RICK300

New Member
  • Content count

    11
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

6 Neutral

About RICK300

  • Rank
    Questioner

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    London UK
  • Interests
    Life
  • More About Me
    Struggling after attending Alpha Course feel like a freak

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Not really
  1. No Problem MOHO I'm not that keen on either. There and back again. I was brought up in gentle Christianity more tradition than a belief. Then in my late teens and 20s gave it up, In mid 30s went on an evangelical course though they wont be able to get me but it messed with my mind caused anxiety, got over that but 6 months ago anxiety came back that brought back the born again stuff in my mind. Wher I sand now is rationally think it is probably un true emotionally scars the crap out of me and on my mind most of the time.
  2. Hi I'll be honest I have problems with religion especially the Evangelical type it has at times screwed with my mind. But I was wondering do i dislike it so much because some how I'm one (not that I want want to be) and some how I believe that stuff. You hear stories of people attacking gay people venally or physically and then you find out that that person has loads of gay porn on their computer or went to gay cruising bars. Could it be some how I dislike them because I see myself in them. Or because I just can't get my head around it and feel brainwashed.
  3. What made you speak in tongues.

    Hi guys Any Ex Charismatics here. I was brought up with religion as more a tradition than a belief. Then went on the alpha course, that has a bit about speaking in tongues healing ect not being xenophobic but I though that stuff would was for crazy Americans evangelists , I have always felt a bit uncomfortable about evangelicals but suddenly felt I became one not that I wanted to be one and a mental battle went on in my head. So my question is what do you think made you talk in tongues or even tried to heal people.
  4. Thanks guys, I'm going to get better and become a happy non religious agnostic again.
  5. I have posted a couple of things on here mainly about the Alpha Course and how it tipped me over the edge 16 years ago leading to a breakdown. Recovered from that and have had a happy enjoyable life relatively religious but 16 months ago religious thoughts came flooding into my head resulting in another breakdown that I'm working through. Some of you guys on hear have really helped In short brought up in the UK in a Christian lite house meaning Christian by tradition more than absolute belief. Went to church traditional C church of E and Sunday school and in church choir. Felt uncomfortable about church and stuff but at the age of 16 decided to do confirmation classes to get confirmed struggled a bit with the classes as did not really understand (not the sharpest tool in the box} it but was talked into it by the vicar, I remember feeling a bit emotional by it all but no filled with the holy spirit or stuff. Did question to myself why did one vicar have a son born with one arm and another have a wife suffering from breast cancer. At 19 went away to college and attended one session of the Christian Union out of guilt I think but it was not for me people wanting to interpreter dreams they had had and put a religious meaning to them. Always felt a bit uncomfortable about very devote Christians you know the ones who really believe no sport on a Sunday, faith healing, talking in tongues trying to convert people or famous people who would profess there faith publicly. So I grew away from religion became i suppose agnostic, did not think about religion much just tried to be kind and make the most of life. Would still go to church mainly at Christmas because it was tradition would still say the odd praire. but started to realise the Bible was just stories some good some bad. to be honest never ever read it. Travelled went to places like Egypt saw the old temples Nepal mixed with Hindus, Buddhists religion was just not part of my life just saw people as people. Had a few relationships some good some not so good. Then at 33 life in a bit of a rut and a friend said do the alpha course its great. went along more out of interest than anything else was a bit like the confirmation course did not really buy into it but come the end bang suddenly became "born again" not that I wanted to be never did but big fear of talking in tongues, half my head said I could heal people by laying hands on them and praying the other half said that just rubbish felt I had to convert people even though I did not like it. Felt like there was 2 people in my head at the same time which lead to a mental breakdown. With a lot of support from friends and family got myself back together. Been in a great relationship with my partner who does not believe in God never has ,for the past 14 years and been religious free and enjoyed life been able to attend weddings funerals christenings with no problem. Then 6 months ago suffered stress it was a tough year and the religious stuff all came back to me and life was a struggle again. I know about evolution don't understand it. I recon the world is billions of years old don't know how they know that but they do. I know the bible is just stories, I know there is little evidence if any. Don't really believe in Angels and demons or possessions. But it is still getting to me and causing me stress and depression. I have been brought up in a multi cultural society my family are far from fundamentalist in fact we were brought up that there are many roads to god what ever that may be in fact i'm the fundamentalist and hate it. it is driving me crazy it is all absorbing and exhausting. I don't want to be some one who hate Christians the church or a militant atheist I just want to not be bothered by it. I'm need help this is destroying me I'm seeing a councillor and on anti depressants. rant over
  6. Alpha Course anyone done it

    Thanks guys for your replys I think your right it's designed to draw you in, Geezer you live in a lovely part of the world . I can't say I came a cross many fundamentalist one street preacher in Nashville trying to save people from hell. and a few Christian Radio stations really feel like it has screwed me up mentally.
  7. Alpha Course anyone done it

    Thanks for your reply's I actually did the course 16 years ago and struggled then then managed to de programme myself, recently went on holiday to Tennessee and for some reason the born again stuff came back I thought I had cured myself of that way of thinking. I was disappointed Bear Gryls promotes this stuff. Disilllutions why you do so many Alpha courses. how did you di programe yourself. i was brought up with good morals but none of my family are conservative christian like i seem to have become.
  8. Hi Guys not really a rant. I used to think I was a reasonably intelligent person who knew his own mind, knew what I wanted to do and did it. Enjoyed the out doors got on with people no matter colour creed ect Well I was encouraged to do the Alpha course by a friend / work colleague and it completely screwed me up. Felt I was brainwashed and had to fight the feeling of the born again stuff. Whilst I was brought up with church in the UK it was I was christian with a small c the bible was just old stories some good some bad, but the Alpha Course really tipped me over the edge mentally. It all became real even though I know most of it is not really and just stories passed down by generations to explain things at that time. It's not like I believe in things like Zeus or the Norse gods just wish I could get it all the hell and Jesus stuff out of my head. It really freaked me out and stops me enjoying life. Anyone else feel like they have been brain washed. Rick
  9. Alpha course freak

    This is my story as brief as I can be. I'm a year old male 50 born and live in the UK brought up in a very liberal middle class Church of England family no talk of sin, Jesus saving talking in tongues being born again ect. I sang in the choir (you would not believe it if you heard me now )and for some reason got confirmed at 16. Never really got religion though it was some sort of protection, never talked of hell the devil ect. Though it simply taught good life lessons treat people how you want to be treated ect. Like the good Samaritan. I hate super natural stuff ghost stories and horror films scare me even though I know they are just films and stories.. After going to college at 18 moved a way from religion and would just go a Christmas as it was a traditional thing to do weddings funerals christenings. I may be a couple of silent prays when getting on a flight of for sick me members of the family more like wishes that prays I never really expected to be answered. Bit like wishes blowing out candles on a birthday cake. For the next 15 s or odd years lived very happy life even if it was in a bit of a rut it was a nice rut. Travelling playing sports. Then about 16 odd years ago I was invited by a friend to go on a Alpha course I was not sure what it was it is advertised about "the meaning of life", but turns out to be an evangelical Christian course about and I certainly had not heard of Charismatic Christians did the course did not really think much about it but hoped it may be a kick up the bum to get out and doing some stuff and appreciating life but when it ended I was a changed person, and not for the better people were going to hell, fear I would suddenly start talking in tongues, had to tell everyone I was a Christian try and convert save them, Things like being gay was wrong, I'm not gay but have never had issues with gay people I have gay friends I did not feel I was in control of my own thoughts, had 6 months off works a nervous breakdown various medications. Felt I had been brainwashed. Finally got myself together found a wonderful partner and life was good for the last 10 years Fast forward to October 2016 an we had a holiday visiting Tennessee Great time visiting the smoke mountains, walking biking then Nashville for the country music and then Memphis and back though mid Tennessee doing a bit of canoeing. Visited a couple of old churches for historical reasons noted that there are more churches than bars in some towns and if we found that we had tuned into a Christian station by mistake we would turn it on something else. All was good had a great time, I was leaving my partner to come home she was heading to Texas to see more friend I had to work, when I left her I said a silent pray to my god to keep her safe. By the time I got home in I was a mess it was just like I was 16 years earlier all the born again Christian stuff was back since then I have not been to work for 3 months been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. On meds again don't like going out that much struggle with exercise find it hard to think feeling very stressed and that life is not really real. I think I just want to be an open minded agnostic not worrying about religion happy to enjoy the rest of my life. I should say I certainly was not forced to attend church ect it was all my doing and I thing that many of the things I fear I have made up in my own head. All the best Rick
  10. This is my story as brief as I can be. I'm a year old male 50 born and live in the UK brought up in a very liberal middle class Church of England family no talk of sin, Jesus saving talking in tongues being born again ect. I sang in the choir (you would not believe it if you heard me now )and for some reason got confirmed at 16. Never really got religion though it was some sort of protection, never talked of hell the devil ect. Though it simply taught good life lessons treat people how you want to be treated ect. Like the good Samaritan. I hate super natural stuff ghost stories and horror films scare me even though I know they are just films and stories.. After going to college at 18 moved a way from religion and would just go a Christmas as it was a traditional thing to do weddings funerals christenings. I may be a couple of silent prays when getting on a flight of for sick me members of the family more like wishes that prays I never really expected to be answered. Bit like wishes blowing out candles on a birthday cake. For the next 15 s or odd years lived very happy life even if it was in a bit of a rut it was a nice rut. Travelling playing sports. Then about 16 odd years ago I was invited by a friend to go on a Alpha course I was not sure what it was it is advertised about "the meaning of life", but turns out to be an evangelical Christian course about and I certainly had not heard of Charismatic Christians did the course did not really think much about it but hoped it may be a kick up the bum to get out and doing some stuff and appreciating life but when it ended I was a changed person, and not for the better people were going to hell, fear I would suddenly start talking in tongues, had to tell everyone I was a Christian try and convert save them, Things like being gay was wrong, I'm not gay but have never had issues with gay people I have gay friends I did not feel I was in control of my own thoughts, had 6 months off works a nervous breakdown various medications. Felt I had been brainwashed. Finally got myself together found a wonderful partner and life was good for the last 10 years Fast forward to October 2016 an we had a holiday visiting Tennessee Great time visiting the smoke mountains, walking biking then Nashville for the country music and then Memphis and back though mid Tennessee doing a bit of canoeing. Visited a couple of old churches for historical reasons noted that there are more churches than bars in some towns and if we found that we had tuned into a Christian station by mistake we would turn it on something else. All was good had a great time, I was leaving my partner to come home she was heading to Texas to see more friend I had to work, when I left her I said a silent pray to my god to keep her safe. By the time I got home in I was a mess it was just like I was 16 years earlier all the born again Christian stuff was back since then I have not been to work for 3 months been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. On meds again don't like going out that much struggle with exercise find it hard to think feeling very stressed and that life is not really real. I think I just want to be an open minded agnostic not worrying about religion happy to enjoy the rest of my life. I should say I certainly was not forced to attend church ect it was all my doing and I thing that many of the things I fear I have made up in my own head. All the best Rick