Michael Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Yesterday our son (3yrs) felt of a chair and hurt his head. He went pale and we could not talk to him for a few moments. So we drove to the hospital and he got x-rayed and all the stuff. Now he is fine again. Yesterday I was really afraid, because I thought about inner bleedings, an injured brain, all the terrible things you could imagine. My first idea was to pray, but then I remembered all the times I prayed in times of trouble and it did not help. And I remembered, that there is no god... it was just my first thought, because I was really afraid. How do you deal with times of trouble? How do you deal with sickness, lack of money, unemployment and all the stuff that can happen in life. I know that shit happens, but what gives you comfort? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xandermac Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I'm going through some rough times now. Unemployment has put us in a financial bind. When I was a christian and would go through these times I would fall on my knees and pray and cry and really believe god for that miracle. It never came. Now although I'm worried about our situation I'm not sitting around waiting for a miracle, I'm actually thinking and trying to come up with a plan to get out of the mess. I use to wait on god, but now that I know he's not there I try to use my brain. If I had a sick child what would comfort me would be knowing that he had good doctors.I don't think we can be comforted all the time. Sometimes we have to just keep our head about us and figure it out. I get comforted somewhat by talking to friends, getting advice, and realizing I'm doing the best I can. I understand what you're saying though. It's a habit to want to cry out to god in times of trouble. I am just now starting to lose that habit and realize it's just me here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Legend by David Gemmell The Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft any thing from the Scroll of Thoth by Richard L Tierney Those are the top three... In movies Dave Doom Un-Rated Version Jack and Sarah We're No Angels Casablanca The Enforcer The Scarlet and the Black Moby Dick Das Kabinett des Doktor Caligari Freaks M The Call of Cthulhu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 There's nothing lacking now that wasn't there before. Since praying is agreeably useless, you yourself summoned the courage to get through tough times, and you will yet again. One never knows ones abilities until tested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Thinking about how the situation is impermanent. As my brother said to me when I was divorced -"it all comes out in the wash." Also the strangely consoling thought that no matter how bad it is, there is someone else who has it worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I do exactly what I used to do. What I once called "praying" and projected outside myself, I've identified what that really is. I'm talking to myself. Giving myself a pep-talk. I remind myself that worry solves absolutely nothing and is not actually "doing" anything but exhausting me, wearing myself out before the outcome that I will need that lost energy to cope with, is even known. I have a question for the OP. When your son fell, did you blame yourself for it? Did you see yourself as somehow responsible for him falling out of his chair? Are you angry with yourself for not hovering close enough to catch him if he fell? The reason I ask, I was wondering if asking forgiveness, seeking absolution for not being Wonder-Parent might have been part of the knee-jerk urge to pray. Did you ever feel when you did not pray that god would punish not only your disbelief, but your inability to be parentally perfect by permanently damaging your child? I'm glad your son is fine. You can only do your best to protect him, but I understand many a parent is kept awake at night by the deeper instinct that such a level of perfect protection is absolutely impossible. By the time he's seven, you'll probably wonder if all that's holding him together is band-aids and parental will! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Since praying is agreeably useless, you yourself summoned the courage to get through tough times, and you will yet again. I suppose that there are positive psychological effects of praying. Am I wrong on this? The thought that there is someone who will take care of the problem, was good. Today for me the biggest advantage of being a non-xian is the knowledge, that I am in charge of my life (maybe not always in control, but in charge). And what helped me the last weeks was: Shit happens! It is not because I am an evil person, it is just because life is sometimes a pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 I do exactly what I used to do. What I once called "praying" and projected outside myself, I've identified what that really is. I'm talking to myself. Giving myself a pep-talk. I remind myself that worry solves absolutely nothing and is not actually "doing" anything but exhausting me, wearing myself out before the outcome that I will need that lost energy to cope with, is even known. I have a question for the OP. When your son fell, did you blame yourself for it? Did you see yourself as somehow responsible for him falling out of his chair? Are you angry with yourself for not hovering close enough to catch him if he fell? The reason I ask, I was wondering if asking forgiveness, seeking absolution for not being Wonder-Parent might have been part of the knee-jerk urge to pray. Did you ever feel when you did not pray that god would punish not only your disbelief, but your inability to be parentally perfect by permanently damaging your child? I'm glad your son is fine. You can only do your best to protect him, but I understand many a parent is kept awake at night by the deeper instinct that such a level of perfect protection is absolutely impossible. By the time he's seven, you'll probably wonder if all that's holding him together is band-aids and parental will! I do not feel responsible for this accident. But yes, as a xian I always thought that god might hurt my children because of my sin or just because to teach me something. The god of the bible did shit like that, so this thought was with me on this occasion too. You are pretty empathic. So the thought of praying was more the thought of "please keep your dirty hands away from the ones that are important to me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 What helps me is a tall glass of Lord Calvert and coke. I put on the headphones and crank up the music to ZZtop. For most stress I use meditation techniques for concentration. it works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eejay Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I actually do a whole lot better with this now that am not a x-tian. Life is full of surprises and there are bumps all over the road. When something does happen, I think it actually hinders progress if you keep waiting and hoping that god will intervene and fix things. When we come to realize that finding the solutions and fixes, or dealing with those things that cannot be fixed, it's still a matter of getting off our knees, or asses in some cases and doing something about it ourselves. Or coming to grips with a tragedy because we learn to find the strength inside that we all have. I think it's far better to deal with reality than believing in this fantasy world and hope that god's gonna come around and make things batter. Think of it this way, if prayer really worked, we wouldn't even need doctors and hospitals now... would we? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Totally agree with Eejay. Now I deal with the situation, and deal with my emotions (and sometimes family members), and try to resolve issues instead of praying and hoping it will fix itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 What helps me is a tall glass of Lord Calvert and coke. I put on the headphones and crank up the music to ZZtop. For most stress I use meditation techniques for concentration. it works for me. Ok, I sometimes use a fatty and a strong gin and tonic (or two), but my original answer was more inspiring, and also true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 How do you deal with times of trouble? There was time during my deconversion when I allowed myself the habit of prayer, while recognizing what it was. It was a cry to all that is for things to be okay. I know that my life will still yet be full of loss and pain. But I remain convinced, in my own way, that life has defeated death. When I eventually die and release the promise of tomorrow I believe I will have peace somewhere within. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I'm going through some rough times now. Unemployment has put us in a financial bind. When I was a christian and would go through these times I would fall on my knees and pray and cry and really believe god for that miracle. It never came. Now although I'm worried about our situation I'm not sitting around waiting for a miracle, I'm actually thinking and trying to come up with a plan to get out of the mess. I use to wait on god, but now that I know he's not there I try to use my brain. If I had a sick child what would comfort me would be knowing that he had good doctors.I don't think we can be comforted all the time. Sometimes we have to just keep our head about us and figure it out. I get comforted somewhat by talking to friends, getting advice, and realizing I'm doing the best I can. I understand what you're saying though. It's a habit to want to cry out to god in times of trouble. I am just now starting to lose that habit and realize it's just me here. I just wanted to hightlight this post as I think it's quite profound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Just listening to "raise a little hell" of Trooper. Raise a little Hell, raise a little Hell, raise a little Hell If you don't like What you got Why don't you change it If your world is all screwed up Rearrange it Raise a little Hell ... If you don't like what you see Why don't you fight it If you know there's something wrong Why don't you right it Raise a little Hell ... In the end it comes down to your thinking And there's really nobody to blame When it feels like your ship is sinking And you're too tired to play the game Nobody's going to help you You've just got to stand up alone And dig in your heels And see how it feels To raise a little Hell of your own Raise a little Hell ... (the lyrics are from lyricsdownload.com) Do I have to mention this? I love this song and I thought it would fit this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Wow, there are some great responses to this thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 This thread got me really thinking, what do I do? I think sometimes I still "pray" as someone else said. It's just that now I know there's no one listening but me. So I do a little, "please make this be okay" and then I stop and think about how to make it okay, or how to get through it even if it's not okay. There's a little phrase that has helped me a lot in my life and sometimes I chant it silently like a mantra: "This too shall pass". Certain songs help me too. When my son was born he spent the first year of his life in hospital and some days I would be driving down the highway crying my eyes out to this song by a Canadian band called Great Big Sea. And I would cry and sing and play the radio as loud as I could. It helped. Hey, hey, hey, it's just an ordinary day And it's all your state of mind. At the end of the day, You just have to say, It's alright. Heather Edit: Since I love to share Canadian culture, here is a video of the song, taken on a recent cruise with the Bare Naked Ladies (also Canadian) which my friend was on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 When stuff gets hard, first I spend some time avoiding everything. Honestly. I go into a temporary denial, just so I'm not swamped. I pretend crap isn't happening, or I get hammered, or I distract myself with interesting fantasies, or I watch a lot of TV, or I put shit off for awhile. Then eventually I get tired of that and have gathered enough energy to deal with stuff. So I do. I just look around and realize, y'know, it's just me here, me and my own creativity and resourcefulness - and if I have a problem, what are my resources and how do I find them and how do I use them? And a resource might be a friend, or my spouse, or an action taken, or an educational program, or whatever. Could be anything. Getting pissed off helps sometimes. So does putting together upbeat music mixes and listening to them a lot. So does journaling. So does just cutting the crap and taking a problem in my own hands and beating it into submission. I'm a bit stubborn that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PandaPirate Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Chocolate and crack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitchu Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Lots of good coping techniques here. Sometimes I'll pick up one of our two cats and just sit with it on my lap, petting it and taking in its untroubled vibes. When I remember to do so, I sing... really loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 How do you deal with times of trouble? How do you deal with sickness, lack of money, unemployment and all the stuff that can happen in life. I know that shit happens, but what gives you comfort? It's been a looooong time since I last felt really desperate, but generally I tend toward the attitude "you have not lost the battle as long as you keep struggling" if you know what I mean... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 How do you deal with times of trouble? How do you deal with sickness, lack of money, unemployment and all the stuff that can happen in life. I know that shit happens, but what gives you comfort? It's been a looooong time since I last felt really desperate, but generally I tend toward the attitude "you have not lost the battle as long as you keep struggling" if you know what I mean... I guess sometimes I need more of this fighting mentality. Or is it more stubbornness toward the circumstances? I can definitly be stubborn. That reminds me of a Terry Pratchett novel, where someone said: Before you become afraid, become angry. Anger is always better than fear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elana Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Things of comfort or comforting: Music, any kind, whatever is appropriate for the situation. A long walk in the woods or by the lake. A 'purring' cat on my lap. Calling a close friend, you know, one of those few who you know you can vent to and won't judge you. Thinking things through and exploring all my options, even if I have to write them down. I think seeing things on paper helps me feel more in control of my situation. Finding a more positive attitude. Trying to actively do something about the situation. And yes, anger can be a better emotion than self-pity or depression in a negative situation. Elana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necrosmith Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 I go to the movies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 I meant to mention - Bombay Sapphire Gin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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