stryper Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 When I have been lied to or let down - I tend to take things very hard and I get let down very easy. I am an overly, complicated, sensitive personality and I have been through a lot. Lots of stuff, that I have never posted here. Things that have traumatized me. I'm not sure how to 'harden up'. But being the stupid, trusting, naive personality that I am - I believed this shit about god for a long time. I only fully admitted to myself that god was a lie when I joined this site over a year ago. So atheism is very new to me. I'm not proud to be an atheist in a world of believers. Yes, I am realistic now. Yes, I am more logical and yes, I feel that I have a voice for the first time in my life..... but I am still putting this new 'mind' frame' all together. I have found it difficult. I really don't know who I am. ........... First of all cut that shit out. Second, mind frame is exactly how you should look at it. You have just take the pretty, naive, and blind faith frame and seen that the imagine is dull and faded. The frame's paint was chipping and the wood was rotten underneath. The closer you look at the picture you realized more and more it was an illusion wrapped in a cloud of smoke that was shaded by fog. But you have shattered that frame. Broken it to pieces. Railed against it. Stomped the pieces to dust and then stopped. You looked around and saw the utter destruction of what you had wrought. Then you saw a piece of the frame that survived. Perhaps it seems this wood is was not rotted. The paint is vibrant and colorful. And you remember. And now you long for that frame again, because of the emotions. And because there is no frame to hold the imagine of the world together. Whenever, a company goes in to remodel a house. They never start the demolition until they have a plan for how its going to look. You can got back if you chose. But you will not be able to turn off what you have learned. As many on here do, myself included, we don't reject everything spiritual. So lay a plan. Decided on a course of action. The self-negative talk in the First part says to me that part of the old frame is still there. You are beating yourself up for being naive and such. This is tied to the fact that the teachings you have recently gotten rid of demand that you are worthless without god and Jesus. So part of the plan might include therapy. A chance to talk to someone on a regular basis who is trained in helping people construct a new mind frame is a great thing. I know I would talk with a designer or architect to help get the ideas down for a house redesign. A psychologist is something similar for the mind. anyway, that's just a few of my thoughts. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 9, 2012 Author Moderator Share Posted March 9, 2012 @ Pudd and Stryer....you guys are awesome......I mean it. thank you so much. Pudd, you were not one bit insensitive and Stryper...I accept the boot in the arse today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Margee, I may be mistaken here, but it sounds like you are experiencing an existential crisis. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Margee, I can relate 100%. If only no fundy then.... Yet here we are, fucked up and really pissed off the fundy god does not exist although he is depicted as a megalomaniac in teh wholly babble. The cafeteria xian I was, I would have also still had my faith but then would never had met you morons now would I? Perhaps we are the real ELECT 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Hey, Margee First of all, I always appreciate your posts--heartfelt, passionate, and intelligent! You are a kind and experienced person. I too deconverted after a long time in fundamentalist Christianity. It's hard to simply kick up your feet and move on. We have moved on, but we are still traumatized and it takes just one small thing to have us covering our ears and rocking on our heels in the corner. I now wish I'd never set foot in one of those goddamned charismatic fundagelical churches. My life was almost destroyed. I too am currently experiencing a severe flashback. It's so violent, and sometimes I feel like there's no one to talk to about it. I am so thankful for this site! Anyhow, just sayin' that I hear you about picking up the proverbial pieces. I have a sense of fascination with people who are going the other way--heading to fundy land--because there simply is no stopping them. I was one of those unstoppable crazies for Christ. All I can do is be there for that person to help them pick up the pieces of their lives when it all blows up. Peace, Margee! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 9, 2012 Author Moderator Share Posted March 9, 2012 Margee, I may be mistaken here, but it sounds like you are experiencing an existential crisis. Legion, you are probable right. At this stage of the game, leaving christianity (or faith) isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I think that age could be a factor here, but I may be wrong. A lot of you guys on ExC are much younger than I and smarter to make the realization that religion can be a dangerous thing....You've discovered this so young!! For heavens sake I was in christianity longer than some of you were even on this earth!! Maybe, it just takes us older folks as little longer to let go entirely???? what do you think.. you young beautiful people on EX-c ?? Help ole' aunt Margee ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 You were kind to her and you spoke the truth. The truth is sometimes scary. But you didn't do anything wrong, Margee. You're allowed to speak up for yourself with others, even if it challenges their world view. This is up to them how they deal with it. You did the right thing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Margee, Not to focus on your age, but since you brought it up, here are a few quotes for you: "You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older." - Anouk Aimee You are beautiful to us! "To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent that is to triumph over old age." - Thomas B. Aldrich This describes you! You have triumphed whether it feels like it today or not my friend. "Old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read." - Francis Bacon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Hi Margee, Thank you for your posts, all of them. I'm wondering something: have you ever been able to just bask in being an atheist / rationalist? Like, stepped outside, looked at the blue sky and the trees and just marveled at all the time and processes that happened in the past to make the sky what it is and the trees and flowers and insects what they are? Marveled at how the earth was formed from a star billions of years ago, settling in just the right orbit around our own star, being bombarded by an ice-filled asteroid to give us water, the birthplace of the first chemical compounds and organisms and animals, all leading up to the here and now and you? Knowing that we don't have to live in fantastical ignorance about the big stuff, or live in constant fear of vengeful gods, just because we don't know how to explain something? Knowing that the answer "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable answer when it comes to the unknown? And something else I'm wondering is: besides this board, are you alone in your journey of atheism and knowledge? Or do you have anyone around you that can comfort you, commiserate with you, empathize and sympathize with you, journey with you? In my situation, not yet having come out of the closet in regards to my agnostic atheism with anyone except for a few atheist cousins and a distant atheist friend, I know how hard it will be to have someone close that will be there as a true, genuine friend once I make it know that I no longer believe in the Biblical god. So, what I'm trying to do right now is strengthen the friendship I have with a few people I know that are non-theists, as they may prove to be very helpful in having a place to land once I publicly reject Christianity. But in this country (especially in cities like mine, which are very conservative, Republican, churched cities), it is very hard to see much support at all coming from very many people. So, in that sense, I have to prepare for the worst. But, even just having one person there to truly listen, comfort, and give support through this can make all the difference in the world. I just hope, Margee, that you have someone there in your life that is with you to the end in your struggles and triumphs. I think you are an inspiration to many people here, and you deserve much respect, honor, and support because of who you are and what you do. And I hope that we all, atheists, agnostics, deists, non-theists alike, can just bask in what is, including where we came from and where we are now. Jeremy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 <3 you, gal. I'm sorry you're going through some bumps now. I'm pre-coffee and mid-migraine so I'm not feeling very talkative right now but want you to know that I wish I could just sit quietly with you today so you'd know you aren't alone in all this. I left Christianity as a young adult and I'm way way past that time now, and have settled nicely into a rather responsible-hedonist mindset. But it took time and a lot of spiritual wandering in the desert to get there; that's why until I joined here I thought I'd only been out of Christianity 10 years, not closer to 20. It feels a lot more recent than it really is because of all the poison I had to cleanse out of my soul. I also had therapy--inpatient and outpatient, group and solo, a couple of times due to other issues going on, and as someone said earlier it really helped me to construct a new paradigm for looking at the world and deal with the residual anger and fear from those years. If you think it's time to talk to someone professional, then by definition that means it's time to do it. Make sure it's an non-deist-friendly person and take the plunge. Much love.. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 9, 2012 Author Moderator Share Posted March 9, 2012 Hi Margee, Thank you for your posts, all of them. I'm wondering something: have you ever been able to just bask in being an atheist / rationalist? Like, stepped outside, looked at the blue sky and the trees and just marveled at all the time and processes that happened in the past to make the sky what it is and the trees and flowers and insects what they are? Marveled at how the earth was formed from a star billions of years ago, settling in just the right orbit around our own star, being bombarded by an ice-filled asteroid to give us water, the birthplace of the first chemical compounds and organisms and animals, all leading up to the here and now and you? Knowing that we don't have to live in fantastical ignorance about the big stuff, or live in constant fear of vengeful gods, just because we don't know how to explain something? Knowing that the answer "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable answer when it comes to the unknown? I just hope, Margee, that you have someone there in your life that is with you to the end in your struggles and triumphs. I think you are an inspiration to many people here, and you deserve much respect, honor, and support because of who you are and what you do. And I hope that we all, atheists, agnostics, deists, non-theists alike, can just bask in what is, including where we came from and where we are now. Jeremy Oh-My-God Jeremy! Thank you sooooo much for the beautiful compliments!! Did I even meet you yet?? Welcome to EX-C!! I am just breatheless by the kind loving people on this board who support me in all my good and bad and fun times here!! Thank you to Positivst, Kurari and Akheia for the great support.! Jeremy, I swear to you, before I have a little supper (and then come back to EX-c for the night) I am going to put my coat on right now and go stand under the beautiful stars on my balcony!!! That paragraph on looking at the 'wonder of it all' was BEAUTIFUL!!! You are soooo right. thank you for that beautiful post!! I don't really have anyone here to grieve this with, but I do have one long distance best friend that I am in contact with everyday and night. The best mentor in the whole world. I don't really have anyone in my community.......They ALL believe in god!!! That is why I spend so much time on EX-C. THIS is my community of 'best friends'. I love them all!! We may tell each other to fuck off every now and again, but mostly we kiss and make up!! I wish I could meet every one on this board in person!! I am feeling so much better tonight and it's all because of you guys!!!! THANK YOU for seeing me through this 'bump'. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I am feeling so much better tonight and it's all because of you guys!!!! THANK YOU for seeing me through this 'bump'. I am so glad to hear it Margee! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electech98 Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Margee, I'm just glad we have a community here for when there is no community around us that embraces us for who we are, instead of just what we believe. I know I still have a "shitstorm" waiting for me when I finally come out with my deconversion, so I will have to remember to take those moments to bask in what is when I am feeling down or pressured or ridiculed or whatever. I think you did meet me on here once, I believe you commented on my testimony I'm sure, and again you were very gracious and welcoming. You are a light on this board, and you should take heart in the fact that you do indeed impact people in positive ways, even though you have most likely never met any of us. We have your back. I think I, too, will find time to just take a walk around the block tonight and feel the air, feel the cold, see the stars, see the trees, see the moon, and just be. Jeremy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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