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Goodbye Jesus

What I Have Against Christianityand Why I Left It


Guest Azerate218

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Guest Azerate218

I'll begin by giving you a bit of history about myself. I grew up as a devout Christian, but I knew there was something wrong with me. I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I really reached a low point when I found out I was gay. I fell in love with my best friend (and I still love him to this day), and I became suicidal (and still am to this day). Tormented, I decided to turn to god for guidance. I recieved no help from him. I frantically read the Bible, and begged for help. None came. Things only got worse. Then I came across a passage that called my love an abomination. That did it for me. I was pissed. I can't control who I am. And to be banned from expressing my love based on something I cannot control seems cruel. I then realized that most of my friends (who are all really nice people) will be burning in hell. Eternally tormented for having a different opinion. I soon realized the true nature of god, and I grew to hate him.

 

I left Christianity, and became an anti-theist. I was opposed to both god and Satan. I realized that I would go to hell, but that thought only made me happy. I would be getting back at god. I would be one soul that won't bow and scrape before him. At this time, I still had no beef with Christians, but that would soon change after I realized how they treat gays. At my school, a gay kid got booed off stage, gay-straight alliance posters got ripped down from the wall and shredded, and openly gay students got shoved into lockers and harassed. And people that were doing these bad deeds were wearing crosses around their necks and talking about their devotion to Jesus. I then started readong the news, and heard Pat Robertson preaching about how gays caused 9-11, Jerry Falwell claiming the Teletubbies were making children gay, and that was a bad thing, the pope condeming gay marriage, and of course, Fred Phelps, who needs no introduction. People told me not all Christians were like that, but I saw Christians committing these bad acts all arpund me. It was hard to believe. I started to hate Christians. I tried to make friends with a few by going to a youth group. No success. They made fun of gays, and told me that my friends and I would all burn in hell. After that, I went to a church service, where I got a big fire and brimstone sermon. And this was at one of those modern, tolerant, "cool" churches.

 

I got introduced to Satanism through a friend. I agreed with most of LaVey's stuff, but he was an Atheist, something which I was not. But I was curious about Satanism in general. I read some of Dianne Vera's stuff (she's a Theistic Satanist). It made sense. I blasphemed the holy spirit in every way I could, and became a Theistic Satanist. I took a lot of flak for my decision from my "Christian" friends. I was slowly put off by them, and now I don't even talk to them. Despite this, I never felt better in my entire life.

 

That lasted for about 6 months. I then read some excerpts of Nietzsche's stuff, and talked with friends about religion. I became an Atheíst, thinking that it is impossible for any higher power to exist. My reasoning was this: it is impossible for something to exist forever, and to exist in a different plane of existance. But I wasn't content being just an Atheist. I needed to somehow get back at those that wronged me. I decided I would piss them off by becmong a LaVeyan Satanist, and doing all of this vampire goth theatrical stuff. I talked about rituals, and how the weak need to die, etc. But I never really believed any of it. It was for theatrics, and to rebel.

 

One thing got my curioisty. An invocation to Satan. I didn't believe it would work, so I did it, just to show myself Satan wasn't real and that Atheism is the true path. I was wrong. Seconds after I did it, I felt a prescence in my room, and a whole onslaught of thoughts rushed into my head. Thoughts that Satan was real, that god was real, and that there were many other gods and an energy known as chaos. Also, I was left with the thoguht that there would be a huge war coming, and it will end with the Day of Wrath. I didn't know what to make of all of this, but one thing was certain: I felt the power of Satan. So I tried to organize my thoughts. I prayed, and stumbled across some information. When I first started posting about my new religion on here, my thoguhts were incredibly unorganized, and my posts contradicted themselves, and at times seemed utterly random. I apologize for posting so soon, as it confused many of you. Here's what Ibeliev now: There are 10 cosmic gods, that are evil and tyrannical. Yahweh is the most notorious one. He created the Earth, and created humans to be his slaves. He made up the lie of hell to scare people into being his slaves once they started following other religions, and he sent Jesus, who promised Heaven, as another attempt to get more followers. Yahweh abused his creation. He let them starve, sent plagues, and even killed the whole world (save for Noah and his family). However, for every cosmic god, there is an anti-cosmic god, and when the Earth was created, Satan was spawned from the energy of chaos to counter the creation of the world. This means there are a total of 11 anti-cosmic gods: Satan, Molock, Lilith, Bael, Nahema, Astaroth, Adramelech, Asmodeus, Lucifuge Rofocale, Belphegor, and Beelzebub. They combine to form Azerate, the 11-headed dragon of chaos. There is also the enegry of chaos, which is what everything was spawned from. It takes a physical form as the dragon Tiamat. Chaos can be manipulated to create change in this world (chaos magick).

 

The anti-cosmic gods gave us an offer: be a slave to Yahweh, and be damned to be reincarnated over and over again, or to join them and become a dark god in the afterlife. Their motive is simple, there is a war between tyranny and chaos. And the anti-cosmic gods want to liberate as many as they can. I thought this was a kind offer, so I took it. I also began using magick to get back at all of those that have wronged me. I have one goal: to leave my enemies broken, bleeding, and lifeless. My magick began to work. My enemies soon became depressed, and bad things started happening to them. Whether it was magick or a coincidence, I didn't care. I took joy in their suffering. And I still do. It serves them right. After suffering for years, I am starting to get my revenge.

 

I read some stuff by the Misanthropic Luciferian Order (MLO, the people that share my beliefs), and I agreed with it. We are to treat others how we are treated. That means we are to love those that love us, and to be 100% loyal to them (this means even dying to save them). However, if one treats us like dog feces, we are to strike back with sardonic wrath, and destory them. Also, it is up to each individual to make their own laws, but once they make their laws, they must follow them. Breaking your own laws makes you a hypocrite, which is one of the worst things to believe.

 

It was at this time when I realized that the weak are worthless. They drag society down, and as a result, everyone suffers. I lost all sympathy for them, and grew to hate them.

 

So, here I am now, doing my part in the war against the 10 cosmic gods, eagerly awaiting the day of wrath, when the Earth and the cosmic gods will be destoryed, the heretics will suffer the final death, and a new dark aeon will begin.

 

I am Max, and I am a result of Christian America.

 

Now I'm not looking for sympathy, attention, or to rebel. I am past my rebellion stage, and I don't deserve sympathy or attention. What I am looking for is for someone, anyone, to understand me. So far, no one has.

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Oooohhhhh Kaay.....

 

Listen dude. Just as Christianity is utter bullshit, ALL the stuff you are saying is just as much bullshit. There is just as much NO REASON to believe you crying out to "Satan" and you hearing him as any other bull shit religion in the world. Read some atheist stuff, some Dawkins, some Sam Harris. Go ahead and be gay with consenting adults.

 

Just don't submit your reason to any bullshit. "Asking" any invisible, cosmic entities, any "questions" or any kind, is simply irrational. You already said you were bi-polar. So, you understand the areas where the brain and emotions can fail us. (mental illmess) So why in the world would you trust a feeling that there is a "presense" in the room as being real? There is no god. There is no satan. There is no afterlife, heaven or hell. This is the only rational position. (Even though we can't actually prove it. We CAN prove that the Bible is bullshit, and all the other shit you are mentioning is from the Bible and is utter bullshit.)

 

Don't take this as a slam or something. I'm honestly trying to help you.

 

I'll begin by giving you a bit of history about myself. I grew up as a devout Christian, but I knew there was something wrong with me. I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I really reached a low point when I found out I was gay. I fell in love with my best friend (and I still love him to this day), and I became suicidal (and still am to this day). Tormented, I decided to turn to god for guidance. I recieved no help from him. I frantically read the Bible, and begged for help. None came. Things only got worse. Then I came across a passage that called my love an abomination. That did it for me. I was pissed. I can't control who I am. And to be banned from expressing my love based on something I cannot control seems cruel. I then realized that most of my friends (who are all really nice people) will be burning in hell. Eternally tormented for having a different opinion. I soon realized the true nature of god, and I grew to hate him.

 

I left Christianity, and became an anti-theist. I was opposed to both god and Satan. I realized that I would go to hell, but that thought only made me happy. I would be getting back at god. I would be one soul that won't bow and scrape before him. At this time, I still had no beef with Christians, but that would soon change after I realized how they treat gays. At my school, a gay kid got booed off stage, gay-straight alliance posters got ripped down from the wall and shredded, and openly gay students got shoved into lockers and harassed. And people that were doing these bad deeds were wearing crosses around their necks and talking about their devotion to Jesus. I then started readong the news, and heard Pat Robertson preaching about how gays caused 9-11, Jerry Falwell claiming the Teletubbies were making children gay, and that was a bad thing, the pope condeming gay marriage, and of course, Fred Phelps, who needs no introduction. People told me not all Christians were like that, but I saw Christians committing these bad acts all arpund me. It was hard to believe. I started to hate Christians. I tried to make friends with a few by going to a youth group. No success. They made fun of gays, and told me that my friends and I would all burn in hell. After that, I went to a church service, where I got a big fire and brimstone sermon. And this was at one of those modern, tolerant, "cool" churches.

 

I got introduced to Satanism through a friend. I agreed with most of LaVey's stuff, but he was an Atheist, something which I was not. But I was curious about Satanism in general. I read some of Dianne Vera's stuff (she's a Theistic Satanist). It made sense. I blasphemed the holy spirit in every way I could, and became a Theistic Satanist. I took a lot of flak for my decision from my "Christian" friends. I was slowly put off by them, and now I don't even talk to them. Despite this, I never felt better in my entire life.

 

That lasted for about 6 months. I then read some excerpts of Nietzsche's stuff, and talked with friends about religion. I became an Atheíst, thinking that it is impossible for any higher power to exist. My reasoning was this: it is impossible for something to exist forever, and to exist in a different plane of existance. But I wasn't content being just an Atheist. I needed to somehow get back at those that wronged me. I decided I would piss them off by becmong a LaVeyan Satanist, and doing all of this vampire goth theatrical stuff. I talked about rituals, and how the weak need to die, etc. But I never really believed any of it. It was for theatrics, and to rebel.

 

One thing got my curioisty. An invocation to Satan. I didn't believe it would work, so I did it, just to show myself Satan wasn't real and that Atheism is the true path. I was wrong. Seconds after I did it, I felt a prescence in my room, and a whole onslaught of thoughts rushed into my head. Thoughts that Satan was real, that god was real, and that there were many other gods and an energy known as chaos. Also, I was left with the thoguht that there would be a huge war coming, and it will end with the Day of Wrath. I didn't know what to make of all of this, but one thing was certain: I felt the power of Satan. So I tried to organize my thoughts. I prayed, and stumbled across some information. When I first started posting about my new religion on here, my thoguhts were incredibly unorganized, and my posts contradicted themselves, and at times seemed utterly random. I apologize for posting so soon, as it confused many of you. Here's what Ibeliev now: There are 10 cosmic gods, that are evil and tyrannical. Yahweh is the most notorious one. He created the Earth, and created humans to be his slaves. He made up the lie of hell to scare people into being his slaves once they started following other religions, and he sent Jesus, who promised Heaven, as another attempt to get more followers. Yahweh abused his creation. He let them starve, sent plagues, and even killed the whole world (save for Noah and his family). However, for every cosmic god, there is an anti-cosmic god, and when the Earth was created, Satan was spawned from the energy of chaos to counter the creation of the world. This means there are a total of 11 anti-cosmic gods: Satan, Molock, Lilith, Bael, Nahema, Astaroth, Adramelech, Asmodeus, Lucifuge Rofocale, Belphegor, and Beelzebub. They combine to form Azerate, the 11-headed dragon of chaos. There is also the enegry of chaos, which is what everything was spawned from. It takes a physical form as the dragon Tiamat. Chaos can be manipulated to create change in this world (chaos magick).

 

The anti-cosmic gods gave us an offer: be a slave to Yahweh, and be damned to be reincarnated over and over again, or to join them and become a dark god in the afterlife. Their motive is simple, there is a war between tyranny and chaos. And the anti-cosmic gods want to liberate as many as they can. I thought this was a kind offer, so I took it. I also began using magick to get back at all of those that have wronged me. I have one goal: to leave my enemies broken, bleeding, and lifeless. My magick began to work. My enemies soon became depressed, and bad things started happening to them. Whether it was magick or a coincidence, I didn't care. I took joy in their suffering. And I still do. It serves them right. After suffering for years, I am starting to get my revenge.

 

I read some stuff by the Misanthropic Luciferian Order (MLO, the people that share my beliefs), and I agreed with it. We are to treat others how we are treated. That means we are to love those that love us, and to be 100% loyal to them (this means even dying to save them). However, if one treats us like dog feces, we are to strike back with sardonic wrath, and destory them. Also, it is up to each individual to make their own laws, but once they make their laws, they must follow them. Breaking your own laws makes you a hypocrite, which is one of the worst things to believe.

 

It was at this time when I realized that the weak are worthless. They drag society down, and as a result, everyone suffers. I lost all sympathy for them, and grew to hate them.

 

So, here I am now, doing my part in the war against the 10 cosmic gods, eagerly awaiting the day of wrath, when the Earth and the cosmic gods will be destoryed, the heretics will suffer the final death, and a new dark aeon will begin.

 

I am Max, and I am a result of Christian America.

 

Now I'm not looking for sympathy, attention, or to rebel. I am past my rebellion stage, and I don't deserve sympathy or attention. What I am looking for is for someone, anyone, to understand me. So far, no one has.

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Uhh...seriously, I play DnD quite a bit and some of the stuff you are saying sounds like something out of a story from the forgotten realms.

 

I love fantasy and DnD, but I don't confuse them for something else. Yes Christianity is stupid, no argument there, but the stuff you are claiming as true is just as irrational as Christian thought.

 

I'm a objectivist I need empirical evidence to believe something. You claim a presence showed up with a satanic chant...people have been claiming that about their own beliefs for thousands of years.

 

Where is the evidence of some cosmic war? You claim to want understanding but you need to understand, people who left fundamentalist Christianity have finely tuned bull shit meters, and I can't understand why you would trade one irrationality for another.

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Some of that sounds similar to my believes. I would be a Luciferian myself, but I cannot bring myself to acknowledge anything of the Bible is true. Even the petty "god" Yahweh. I will agree though that according to the bible, he did create man to be his slaves, and Satan liberated man. Much like a LeVay Satanist though, I do view Satan as an archetype, and a heroic role model.

 

While I never really went through a theatrical goth phase for shock value (as just wearing a pentagram and wearing monochrome black, and a trench coat fills my need of shocking others), I have made many enemies in denouncing Christ, and scoffing at he "holy" trinity. I lost a few christian "friends" after I denounced christianity, and turned to paganism. But fuck them.

 

Get ahold of me via AIM or YIM if you want to chat.

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Guest Azerate218
Some of that sounds similar to my believes. I would be a Luciferian myself, but I cannot bring myself to acknowledge anything of the Bible is true. Even the petty "god" Yahweh. I will agree though that according to the bible, he did create man to be his slaves, and Satan liberated man. Much like a LeVay Satanist though, I do view Satan as an archetype, and a heroic role model.

 

While I never really went through a theatrical goth phase for shock value (as just wearing a pentagram and wearing monochrome black, and a trench coat fills my need of shocking others), I have made many enemies in denouncing Christ, and scoffing at he "holy" trinity. I lost a few christian "friends" after I denounced christianity, and turned to paganism. But fuck them.

 

Get ahold of me via AIM or YIM if you want to chat.

 

Awesome! My AIM SN is Blarghosaurus.

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But I wasn't content being just an Atheist. I needed to somehow get back at those that wronged me.

 

It would seem to me that your choices are being made simply to piss people off. Is this really how you want to live your life? Controlled by how other people have made you feel? Are you basing your choices on anything more than "gee, this is a great way to freak people out"?

 

So you had a Mormon-like "burning in the bosom" experience while playing "Bloody Mary" in your room one night. It can be pretty easy to freak yourself out. But that doesn't give what you are saying credence.

 

Remember, the best revenge is to live well. So just do that and forget the "getting back" stuff. You don't have to get back at anyone and holding on to this shit is only going to make you miserable... And a wee bit delusional.

 

Spoomonkey

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If it works for you, go for it. I'm going to have to side with the rest of the crowd here in spotting some red flags though.

 

1. To what extent have you really abandoned Christianity? It sounds like you're still holding on to the beliefs of Christianity - you believe the OT/NT is true - but that you're just choosing the Christian devil instead of the Christian god.

Choose what you want to believe, but you might want to really gain exposure to belief systems completely unconnected to Christianity or even monotheism. When you looked at atheism, did you examine cosmology? Did you get a look at the science behind the origins of human life? Even as a theistic satanist, it would be good for you to know this. Have you ever looked at other polytheistic or nontheistic religions? Naturalism? Pantheism? A view of the Bible other than Biblical Literalism? Learn what's out there. If you want to be a theistic satanist, be a theistic satanist. But be an educated theistic satanist.

 

2. You are bipolar. I know a lot of bipolar people, and have cyclothymia myself. If you don't manage bipolar disorder properly, you can become psychotic. You will hallucinate, and feel presences and all of that in a psychotic episode. Otherwise sane people experience this in religion all the time, but if you are mentally ill, any form of mystical theism (including theistic satanism) has to be approached with caution.

Living with bipolar, I can't overemphasize the need to take care of yourself. Your sleep, your nutrition, your exercise, and your medication will all affect your mood. Living off Hot Pockets and soda might be easy, and staying up all night might be fun, but you will pay for it in depressive episodes.

 

3. Being gay. I'm a lesbo from the leather of the Bible Belt. I know how fundies treat us. But look at it this way. You and I are coming of age during our civil rights movement. Things are a hell of a lot better now than they were in the 50's through the 80's, but we have a long way to go.

We're not the first group of people to struggle for our basic rights in this country. I remember celebrating the ruling Lawrence vs. Texas living below my neighbors who had just come to Georgia 1 year after interracial marriage was legalized. Progress is long and hard, and there will be backlashes, but we will keep moving forward.

We may remember being mistreated and watching the news in horror as the Federal Marriage Amendment was debated, but look at what we don't remember. You and I don't remember a time when electroshock treatment was ordered to "cure" gayness, and this was the mainstream view. You and I could not be arrested in America for holding our partners' hands on the street. You and I have never been through a police raid on a gay bar. We don't remember the early days of AIDS, watching people die in droves as the government and society did nothing. Things are better for us now than they were for our ancestors. Future generations may not remember a time without marriage equality, or with Christian "cure" camps being widespread. If they don't, it will be because of the work we do today.

 

On any path you choose, good luck.

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Azerate218...

 

First of all, welcome :wave:

 

Second of all - you really need to hit the brakes and do a double-check on what you're convincing yourself to believe.

 

Think about it - a cosmic war with 10 gods versus 10 anti-gods? Seriously, you know you have no proof that any of these things exist, so don't burden yourself with it. It may feel as if Satan was in your room when you did the rite, but make no mistake - it was your own mind that you felt the presence of, not Satan or any other being.

 

I know - I have performed Satanic rituals and felt very powerful vibes afterward. But I realized them for what they were - my own emotional energy that got all revved up with the dark aesthetics of Satanic psychodrama, and nothing else. There is no Satan except that metaphorical figure that exists within the minds of humans, no more than there is a Yahooweh or whatever who made us to be slaves. That assertion alone should give you pause, because unless there is some real proof that said god exists you know you cannot be honest with yourself and still think that way.

 

If you can't be honest with yourself, you might as well still be a Xian. All the rituals and displays of anti-Xian disposition mean absolutely nothing unless you are firmly grounded in the facts about Xianity and the universe. Cease believing weird, unprovable things solely on faith and emotion and do what any self-respecting Satanist (or anyone else) would do, and that's remain a skeptic unless and until you can prove what you believe in is real, or else change your beliefs to jive with reality.

 

If you want to fight the war against Xianity and its nonexistent gods, education is the only weapon you need. Or have.

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Guest Azerate218

I am convinced that there is some sort of higher power out there, as the universe cannot be fully explained. Until science proves otherwise, I believe in a higher power. As for the invocation, everything that I experienced seemed so real. A new truth was revealed to me, and I found an organization that has my same beliefs.

 

But don't worry, I don't consider Atheists to be stupid at all. I consider them to be my allies in the war against Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.

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I am convinced that there is some sort of higher power out there, as the universe cannot be fully explained. Until science proves otherwise, I believe in a higher power. As for the invocation, everything that I experienced seemed so real. A new truth was revealed to me, and I found an organization that has my same beliefs.

 

That's cool - believing in a higher power is one thing, letting yourself get swept away by all sorts of wild things that can't exist but in your imagination is another. The former is harmless, the latter is harmful.

 

But just because something seems real, doesn't make it so. The world is full of illusions - be wary of them.

 

But don't worry, I don't consider Atheists to be stupid at all. I consider them to be my allies in the war against Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.

 

More non-abrahamists should think like that :)

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It would seem to me that your choices are being made simply to piss people off. Is this really how you want to live your life? Controlled by how other people have made you feel? Are you basing your choices on anything more than "gee, this is a great way to freak people out"?

That does bring to mind a phrase I have tacked on my computer desk's cork board:

He who angers you CONTROLS you.

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It would seem to me that your choices are being made simply to piss people off. Is this really how you want to live your life? Controlled by how other people have made you feel? Are you basing your choices on anything more than "gee, this is a great way to freak people out"?

That does bring to mind a phrase I have tacked on my computer desk's cork board:

He who angers you CONTROLS you.

 

Very well-said :goodjob:

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But don't worry, I don't consider Atheists to be stupid at all. I consider them to be my allies in the war against Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.

 

War against Christianity, Judaism, and Islam huh? Perhaps your intentions are a bit misdirected. Not believing in Christianity or G-d is one thing but declaring war against those who do believe in it would be no better than Radical Muslims blowing up innocent people or the Christian Crusades killing in the name of Jesus or the Jews inventing T.V. commercials. (the last one is a joke by the way.)

Spreading information about what you think is the truth is a great thing. But to claim that your way is the right way is just the same thing that X-ians have been doing for centuries.

 

I broke away from X-ianity because I didnt believe in it for one and I didnt like the way X-ianity treated those that did not believe the same way they did.

 

And since you are well read in Nietzsche then you might remember this "Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. "

Don't become that rare individual.

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You are out of your fucking mind kid.

 

I am convinced that there is some sort of higher power out there, as the universe cannot be fully explained. Until science proves otherwise, I believe in a higher power. As for the invocation, everything that I experienced seemed so real. A new truth was revealed to me, and I found an organization that has my same beliefs.

 

But don't worry, I don't consider Atheists to be stupid at all. I consider them to be my allies in the war against Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.

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Also, your entire story smacks of something a mischievous Christian might post on this kind of site.

 

I'll begin by giving you a bit of history about myself. I grew up as a devout Christian, but I knew there was something wrong with me. I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I really reached a low point when I found out I was gay. I fell in love with my best friend (and I still love him to this day), and I became suicidal (and still am to this day). Tormented, I decided to turn to god for guidance. I recieved no help from him. I frantically read the Bible, and begged for help. None came. Things only got worse. Then I came across a passage that called my love an abomination. That did it for me. I was pissed. I can't control who I am. And to be banned from expressing my love based on something I cannot control seems cruel. I then realized that most of my friends (who are all really nice people) will be burning in hell. Eternally tormented for having a different opinion. I soon realized the true nature of god, and I grew to hate him.

 

I left Christianity, and became an anti-theist. I was opposed to both god and Satan. I realized that I would go to hell, but that thought only made me happy. I would be getting back at god. I would be one soul that won't bow and scrape before him. At this time, I still had no beef with Christians, but that would soon change after I realized how they treat gays. At my school, a gay kid got booed off stage, gay-straight alliance posters got ripped down from the wall and shredded, and openly gay students got shoved into lockers and harassed. And people that were doing these bad deeds were wearing crosses around their necks and talking about their devotion to Jesus. I then started readong the news, and heard Pat Robertson preaching about how gays caused 9-11, Jerry Falwell claiming the Teletubbies were making children gay, and that was a bad thing, the pope condeming gay marriage, and of course, Fred Phelps, who needs no introduction. People told me not all Christians were like that, but I saw Christians committing these bad acts all arpund me. It was hard to believe. I started to hate Christians. I tried to make friends with a few by going to a youth group. No success. They made fun of gays, and told me that my friends and I would all burn in hell. After that, I went to a church service, where I got a big fire and brimstone sermon. And this was at one of those modern, tolerant, "cool" churches.

 

I got introduced to Satanism through a friend. I agreed with most of LaVey's stuff, but he was an Atheist, something which I was not. But I was curious about Satanism in general. I read some of Dianne Vera's stuff (she's a Theistic Satanist). It made sense. I blasphemed the holy spirit in every way I could, and became a Theistic Satanist. I took a lot of flak for my decision from my "Christian" friends. I was slowly put off by them, and now I don't even talk to them. Despite this, I never felt better in my entire life.

 

That lasted for about 6 months. I then read some excerpts of Nietzsche's stuff, and talked with friends about religion. I became an Atheíst, thinking that it is impossible for any higher power to exist. My reasoning was this: it is impossible for something to exist forever, and to exist in a different plane of existance. But I wasn't content being just an Atheist. I needed to somehow get back at those that wronged me. I decided I would piss them off by becmong a LaVeyan Satanist, and doing all of this vampire goth theatrical stuff. I talked about rituals, and how the weak need to die, etc. But I never really believed any of it. It was for theatrics, and to rebel.

 

One thing got my curioisty. An invocation to Satan. I didn't believe it would work, so I did it, just to show myself Satan wasn't real and that Atheism is the true path. I was wrong. Seconds after I did it, I felt a prescence in my room, and a whole onslaught of thoughts rushed into my head. Thoughts that Satan was real, that god was real, and that there were many other gods and an energy known as chaos. Also, I was left with the thoguht that there would be a huge war coming, and it will end with the Day of Wrath. I didn't know what to make of all of this, but one thing was certain: I felt the power of Satan. So I tried to organize my thoughts. I prayed, and stumbled across some information. When I first started posting about my new religion on here, my thoguhts were incredibly unorganized, and my posts contradicted themselves, and at times seemed utterly random. I apologize for posting so soon, as it confused many of you. Here's what Ibeliev now: There are 10 cosmic gods, that are evil and tyrannical. Yahweh is the most notorious one. He created the Earth, and created humans to be his slaves. He made up the lie of hell to scare people into being his slaves once they started following other religions, and he sent Jesus, who promised Heaven, as another attempt to get more followers. Yahweh abused his creation. He let them starve, sent plagues, and even killed the whole world (save for Noah and his family). However, for every cosmic god, there is an anti-cosmic god, and when the Earth was created, Satan was spawned from the energy of chaos to counter the creation of the world. This means there are a total of 11 anti-cosmic gods: Satan, Molock, Lilith, Bael, Nahema, Astaroth, Adramelech, Asmodeus, Lucifuge Rofocale, Belphegor, and Beelzebub. They combine to form Azerate, the 11-headed dragon of chaos. There is also the enegry of chaos, which is what everything was spawned from. It takes a physical form as the dragon Tiamat. Chaos can be manipulated to create change in this world (chaos magick).

 

The anti-cosmic gods gave us an offer: be a slave to Yahweh, and be damned to be reincarnated over and over again, or to join them and become a dark god in the afterlife. Their motive is simple, there is a war between tyranny and chaos. And the anti-cosmic gods want to liberate as many as they can. I thought this was a kind offer, so I took it. I also began using magick to get back at all of those that have wronged me. I have one goal: to leave my enemies broken, bleeding, and lifeless. My magick began to work. My enemies soon became depressed, and bad things started happening to them. Whether it was magick or a coincidence, I didn't care. I took joy in their suffering. And I still do. It serves them right. After suffering for years, I am starting to get my revenge.

 

I read some stuff by the Misanthropic Luciferian Order (MLO, the people that share my beliefs), and I agreed with it. We are to treat others how we are treated. That means we are to love those that love us, and to be 100% loyal to them (this means even dying to save them). However, if one treats us like dog feces, we are to strike back with sardonic wrath, and destory them. Also, it is up to each individual to make their own laws, but once they make their laws, they must follow them. Breaking your own laws makes you a hypocrite, which is one of the worst things to believe.

 

It was at this time when I realized that the weak are worthless. They drag society down, and as a result, everyone suffers. I lost all sympathy for them, and grew to hate them.

 

So, here I am now, doing my part in the war against the 10 cosmic gods, eagerly awaiting the day of wrath, when the Earth and the cosmic gods will be destoryed, the heretics will suffer the final death, and a new dark aeon will begin.

 

I am Max, and I am a result of Christian America.

 

Now I'm not looking for sympathy, attention, or to rebel. I am past my rebellion stage, and I don't deserve sympathy or attention. What I am looking for is for someone, anyone, to understand me. So far, no one has.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When I was a Christian I felt what I truly thought was God, Satan, and the Holy Spirit, pulling me away and towards becoming a Christian, I know now I recognized what were metaphors, that and the precher manipulating and telling me it's the holy spirit and Satan in a spiritual war over my soul. Now I consider all of that to be mainpulative lies, and it seems you may be experiencing the same type of reactiosn thorugh what you tihnk is Satan. Now I don't believe in either Satan or God, so is this experience the only reaosn youre holding onto the belief that the Bible is true, that and the MLO?

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When I was a Christian I felt what I truly thought was God, Satan, and the Holy Spirit, pulling me away and towards becoming a Christian, I know now I recognized what were metaphors, that and the precher manipulating and telling me it's the holy spirit and Satan in a spiritual war over my soul.

 

Yeah, I felt what I attributed as a spiritual presence once, but it had no meaning or bearing on anything since, so I've pretty much dismissed it as useful in my spiritual interpretations or daily life.

 

Hey, opening poster person? Can I suggest a little different tack on religion for a while? There doesn't have to be meaning. Whatever you believe, reality ticks on like it is, life goes on, sun's still gonna come up tomorrow. If you want a fight, it's easy to find one; but you're doing all this because of what other people are doing to you, you're not finding religion for yourself. Laveyan Satanism is all about choosing one's path, so you're actually kind of there, but. . . you seem to be reacting a lot, and it's your faith, it's your mind, it's your beliefs. I think it'd help if you could sort of do this for yourself instead of because of what someone else did.

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I am convinced that there is some sort of higher power out there, as the universe cannot be fully explained. Until science proves otherwise, I believe in a higher power. As for the invocation, everything that I experienced seemed so real. A new truth was revealed to me, and I found an organization that has my same beliefs.

Do you have any sort of tangible proof of your beliefs? If your 10 gods want to make people offers in their fight against chaos, then surely they would reveal themselves. Xians have alot of supernatural beliefs too, and in the end, there is no proof at all. Can you do better? If not, there isn't much point in placing f**** in your beliefs.

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You are out of your fucking mind kid. (to Azerate, not myself as far as I know :grin: )

His ideas may be interesting as a book idea.... :shrug:

 

Now, on to the meat.

I then read some excerpts of Nietzsche's stuff, and talked with friends about religion. I became an Atheíst, thinking that it is impossible for any higher power to exist. My reasoning was this: it is impossible for something to exist forever, and to exist in a different plane of existance.

Great, Nietzsche's my favorite philosopher! I've read far too much about him, but at the very least I can claim some sort of knowledge about him.

I needed to somehow get back at those that wronged me. I decided I would piss them off by becmong a LaVeyan Satanist, and doing all of this vampire goth theatrical stuff.

Hmm.... I know this could not be Nietzschean at all (Nietzsche most definitely would have considered the "get back at those that wronged me" an example of ressentiment). According to Nietzsche, the vengeful feelings are very similar to the Christian "ethos" of Hell and the punishing of the "wicked" (i.e. any quality that is not liked by Christianity). I don't mind theatrics and the like: as a matter of the fact, I think it is a great thing to do something purely for provocation and the laughter resulting from it, yet I find that when one goes toward these feelings of revenge and anger, one becomes all-too-close to Christianity and fundamentalist Islam (I separate Islam from the fundamental variety purely to separate the people who believed in Islam pre-19th Century from the contemporary version of Islam that is terrible in a very large part).

It was at this time when I realized that the weak are worthless. They drag society down, and as a result, everyone suffers. I lost all sympathy for them, and grew to hate them.

What do you mean by "weak"? The poor? The destitute? The indignant? Christians? Everyone else? What quality specifically is "weak" and makes a person weak?

I read some stuff by the Misanthropic Luciferian Order (MLO, the people that share my beliefs), and I agreed with it. We are to treat others how we are treated. That means we are to love those that love us, and to be 100% loyal to them (this means even dying to save them). However, if one treats us like dog feces, we are to strike back with sardonic wrath, and destory them.

I looked up this group on Wikipedia. I didn't find them, but I found this person

Jon Andreas Nödtveidt (June 28, 1975 – August 16, 2006) was a lead guitarist and vocalist of the Swedish death metal/black metal band, Dissection, which he founded in 1989.

 

Nödtveidt also performed in several other projects, including Necrophobic, The Black (as Rietas), De Infernali, Nifelheim, Ophthalamia (as Shadow), Satanized, Siren's Yell, Terror (a grindcore band which featured members of At the Gates).

 

He also appeared as a journalist in Metal Zone where he was responsible for keeping track of the growing black metal-scene.

 

He was an initiate of the MLO (Misanthropic Luciferian Order).

 

Nödtveidt was convicted of felony murder of a 38-year-old homosexual Algerian Josef Ben Maddour in 1997. He was released from prison in 2004 and restarted Dissection.

(....)

I had to wonder: why is this so comically incongruous with your testimony about homosexuality? I don't know whether or not the story he tells is true, to answer the first quote I have from "mick". If he isn't actually telling the truth about his own views, we might have one of the biggest (and one of the most educated, I might add) jokers I have ever had the pleasure of reading on this website.

 

Perhaps I've appeared a bit insensitive to this, but I don't really know. I was just curious about this post and its poster after "mick" made his two comments. Perhaps curiosity killed the prodigal cat in this case. In any case, anyone have a better idea?

 

EDIT: Made my post a little more clear to avoid some confusion that could have resulted (probably not, but one can never be too safe about these things).

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  • 3 weeks later...
He who angers you CONTROLS you.

 

Luke, dude - thanks a lot. You just pissed on all my revenge plans....

 

*sigh*

 

 

:vent:

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It is amazing how even when people break away from Christianity, the brainwashing that has occurred can still influence how we view events.

 

I love all the mythology around the archtypes of good and evil, but when I take a serious look at theistic ideas, I don't look to the religions of Abraham for guidance, but rather concepts like Tao and Richard Bach's Is.

 

If you believe in a real Satan, then all you are is an Anti-Christian, not an ex-Christian. And Anti-Christian is still a Christian, because they buy the Bible as something to base their beliefs on, even if in reverse of a True Christian.

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It is amazing how even when people break away from Christianity, the brainwashing that has occurred can still influence how we view events.

 

I love all the mythology around the archtypes of good and evil, but when I take a serious look at theistic ideas, I don't look to the religions of Abraham for guidance, but rather concepts like Tao and Richard Bach's Is.

 

If you believe in a real Satan, then all you are is an Anti-Christian, not an ex-Christian. And Anti-Christian is still a Christian, because they buy the Bible as something to base their beliefs on, even if in reverse of a True Christian.

 

Anti-Christian is a Christian.

Anti-American in an American.

Anti-Christ is Christ.

 

Is that the kind of logic you are promoting, Robbobrob?

 

I know what you mean. Azerate seems to be in the very early stages of deconversion, and in the throes of serious anger. However, in line with the thesis of the story, i.e. the title says "What I have against Christianity and why I left it," it makes sense to make this kind of defense. I personally would feel very confused and uncomfortable with the belief that every aspect of my personality and reality was a god to which I was accountable and had to interact. That is not to say that Azerate must feel uncomfortable with the situation. It seems the ancient Greeks whom our society holds in high esteem lived like this, though Socrates said these gods were not real. But that's the atheist-theist argument and I don't want to go there right now.

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It is a very interesting concept and belief system. I am not one to argue belief systems with anyone--especially now. Theist, Atheist, Agnostic, etc...they all have very valid points and the main point of deconversion from Christianity was the belief that everyone has the right to determine what is best for themselves,without fear of reprisal or hell-fire. My only critique is one that has been made various times: belief in a concept because of a reactionary impulse is not true liberation or freedom. It sounds like you are held in bondage---bondage to your own pain, to your own hate. Yahweh isn't the only concept that makes people into slaves; your own emotional baggage will enslave you as well. I encourage you to continue developing your beliefs until they reach some congruence. For instance, you are hurt about the pain inflicted upon you by Christians, so you resign yourself to enacting the same treatment upon them. There is no difference. Your belief system endorses your revenge, and so does the Christian ethic those people were using. You see the similarities? You have not empowered yourself by changing your belief because you have not changed your framework. You need to heal first, then find your beliefs second, because fractured and broken people often do not make the best, healthiest decisions.

 

Personally, one of the things I find so sickening about Christianity is the way God has been used, in the Bible and throughout history, to justify mass killings of the "weak" or "infidels" or towards those who deserve "reprisal" or "God's judgment". I am sure you have disdain for that Christian concept, too. Make a wise choice and run from any other belief system that endorses similar.

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