1) The Lord wants us to: WE WANT TO
2) That is wrong I DO NOT LIKE IT AND I FOUND ONE SINGLE VERSE TO PROVE IT
3) Store up your treasures in heaven AFTER I BANK 5 MILLION
4) Great teaching opportinity at a christian school WE PAY REALLY LOUSY
How To Decode Christian Things
Started by
antix
, Jul 01 2012 12:41 PM
34 replies to this topic
#1
antix
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 12:41 PM
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#2
Legion
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 12:44 PM
That's funny Anti.
Living under the rise of tyranny.
#3
Thurisaz
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 12:50 PM
...and quite realistic I'm afraid.
Debussy didn't believe in God. He didn't believe in the establishment. He didn't believe in burgeois convention. He didn't believe in Beethoven or Wagner. He believed in... Debussy.
(The Art of Noise, "The holy egoism of genius", from the CD "The seduction of Claude Debussy")
(The Art of Noise, "The holy egoism of genius", from the CD "The seduction of Claude Debussy")
#4
mcdaddy
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 12:56 PM
He's a quick learner!!
Welcome to reality, kid.
Welcome to reality, kid.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
#5
antix
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 01:06 PM
I taught overseas for awhile and then decided I would like to see more of the world and get paid for it. While searching, I noticed anything that said christian school paid really lousy and they wanted you to get missionary funding to help out. I talked to one place in Belize and it sounded great but the 3rd time I talked to the guy that ran the place, I asked "you are looking for volunteers aren't you" and he said yes.
#6
Kaiser01
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 01:10 PM
I taught overseas for awhile and then decided I would like to see more of the world and get paid for it. While searching, I noticed anything that said christian school paid really lousy and they wanted you to get missionary funding to help out. I talked to one place in Belize and it sounded great but the 3rd time I talked to the guy that ran the place, I asked "you are looking for volunteers aren't you" and he said yes.
Missionary work is a paid vacation, most of them probably dont do anything but just say they do so they can keep getting paid.
"We exist for the universe to understand itself..."- Carl Sagan
“Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.” - Ambrose Bierce
#7
Babylonian Dream
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 01:13 PM
You're learning well! But also, this just proves that you don't have to be an atheist to see how their views of what God wants often is wrapped around what they want.
Ars gratia artis
#8
mcdaddy
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 01:38 PM
Hey antix, how old are you anyway? For some reason I think you're in your 20s but you may not be. Just curious.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
#9
wndwalkr99
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 02:22 PM
I need some help decoding something. What does "in Christ" mean, really? Besides the obvious homoerotic connotations, natch.
I mean, it is clearly an inappropriate use of a preposition. So what is the eintended meaning
I mean, it is clearly an inappropriate use of a preposition. So what is the eintended meaning
#10
Thought2Much
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 02:28 PM
Bless your heart! = Fuck you.
I'll be praying for you = Fuck you.
One day, I hope the Lord will bring you conviction about that = You're wrong, and fuck you.
I'll be praying for you = Fuck you.
One day, I hope the Lord will bring you conviction about that = You're wrong, and fuck you.
What follows is the sum total of what Jesus had to say about homosexuality:
#11
mcdaddy
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 03:01 PM
Bless your heart! = Fuck you.
I'll be praying for you = Fuck you.
One day, I hope the Lord will bring you conviction about that = You're wrong, and fuck you.
And some people say xians dont give a fuck.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
#12
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 03:13 PM
I need some help decoding something. What does "in Christ" mean, really? Besides the obvious homoerotic connotations, natch.
I mean, it is clearly an inappropriate use of a preposition. So what is the eintended meaning
Paul used the phrase in his epistles quite a lot. If you are "in Christ you are a new creation." And "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus." Basically, the idea developed throughout the body of work attributed to what I call the "virtual Apostle Paul" is that there is this "spiritual" union with Jesus Christ when we come to believe in him. We spiritually die, are spiritually buried and then spiritually resurrected with him as new and transformed creatures in that sphere of "reality" known as the kingdom of heaven. It's like being a super-being in the virtual world of an online game. Only (shhhhh, don't upset the Christians) it's not real!
oddbird1963
QUOTE Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves .
QUOTE Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves .
-- Walter Anderson
#13
mcdaddy
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 03:23 PM
I need some help decoding something. What does "in Christ" mean, really? Besides the obvious homoerotic connotations, natch.
I mean, it is clearly an inappropriate use of a preposition. So what is the eintended meaning
It's a special club. If you're "in Christ" that means you're in the club.
The first rule of Christ club is, don't talk about Christ club.
The second rule....well you know the rest.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
#14
Overcame Faith
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 03:51 PM
Christian love = being judgmental and pointing out that what you are doing/thinking/saying is of the devil.
I'll pray for you = I really won't, but I'm supposed to at least say it since I am a Christian.
God is leading me to [insert whatever decision a person made] = The person really wants to do whatever it is and they are trying to stop all debate on the issue since who can debate god.
I feel the lord's presence = an emotional feeling is misinterpreted as the holy spirit.
The bible clearly says = Cherry picking verses that go along with the person's own preconceived notion(s).
Jesus saves = saves us from the very same hell that he [supposedly] created so we are being saved from his wrath.
Lean not on your own understanding = Don't think just accept what I say the Bible means.
In the beginning god... = We can't explain how the world began so it must have been god (the god of the gaps).
Would you please come to my church = our church needs more money and we have this ego thing about having lots of members to demonstrate our success.
I'll pray for you = I really won't, but I'm supposed to at least say it since I am a Christian.
God is leading me to [insert whatever decision a person made] = The person really wants to do whatever it is and they are trying to stop all debate on the issue since who can debate god.
I feel the lord's presence = an emotional feeling is misinterpreted as the holy spirit.
The bible clearly says = Cherry picking verses that go along with the person's own preconceived notion(s).
Jesus saves = saves us from the very same hell that he [supposedly] created so we are being saved from his wrath.
Lean not on your own understanding = Don't think just accept what I say the Bible means.
In the beginning god... = We can't explain how the world began so it must have been god (the god of the gaps).
Would you please come to my church = our church needs more money and we have this ego thing about having lots of members to demonstrate our success.
#15
Legion
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 04:01 PM
Bless your heart! = Fuck you.
I can assure you that this is an incorrect meaning.
"Bless your heart", is actually a rather subtle phrase whose meaning changes upon the context of usage. It could roughly mean...
"The trials you've faced are almost unbearable."
or
"You are incapable of meeting the challenges of your circumstances."
Living under the rise of tyranny.
#16
antix
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 04:26 PM
Hey antix, how old are you anyway? For some reason I think you're in your 20s but you may not be. Just curious.
51 accepted Christ at age 19 (college). Took it pretty seriously from age 25-27 and slowly fell out.
#17
antix
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 04:27 PM
Christian love = being judgmental and pointing out that what you are doing/thinking/saying is of the devil.
I'll pray for you = I really won't, but I'm supposed to at least say it since I am a Christian.
God is leading me to [insert whatever decision a person made] = The person really wants to do whatever it is and they are trying to stop all debate on the issue since who can debate god.
I feel the lord's presence = an emotional feeling is misinterpreted as the holy spirit.
The bible clearly says = Cherry picking verses that go along with the person's own preconceived notion(s).
Jesus saves = saves us from the very same hell that he [supposedly] created so we are being saved from his wrath.
Lean not on your own understanding = Don't think just accept what I say the Bible means.
In the beginning god... = We can't explain how the world began so it must have been god (the god of the gaps).
Would you please come to my church = our church needs more money and we have this ego thing about having lots of members to demonstrate our success.
Well said
#18
antix
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 04:31 PM
I taught overseas for awhile and then decided I would like to see more of the world and get paid for it. While searching, I noticed anything that said christian school paid really lousy and they wanted you to get missionary funding to help out. I talked to one place in Belize and it sounded great but the 3rd time I talked to the guy that ran the place, I asked "you are looking for volunteers aren't you" and he said yes.
Missionary work is a paid vacation, most of them probably dont do anything but just say they do so they can keep getting paid.
friend of mine (not a believer, but a really really nice guy. goes to church for the kids. Every June they do a missionary trip, about 60 people). they go to a poor area of the country and do home repairs on houses and they live in a school in sleeping bags and eat what the locals serve. People I know that have done missioanry work (hard core believers) stay in decent to nice places and do something a couple hrs a day and then enjoy life.
#19
midniterider
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 05:08 PM
1) The Lord wants us to: WE WANT TO
2) That is wrong I DO NOT LIKE IT AND I FOUND ONE SINGLE VERSE TO PROVE IT
3) Store up your treasures in heaven AFTER I BANK 5 MILLION
4) Great teaching opportinity at a christian school WE PAY REALLY LOUSY
I like #1. :-)
'God said' means 'I said'
Scientists used to believe that Christians used circular reasoning in their arguments. But with recent improvements in instrumentation they have discovered Christians actually use elliptical reasoning.
#20
midniterider
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Posted 01 July 2012 - 05:23 PM
"You can have a personal relationship with Jesus" = "Act and think the way I tell you"
"Read your bible every day" = "Read your bible...then I will explain that whatever you just read actually means that you should act and think the way I tell you. The act of reading the uber-boring bible will result in your nodding off, also known as the alpha state where you are more open to hypnotic suggestion....repeat after me 'Jesus needs your dollars'...."
"Read your bible every day" = "Read your bible...then I will explain that whatever you just read actually means that you should act and think the way I tell you. The act of reading the uber-boring bible will result in your nodding off, also known as the alpha state where you are more open to hypnotic suggestion....repeat after me 'Jesus needs your dollars'...."
Scientists used to believe that Christians used circular reasoning in their arguments. But with recent improvements in instrumentation they have discovered Christians actually use elliptical reasoning.
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