mich

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About mich

  • Rank
    Questioner

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    The wrong place
  • Interests
    freethinker, healthy eating, music, teaching, homeschool
  • More About Me
    i have always looked for the truth in life. The best education, the best healthy diet, The best religion....The truth about life. so much of which i was deceived for most of my life. Music helps me get through my day. Would love to talk with others on a similar path.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    the unknown god, if he exists

Recent Profile Visitors

233 profile views
  1. I must have been one one of the lucky ones too, in fearing hell. (But I have other struggles.) I think what really helped me 'see the light' was all the contradictions in the bible. The skeptics annotated bible was helpful.
  2. Exactly. Someone can tell you all day long that there is no monster under the bed, but until you get down there and see for yourself it's hard to be convinced...
  3. Deconvert since February of this year. Anxiety issues peaked around July/Aug. I really felt like I was gonna have a nervous breakdown and felt very suicidal. I'm still in the closet with everyone except my husband, and he thinks i'm ill (in the head...due to so many tragic things happening in my life- mostly due to religion, but he doesn't see that). So i think he still has hope for me, lol. NOT. A. CHANCE. MUSIC. Lots of pick me up music (i had mostly listened to gospel the last 30 years! And i loved it. It made me feel good...because i believed it. Now listening to gospel is like pouring water on the wicked witch of the west....except, I'm not wicked... ) So now my playlist consists of songs like 'Fight Song, Happy, Roar, Stronger, Curse your Branches, even some oldies such as 'I am Woman' . Music is amazing. I always thought it was, as a xtian. But now, i see that ANY song that resonates with your inner being is awesome! (and some feel good based only on what you BELIEVE to be true) My children are like 'mom, why are you listening to THAT song?' 'Because it resonates with my inner being, has meaningful words. etc. '. YOGA. Yes, I went back to yoga a few months ago. . I had done yoga for most of my xtian years, until last year, when my xtian self saw enough evidence to believe it was not fitting for a xtian. Another lie. I always felt so GOOD doing yoga regularly and it even helped greatly while grieving my son's death 6 years ago. It seems to really help keep my anxiety at bay. HEALTHY EATING..another thing connected with my son...Years agoI searched ways to help him so that he wouldn't need a hemispherectomy, found ways, he was getting better...long story for another day.. So every since then I have been very healthy minded. Very little processed foods orsweets. Food choices make a huge and worthwhile difference for me. HYPNOSIS videos on youtube. Nothing what i ever imagined as a xtian. Mostly a voice talking you into relaxing. These really really helped earlier this summer when i was about to break. I used them several times throughout the day. I still use one at bedtime. But I usually fall asleep pretty quickly. MIND TRICKS Anxiety was the worst of my symptoms. I don't fear hell. I can clearly see it was all man made lies. But I think the fear of change (i didn't plan on staying in the closet) , my family being deceived ongoingly, the past -irreversible mistakes made due to those beliefs, many painful ones concerning my son, etc. All these nearly drove me out of my mind. Anxiety is always worse in the mornings. I could lay there for hours struggling with misery. But about the time i was at my worst, one of my sons began a new job and had to get up early, and the healthminded mom that i am, wanted him to have his green smoothy before he left, so i forced myself to get up with him, send him off, and then enjoy the quiet of the morning while reading this forum. Helped tremendously. No more miserable hours in bed. I would also trick my brain into thinking that everything was fine, i would smile, relax etc. Pretend everything was cool. Trick that brain of mine, lol. I'm remembering just now that i would set my phone alarm to go off every 5 minutes to remember to relax. It's amazing at how tense one gets without even thinking about it. So every 5 minutes i would check my tension status and relax every muscle i could find. Quite addicting actually! Meditations and positive affirmations...these are still in the works. These are things that are working for me, but I know it is very individual....
  4. I was around a group of Christians recently and the topic of the works of the flesh, mentioned in Galatians, came up. Having already pondered on 'godliness' traits such as jealousy, wrath, swearing, etc. that we are forbidden to do, yet the gotb (god of the bible) does... I now began to decipher which of these 'works ' in this list the gotb is guilty of. Just getting started. Would anyone like to contribute any examples/verses showing where he was guilty of things he told us NOT to do? 19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.adultery: fornication....uncleanness lasciviousness - inclined to lustfulnessidolotry- worship of idolswitchcraft - the practice of magic, especially black magic; the use of spells and the invocation of spirits. -hatred ...some are mentioned in Prov 6:16-19variance ...from the beginning to the end, gotb always changes emulations - effort to match or surpass a person or achievement, typically by imitation.- wrath ..many places strife - angry or bitter disagreement over fundamental issues - seditions- conduct or speech inciting people to rebel against the authority of a state or monarch.-heresies- belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious - Well, the fact that we are taught NOT do a huge list of things thatthe gotb DOES , such as jealousy, swearing, the things in this list etc..envyings murders ... too many to mentiondrunkenness ...seems like i ran across a reference in the OT about the gotb likingwine, but haven't found it yetrevellings -to take great pleasure or delight-
  5. Wow, Wow, dirwid, Awesome for you that you discovered the truth at such a young age. Many are much older. And most never realize it at all. I really enjoyed your post and can relate to a lot of it. We are all on a journey.....mostly individual. Our own set of circumstances, environment, etc that defines who we are. But it's great to cross paths with someone at a common ground.
  6. Music was actually one of the things that deepened my belief in the particular denomination that was a part of for all these years.. I remember visiting the church and when they started singing, i thought 'wow, it sounds like it comes from the heart'. It was beautiful....beautifully deceptive.....it did come from the heart... many sincere people... just deceived. Children get happy over Santa clause too.... Anyway, my current happy secular music makes me feel good. It's part of my daily therapy, lol. Thank you very much, Lost~
  7. Thank you to everyone who responded, with your caring words and suggestions. There are so many painful, ugly details in my story, it would take a book to write it all out (which i am currently working on ). I am finding this forum very helpful. An amazing new world for me. Still in the closet, by choice, for now. It seems to be the best avenue for now. Some things can't be fixed overnight. But i'm working on it every day~
  8. Suicide Is A Sin...

    Geezer said: I wonder what God did to pass the time during those three days in the grave? Actually, it was only a day and a half the way I count time.....
  9. Just part of my testimony...The saddest, most dangerous part: I tried to keep peace. When after a year, I saw that my efforts to regain my sick and disabled son were only causing a disturbance, I retracted and turned the whole situation over to god. It was so big. I had been taught that once you turn something over to god, you leave it there. God is the one who created us. God is the one who gave us life. God is the only one who takes life (so man told me). With god all things are possible, it says. He held back the red sea. He could bring my child home, right? Others didn't see me going home, getting in my closet and banging on the doors of heaven. So they assumed I didn't care about my child. They didn't see all the tears I cried, didn't hear all the prayers I prayed, hoping for a miracle. All we ever hear are the GOOD stories at church. The encouraging ones. If god answers this one's prayers, then surely he will answer mine. I am trying to do everything right. Women are taught to be subject to their husbands. I did that. I moved hundreds of miles away from my son because god was leading my husband (stepdad) to do that. And I was afraid of going against that. I didn't want to displease God. I needed him to fix this circumstance for me. For my child. I tried to be perfect. I tried to make all the right decisions that I thought god would be pleased in. So that he would step in a work a miracle. I leaned on what I thought were messages from god. So I prayed and waited, and trusted for the day DJ would come home. And he wanted to come home, told me so multiple times. I assured DJ that he was always welcome to come home, and to tell them that he did. But he was too much like me, didn't want to ripple the waters. If either of us had attempted anything, it would have just caused trouble. So we just waited. Nothing........ever. I wasn't told that he was dying. I thought perhaps his life would be shortened somewhat due to a traumatic surgery. An unnecessary one, and one that I did not agree to, but was supposed to make him better.... But not this. Why would god show me the perfect treatment he needed for his physical illness. And then allow him to be taken away, all my parental rights revoked, my hands tied, and killed at the hands of humans? It seems more like a cruel joke. And I just had to twist my brain cells around that as somehow 'god's perfect plan' . Mad at god? Hardly. Might as well be mad at Santa Claus. It was the conditioning of people and the words of that bible that persuaded me to act in the way I did. Cast all your cares upon him, for he careth for you....Trust in the lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding, and he will direct thy paths...Stand still and wait on the Lord...Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord...All things happen to to the good to them that love the lord...etc. All these words I trusted in. Trusted that God would handle it for me, if I just did everything that I had been taught to please him. He was on my side. In the meantime, people saw me as 'not caring', 'not being there for DJ', 'throwing him away'. All the talk behind my back. The wrong assumptions. The mountains made out of molehills, the exaggerations, the slander, the lies. I can't even say I blame them anymore. It would seem like I didn't care, when really I was repeatedly just turning it over to god, and waiting...Patience is a virtue, it says.. If I had put forth efforts, which I did at the first, it would only stir up trouble. And we are supposed to be peacemakers. We heard that frequently at church. I didn't recall the bible verse that said 'there is a time for peace and a time for war'. Oh, if only I had known THAT verse was there. We only hear select verses at church. No elders stepped in and gently guided me to better actions. .No one came and said 'I've been where you're at. I know what you're going through, this is the way you should handle it...... If only I could go back and do things differently. But sometimes we don't get a second chance. And then...a few years later.....I found out the bible was all a myth.....
  10. You aren't a Christian, so what are you?

    @ag_NO_stic , LOVE the 6/9 cartoon!
  11. Attention whores

    Oh, except for the truth. I would like to get on a mountain and shout it out to everyone! Ever notice that there are no movies where someone discovers the bible isn't authentic?
  12. Attention whores

    It's all around us for sure. Never thought much about it before, but now I can plainly see it in church activities and roles. Such people naturally yield to the modern 'selfie' mentality. Personally, I prefer to stay hidden in the corner. Just leave me alone, lol....
  13. So Painful...

    Thank you all for your kind words. I keep coming back here for comforting words and reading other's experiences. I plan to tell more of my story. Should I do that here? or in the testimonials section? It's quite big....Also, is there a section or group of those who have chosen to stay in the closet for whatever reason? At this point in my life, I just need help doing coping with going to church as a nonbeliever.....
  14. OCD, anxiety, depression ahhh

    Truescotsman...where can I get more info on this science?
  15. So Painful...

    What a warm welcome. Thank you so much. I know it was rude to just barge in with my pain and story in a tiny nutshell (it's really a book). As far as professional help, I am trying to hide it so that may not work. My husband knows i have anxious spells lately, though doesn't know how bad and doesn't know why. Also, I don't want to be medicated due to side effects. I was on xanax after the loss of my child and was glad to get off. (though at times i wished i had one of those pills back again) . I can relate with the 'oh, so god had nothing to do with this' . My story is very long and detailed. I have enjoyed reading the posts and will continue to post as well, though, it may be a few days before i am able to get back. Thanks for the ((hug))! I needed that....