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Riversong last won the day on May 3

Riversong had the most liked content!

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About Riversong

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    Reading, baking, hiking
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    Mother of 2. Recent exC

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
  1. Welcome! I understand the feeling of drawing away from people who have a simpler outlook with all the answers. Sounds like you are doing well and good luck on the journey!
  2. Interesting thread! A favorite Dostoevsky quotation of mine is, "How can you have lived and not have a story to tell?" I tend to agree with Faithfulless that re examining the past can be overdone. I am seeing a therapist right now and it has been extremely helpful. She explained it as a decoding process to help show how your brain interprets things. The point being that if you figure out some of your blind spots, you can account for them(vs being unaware of them and then crashing w/o warning). That all being said, I think we've all encountered people who use their past or some kind of paychobabble as a convenient excuse. I also think there's a point where we can over examine our lives to the point that we get trapped and aren't able to enjoy the present. I think it all comes down to balance.
  3. Hi! I'm a newcomer myself. This has been a great place to see how we all have this common experience of deconversion and how it is still a unique journey for each person. Mine was a slow burn throughout several(ok, many) difficult years. This past year was the final firecracker that blew it all apart. For me, it was a huge relief to lose my faith. However, I think many experience it the opposite way where the huge landmine comes first and the difficult years come after. All that to say, there is no one "right" experience. Take it one day at a time. I like the bakery idea! Sometimes ideas need to sit on the back burner of our minds for a while before everything falls into place. Take your time and good luck!!!
  4. I think the above posts are great. I agree that it is not your responsibilty to save your family. In all likelihood, it will not change them and it will place a huge burden on you. I'd second the suggestion of seeing if any of you are able to get into therapy. It could help you in expectations/boundaries/etc and them with their own issues. Best of luck!
  5. Welcome and good luck on your journey!
  6. I will have to check it out. I highly recommend his book, "Crazy for God." I also read and enjoyed "Portofino."
  7. Wow- thanks for sharing! The freedom you feel and the increase in self-respect will make up for the frustration of knowing that you are being prayed for. And take you through the fall-out. When those conversations need to happen, it feels good to get it over with. I appreciate what you had to say about marriage. Before my deconversion, we realized that my husband had been an entitled asshole. We actually had thought that we were just living our Christian roles out. 😳 Life is so much better now that we are equal partners.
  8. I wanted to add the number for the national suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255 I know things seem dark right now. Sometimes the most we can do is to look at ourself in the mirror and say, "not today." Hugs!
  9. I love the above advice. I think the key is not teaching your kids the exclusivist claims of Christianity. I think it creeps in so early. Even this last year, I had a book out on the table by Desmond TuTu called "God is not a Christian." My 7-yo was really puzzled by the title. How could God not be a Christian?? I was in the process of doubting and could at least say that people in other cultures have different religions and that it is ok. Clearly, until then, we had quietly communicated the pervasive Christian worldview that Jesus is the only way. I agree that it's key that your husband doesn't even understand the issues that you are bringing up. I think that if Christianity lite brings you friends at church and a general moral compass, that seems workable for raising kids together. If he respects and understands where you are coming from. Good luck!
  10. I am sorry you are going through this right now! This past year has been the end of an unraveling process for me. I ended up in a therapist's office feeling completely numb and lacking any drive. Come to find out, this is called depression(I thought it was just my shitty personality)!! Went to therapy for a bit, wasn't enough. I started on antidepressants and it has been amazing. It is like I have rejoined the human race. I am still seeing my therapist and it has continued to be helpful. It is actually more helpful now, with the meds, because I am not using up so much of my energy fighting the depression and just trying to get through the day. It was so exhausting! Do do you have a therapist and/or option of taking meds? Self- care is also so important. Basics like getting sleep, meals, drinking water, getting fresh air. That list sounds overwhelming when you are hit by depression. I know. Best of luck and take it one day(or one hour) at a time! It was important for me to be able to recognize that the creeping fog of numbness was not me: ingratitude/discontentment/or a crappy personality. It is an actual thing- a brain chemical imbalance. You are not alone! Take care! --oh, a friend had told me once about something called religious trauma syndrome- and how leaving religion can cause a cluster of symptoms like depression/anxiety/issues with forming relationships outside of religion. Not sure if that might be helpful. Here was an article I read: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2013/03/religious-trauma-syndrome/
  11. Yes, to the above comment! Glad your wife is doing well! My SIL would tell me that if you tell yourself that you're getting a headache, you'll get one. She said it was a Jesse Duplantis thing. Actually, my MIL gave me baby Tylenol as part of a gift at my baby shower, "not that we're going to believe that you'll need it..." I think it feeds into the superstitious fears that christians hold. Words have material and eternal consequences that you can't take back.
  12. Thanks for the great advice! I shelved all my Christian books and reworked my social media feeds. My point of view is changing day by day- all for the better! I am lucky to be in a place where I have some support in place who love me for who I am, and not just because I am a fellow believer. I think you nailed the process above- you realize there's no going back, mentally. And you also see the benefits. I think I've been stuck in a slow process of losing my faith for so many years that it is an amazing load off my shoulders to suddenly be done with it. And to not have to constantly make the Christian narrative work in my head while going about my daily life. I am so much more grateful for the world, now that I don't have to be. And I am happy for how hard things have been because I know I wouldn't have left the faith without it. All this time, I've been trying to convince myself, as a good Christian, that I was rejoicing in my sufferings. Lol. But now I actually am! It's also really freeing to see all religions as methods of control. I was starting to feel the need for interfaith meetings as I became more of a progressive christian. And while I think people of different faiths need to be able to work together, I am now happier thinking of them all as a bit nuts(rather than trying to see the good in all). :-)
  13. Yes- that is me as well! I was in a college Christian group that was way too intrusive into everyone's private lives. You don't think to question the dynamics when you know it's for your own good.
  14. Hi! I ran across this article last night and remembered this post. I thought it made some good points http://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2017/05/02/parenting-children-still-believe/
  15. http://www.patheos.com/blogs/unfundamentalistparenting/2017/04/breaking-five-unhealthy-friendship-habits-fundamentalism/?ref_widget=related&ref_blog=unfundamentalistparenting&ref_post=leaving-fundamentalism-is-like-moving-away "The biggest problem with friendships in fundamentalism is the inability to see people as human beings rather than an agenda. When a person’s eternal destination is of urgent priority, the nuances of their personality and humanity pales in comparison. This is the kind of baggage some of us may bring to adulthood and into parenting." I thought this this article was a good read.