Popular Post Wings Posted October 1, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 1, 2012 For those of you who know of me and my deconversion/church exit, you know the stories of my crazy church and subsequent "shunning." It's not an official doctrine by any means, but I'm definitely on the outside, deliberately excluded from family and was on the end of some pretty vitriolic and nasty messages. In my tradition, we go to church twice on sundays and do not do anything else... the major sin is to spend money. I'm not sure why, but we're not allowed to work professionally (unless your role is deemed "urgent services" like doctors, nurses, ems, etc.) And absolutely you don't go shopping, eat out or spend money on entertainment. Well, I quit church in March; I obviously don't subscribe to any of that any more. Today, I went to a baseball game with some friends (Jays vs. Yankees; Jays lost... boo, I'm Canadian). I posted a picture on facebook titled "sunday funday"... now, don't get me wrong. Part of me knew it would bother some people I know from "then".. .part of me just wanted to stop hiding. I'm tired of having to walk on eggshells to not offend people because they're upset that I'm different. I really didn't think anyone would say anything... but my aunt commented: "Nope, Sunday a day of rest and comunion with the church and God" I initially responded with something along the lines of "well, I respect that..." but then a friend made a personal comment to me about how weird my aunt's comment was. I suddenly got really angry because it's true... I put up with a lot of this bullying bullshit from my family and it's rude to me and it's rude to my 100s of non-or-other-religious friends. I responded: "You know what? This might not be the place to put this, but I have gotten A LOT of not-so-nice comments, emails, letters/cards and non-verbal messages from people because they are offended and/or displeased that I don't go to church. NEVER EVER have I told ANYONE that they should not go to church, NEVER EVER have I commented on any of my friends' fb or elsewhere (friends, I might note, who are from all walks of faith and life) telling them that they should lead their lives a different way (especially without backing it up with care and concern) and NEVER EVER EVER would I dream of putting on one of their religious/church-related pictures that they should be living their lives differently. I find it rude and insulting (to both my non or different-than-you religious friends and myself), judgmental and unnecessary and I'm really tired of it. If my life offends you, delete me. If you want to debate with me, debate with me. If you want to ask me why I've made the choices I've made, ask me. Until then, I can say that I live my life with honesty, integrity and truth. I make MANY mistakes, which I try to learn from, and I'm far from perfect. But I love and ask to be loved. I will accept you, and ask to be accepted. If that's too much for you, I understand. Know that I will ALWAYS love and accept you..." I know it was a bit overkill in response to her message... but I also know my tradition and I read the pettiness in her message. Also, it's one piled onto many others... and kind of my breaking point. I'm pretty anxious cause this is my first "public" note on the topic and I dealt with a lot of nastiness from people already. I'm going to be pretty anxious when checking fb over the next few days... but on the other hand, I'm tired of "hiding." Anyway, just wanted to vent. Thanks! 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 So, on a Sunday your aunt was on Facebook instead of reading the bible or praying? So sad.. haha 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 So, on a Sunday your aunt was on Facebook instead of reading the bible or praying? So sad.. haha HA. You make a good point. I am so lucky no one in my family is outwardly rejecting me for my lack of faith. I think they all secretly hold the same doubts. My mom and dad were both agnostic. I have some extended family that post Jesus crap every now and then, but I just look the other way. I'm thankful they don't make comments about some of my obviously anti-religion posts. Don't forget to tell us how your aunt responds! I am living vicariously through all of you folks' family dramas... I wouldn't stir the pot in my own family, but I sure like reading about how the Christians respond when someone does! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 HA. You make a good point. I am so lucky no one in my family is outwardly rejecting me for my lack of faith. I think they all secretly hold the same doubts. My mom and dad were both agnostic. I have some extended family that post Jesus crap every now and then, but I just look the other way. I'm thankful they don't make comments about some of my obviously anti-religion posts. Don't forget to tell us how your aunt responds! I am living vicariously through all of you folks' family dramas... I wouldn't stir the pot in my own family, but I sure like reading about how the Christians respond when someone does! Lol, I promise I'm not trying to stir the pot. I'm just really irritated... I'm hoping they don't respond! I actually find the Jesus stuff entertaining... the thing is, my sister came to the game with me as well (which is a 'secret').... I don't want her to go through the same thing I have. Also, that aunt's husband and sons used to always put stuff on my facebook pictures like "what if Jesus came back today. You're out at a bar with your friends. What kind of light are you being in the world?" Lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrotherJosh Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Doesn't sound like overkill at all. You know what? Go out in the world. Be normal, drink a beer, watch a baseball game and have fun. Fuck anyone who disagrees with just being a normal, fun loving human who doesn't sit in church every other day looking down on everyone else. If the main priority is their beliefs over their relationship with you, well there is your answer. Doesn't matter who. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 Doesn't sound like overkill at all. You know what? Go out in the world. Be normal, drink a beer, watch a baseball game and have fun. Fuck anyone who disagrees with just being a normal, fun loving human who doesn't sit in church every other day looking down on everyone else. If the main priority is their beliefs over their relationship with you, well there is your answer. Doesn't matter who. Thanks BrotherJosh... I totally agree! Appreciate the sentiment... I really wanted to say "fuck you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I responded: "You know what? This might not be the place to put this, but I have gotten A LOT of not-so-nice comments, emails, letters/cards and non-verbal messages from people because they are offended and/or displeased that I don't go to church. NEVER EVER have I told ANYONE that they should not go to church, NEVER EVER have I commented on any of my friends' fb or elsewhere (friends, I might note, who are from all walks of faith and life) telling them that they should lead their lives a different way (especially without backing it up with care and concern) and NEVER EVER EVER would I dream of putting on one of their religious/church-related pictures that they should be living their lives differently. I find it rude and insulting (to both my non or different-than-you religious friends and myself), judgmental and unnecessary and I'm really tired of it. If my life offends you, delete me. If you want to debate with me, debate with me. If you want to ask me why I've made the choices I've made, ask me. Until then, I can say that I live my life with honesty, integrity and truth. I make MANY mistakes, which I try to learn from, and I'm far from perfect. But I love and ask to be loved. I will accept you, and ask to be accepted. If that's too much for you, I understand. Know that I will ALWAYS love and accept you..." I know it was a bit overkill in response to her message... Nah, I'm jealous. I wish I could say that to my family. You didn't overkill anything. You did fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 HA. You make a good point. I am so lucky no one in my family is outwardly rejecting me for my lack of faith. I think they all secretly hold the same doubts. My mom and dad were both agnostic. I have some extended family that post Jesus crap every now and then, but I just look the other way. I'm thankful they don't make comments about some of my obviously anti-religion posts. Don't forget to tell us how your aunt responds! I am living vicariously through all of you folks' family dramas... I wouldn't stir the pot in my own family, but I sure like reading about how the Christians respond when someone does! Lol, I promise I'm not trying to stir the pot. I'm just really irritated... I'm hoping they don't respond! I actually find the Jesus stuff entertaining... the thing is, my sister came to the game with me as well (which is a 'secret').... I don't want her to go through the same thing I have. Also, that aunt's husband and sons used to always put stuff on my facebook pictures like "what if Jesus came back today. You're out at a bar with your friends. What kind of light are you being in the world?" Lol. Sorry, didn't mean to imply you were stirring the pot in a negative way. But maybe that is how they see it. It is how my family would see if I ever dared to question anything they post. Who knows. Entertaining nonetheless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 Sorry, didn't mean to imply you were stirring the pot in a negative way. But maybe that is how they see it. It is how my family would see if I ever dared to question anything they post. Who knows. Entertaining nonetheless. Lol, no worries. I totally understand where you're coming from... a part of me just laughs now. I wouldn't normally do that but I figured she started it when posting on my wall. I don't know if it will bring more people out of the woodwork or just shock them that I actually stood up for myself for the first time. They're all very self-righteously smug when telling me what to do or how to be, it's a little taste of their own medicine. I know nothing will change... I've basically accepted that I don't have extended family, so it's ok. I went to a baseball game and drank beer with wonderful friends and sunday funday beat the pants off of any time I've ever felt good at church Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I know it was a bit overkill in response to her message. I thought it was a very well thought out, appropriate response that not only outlined boundaries, but called them out on their judgmental nitpicking. If you're angry all the time, it's inappropriate. If you use your anger that has built up as the result of 1000 paper cuts and do what you did, it's absolutely healthy and a correct response to how you have been treated. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 I know it was a bit overkill in response to her message. I thought it was a very well thought out, appropriate response that not only outlined boundaries, but called them out on their judgmental nitpicking. If you're angry all the time, it's inappropriate. If you use your anger that has built up as the result of 1000 paper cuts and do what you did, it's absolutely healthy and a correct response to how you have been treated. Thanks Vigile... I'm not usually too worried or worked up about it. It is what it is... I think that I'm just upset that my aunt went on my facebook page in public do that... I have many non-christian friends and I also find it insulting to them. I haven't ever responded like this before and I most likely won't again. Felt good to stick up for myself once and hopefully that's the end of it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 What a bitch. Like everyone said, you did fine. Your aunt looks like the busy-bodied shrew. Most people will see that. I would have told her to eat my ass with whipped topping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wester Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I have been mortified by some Facebook comments from the my conservative fundy family. I think in some ways it is good for them to publicly see how exclusivist and anti-social their views actually are. In the old days we sat around in the living room in fundyville and they all religiously circle jerked themselves - and all the kids had to nod in approval or get taken out back for a beating. Now on Facebook, they just look like a pack of raving lunatics when they try to prof this sh*t off on a virtual room full of labor organizers, secular humanists, athiests and lay Hindus and Buddhists, while my friends look on in wonder and horror. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 That was a mild rant. You must be a very nice person in RL if that is what you think constitutes loosing it 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Being passive-aggressive is the socially acceptable form of aggression. Being overtly aggressive, no matter what form it takes, gets you in trouble especially with those who excel in being passive-aggressive. mwc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Job well done. Fundies are not fun in any way whatsoever. She can eat a cockbiscuit with that lifeless attitude. Fick em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edie Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I don't think that was overkill. Well done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 That was a mild rant. You must be a very nice person in RL if that is what you think constitutes loosing it Lol... touche. I'm not very good at speaking up. I have basically sucked it up and let everyone take their knocks at me so this is my first time biting back, even a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 So you were letting out something you should have said a long time ago? Well that was healthy. And LL was right. Your outbursts are quite nice. It reflects well upon your character. It's good to give Christians boundaries in your life. Otherwise they think they have a mandate, from the highest authority, to do whatever they like. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentknight Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 What you posted is perfectly reasonable. It's good you did it. Hang in there and don't let them beat you down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 In the light of day, I guess it wasn't much of a freakout, but it took a lot of courage from me. Thanks for your support... ps. That's right. Y'all, better watch out! If you piss me off, I'm..... going to stomp my foot and... and... I'm not going to send you a happy birthday message! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Gawd! I wish you were in my family! We'd have a riot!!!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jensjam Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I might have reminded dear auntie that by her response to your facebook post that SHE was breaking the Sunday rule. What is she doing on facebook after all that is something that is entertaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Well, at least you know where it's at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I might have reminded dear auntie that by her response to your facebook post that SHE was breaking the Sunday rule. What is she doing on facebook after all that is something that is entertaining. Nah, that's just fellowship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts