yunea

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yunea last won the day on October 12 2015

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About yunea

  • Rank
    Pink Creature
  • Birthday 11/16/1984

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    EU
  • Interests
    Maths, knitting, really really good coffee, sleep.
  • More About Me
    I've been an apathetic Lutheran, tongue-speaking, slain-in-the-spirit Pentecostal, and a New Age Jesus follower who did energy work and interpreted astrological birth charts.

    Now I'm done with all religion. I am trying to find my way out of my past and into a life that is truly mine, not dictated by someone else. It's scary, but it's also wonderful.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No

Recent Profile Visitors

2,613 profile views
  1. What the Fuck is this?

    Lol! I knew I'd seen them! Cough, ahem...
  2. What the Fuck is this?

    No seriously let me do some searching lol. Edit: They're known as "deal with it" glasses. Not very helpful I suppose. Hmm.
  3. What the Fuck is this?

    I saw those pixelated glasses in a different meme, if only I remembered which one. Hmm.
  4. Who deconverted you?

    I deconverted after first ending up in a situation that made me think "this God cannot be on my side, all this guidance and I could have died or gone extremely crazy following it to the end", and then months later I figured out that all my "evidence", "conversations with jesus" etc was just my own, powerful but quite troubled, mind. The latter was ignited by an authority figure asking me some good questions, but the first situation was me feeling lonelier than ever. No one else could make me see it earlier.
  5. Entity, look within and enlighten yourself. If you have never experienced this metamorphosis of unfathomable proportions, it can be difficult to vibrate. Although you may not realize it, you are enlightened.
  6. If you want acquaintances and love singing, why not join a secular choir? I mean, having to lie about who you are and disagreeing with something that's really crucial to the group...I don't see how that's healthy. Then again you definitely wouldn't be the first person to go (back) to church just to get to be with people. We are social animals and we love how it feels to do things together. Your longing for this is very natural and very understandable, and one of the things that go through my mind now and then too, even though I'm way past believing in biblegod. Are there any Unitarian Universalist groups near you by any chance?
  7. I guess I only have mild stuff anymore but then again I have been deconverting for 3.5 years. Anyway, I still get these fleeting thoughts about things being "meant to be" and sometimes they are so strong and include fears of being in the wrong place and missing out on my destiny. I also miss the feeling that the creator of the world is my bff. Sometimes it feels very hollow and lonely. Especially because I thought there was at least one thing in my life I could trust to not change, and it did.
  8. LovelyChantel is Here

    Only somewhat, as my upbringing wasn't consistently Christian and I first dove in seriously as a teen. AFAIK, the splitting originally began when I tried to adapt to my mother, who I think is a mix of psychotic (likely schizophrenic) and dissociated herself, and also some other problems in the family. If you want to talk about dissociation, feel free to contact me here in the threads, via PM, or in the Discord Ex-c chat room.
  9. LovelyChantel is Here

    I'm diagnosed with DDNOS. The system is quite co-conscious. I don't normally black out when switching, but alters can control my body and they have different perspectives to memories. Sometimes they surface after asking and getting my permission, sometimes they force a switch and I can only watch from inside. Some also have had to walk their very own paths in and out of Christianity.
  10. I had problems with music too. Some secular music I was quite ok with (after my worst Pente days anyway, during which I only wanted gospel) but if there was a cuss word in the lyrics, or a god was mentioned in a some kind of way that didn't feel right, I didn't feel good about listening to it. With instrumentals I trusted my gut reaction to it, or whether I'd seen someone I considered a "true believer" listen to it. Other pointless and strange things, well, um. I thanked Jesus for anything and everything I did. I particularly remember walking up stairs, thanking Jesus each and every time I reached the top. I also thanked Jesus in my thoughts before thanking other people for the favours they did. I thought feathers on the ground were signs from angels. I thought the warm buzzes through my body were proof of the holy spirit working. I once tried to convince someone that god exists by talking in tongues in front of his face. I was surprised he didn't convert right there, because to me, it was perfectly obvious that glossolalia was, again, proof of god. No wait. I did that more than once. It only "worked" at all if the person already believed. I looked up to someone who was very likely psychotic. No wait... Not just one person there either. And becoming borderline (or maybe full-blown? No one knows anymore) psychotic myself, I only thought I was finally living the way I was meant to. I thought everything happened only because it was part of a bigger plan penned out by someone wiser than me. As a result of trying to figure the plan out, many things went wrong. I felt needless guilt about possibly straying from the plan. I didn't learn appropriate self control when I kept praying "thy will not mine" and then just seeing what happens (as I was sure god would pave an obvious road for me if I just denied myself). I let people hurt me in many ways, repeatedly. I also was studying science but firmly believed in a god of the gaps. Even though the gaps get smaller and smaller, some entirely disappearing, all the time.
  11. Oh, I'm not questioning whether you loved your father. I too know from personal experience that it is possible to deeply love a parent that goes from super good to really scary. It doesn't mean you were responsible for the pain inflicted upon you. The adults were. Hugs!
  12. So you asked to join in what you had learned is actually love, gets you attention, and just is the right thing to do. You only did what you had been taught (conditioned, brainwashed) to do, and some things you learned to like so you'd feel more right about it. Our minds have their weird ways of making things seem "right" to us so we can continue living with the abusers we depend on. It doesn't mean you're in any way responsible for them crossing your borders. It is never the child's fault. I think the families where things aren't "all bad" (as in, things are an unpredictable mix of good, even very good, and extremely horrible) create the most confused, broken children with a lot of guilt about the often needed no contact rule. It's much easier to leave someone behind who has never mattered that much, never brought that much good to your life. Thanks, Chantel.
  13. The warmest welcome to you Chantel. You really went through hell on Earth, in your very own home, created by the very people who should have done their best to protect you from harm. I am surprised, and of course very glad, that you have gotten out alive and capable of telling your story. I have a fragmented, dissociated mind as well from a difficult, unsafe & unpredictable childhood, so I relate to a lot of your story in that sense too. Virtual hugs from a stranger. I hope to see you writing more.
  14. Hebrews 6: 4-6 What do you think of this, regarding your motives for being here?
  15. Not just "only hell" doctrines. Anyone teaching kids about hell and telling them that they or their loved ones could end up in there are child abusers, and wrong.