Were You Happy Or Miserable As A Christian?

[sethosayher]

...or maybe a little bit of both?

 

Were you happy as a Christian? Was it a source of consistent joy, or did it make life miserable for you? I know people who were utterly in love with their faith and spent every waking moment basking in prayer and worship. Far more typically I found that believers could be as happy or depressed as a secular joe, though they may have a moment of deep spiritual joy once in a blue moon.

 

In my case, Christianity made me miserable. Pentecostalism completely (and continues to) eat into my time, energy and freedom. It constrained me in countless ways and I was frustrated, especially as a teenager, by Christian strictures on sex, music, nightlife and the like.

[mcdaddy]

I was completely wrapped up in an extreme state of "Meh".

[raoul]

Totally miserable and if not then confused. Now I have a clarity of mind that I'd only had prior to the born again experience. As far as I'm concerned, the 25 years I spent seeking god were years spent in vain.

[Kaiser01]

It made me miserable, the constant fear of hell and desperation. when i actually found out there was away to excape christianity i jumped at it, i remember staying up late at night reading the ex testimonies, i felt free when i got away.

[Carolorado]

Miserable. But perhaps this poll might be biased toward those who were more miserable, that is why we are xians. Do those who are happier stay? Or do they leave in equal numbers?

 

Or, perhaps the most likely, the majority of all people are miserable at church; some of us just realized we don't need misery?

[ConureDelSol]

At first, happy, but only because I was totally oblivious to the logic behind being a Christian. All I knew was that I got to hang out with friends, eat free food, play in a band, etc.

 

Once I started realizing the morality and everything behind Christianity and my own moral views began to conflict I started having problems with anxiety and depression. The more I learned, the less happy I felt knowing I was associated with such an awful religion and I felt like being in a service was like watching a con artist scamming unsuspecting victims. I could no longer call myself a Christian after that. I still feel that way and the moment I don't have to go to services anymore I won't set foot within 100 yards of a church. My conscience can't handle watching people get suckered into thinking all their problems can be solved by pleading with an imaginary god.

[Mike D]

It made me sad because I was constantly surrounded by idiots.

 

That was part of the reason, the rest was because I just didn't fit in, plain and simple.

 

Church was boring, the Bible was boring, the people were boring.

 

The only I thing I looked forward to about Sunday was going out to breakfast afterwards. While everyone is was speaking in tongues I was busy trying to decide if I wanted pancakes or french toast with my omlette. Hey at least I had my priorities straight

[jackbauer]

Neutral until I discovered fundamentalism which made me absolutely miserable. I don't know how anyone can be happy under the fundamentalist beliefs (unless they lie to themselves).

 

To be completely honest, my life didn't really change that much since I deconverted. We didn't base our lives around the church like some people did. We were just run of the mill people who went to church and believed. However, my views DID change. I am much more aware of bullshit when I hear it. I am also growing less tolerant of religious stupidity.

[merck]

Well I guess I'm a bit of the odd one here. I was actually relatively happy as a believer.There were certainly times I felt miserable, but that was when I was more of a fundamentalist. Once I moved to moderate and eventually liberal Christianity, I was pretty happy. I only deconverted (like others) after trying to deepen my faith and to find a way to rationalize scientific facts with faith.

 

That being said, I am significantly more happy now than I ever was as a Christian.

[SilverLining]

I was a very happy Christian when I was finding God on my own time or in my friends' church. But, if I ever talked to my father about God I'd get depressed and confused. We had very different ideas of who God was. I was a liberal Christian too. And, I also deconverted when I tried to deepen my faith -__-. Lol, I feel like that was a failed mission.

 

I am happier now, but I still have questions.

[Inqui]

Well I guess I'm a bit of the odd one here. I was actually relatively happy as a believer.There were certainly times I felt miserable, but that was when I was more of a fundamentalist. Once I moved to moderate and eventually liberal Christianity, I was pretty happy. I only deconverted (like others) after trying to deepen my faith and to find a way to rationalize scientific facts with faith.

 

That being said, I am significantly more happy now than I ever was as a Christian.

Not to call anyone here a liar, but I think most peoples' experiences in the faith were better than they let on. It's not a dishonesty thing, but it helps with ironing out doubts about leaving, almost like Pascal's Wager (even if I am wrong, I'm in a better place now). Find any thread that talks about life and freedom after faith or how batshit crazy Christians are (personally I don't care if we keep firing, they give us lots of ammunition), and you'll likely see people talk about how glad they are about leaving the faith. At least, that's how I see it.

 

On the whole, my time as a Christian wasn't too bad. There were times I felt like I'd offended God, done something that made my Christian conscience tingle (not joining in with the singing at church, not evangelising the wonderful news of the Good Overlord, etc) or spend time worrying about hell, but overall I had a good life and I associated closely with good people who weren't that different to anyone else. It also felt good to thank God every time something good happened to me, no matter how significant.

 

One of the lowest times I've felt was shortly after leaving God's financial plan on earth (and the only time I seriously thought about suicide), but I think that was at least partly coincidental to everything else going on at the time. Since then I've been able to pick myself up and I don't recall being happier. Again, I can't say for sure how much that's to do with everything else that was going on (a personal crusade to become more optimistic and more confident, a great academic showing this most recent semester and strengthening my future prospects) or if there was any relationship between the two. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter how I got to where I am now, only that I am there.

[Legato]

As a Christian I was TOTALLY depressed, full of anxiety, insecure about everything, and reliant on god for direction.

 

As an Ex-Christian I am TOTALLY depressed, full of anxiety, insecure about everything, and trying to figure out what I should do with my future now that it's in my hands.

 

I got tired of my constant inward aggression and decided to take action on it this year. I'm in therapy for the social anxiety and clinical depression I've been living with my whole life and while I think the guilt trip of religion played some part, I've learned that a lot of it is genetic predisposition so it's likely I would have ended up unhappy to begin with. Once I figure out how to relax without the anxiety bullshit, I may end up actually enjoying life, I bet that will be nice.

[sarahlee]

I was happy enough. This when I finally became aware of reality, miserable. And when I deconverted, free.

[marmot]

I was happy. I loved the social aspect of my faith and that I had a sense of justice in the world.

 

In some ways I still wish there was something like Christianity...just nothing like the current form.

[jaws78]

...or maybe a little bit of both?

 

Were you happy as a Christian? Was it a source of consistent joy, or did it make life miserable for you? I know people who were utterly in love with their faith and spent every waking moment basking in prayer and worship. Far more typically I found that believers could be as happy or depressed as a secular joe, though they may have a moment of deep spiritual joy once in a blue moon.

 

In my case, Christianity made me miserable. Pentecostalism completely (and continues to) eat into my time, energy and freedom. It constrained me in countless ways and I was frustrated, especially as a teenager, by Christian strictures on sex, music, nightlife and the like.

Go with the ten commandments and a belief in God. For myself, I believe in God and Jesus, but had too much of a tragic childhood being raised with christian morals. Christianity is more along the lines of "who wants a bunch of nice things and lots of money". I

[lunaticheathen]

As a child, I never thought about it, but church was a bore and the other kids hated me.

 

When I tried to really believe and practice as a teen, it drove me straight to attempt suicide.

 

So, yeah, FUCKING MISERABLE. And it's not just to make myself feel better about leaving. I am happier BECAUSE I left that soul-destroying baptist cult. They mentally abuse children. Period.

[Guest Valk0010]

Happiness was a nonissue(outside of ocd issues related to religion that might of happened anyway) till the end(like the last 6 months).

[Mike D]

Not to call anyone here a liar, but I think most peoples' experiences in the faith were better than they let on.

 

 

Why would you think this? For many people there was nothing at all redeeming about Christianity, and it really was a miserable experience. Especially when you don't seek it out or choose it on your own, but rather have it crammed down your throat as a child by your parents.

 

I can honestly say there was nothing at all happy about my experience with Christianity. From an early age I was terrified by the idea of me or anyone I knew going to hell to be burned alive forever - what could possibly be good or happy about that? Christians themselves can be some of the most arrogant and condescending people on the planet, so the people don't necessarily make up for what the religion lacks. And the Bible - my god can you possibly make a red blooded American teenager more bored than having to read the same book of ancient mythology week after week after week, over and over and over again? I felt like I was in hell!

[ToonForever]

While there were good times, I spent much of the time trapped in a cycle of failure and repentance, underpinned by the subtle self-loathing and self-rejection evangelical doctrine inspires. Being free from the delusion has been liberating and comforting.

 

It's nice knowing I'm not a complete asshole, and that the only thing good in me is whatever part of me is Jesus.

[ToonForever]

 

Not to call anyone here a liar, but I think most peoples' experiences in the faith were better than they let on.

 

Well, I guess you had to be there. That's pretty offensive. I'm glad you had a good time. Tell your story about why, that's the point.

 

But don't you dare tell the rest of us how wonderful it really was for us. That's completely out of line.

[Inqui]

Why would you think this? For many people there was nothing at all redeeming about Christianity, and it really was a miserable experience. Especially when you don't seek it out or choose it on your own, but rather have it crammed down your throat as a child by your parents.

 

Well, I guess you had to be there. That's pretty offensive. I'm glad you had a good time. Tell your story about why, that's the point.

 

But don't you dare tell the rest of us how wonderful it really was for us. That's completely out of line.

I was responding to merck's statement that I bolded. I didn't mean to imply that everyone had a great time in Christianity, but my point was to make an observation on another good reason why people keep making statements like "glad I don't have to think like that".

 

That said, going back over what I said and how anyone would read it, it was a stupid thing to say. I can't redact the original post and while I didn't mean to offend, I will take accountability for what I said. If you guys or anyone else wants to take it up with me over PM, I encourage you to do so.

[Eugene39]

I was some of both - happy and miserable. On good days, God loved me and I had Him and the Bible to give me direction. But there were times that my own humanness got in the way and I felt that I was in conflict with God, even though He had given me the emotions that I would have been fighting against.

[Thought2Much]

My time as a Christian was made up of a few "mountaintop" moments, mixed in with interminable periods of boredom, and punctuated with many, many moments of me saying, "What the fuck?"

 

Looking back, I realize that I only really enjoyed some of the social aspects of church, like spending time with people after the service was over.

 

Some of the worship services were okay, if the worship team decided not to do all slow songs. I found that we were singing the same songs over and over again at my father in-law's church, which made my time at that church even more unbearable.

 

I was usually either bored with the sermon, or the pastor would decide to rail against science (again), or the gays (again), or preach about how we're not doing enough for God (again), so I just couldn't wait for it to be over. Looking back, I don't think I can remember a single sermon. Twenty years in the Assemblies of God, and not one sermon really affected me in a positive way.

 

And then, of course, Pentecostals need their special prayer time after an already long sermon, so I'd have to wait for that to finish, too.

 

Outside of services, I wouldn't say I was always unhappy, but any happiness I ever had was always tinged with thoughts of whether I was doing the "right" thing, for the "right" reasons. Any time I would tell a Christian something good that happened in my life, they would hit me with a "Jesus Juke" and tell me about how they looked forward to me using my blessing to serve the Lord. I certainly have a lot more inner peace now than I ever did as a Christian.

[Deva]

There were good times and bad times. I did have good experiences and I did have friends that I made at church. The social aspect wasn't bad for me, since it is hard for me to make friends. I did not like having to attend church two or three times a week with no options. Later, when I was in the more extreme fundy Baptist church things became worse because the sermons were just so horrible with all the end times crap. I remember thinking that God was certainly not present in that place. So, I had an image of God as good, but it did not jibe with what was being taught out of the church and that conflict proved to be impossible to resolve.

 

It is very nice to think that God really loves and actually cares for you. If you can believe it.

[Voice]

Sethosayher says it about right on for me, but there's more.

At first I did experience true happiness, but it became extreme mania when I thought I needed to maintain that happiness continuously - all that backwards thinking about taking joy in your misery. Pentecostalism was a perfect fit for my manic-depressive personality type. Eventually, once I realized how artificial the "happiness" was, it became deep depression, which again I was to take joy in. Kick in the nuts anyone? How about a kick in the nuts and then another one even harder? Didn't help that all I wanted was a good life-partner, which I prayed for every day with groaning, and who never came.