So we clearly have a broken link, as somewhere along the line the 'gospel' was taught by someone who did not know this, and passed on the faulty pronunciation to his congregation, and now we all follow that.
To paint a picture:
"Yeshua" -> disciples -> early church -> christians -> Roman Catholicism -> Europe -> England (1600)Up until this point, we can say that there was a long line of the name being passed along, then suddenly.
"Gheezus" -> congregation -> more churches -> widespread christianitySo we can conclude that the christianity we have today must stem from a relatively new root which does not descend from the early church. In essence it must stem from an individual (or a group) who had never even gone to a church, instead they just picked up the book and went along and started their own church.
So when did this happen? Well we know that when KVJ was written, the 'j' was still using the Germanic 'i' sound, so it wasn't then. So when did was the French 'j' introduced? Well thanks to Shakespeare, who borrowed many French words for his literature, by the time he had his way with our vocabulary we had a lot of French influence in our language. But it wasn't until (IIRC) the 1800's that the French form was officially established.
Either way it's interesting to think that this religion can spring back so easily from people who did not, and still may not even believe in it. It is a great source of income and power. There are people right now who are billionaires because of this book, leading churches of devout followers.
Reminds me of The Book of eli.
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Nanowrimo Is Halfway Over!
Half way over, and I'm a little over halfway through. 32k words hit this past week. Yippee! I'm closing in on the finish line and feeling pretty good about it. Writing a novella has been a very rewarding, and learning, experience. Keeping sentences succinct and to the point. Better quality. Less quantity.
And I haven't updated my excerpt on this blog yet but the language is much much better and believable.
Anyone else getting it done out there?
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Death Bed Conversion Logic
The longer I spend pondering the logic of christianity, the more I find it just plain stupid. I figured i write these out every once in a while. I though about the logic of burning an upstanding family man in hell while jeffery dahmer converts in prison and gets to go to heaven.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlZv7V-Gixg
Let's say I accept since god is in control and thats the way it works whether i like it or not, that doesn't dismiss the fact that murdered children never got a chance to accept jesus. And undoubtedly, the bible implies that unsaved children go to hell since no one is righteous and original sin makes Jesus necessary. This is why i think concepts like purgatory were created. They deal with the cognitive dissonance of people who know that the black and white logic of christianity makes no sense. Also, what about muslim kids, hindu kids, or the indigenous. I used to spout the book of Romans for this and talk about how the law was on everyone heart. Well if that applies to these people, why does it not apply to the moral skeptic. Because they had knowledge and rejected Jesus? What about the misinformed who are doing their best to remain faithful to what they were told is true. Should they burn too? They were presented with Jesus and rejected him too.
I've heard my pastor emotionally preach that darwin converted on his death bed. Of course this is false but lets pretend its true. How many millions of people were left deceived by his work and remained skeptical of the genesis creation story because of it. So they burn in hell forever and Darwin and Jesus (arm in arm) watch from the front row of heaven. Same with Dahmer and EVERY other person that prematurely denied anyone the option the accept jesus.
Funny thing is the opposite. The people that with a few hours left of life convert to the wrong religion
http://www.islamdaily.org/en/islam/5107.litvinenko-converted-to-islam-at-deathbed.htm
Since the holy spirit moves people to be saved (ignore how this contradicts free will) its almost as if there are some people who are chosen and others who in their own strength try to prepare for the next life and repent pick the wrong god on their death bed.
Just look at the peple who were duped....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_converts_to_Islam_from_Christianity
and everything they did for god doesn't matter because at what could eventually be the last minute they made a wrong move.
Sad.
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Updates
It's been a while since I wrote something on here, so here goes.
The last 2 years haven't been a whole lot different than the 5 before it religion wise. I was in and out of Christianity. I was in and out of Paganism. But recently I discovered Islam and was relatively happy with it. Every once in a while however I have doubts because I am alone here as a Muslim and have no faith community to go to.
I am a theist but have no idea who my gods are.
I know one thing: I'm tired of seeking. 7 years is much too long.
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The Failure Of New Atheism
I have to pronounce New Atheism dead. Honestly I wonder whether it ever was truly alive, so it may be dead only in the sense that a rock is, namely, something that never lived. However, it is hard to see the viscious debate that has raged over sexism in the New Atheist community (for several years now), without realizing that there is something deeply wrong with the New Atheist paradigm. If New Atheists can't solve an argument about the differences in the biology of the human species (or at least gloss over differences and work towards something better), we have a bit of a problem. Wasn't our embrace of evidence and reason supposed to arbiter our differences, and offer common ground with which to solve our problems? What happened?
The answer is there is a fundamental problem with the rationalist/empiricist paradigm: humans are not just about rationality or evidence. We have values and motivations, and these motivations and values are not rational, nor are they always neatly validated by the evidence. We have a preference for life over death, for pleasure over pain, for happiness over sadness, for social membership over exclusion, for distinction over irrelevance, and stability over instability, and these desires are not rational. They are a part of us, as surely as we have five fingers or a heart and lungs, and they are known by each of us, but they are not rational in and of themselves. Desires vary from person to person, and identities are forged around different totems. These totems are not just religious in nature, they can be biological organs (penises and vaginas), abstract ideas like "reason" and "evidence," locations, sports teams, spouses, races, genders, presidents, kings, and, yes, gods, goddesses, scriptures, and religious leaders, institutions, and imagery. These often start out as rational pursuits, but they take on a life of their own, as our biology kicks in, and we start to feel good about the distinction and membership these totems bestow upon us. The lines get blurred between our thoughts and feelings, and our reason gets subverted to our values and our identity. Battle lines are drawn, flags are raised, and people start engaging, using reason not to discover the truth, but to influence and manipulate the outsiders to become a part of the in-group.
Virtually everything I say here has been backed up by mountains of evidence accumulated by psychologists and social scientists over the years. Yet since the times of Plato, rationalists have insisted that we simply pursue what is "rational" and what can be justified by logic. It's always been a problematic exercise. There are axioms: things that can't be logically justified, even if they can't even be coherently denied. There are ideas like love or compassion that often offer little evolutionary benefit, but are pursued regardless. And there is the simple fact that often we get along best, not when we consciously try to arbiter our differences using some supposed common ground, but when we recognize that there often is no common ground on which to arbitrate our differences at all, and we simply suppress those differences and emphasize our commonalities instead.
The New Atheists are not the first people to make this very fundamental mistake, but I doubt the philosophers of old have crashed and burned as spectacularly as the New Atheists have. As much as the people on this website have suffered at the hands of flawed religious doctrine, New Atheism and the Skeptic community is not the answer.
Of course we need community, but not a community whose sole purpose is to cast dispersons upon other people. That is a recipe not for arbitration of differences, but stagnation, lack of accountability, hatred, strife, and division. In short, religion at it's worst. I love reason, evidence, and the search for truth more than anything else in the world, but I recognize them as my totems, and the use of them as my religion, and try to maintain a humility and devotion about them comparable to what I regard religion at it's best is. I respect my Catholic wife, have started attending a Unitarian church with her, and am as ravenous in my quest for knowledge and truth as ever. But I have found happiness in not saying that reason is my sole guide, but that simply that, in the words of an ancient roman playright, "I am human, and nothing about being human is alien to me."
Lastly, I don't regret for a second my stint as a New Atheist, and I understand the cathartic tendencies we as former Christians have to watch the latest NonStampCollector video, refute the arguments of Christian apologetics, and decry the hypocrisy and barbarism of fundamentalist Christianity. I am so grateful to Christopher Hitchens for shepherding me out of the erroneous dogmas that I had becomed accustomed to, and unleashed a ravenous curiosity that will never be quenched, though it may be stifled by death. As such, I fully understand if you're still mad at Christianity for being wrong (I still am too from time to time) and need a community where you can vent, laugh, and cry your way out of your pain. But the way forward is, I believe, grounded in understanding ourselves and our fundamentally non-rational tendencies, not so we can correct them (although that will often still be necessary) but so we can humble ourselves before them, and learn to love those with different totems and non-rational tendencies. That is, I believe, the most reasonable way forward.
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Baby Steps
The money I usually spend on a soda and TV dinners for week I instead put towards vegetables, water and whole fruit juice. Breakfast today was coffee and a little portion of leftover chicken, lunch was sliced organic carrots and cucumber with a little ranch, and some apple juice. I've incorporated a curl bar circuit routine that I use every 2 days. Big gains in strength so far, I hate feeling weak in the arms, and I'm glad to feel that changing.
About a year ago I ate a 1200 calorie per day diet and got at least 30 minutes of cardio in, with at least a few sets of lifting (mostly chest lifting). I drank only water, limited any kind of fast food to once per month, soda to once per week (til I dropped it completely). I lost a lot of weight, and felt way better overall. Well, when I moved, my wife and I spent a lot of time eating fast food while getting settled in, and I finally caved and fell off the bandwagon. I put on weight.
I felt sorry for myself for awhile, but, now I'm trying to get back into the swing of it. So far so good.
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Genesis Part 1
I am reading the OT to remind me how stupid the bible is. I am sharing some comments and questions with you.
Let's see how far I get.
1.- 3. Creation
God creates stupid humans and punishes them for their desire for knowledge.The proclaimed punishment turns from "though shall surly die" to labor pain, the rule of men over women (3:16), cursed grounds and hard work
- well that escalated quickly.
After they got kicked out God didn't destroy the now useless (?) tree.Instead he made a cool flaming sword and some poor cherubims are probably still standing there and protecting the tree.
4.- Cain and Abel
Cain kills his brother Abel, because his holy daddy likes him more than Cain. God gets super-mad and Cain is worried:
Wait,what? Who is Kain afraid of? I though there were just Adam, Eve and his dead brother and probably some baby girls that don't deserve to be mentioned.
It gets even more confusing:And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.
What is sevenfold death? Does it mean that six of the killers family members will die, too? Well, the killers family has to be Cains,too. What a comfort to know that if your nephew (which is probably also your brother-in-law) kills you, six other of your incest family die with him.
5. Family tree
Good that the bible is inspired by god and we only get useful information from it.
6-8 Giants and the flood
From the first verses we learn:
sons of god (angels?)+ pretty women= GIANTS. Must be very painful to give birth to them... Why aren't there giants anymore? Are we women not attractive anymore,angels ?
So god decides he should reset his creation, but instead of just snapping his fingers and let it happen he need water and Noah has to do a lot of hard work.After reading the flood story I have only one question: What about the giants?
I want to know more about them and not on which day the arc landed on a mountain. Why were they mentioned anyway?
9. Food and booze
"Everything that lives and moves will be your food. I gave you green plants as food; I now give you everything else." (9:3)
WHAT? They weren't allowed to eat meat before the flood? Why was Able a shepherd? And why was his offering better than Cains if sheep were useless to him?
In my (german) translation of the bible it says that Noah was the first that planted a vineyard. So before the flood there was no steak and no booze, a lot of incest and a average lifetime of 300-900. That sucks.
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Feminism Vs Female Chauvinism
Chauvinism -
Noun
- Exaggerated or aggressive patriotism.
- Excessive or prejudiced loyalty or support for one's own cause, group, or gender.
Although commonly attributed to men, chauvinism is gender-blind or at least neutral. I offer this definition to offset any confusion or to placate the more politically correct, but mostly for a working/manageable discourse. Also, I must make clear that I will be stepping on a few toes, and I will become very irritable very quickly if I am personally accosted for my views or daring (as a man) to address the grievances of women. Although, I believe my own affinity for the softer side of human beings gives me license enough, let alone my personal association with angry feminists who seem to take on more "rights" than is due them. Personally, I see countless parallels between grievances of gay men as well as women in our society. Both are denied equal legal protection, rights, and even social equality. Gay men are too feminine, feminists are too butch or lesbians (something else which should have no bearing on equality), they are "unnatural" and worst of all they are fascists, not to mention fighting for equality of opportunity. As W.E.B. Dubois points out, there is Veil, a double consciousness, that women have which straight, white, affluent males do not. Such is probably why women are, though a peculiar and relatively new phenomenon, ingratiated with homosexuals, particularly feminine men. Both champion equality of opportunity and self-expression, as well as abandonment of sexist notions of gender or sexuality.
I think most people forget that equality does not mean usurpation of male privilege, or excessively exclusive consideration for females, but for equal treatment and social opportunity for men as well as women. In that sense, Feminism is not different, nor could it have had grounds without the early suffrage movements of black Americans, as insulting as it was to women that even uneducated black males had more social standing than them, at least politically. Feminazis, though mostly myth, DO exist, and I'm sure we've all encountered one person who made us want view all feminists in the harsh light of cynicism, but we must remember that feminism is more than mere equality of opportunity (whether social, political, or economic) but also of consideration. This increased sensitivity to diversity comes across as politically correct, but it is not: it is compensation for the lack of consideration given to women in our current society. However profound for their time liberal feminists were (and I'm using this from a political theory perspective), we must remember that they were functioning on the same flawed concepts of personal and societal progress or success. We no know beyond any doubt that having someone love you is more important than even a roof over your head for some (such as my ex-boyfriend).
Which leads me to my second acknowledgement. Though circumstantially based, as are all individual experiences and needs, we need each other and everyone needs or wants different things; this is completely ok. However divorcing context from principle, liberal feminists argue for a monolithic sense of womanhood and personal satisfaction based on the male-centric concepts of political realists. Affluence and material wealth is most important, education is only for vocation/profit, and political equality does not need consider the differences in political injustice. In all of these assertions, none are resolutely or absolutely true. Liberal feminism merely demands what man has said is most desirable for men, and applies it equitably to women. In this regard, I have no problem with feminism. Indeed I have no problem with feminism itself at all. I have a problem with the hubris afforded to "Feminazis", however. That is, some have overtly declared themselves on some righteous crusade against manhood. I too thought this was all Rush Limbaugh lunacy; that is, until I saw it in my own life.
As a shy, insecure, and scrupulous young man, I realize that nice guy is usually used interchangeably with these traits of the "pathetic man". However this expression of disgust, as other feminists have noted, is partially a failure of liberal feminism. Men are supposed to aggressive, firm, and resolute in their personal autonomy as well independence, particularly in their freedom for producing personal profit or capital. Not only is this endorsing a subtler chauvinism, this time it is being perpetrated by those who are most marginalized by it (women). It is basically butching-up the concept of women, and sticking that label on every human. Sensitivity, though given lip-service, is second to power and the personalities we associate with strong, successful men. The truth is that anyone who is neurotic or scrupulous will necessarily be more prone to being subjected to personal humility or abject insecurity. This is not any sign of someone who is pathetic, nor is it really why some feminists hate "Nice Guys".
The real reason is an enmity produced by the cognitive dissonance between what is ideal and what is reality, in regard to attraction and ideology. Women know they should like men who are meek, humble, and courteous, but still bear the social scars of male chauvinism. In turn they project these injustices onto those who are least likely to complain: insecure or passive males. Males are still expected, subconsciously, to be stoic, as are now women; they are to be resolute, with firmly established (though completely illusory) "boundaries", which are but a grievance against excessive honesty; lastly, they are too be macho, to a fault which usually corresponds with confidence. Unfortunately the distinction between a "confident" man and "asshole" is elusive even to seasoned women. I have no problem becoming close to others in a matter of days granted the right circumstances, I was told to think that this is undesirable. Something I firmly believe to be absurd, and even personally offensive or damaging to those she would probably deem as similarly "open" about who they are and want others to be as well.
This kind of entitlement to not only your own freedoms (which are completely deserved) but the right to hold men up to an antiquated notion of what Man (in the universal sense) should be, is not only sexist, but deserving of its association with fascism. Why is a lack of confidence a bad thing? I'm not speaking of insecurity, but a healthy humility and sense that you are no better than others. Science elucidates even further the illusory nature of personal merit through autonomy, albeit indirectly. Why is femininity considered unattractive, even "gay", by the foremost laymen proprietors of femininity? It is because it is not attractive, nor "normal". They are disgusted by it sexually, perhaps even mentally, and feel a need to justify (as everyone who is challenged on their dogmas often are) their lack of attraction to so-called "Nice guys. Very little has anything to do with unattractive characteristics. In fact, shy, meek, humble, and yet smart men who are feminine are extremely attractive to me. So much so I have pangs of sexual arousal offer distraction even driving when I consider my ex, and our mutual feminimity. Another more obvious reason is that many gay men are "nice guys" in the very same sense as most rejected "nice guys". Am I, or is any free-thinker, to believe this is entirely due to some fault of the "insecure" nice guy? Such a claim is asinine, and yet it is what "Feminazis" are incessantly complaining about, and demonizing. Suddenly they treat women well, not because they want to be nice, or are simply nice people, but because they want to get in women's pants. Such assertions are as patronizing as they are personally insulting.
A prominent issue is that women are, in fact, usually disgusted with the overly feminine man who cries when he sees a sad movie, or a man who doesn't act as the aggressor in a relationship (I myself had to be the one to do so in my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, as even he said he was more in the "female role" of the relationship in this regard), we're supposed to flirt, and we're supposed to be decisive when doing so. Well, unfortunately this leaves very little up to personal choice or preference, and even less to personal concepts of what's attractive. Why this model? Why, because it's "normal"; it's been that way in society for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years (although there was no need for any aggression, as there was no concept of dating or romantic love in the past). True few women actually hate men, though some do out of ignorance or abuse, but the culture of "rights" has brought about an unprecedented sense of female entitlement. The same can be seen in radical (as in bat-shit crazy) black political activists, such was the case with the black panthers, which had their basis in genuine personal grievances, or even white guys decrying affirmative action or some sort of reverse-racial chauvinism
One must not seek political or social vengeance, nor should one embrace any sort of reverse-chauvinism or sexism. Lastly, I must say that the indignation with which I was accosted for merely challenging the notions of a "pathetic" 'nice guy' was in an of itself enough motivation to write this, however I also saw it was something that was serving to pervert the just cause of feminist liberty and equality. Women seeking their own emancipation, indeed, all disenfranchised groups, should not even inadvertently subject others to the subjugation or presumptuous expectations that they themselves were once subjected to, nor should they seek some sort of vengeance or usurpation of the power men used to have. Such power is that of the Bourgeois Big Owners, who themselves are reprehensible human beings, and embody everything that is wrong with Liberal 18th-21st century Enlightenment Philosophy (especially Laissez-Faire capitalism). Such are powers of exploitation, not of natural right or justice. If such is the new purview of Feminism, then I can no longer call myself amongst them. Thankfully, as anyone familiar with Feminist thought know, this preoccupation with exploitative power is only desirous to vindictive lay feminists or those of professional, personal vendettas of bitter vengeance. Liberty and true femininity do not allow for such despicable influence. Just as offensive is the assertion that men, and only men are the problem or proprietors of feminine subjugation. Though my professor thinks it does not actually exist, I have to beg to differ based on personal observations. Though the efficacy or pervasiveness of these unfair, disingenuous assertions are in question, the existence I do not believe itself can be, which was the main reason I wrote this blog entry.
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Once Upon A Time There Was A Little Sheep
A parable of my very own I guess!
Once upon a time there was a little sheep, with a fluffy woolly coat and glasses (since it didn't live in Bavaria)
The sheep was surrounded by a field of other sleep, they frolicked around and ate grass and told the little sheep to listen to the shepherd, the sheep never saw the shepherd in person but they assumed he was the reason the grass grew back every day and it was so green and tasty. The little sheep was told that outside the field it was filled with rocks that weren't very nice to eat and all the sheeps out there wandered around in distress baaing piteously and doing nasty things to each other.
But the sheep was curious about what was on the other side of the fence! The sheep dreamt dreams of mountains and streams and beaches. Sometimes it heard music from over there, it was pretty cool music too with guitars and shouty noises. but the sheep was content to stay in its field and listen from a distance.
Then the sheep came to see there were gaps in the fence, so many! Why were there gaps in the fence if it was meant to stay in the field? Where was the shepherd to fix these holes? The sheep wasn't sure this shepherd even came to the field anymore!
The sheep knew squeezing through the fence would be painful, and it would have to do it alone without the help of the rest of the sheepy flock. And that it may well end up wandering around in circles over painful rocky ground and die far away from the green grasses of the shepherd's land. But what the sheep wanted most of all in all the world was freedom.
So the sheep squeezed under the fence and set out on its journey.
The End.
Except obviously it's not an end, it's a beginning! And the beginning of my blog, where I will record my experiences since embracing agnosticism, mainly for my own benefit to get my thoughts in order I gotta say.
Expect many more sheep-based metaphors.
Although I always felt more like a goat.
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.. All of that I can deal with.. Apparently what I struggle with is having no major urgent situations or problems to solve. It's like I have to be stressed to function which isn't particularly helpful nor is it a very nice way to live as most here will know.
