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Goodbye Jesus

Dealing With Death


FeelHappy

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My death doesn't bother me one bit and I spend no time thinking about my own death. I believe when I'm dead, I'm dead and don't care one bit.

 

The painful part is, I grew up believing that I'd get to see my loved ones again when I died. The deaths of my uncle and grandfather were okay because I've knew that it sucks now but soon we'll be together again. The death of my brother was different, there's not a person in the world I loved more than my brother. We were young and I got the terrible call one night that he was in a car wreck and dead. I miss him and this time there isn't the joy of knowing that I'll soon get to see him again.

 

Since becoming an agnostic I love life more than I did as a christian. I feel that this is my one shot at life so I better enjoy it and make the best of it. But with my brother being gone I can only feel robbed of having more time to spend with him. If this happened 40 years from now, I'd accept it better. I'll accept the death of my parents better, but here I feel cheated. My brother won't be around to see me get married or my first child. That's the hard part and he's not looking down from heaven with a smile. He's gone, his one chance at life on earth was taken before he was even 40. The thought of seeing my loved ones again is by far the thing I miss most from christianity, but I'm realistic enough to know that wishing with all my heart that something is true doesn't make it one bit true.

 

I do think it would be better for humanity in whole if the evil god who sends people to hell didn't exist, although my brother being a christian likely would be in heaven if it was real.

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  • 3 months later...

Its been almost 6 months since my brother died (exactly one more week), the pain sometimes goes away and sometimes its almost too much, but I'll make it. Looking back I was struggling with Christianity for a while, but I really think his death date was the breaking point for me. It was the last straw where I quit holding onto my hope the christian god exists and the first time that I was convinced that Yahweh is fake and if I'm wrong and he does exist then his plan of causing suffering to get me to return has backfired because I'd rather spit in his face and burn in hell than spend one minute bowed down before such a vile man made creation.

 

I often hear my fundi family try to figure out while god let this happen, my brother left 6 children depressed and fatherless, he left a whole family missing him and his loving attitude and smile. Nothing good came of this, there's no divine reason. I'm glad though that I can finally see the world as it is and not try to fool myself into believing in such a malevolent deity (although I'd gladly trade enlightenment for more delusion if it gave me back my brother).

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Hi FeelHappy,

 

I am new here but I related to your post. My brother was killed in a road accident just over a year ago now.

 

I never really experienced any anguish about my brother not being in Heaven like you have. But I am further out of the Church than you (11years), I have had a long time to think things through and become comfortable with my beliefs, before having to process this loss. You're having to do both at once, which is a hell of a lot to deal with.

 

I would suggest you be very kind to yourself, allow yourself time to think things through, and be reassured that you will eventually become comfortable with what you now know to be true.

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