[Michael]

Yesterday our son (3yrs) felt of a chair and hurt his head. He went pale and we could not talk to him for a few moments. So we drove to the hospital and he got x-rayed and all the stuff. Now he is fine again.
Yesterday I was really afraid, because I thought about inner bleedings, an injured brain, all the terrible things you could imagine. My first idea was to pray, but then I remembered all the times I prayed in times of trouble and it did not help. And I remembered, that there is no god... it was just my first thought, because I was really afraid.

How do you deal with times of trouble? How do you deal with sickness, lack of money, unemployment and all the stuff that can happen in life. I know that shit happens, but what gives you comfort?

[xandermac]

I'm going through some rough times now. Unemployment has put us in a financial bind. When I was a christian and would go through these times I would fall on my knees and pray and cry and really believe god for that miracle. It never came. Now although I'm worried about our situation I'm not sitting around waiting for a miracle, I'm actually thinking and trying to come up with a plan to get out of the mess. I use to wait on god, but now that I know he's not there I try to use my brain. If I had a sick child what would comfort me would be knowing that he had good doctors.I don't think we can be comforted all the time. Sometimes we have to just keep our head about us and figure it out. I get comforted somewhat by talking to friends, getting advice, and realizing I'm doing the best I can. I understand what you're saying though. It's a habit to want to cry out to god in times of trouble. I am just now starting to lose that habit and realize it's just me here.

[Grandpa Harley]

Legend by David Gemmell

The Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft

any thing from the Scroll of Thoth by Richard L Tierney

Those are the top three...

In movies

Dave

Doom Un-Rated Version

Jack and Sarah

We're No Angels

Casablanca

The Enforcer

The Scarlet and the Black

Moby Dick

Das Kabinett des Doktor Caligari

Freaks

M

The Call of Cthulhu

[par4dcourse]

There's nothing lacking now that wasn't there before. Since praying is agreeably useless, you yourself summoned the courage to get through tough times, and you will yet again. One never knows ones abilities until tested.

[Deva]

Thinking about how the situation is impermanent. As my brother said to me when I was divorced -"it all comes out in the wash."

Also the strangely consoling thought that no matter how bad it is, there is someone else who has it worse.

[white_raven23]

I do exactly what I used to do. What I once called "praying" and projected outside myself, I've identified what that really is. I'm talking to myself. Giving myself a pep-talk.

I remind myself that worry solves absolutely nothing and is not actually "doing" anything but exhausting me, wearing myself out before the outcome that I will need that lost energy to cope with, is even known.

I have a question for the OP. When your son fell, did you blame yourself for it? Did you see yourself as somehow responsible for him falling out of his chair? Are you angry with yourself for not hovering close enough to catch him if he fell?

The reason I ask, I was wondering if asking forgiveness, seeking absolution for not being Wonder-Parent might have been part of the knee-jerk urge to pray. Did you ever feel when you did not pray that god would punish not only your disbelief, but your inability to be parentally perfect by permanently damaging your child?

I'm glad your son is fine. You can only do your best to protect him, but I understand many a parent is kept awake at night by the deeper instinct that such a level of perfect protection is absolutely impossible. By the time he's seven, you'll probably wonder if all that's holding him together is band-aids and parental will!

[Michael]

par4dcourse, on Mar 17 2008, 01:50 PM, said:

Since praying is agreeably useless, you yourself summoned the courage to get through tough times, and you will yet again.

I suppose that there are positive psychological effects of praying. Am I wrong on this? The thought that there is someone who will take care of the problem, was good.
Today for me the biggest advantage of being a non-xian is the knowledge, that I am in charge of my life (maybe not always in control, but in charge).

And what helped me the last weeks was: Shit happens! It is not because I am an evil person, it is just because life is sometimes a pain.

[Michael]

white_raven23, on Mar 17 2008, 02:36 PM, said:

I do exactly what I used to do. What I once called "praying" and projected outside myself, I've identified what that really is. I'm talking to myself. Giving myself a pep-talk.

I remind myself that worry solves absolutely nothing and is not actually "doing" anything but exhausting me, wearing myself out before the outcome that I will need that lost energy to cope with, is even known.

I have a question for the OP. When your son fell, did you blame yourself for it? Did you see yourself as somehow responsible for him falling out of his chair? Are you angry with yourself for not hovering close enough to catch him if he fell?

The reason I ask, I was wondering if asking forgiveness, seeking absolution for not being Wonder-Parent might have been part of the knee-jerk urge to pray. Did you ever feel when you did not pray that god would punish not only your disbelief, but your inability to be parentally perfect by permanently damaging your child?

I'm glad your son is fine. You can only do your best to protect him, but I understand many a parent is kept awake at night by the deeper instinct that such a level of perfect protection is absolutely impossible. By the time he's seven, you'll probably wonder if all that's holding him together is band-aids and parental will!

I do not feel responsible for this accident. But yes, as a xian I always thought that god might hurt my children because of my sin or just because to teach me something. The god of the bible did shit like that, so this thought was with me on this occasion too. You are pretty empathic.

So the thought of praying was more the thought of "please keep your dirty hands away from the ones that are important to me."

[HereticZero]

What helps me is a tall glass of Lord Calvert and coke. I put on the headphones and crank up the music to ZZtop. For most stress I use meditation techniques for concentration. it works for me.

[Ouroboros]

Totally agree with Eejay. Now I deal with the situation, and deal with my emotions (and sometimes family members), and try to resolve issues instead of praying and hoping it will fix itself.

[par4dcourse]

HereticZero, on Mar 17 2008, 08:53 AM, said:

What helps me is a tall glass of Lord Calvert and coke. I put on the headphones and crank up the music to ZZtop. For most stress I use meditation techniques for concentration. it works for me.

Ok, I sometimes use a fatty and a strong gin and tonic (or two), but my original answer was more inspiring, and also true.

This post has been edited by par4dcourse: 17 March 2008 - 10:29 AM

[Legion]

Michael, on Mar 17 2008, 01:50 AM, said:

How do you deal with times of trouble?

There was time during my deconversion when I allowed myself the habit of prayer, while recognizing what it was. It was a cry to all that is for things to be okay.

I know that my life will still yet be full of loss and pain. But I remain convinced, in my own way, that life has defeated death. When I eventually die and release the promise of tomorrow I believe I will have peace somewhere within.

[Vigile]

xandermac, on Mar 17 2008, 06:20 AM, said:

I'm going through some rough times now. Unemployment has put us in a financial bind. When I was a christian and would go through these times I would fall on my knees and pray and cry and really believe god for that miracle. It never came. Now although I'm worried about our situation I'm not sitting around waiting for a miracle, I'm actually thinking and trying to come up with a plan to get out of the mess. I use to wait on god, but now that I know he's not there I try to use my brain. If I had a sick child what would comfort me would be knowing that he had good doctors.I don't think we can be comforted all the time. Sometimes we have to just keep our head about us and figure it out. I get comforted somewhat by talking to friends, getting advice, and realizing I'm doing the best I can. I understand what you're saying though. It's a habit to want to cry out to god in times of trouble. I am just now starting to lose that habit and realize it's just me here.

I just wanted to hightlight this post as I think it's quite profound.

[Michael]

Just listening to "raise a little hell" of Trooper.

http://youtube.com/w...feature=related

Raise a little Hell,
raise a little Hell,
raise a little Hell

If you don't like
What you got
Why don't you change it
If your world is all screwed up
Rearrange it

Raise a little Hell ...

If you don't like what you see
Why don't you fight it
If you know there's something wrong
Why don't you right it

Raise a little Hell ...

In the end it comes down to your thinking
And there's really nobody to blame
When it feels like your ship is sinking
And you're too tired to play the game

Nobody's going to help you
You've just got to stand up alone
And dig in your heels
And see how it feels
To raise a little Hell of your own

Raise a little Hell ...


(the lyrics are from lyricsdownload.com) Do I have to mention this?
I love this song and I thought it would fit this thread.

[Trev]

Wow, there are some great responses to this thread

[upstarter]

This thread got me really thinking, what do I do? I think sometimes I still "pray" as someone else said. It's just that now I know there's no one listening but me. So I do a little, "please make this be okay" and then I stop and think about how to make it okay, or how to get through it even if it's not okay. There's a little phrase that has helped me a lot in my life and sometimes I chant it silently like a mantra: "This too shall pass".

Certain songs help me too. When my son was born he spent the first year of his life in hospital and some days I would be driving down the highway crying my eyes out to this song by a Canadian band called Great Big Sea. And I would cry and sing and play the radio as loud as I could. It helped.

Hey, hey, hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind.
At the end of the day,
You just have to say,
It's alright.

Heather

Edit: Since I love to share Canadian culture, here is a video of the song, taken on a recent cruise with the Bare Naked Ladies (also Canadian) which my friend was on.

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=V-3UoQhEVJQ

This post has been edited by upstarter: 17 March 2008 - 06:36 PM

[godlessgrrl]

When stuff gets hard, first I spend some time avoiding everything. Honestly. I go into a temporary denial, just so I'm not swamped. I pretend crap isn't happening, or I get hammered, or I distract myself with interesting fantasies, or I watch a lot of TV, or I put shit off for awhile.

Then eventually I get tired of that and have gathered enough energy to deal with stuff. So I do. I just look around and realize, y'know, it's just me here, me and my own creativity and resourcefulness - and if I have a problem, what are my resources and how do I find them and how do I use them? And a resource might be a friend, or my spouse, or an action taken, or an educational program, or whatever. Could be anything.

Getting pissed off helps sometimes. So does putting together upbeat music mixes and listening to them a lot. So does journaling. So does just cutting the crap and taking a problem in my own hands and beating it into submission.

I'm a bit stubborn that way.

[PandaPirate]

Chocolate and crack.

[pitchu]

Lots of good coping techniques here.

Sometimes I'll pick up one of our two cats and just sit with it on my lap, petting it and taking in its untroubled vibes.

When I remember to do so, I sing... really loud.