Margee

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Margee last won the day on October 11

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About Margee

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    'Madame Eve'

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    Female
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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.

    http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/
  • More About Me
    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil bible.com' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
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  1. #Metoo

    Yeah maybe we could say, ''this section allows anything from cookie recipes to making fun of sexual abuse''...... something like that.....
  2. UPDATE ON MR. ag_NO_stic!

    This is fantastic news hun! Congratulations!
  3. #Metoo

    Faeryn, you are a newcomer and this thread is very triggering for some of us. Don't stay here at all. Why don't you meet over in 'safe-land' for a while like Testimonies or ex-christian life? You are just coming out of christianity and we can talk about all the issues over there. It was those sections that helped me so much. Come, take my hand and get out of this thread.
  4. I am a 'being' from the edge of outer space and I am here to study all the humans. Only our kind have a divine connection!!
  5. I believe that humans (the clever apes) are at the pinnacle of their intelligence and this intelligence will turn on them now. I believe we are on the way out as a species. I think sooner than later...(between the earth and it's natural evolution and humans who have screwed a million things up with their greed and intelligent stupidity, the end is drawing near. I see a Bad Moon Rising. But this will not all happen in 2018. Don't be down in the dumps over this.....go have some fun today.
  6. Tired of it all

    sfa, you must make so many posts (I think it is about 25 ) and then you will begin to have these features.
  7. The end is nigh

    I can see where you feel this way B.O. I have thought this to myself lately........
  8. Welcome to Ex-c Borticus. Thanks for sharing. I think Geezer said it all. Learning real facts is so important. Then it takes time to 'unbelieve' everything you have been taught. This will cause your brain a lot of confusion at first because you have been indoctrinated by many false facts taken from a man-made written book. Go easy on yourself. It takes time to unlearn and begin to form a new worldview. We're here for you. Keep reading all the testimonies. You will see that you are not alone. We understand what you are going through. Glad you found us. (hug)
  9. Friend lost his son

    So sorry to hear this B.O. So very sad. It's good that he has you as a friend. Big (hug) for you today as you help your friend go through this by being there for him.
  10. Lost, you will be a winner. It will come in time. You've made some really good points in your thread. You are becoming very aware. It's OK to be confused right now. It's OK for you to do what you need to do in this process of deconverting. We all do it a bit different and some people get through it real fast and others (like me) take a bit longer. Just keep reading and writing and asking questions. Don't try to figure it out all at once. It's OK not to know all the answers right now. Give yourself permission to take one day at a time. Keep posting hun. (hug) P.S. I fully intend on taking my ''Please Forgive Me'' letter to the grave with me. It's a given!
  11. Not at all Deva. I love this thread. It's good to get some of this stuff off my mind. I've been carrying it too long. It's like a 'soul cleansing'! Lol Deva, when I belonged to the Pentecostal church, (even within the church) there were so many opinions about end times and some of these opinions used to go against what the actual pastor was preaching? Isn't that bold to go against the pastor? I used to get so confused!! Lol
  12. Thank you Geezer. So much. These are the people who are getting excited over the last days. They love the 'bloodbaths up to the knees'' in the world today because that means jesus is coming to rescue his people....which are christians of course. I might have been a bit crazy in my youth coming from a mostly loving, mixed up, dysfunctional home (where I believe everyone did the best they could as I look back on it) but I know for a fact that religion had messed me up real bad. Huge ((hug))
  13. Thank you MOHO. I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my whole life in the past year and some of it makes me so sad to think I could have hurt the people that I loved in the stupidity of my youth. One thing I did a few years ago was write a very long letter of amends to him and we got together to discuss how our marriage failed and cried our hearts out saying a final goodbye. It was too late to go back together. He also owned up to certain areas of how he could have made the marriage better for me because he was away for 6 months of the year and that made it very hard on 2 young people. I have tried so hard throughout the years to hold my shit together. By nature, I am a private person and won't let most people know how I'm really feeling. No matter what I go through, I try to show the world a smile if I can. I do all my crying in private. If I was to report to Ex-c everytime I had cried in the last 7 years on this board, they would have heard from me about every second or third day. It is getting better lately because I am forgiving myself for all the fuck-ups. Young. Stupid and naive.....and hooked on the drug... ''Jesus.'' I am watching my own kids making mistakes and have to let them go because they would never listen to me anyway. I just keep telling them that there are consequences for every choice they make. I think I understand your question. I think my circumstances were different. Let me try to explain. I was backsliding from the church before the marriage ended. Everyone around me made fun of me for being a born-again christian. (especially my family members) They all toked, drank, and partied like normal young people. I was already not feeling worthy in the church so I slipped away for awhile. I felt like I could never live up to what god wanted from me. So I decided to party with the rest of them. And I got myself in big trouble. The next thing I knew, I was partying like crazy. Now, I really couldn't make anyone happy. They didn't like me drinking either. I showed them how to party. (I have a huge addictive personality that I didn't know I had back then) so this started creating its own set of problems within the marriage. I have written about the drinking spell before on Ex. I was a complete mess. (with a smile on my face of course) I had messed up a whole bunch of things. After we separated, I crawled back to the church where they told me satan had a hold of my life. So they counseled me and I gave my life back to the lord. The pastor actually wanted me to reconcile my marriage but it was much too late, too much hurt had gone by. I did give up drinking and still, to this day, I won't touch alcohol. It's as poisonous to me as religion. The difference between this situation and yours is that my husband would never go to church with me. You were once involved with Mrs. MOHO and going to church together. Nobody at the church I attended for those years ever encouraged me to leave my marriage. They just always preached why it was hard being with someone who wasn't a believer.. and I knew that to be true, so it fueled me to become resentful towards my husband. As long as Mrs. MOHO's church is not preaching on this constantly, she will just probably be praying real hard for you to come back to the fold. Just keep being a nice and loving. That's the best you can do right now. Hang in there my friend. (hug)
  14. It's actually my fault for bringing up a past member. My bad. I'm sorry, I made a mistake doing this. If this was anyone of us on the board who went back, we would want to be there for them when they returned. Maybe we can just talk about how easy it is to get sucked back in by the doctrines?
  15. Sorry SB. It wouldn't be fair to do this. Hope you understand.