mich

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About mich

  • Rank
    Questioner

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    The wrong place
  • Interests
    freethinker, healthy eating, music, teaching, homeschool
  • More About Me
    i have always looked for the truth in life. The best education, the best healthy diet, The best religion....The truth about life. so much of which i was deceived for most of my life. Music helps me get through my day. Would love to talk with others on a similar path.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    the unknown god, if he exists

Recent Profile Visitors

165 profile views
  1. Wow, Wow, dirwid, Awesome for you that you discovered the truth at such a young age. Many are much older. And most never realize it at all. I really enjoyed your post and can relate to a lot of it. We are all on a journey.....mostly individual. Our own set of circumstances, environment, etc that defines who we are. But it's great to cross paths with someone at a common ground.
  2. Music was actually one of the things that deepened my belief in the particular denomination that was a part of for all these years.. I remember visiting the church and when they started singing, i thought 'wow, it sounds like it comes from the heart'. It was beautiful....beautifully deceptive.....it did come from the heart... many sincere people... just deceived. Children get happy over Santa clause too.... Anyway, my current happy secular music makes me feel good. It's part of my daily therapy, lol. Thank you very much, Lost~
  3. Thank you to everyone who responded, with your caring words and suggestions. There are so many painful, ugly details in my story, it would take a book to write it all out (which i am currently working on ). I am finding this forum very helpful. An amazing new world for me. Still in the closet, by choice, for now. It seems to be the best avenue for now. Some things can't be fixed overnight. But i'm working on it every day~
  4. Suicide Is A Sin...

    Geezer said: I wonder what God did to pass the time during those three days in the grave? Actually, it was only a day and a half the way I count time.....
  5. Just part of my testimony...The saddest, most dangerous part: I tried to keep peace. When after a year, I saw that my efforts to regain my sick and disabled son were only causing a disturbance, I retracted and turned the whole situation over to god. It was so big. I had been taught that once you turn something over to god, you leave it there. God is the one who created us. God is the one who gave us life. God is the only one who takes life (so man told me). With god all things are possible, it says. He held back the red sea. He could bring my child home, right? Others didn't see me going home, getting in my closet and banging on the doors of heaven. So they assumed I didn't care about my child. They didn't see all the tears I cried, didn't hear all the prayers I prayed, hoping for a miracle. All we ever hear are the GOOD stories at church. The encouraging ones. If god answers this one's prayers, then surely he will answer mine. I am trying to do everything right. Women are taught to be subject to their husbands. I did that. I moved hundreds of miles away from my son because god was leading my husband (stepdad) to do that. And I was afraid of going against that. I didn't want to displease God. I needed him to fix this circumstance for me. For my child. I tried to be perfect. I tried to make all the right decisions that I thought god would be pleased in. So that he would step in a work a miracle. I leaned on what I thought were messages from god. So I prayed and waited, and trusted for the day DJ would come home. And he wanted to come home, told me so multiple times. I assured DJ that he was always welcome to come home, and to tell them that he did. But he was too much like me, didn't want to ripple the waters. If either of us had attempted anything, it would have just caused trouble. So we just waited. Nothing........ever. I wasn't told that he was dying. I thought perhaps his life would be shortened somewhat due to a traumatic surgery. An unnecessary one, and one that I did not agree to, but was supposed to make him better.... But not this. Why would god show me the perfect treatment he needed for his physical illness. And then allow him to be taken away, all my parental rights revoked, my hands tied, and killed at the hands of humans? It seems more like a cruel joke. And I just had to twist my brain cells around that as somehow 'god's perfect plan' . Mad at god? Hardly. Might as well be mad at Santa Claus. It was the conditioning of people and the words of that bible that persuaded me to act in the way I did. Cast all your cares upon him, for he careth for you....Trust in the lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding, and he will direct thy paths...Stand still and wait on the Lord...Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord...All things happen to to the good to them that love the lord...etc. All these words I trusted in. Trusted that God would handle it for me, if I just did everything that I had been taught to please him. He was on my side. In the meantime, people saw me as 'not caring', 'not being there for DJ', 'throwing him away'. All the talk behind my back. The wrong assumptions. The mountains made out of molehills, the exaggerations, the slander, the lies. I can't even say I blame them anymore. It would seem like I didn't care, when really I was repeatedly just turning it over to god, and waiting...Patience is a virtue, it says.. If I had put forth efforts, which I did at the first, it would only stir up trouble. And we are supposed to be peacemakers. We heard that frequently at church. I didn't recall the bible verse that said 'there is a time for peace and a time for war'. Oh, if only I had known THAT verse was there. We only hear select verses at church. No elders stepped in and gently guided me to better actions. .No one came and said 'I've been where you're at. I know what you're going through, this is the way you should handle it...... If only I could go back and do things differently. But sometimes we don't get a second chance. And then...a few years later.....I found out the bible was all a myth.....
  6. You aren't a Christian, so what are you?

    @ag_NO_stic , LOVE the 6/9 cartoon!
  7. Attention whores

    Oh, except for the truth. I would like to get on a mountain and shout it out to everyone! Ever notice that there are no movies where someone discovers the bible isn't authentic?
  8. Attention whores

    It's all around us for sure. Never thought much about it before, but now I can plainly see it in church activities and roles. Such people naturally yield to the modern 'selfie' mentality. Personally, I prefer to stay hidden in the corner. Just leave me alone, lol....
  9. So Painful...

    Thank you all for your kind words. I keep coming back here for comforting words and reading other's experiences. I plan to tell more of my story. Should I do that here? or in the testimonials section? It's quite big....Also, is there a section or group of those who have chosen to stay in the closet for whatever reason? At this point in my life, I just need help doing coping with going to church as a nonbeliever.....
  10. OCD, anxiety, depression ahhh

    Truescotsman...where can I get more info on this science?
  11. So Painful...

    What a warm welcome. Thank you so much. I know it was rude to just barge in with my pain and story in a tiny nutshell (it's really a book). As far as professional help, I am trying to hide it so that may not work. My husband knows i have anxious spells lately, though doesn't know how bad and doesn't know why. Also, I don't want to be medicated due to side effects. I was on xanax after the loss of my child and was glad to get off. (though at times i wished i had one of those pills back again) . I can relate with the 'oh, so god had nothing to do with this' . My story is very long and detailed. I have enjoyed reading the posts and will continue to post as well, though, it may be a few days before i am able to get back. Thanks for the ((hug))! I needed that....
  12. An odd week followed by a nasty month.

    Those 'feelings' and experiences were some the the hardest to figure out for me. And some i still don't understand. But something that helps me with it is knowing that we can 'feel' a certain way based on what we believe at the time. For example, if we are home alone at night and hear a noise that sounds like someone might be breaking in, we 'feel' fear. But it was only the dog. The fear was real. But it was based on a lie. If you just 'thought' you won the lottery, you would get very excited, but they were mistaken, sorry it wasn't your number after all. That feeling of happiness was real, based on something that wasn't. Any way, it makes sense to me. One can 'feel' that they are loved by god and given everlasting life. If one believes this, it will bring all kinds of awesome feelings....
  13. So Painful...

    I gave so much of my life to my religion. I made so many decisions based on what i believed, based on that book. I have lost my spouse and child to death after joining this religion, both at a tender young age. I blame the religion. I kept making excuses for god. Blessings in disguise. We'll understand it by and by. I was still trying to make excuses after all these years. it was just meant to be. I held on. 'god, you held back the waters of the red sea, so i know you can do this'. Very devout i was , or tried to be. It was very hard after the more recent death of my child. But in order to survive i had to keep trying to make excuses as to why god didn't pull through after i had turned everything over to him and trusted that he would take care of it all..... I never considered, till this year, that the bible might not have been written by god. Why would we never even question that? Just take what men have handed down to us? Why didn't we ever consider that we were being lied to. It all seemed so real.....But now i know. Too late to save my spouse and child. To late to live the life i would have lived. Now I am stuck in the wrong life. In the wrong state. Estranged from most of my family and old friends. Middle aged and no where to go. Full of anxiety and depression and losing the will to live. That's my intro. Is there a 'religiously traumatized' section here? Most say that well a little religion won't hurt you, going to functions etc. I beg to differ. It is extremely dangerous. I realize that my story is an exception to most. Anyway, I hope to get some help in this community. I am closeted. So i am alone. The bible is evil. And a good religion cannot be based on an evil book. So....where to go from here.....Thank you for listening.