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Goodbye Jesus

Simple Thoughts

A blog by Deidre in General

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Deidre

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Well, wasn't going to post anything about this, but because I've come to know some of you, and care about you...albeit in a virtual way...I thought I'd share this here.

 

I've decided to go back to faith. Not my former faith life, that 'former' me is gone. When I deconverted from Christianity, no one could ever prepare me for the journey that would lay ahead. There were days, when not having any beliefs at all were great. I'd say...liberating, at times. And then there were moments, when I missed my faith...the habits, rituals, traditions. But, I had given up on seeking a god anymore, and definitely didn't think much about Jesus, any longer. The Bible still isn't proof of a deity's existence, but if I'm honest, faith is meaningful to me. Buddhism attracted me for a time, and other beliefs. But, I resigned myself to the fact that this life is what matters. And it does. Something happened to me though over the past week. I can't explain it, and even if I tried...you all might think I'm wishful thinking, or that what I'm feeling isn't real. Maybe it isn't, but there is a joy that I have, thinking of Jesus again. The man. Not all the trappings of a story that could very well be man made, but the person that he may be. There are historical accounts that there could have been man named Jesus, who was crucified. But, why he was, we don't know. But, of what I feel, there is something there...something my heart sees. My eyes can't see it, nor my mind understand it, but my heart sees it. His love. His desire to see me happy and whole. It isn't the same as I believed before, that if I didn't believe, something horrible would happen. This feeling isn't coming from fear or wishful thinking. I'd never have guessed that I'd ever come back to this faith. But, there may be a way to follow our own path, and still follow other paths.

 

So, anyway, just wanted to share. I don't intend on clinging to a church, or going back into the cult like behaviors of my former faith life, but I do plan to go to church this weekend...and maybe just go to different ones, just to be close to people who feel like this.

 

I have made some nice friendships here, and hopefully, this won't turn you away from me. We all have a separate path to take in life, and who knows where this one will lead, but for the first time in a long time...I feel at peace. Even if we discover in the end, that there is nothing...a great Nothing...what I feel right now is still worth seeing through.

 

Oh, and don't worry. I won't preach to anyone here. lol That's not my thing. This is a personal path, and it's time I stop struggling...and just let it lead me.

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TrueFreedom

TrueFreedom 747

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I'm not going to judge or reject you, Dee.  Do what makes you happy.  Who knows?  Maybe you'll really click with some liberal Christians.

I don't doubt that a "Joshua of Galilee" may have inspired some stories.  His empathy for the poor was admirable.  More on that later perhaps. :)

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Deidre

((True)) I knew you'd be here for me. Thank you. smile.png I'm sorry for ...you know. Not being as good of a friend as I could have been. This year and even last, have been...strange. lol Difficult but strange. When you struggle with something for a while, you close yourself off to people. At least I do.

 

It's like whatever this is, it's 'happened' to me, I'm not pushing it. I know how this must sound haha You are a kind man. <3

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FlowerDemon

FlowerDemon 150

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i wouldnt judge you no matter where you stand spiritually. Whatever is right for you, go for it. No one should ever judge someone or look down on them for having a faith they don't agree with. that's just plain stupid. we all got our own opinions here, but we arent looking to single anyone out.

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Deidre

i wouldnt judge you no matter where you stand spiritually. Whatever is right for you, go for it. No one should ever judge someone or look down on them for having a faith they don't agree with. that's just plain stupid. we all got our own opinions here, but we arent looking to single anyone out.

 

Flower, thank you so much for this. It made me smile. Yea, it's sad when people shun people for whatever their differences are, I lost friends when I left Christianity, actually...and there are two of my atheist friends right now who are 'coming to terms' with this. lol It's like, why? I'm the same person. Hope you have a good weekend. Appreciate your comment.

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TheBluegrassSkeptic

TheBluegrassSkeptic 576

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I hope you share your new journey back to a form of belief. <3 Definitely keep us updated. I always find those returning to a form of faith do so with much more open eyes about what they are looking for, and to me, that makes the journey much more focused and clear. I wish you luck in finding what you seek.

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Deidre

((z)) you will always be zomberina to me :D Really appreciate your remarks. Something is different now, not to sound like a broken record, but 'it's hard to explain.' All those years I didn't understand what truly knowing Christ was, and now...in an instant, I do. The Bible, not sure what I'm going to do about that...lol I like some passages, always did, but in its entirety, it's illogical. However, I'm coming around to the notion that maybe spirituality and logic are both very necessary to the human experience. Hope you have been well. <3

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milesaway

No judgment here either. Some people leave christendom for the religions they grew up with, others choose a more general spirituality as they understand it, and some choose the path you're taking right now. Who's to say you won't change your mind later on? We all have the right to do so anyway. 

 

Stay true to yourself, and think critically in whatever you choose to do. More importantly, if you get any weird feelings from a church, take it as your cue to bail. You don't have to put up with toxicity for the sake of belonging to a community. 

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Deidre

No judgment here either. Some people leave christendom for the religions they grew up with, others choose a more general spirituality as they understand it, and some choose the path you're taking right now. Who's to say you won't change your mind later on? We all have the right to do so anyway. 

 

Stay true to yourself, and think critically in whatever you choose to do. More importantly, if you get any weird feelings from a church, take it as your cue to bail. You don't have to put up with toxicity for the sake of belonging to a community. 

 

Appreciate this very much. I agree too. lol No cult like churches ...have already decided that. Woke up today not feeling well, so didn't go exploring for a new church, so next week. I did watch the Pope's mass on tv on Friday though. lol :D Something I learned from breaking away from Christianity, is that there's no pressure to follow someone's else's lead. We all have to find our own paths. Hugs :)

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milesaway

milesaway 319

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Good. If people there start treating you like shit when you're not even a member of their church, you walk away and write them off. I promise, you don't need community that bad.

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rjn

A bit late, but I was wondering about your faith and was going to ask you about it, but then I stumbled upon this. Let's just say, that if there is a Jesus, who's even remotely close to picture of a loving and forgiving savior, well, I'd think he's probably smiling and thinking "Now you're getting it!".

 

I think spirituality is about finding inner peace, and looking at some of the more judgemental Christians, they're far from peaceful and forgiving, and sure, they might just judge someone like you who chose to walk a more "liberal" path, but as far as I'm concerned, you're on the right path.

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