I've developed an interest in the subject of Jesus-isms. Small nonsensical things Christians say, that really bug you. Just little catch phrases that christans make, that actually make no sense, but are expected to be 'understood'.

Things like:

'We all have to follow in his footsteps' usually followed by a sigh. [And they wonder why homosexuality is such a problem in their church.] I believe this started with a poem called 'footsteps' it's about walking with Jesus on an imaginary beach. It lead to teaching you should imagine yourself doing so as a spiritual activity. Yes, they told you to go on an imaginary date with Jesus.

'Praise the Lord for this food!' that was paid for with money they earned at work, by a kitchen staff. Where's the love man? [I work at a restaurant] If you're going through the trouble to thank God for it all, why not mention everyone else involved? Is it really that much of an inconvenience?

'I just thank God no one was hurt!' by my stupidity. That shopping cart that dinged my fender might have been a puppy!

'We must all bear his [our own] cross!' Why? Isn't that the entire point of him doing it? So we wouldn't have too? If I'm carrying one, I would assume the end of the line wouldn't be pleasant.
From very credible sources no less. I'd rather get there and tell them I forgot my cross, so I guess they can't nail me to it. Gosh darn it.

Snide comments aren't required, but a brief explination of why you find a particular phrase irritating would be nice.

The pitying 'I'll pray for you'... Gee thanks. Money for treatment would be better. Maybe a hand with the house work. Cook me a meal?

"Keep the faith."

Just got in an e-mail from someone who I had contacted about my job search because she's been useful in the past. I knew she was Christian, but I didn't think she was a fundy. Perhaps I should tell her I'm atheist and have been for quite some time, but then I may not get the help I need on my job search. I think I will just not rely on her in the future.

The most irritating for me is the thanking of God for their blessings. That so rubs me the wrong way! What gives me a little relief from it though is that they are completely ignorant of what is implied by saying that. They have no idea that their thanking of God for their blessings just rubs the dirt in the open wounds of the faithful that are starving and burying their families.

A good response would be: "No, You keep it. I don't want it."

"The Lord will provide", "Let go and let god", "God works in mysterious ways", "Smile jesus loves you" and a million more. I also work in a restaurant and believe me the lawd ain't providing its me working my ass off to provide, I don't give a shit about the lilies of the field and all that bible bullshit. If I could be holding Benny Hinn over a cliff then... I'd let go and let god!

"Keep the faith" - I've found it on the lips of non-believers as well as believers. Doesn't make her a fundy. Just my call on that.



I always liked John Paul I's comment, back when he was the Patriarch of Venice

'Man may not live by bread alone, but the Gospels don't but enough food on the table to feed a family of 13'

Yeah, who needs work, and money, and food...



Like expecting to win the lottery without playing.



Often said to the guy that was just in a car accident where he was blinded, disfigured and all his limbs were severed.


Christianity has all the answers.

The problem is that the lady is a close friend of my stepmom, so I can't just be rude to her, as much as I may wish I could.

Yeah, but you also haven't met her. She's definietly Christian.

More annoying phrases:

The whole stupid "it's all in god's plan" thing. Seriously, if god had a plan, why didn't he bother to tell the pope? Or put it in the bible? There's no justification for the billions of deaths on this planet that have supposedly occured all for god's plan. None. A truly powerful being could do whatever he wished without killing people, and most of the deaths that people use "god's plan" to explain happen in horrible ways.

Thinking on it... I've used 'Keep the faith!'... I mean to keep believing in yourself and talents... Maybe you're being a little sensitive...

and when I had a crisis of confidence, my old pal Father Richard (episcopal priest and connoisseur of fine ales, and most definitely Christian, but I forgive him for it ), used it to me... and he meant it like I mean it...

How about "god is so complex and we are basically so (stupid) that we could never understand why he does what he does"

And as was posted above, the blessings. I hate when someone says "i am so blessed." As if the rest of us aren't or we just ain't so lucky.

Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.

Should read:

Christians aren't perfect, just assholes!

I like the 9-11 survivors who claimed god saved them. I personally would say it was FDNY chaps, and that God really hated the people he let be above the impact spot

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
of sun-split clouds, —and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of—wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark nor even eagle flew—
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.


Yeah... right...

Here's another sort. These are the four spiritual laws, with translations following.



1. God has a plan for you.

2. You, and every human, is a sinner.

3. Jesus is the only provision for man's sin.

4. Everyone must receive Jesus, [as Saviour.]

Think of them as brainwashing upkeep activities.

They translate into reality-speak like this.

1. You belong to the church.

2. You are naughty, and dirty.

3. You'll burn forever without us.

4. Listen to everything we say, and aquire new members.

Little laws and things like that can be irritating as well. Any small easy to remember christian ideas meant to stick to simplistic minds will work.

"You're just blinded by saaataaan!!!"

Translation: "I know I've lost the debate but can't admit to it for the life of mine, so I'll close with this idiotic meaningless phrase".

Everything happens for a reason...

God works in mysterious ways...

Offered as consolation to me when life got tough.

Exactly how old are you, Grandpa? You sound like you've led a very interesting life from what I gather in your posts.

How about since god created me and knows everything, he certainly knows I'll burn in hell! What fun to torture for eternity, one of your creations! Give glory to god!,,,,,,,FUCK

Or all the athletes and actors who, after busting their own humps and working hard, say "I want to first thank God...." after winning a big game or an award. Not to mention their fellow teammates/cast members, coaches, directors, etc who made it all happen.

Being 'saved'.

As in 'I was saved at 5.30pm on Tuesday 22nd May 1997!' or the dreaded 'Are you saved?'

It's always so smug, not to mention trivialising the whole human experience by claiming its pivotal moment could be accepting a dead Palestinian carpenter 'into your heart', whatever that means.

It's creepy and cultish. And it creates an 'us and them' situation where you're either in or you're out, in which case you're wrong, evil, corrupted, stupid and you're going to burn for eternity.

They might as well walk around like zombies chanting 'join us...join us....JOIN US!!!'

Christianity, it seems, is like a cancer of the mind.

I thought of another that always got me...God said he wouldn't put more on us than we could bear!

"Where? The litterbox is already full."

*just goofing, I know you can't say this to this particular person..... but for others.... and you know there will be others*

We're ALL such terrible sinners. We ALL do all these horrible things all the time.

I'm thinking like, first: Please speak only for yourself. Second: If you really think you are so horrible you should change.

I actually tried the latter on one of my sisters some time ago. She grunted, squirmed a bit, and came up with some smart retort.

Others:

God is mystery.

We weren't meant to understand.

Faith isn't rational.

Life isn't fair.

All of these and many more have been used regularly to put me down for asking questions.

"Thank God for Jesus!" (car sticker)

"relationship with God"

"When I met Jesus..."

"God told me to..."

"When I met Jesus..."
He was cottaging again?

He and George Michael are buddies.

Who goes on top?

"The devil made me do it"
[ - on the murder of 14 students]

Finding Jesus. Although that's more fun than irritating, simply because it's just begging for someone to respond, "why? is he hiding somewhere?"

"God told me..."

I once worked with a fellow from South America who said "Amen" at the end of every few sentences. He also used to say "Praise Jesus" a lot.

I hate "God has a plan for you."
Eff that. If he had a plan, why didn't he reveal it to me when I was a believer?

I also hate "God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good."
Errrrrrrrrrrrrr........ ok.... If it's good to sit back and watch children starve and experience horrors I can't even begin to imagine.
Good on ya, god. Yer fuckin' awesome.... *eyeroll*

Removed.

Removed...triple post. Don't know what the heck is going on!

Here at the home of the Blue Angels, on a bulletin board on the main street to the base reads the following sign: "The soul of our lost pilot is in the hands of a loving God". Tell that to his family and the people (including children) that saw the man's plane crash. Loving God my ass.

It may not be a catch phrase yet but it will be.

Here are a few more that I know I posted about two years ago here on a similar thread...

"Think its hot here?"

"Discipline in the playpen so he doesn't end up in the state pen"

"There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother..."

"Dusty Bible leads to a dirty life"

My pastor pulled Galatians on me when I asked questions "Who has bewitched you?"

I've used phrases like 'Let's roll' and 'Heading back to the barn...' since I worked with a US chap in the mid 90s...

Thanks for saying it three times.

Pardon?

Sorry, not you. I meant Jubilant for posting the same message three times (must be a server lag or something).

It came out after your message cause I started writing before you posted.

No probs... I got five copies of a mail from the Gun thread earlier. It wouldn't have been so bad if it had been cogent...

LOL, Sorry, something funny is going on with my connection.

Same here. I found out that if you wait it out, even if it looks like it's not doing anything, it gets there eventually.

I live on the other side of the state now, but I spent most of my young life in Pensacola. You've probably seen St. Michal's downtown before at the top of the hill. My great aunt was the principal when I was attending. Lorded over by the mighty pengins of the secret ninja child torturing sect of the church.

I'm glad to have a little distance to all the grieving, I remember the last time it happened. It was all over the place, store signs, television, T-shirts.

Yeah, T-shirts. It was disgusting, way overdone, and probably pretty hard on the families involved. The whole place turned blue for a while, like some sort of dimented summertime christmas.

When Xtians are being homopobic and trying to be funny: "In the Garden of Eden it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"

I love it when xians start to talk in ye olde englishe.

Usually a sign that they are going to get all judgmental. "take heed, lest ye are smited"
"I am anointed in the blood"
Anointed? No-one does anointing anymore. The last time I was anointed it was by a pigeon!

"I just feel so blessed" In fact, the word "just" gets overused a lot. eg "I just want to thank you Lord, and just open my heart to you... etc etc drivel drivel"

LOL...thats exactly what was happening. The load rectangular *box* had no blue moving to the right at all and so I pressed "stop", then refresh and it still didn't load and so I stopped again and added a little more to my post and well of course we know what happened after that.



That is so sorry.

Pensacola, I swear, I love the beaches but there literally is a church or TWO on what seems like every street. There are even "house churches", popping up in various neighborhoods.

Not really a catch phrase, but it may as well be: "There's more historical evidence Jesus existed than there is that Julius Ceaser existed."

Yeah, and Julius rose from the grave and will return to send people to hell and a few to heaven.

At first, I had a hard time understanding that extraordianary claims require extraordinary proof myself. If it was nothing but accepting that the man himself existed, then what evidence there is may be good enough. It's when they start claiming that if the man existed, he must be who the bible claims he is is when the fallacy pops its head up.

There are no atheists in foxholes.

That one rarely fails to raise my blood pressure to unhealthy levels. What a load of smug ignorance.