yunea

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yunea last won the day on October 12 2015

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About yunea

  • Rank
    Pink Creature
  • Birthday 11/16/1984

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    EU
  • Interests
    Maths, knitting, really really good coffee, sleep.
  • More About Me
    I've been an apathetic Lutheran, tongue-speaking, slain-in-the-spirit Pentecostal, and a New Age Jesus follower who did energy work and interpreted astrological birth charts.

    Now I'm done with all religion. I am trying to find my way out of my past and into a life that is truly mine, not dictated by someone else. It's scary, but it's also wonderful.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. I'll do IRC.
  2. Your avatar photo is so adorbs!! 

    1. yunea

      yunea

      Thanks Aethelred! :lol:

  3. I am so tempted to ask more about the demon's manhood.
  4. Welcome to the forum, SeaJay. A lot of what you say sounds familiar to me. I haven't really had such a problem with hell, but the intrusive thoughts including some that seem to predict the future - yes. I used to think that spiritual beings including Jesus talked to me in thoughts, not audible by ears but "different" thoughts, and that they'd take me over when I needed to do "god's work". Truth is I have DDNOS, like DID with the alters, but mostly without amnesia, and most of the time I'm Yunea to the outsider. I hear my alters talking in my thoughts. Some of them are very ill and talk about death and such, some are happier and sing songs or whatever. I even had a Jesus in there, that's how I "knew" he was real (I've set him free since). And yes, some of them guess right what someone is going to tell me next and such things. I don't know the mechanism, but my system is entirely agnostic and atheist (I guess someone is sort of deist, believing in some kind of "universal source of love" that she can tap into) and I actually have blasphemed the Biblegod and its spirit in every way I could think of and these things still happen just the same. And none of the voices/thoughts are warning me about hell even though I just now blasphemed Jesus in my mind again. I am glad you are in therapy. I am as well. All the best to you on your journey out of fear.
  5. (I read back on the thread, and for those who are interested: Injured Girl merged into another girl of the same age, and they don't need crutches anymore. Strong Girl revealed she is a very scared little girl who was only pretending to be so strong. -Yunea) Okay, Nora here... I feel stupid coming back when I last left on such a positive note. Do you people find that you feel better and worse in waves when time passes after deconversion? How long does it take for it to end? I wanted the others to forget the old things, I wanted to wrap them up and put them away. But now as a therapy exercise we're reading our own old diaries, and it's like they're performing autopsy on me before I'm dead. I didn't want everyone to remember everything. It's all so embarrassing and painful. I wanted to just not be a nuisance anymore and serve quietly, dress in only grey and black, and quietly fade into the background. Before we opened up the diaries, Yunea was asking, "where is Nora?" and for a while she believed it when the answers always were "not here", but then my sister said "look again, why is it so important to repeatedly think that she's not here?" and she found me. I failed at my plan again, and now with the diaries I'm forced to look at myself again, and everyone else gets to see too. How do you cope with knowing it was for nothing? All the time, effort, emotion, work, even danger you faced for Jesus. All for nothing. No real benefits to anyone, no actual helping of the poor (more like helping the already rich), this "spiritual warfare" and waiting for one more gift, one more touch, one more step on the way of faith. And you and your closest people know it was for nothing. How do you cope?! Do you people want to hide your past? Pretend you've never been so stupid to believe it all so firmly, you treated it as fact? Come up with a nicer story than the real one? One where bad things are few, stupidity is short-lived, no one gets hurt? -Nora
  6. Ok, the mods have unlocked this thread due to my request (thanks!), I'll be letting Nora write a bit because she needs some support. She'll probably appear within the next 24 hours.
  7. Garry, I see water. Is water in some way important to you? I hear.... ohh. I hear someone shouting your name. Maybe a woman. Were you in an accident when you were little? Was there water there? A lot of water? Did they fear you'd gotten hurt, but you were actually okay?
  8. I think I recall not being able to have a signature as a new member.
  9. Thanks @Insightful - that's a surprising compliment, because I keep thinking I'm such a mess. I'm considering letting my alter speak here again, too. I'll try if she is able to put her problem into words.
  10. I'm the type who enjoys a drink alone (or with max 2 other people) the most. Social drinking is kind of difficult for me. I hear people say alcohol makes everything "more beautiful" or something, I find it distances me from emotion and people very fast so I might start behaving badly long before the intoxication should be at the level that I'm not in control. So I am in control but unable to discern between good and bad ideas. Not always, but it has happened after 2 drinks before. I also never have blacked out despite having drunk a lot on a few occasions. I know that liking to drink alone is not a good sign and I fight a lot of urges to buy big amounts of alcohol.
  11. I was one. I got my diagnosis after deconversion. I'm basically DDNOS, sorta like DID without severe amnesia in the present. I have had many internal voices for as long as I can remember, sometimes they fight and are hostile to me or each other. They are also able to partially take me over (but I get to watch and remember). I had shortish but very intense time as a Pentecostal when younger, and later I explored life with Jesus from a New Age perspective. I experienced so much "guidance" and "miracles" that I made some people jealous, others called me "encouraging". I've recently read my diaries from the times I was Pente. I literally say, "These evil thoughts in my head are coming from satan. If they're not, I am... very ill." Later I deconverted, first because apparently I couldn't discern between Jesus and evil despite constant prayers that my will not be done but his, so I could not trust the guy with my life. That, or I really did miserably fail a test of faith where I could have died. Months later I realized I only had evidence of my imagination. Turns out I even had God & Jesus alters in my head and that's how I "knew" they were real and that Jesus was "taking me over" - it just was a slightly different Jesus than I thought. The ones I thought was satan were my trauma talking. It's frustrating, I could have gotten help much earlier and turned my life in a more decent direction. I'm in therapy now but as long as I did not know what is going on, I kept on repeating old traumas and getting re-traumatized again and again, even in adulthood. Even once I was atheist, I had a Christian alter. She deconverted last year (and posted here about it) but right now she hates her own guts and calls herself a murderer because of all the deep regrets she has about religion. So I basically have to heal the wounds multiple times. My mom, an untreated schizophrenic, is a case of her own....she has for example started incredible screaming fights over visions from "god" or whoever she believes in at the time.
  12. Yes, very familiar. I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like you're describing generalized anxiety: constant worrying about things that have or haven't happened, and the worries are blown out of proportion and you know it, but can't stop. I warmly recommend you talk to a secular professional about this, preferably one who understands what such religious upbringing with its focus on worthlessness does to a child. There's help, no reason to continue living like this with all this worry ruining the chances to fully enjoy your accomplishments and beautiful things in life.
  13. Well yeah, I appear to just have forgotten the craziest junk. Apparently I've written lots of that kind of stuff. That very church still broadcasts their services and they've calmed down a lot. All their music is now sad and slow, for example, when way back then they had all these songs that made you want to jump around.
  14. No, I'm fine with weird topics. What I have a problem with is the presentation. It tries too hard to do mind tricks to make me believe the message. It makes it look less trustworthy. Also, in the pics that it shows in rapid motion in the beginning, I caught ones of Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry cross-dressing for their own old comedy show. That has NOTHING to do with actual transgenderism, they did many intentionally very bad characters in the show. I'm quite masculine myself. I used to almost not have breasts, and I had no discernable waist despite being underweight. No curves, nada. That changed only when I was nearing thirty. I don't suppose I'm the only girl in the world who's a bit that way. I might try and see the video again. just to be able to point out the flaws and successes in it and have a conversation where both of us have actually seen all of it. What are your thoughts on it, Lost?
  15. Now I found an entry where I describe the Pentecostal ministers running around the church laughing, and hugging everyone after service. I'd thought my church wasn't THAT weird...