Jump to content


Photo

An Ex-C Family


  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
35 replies to this topic

#1 msipsy218

msipsy218

    Strong Minded

  • Regular Member
  • 316 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:NW Ga
  • Interests:Photography, Star Wars, video games
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :No

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:49 PM

As some of you may recall, my husband began his de-conversion shortly after I did. I'd say he is somewhere around agnostic, completely rejecting the "bible god" and all forms of religion, but not (as I am) closed off to the idea of a supernatural realm or divine creator. He mostly just doesn't care though.

 

We have 3 children, two of whom are too young to really know the difference, though our 3 year old has asked about church a few times. Our 6 year old daughter though is very bright for her age and has been very involved in church and religious groups within the community. VBS all summer long, church camp in the summer, a weekly bible class (with dinner and play time) at a local ministry once a week, AWANAS once a week and church every Wed and and Sunday. She has always talked about god and Jesus and the bible a lot and has said "the" prayer and asked to be baptized. If you ask her, she will tell you she is a christian.

 

When I left the church over a year ago my husband kept going for awhile, taking our kids with him, so she has not been out of church as long as I have but has been out for awhile. About 6 months, I suppose. She still asks to go about once a week. I just tell her "We don't go to church anymore." and so far she hasn't asked why.

 

She does still go to AWANAS and the local ministry, though. At first I was ok with that because I don't have to be there. I thought "Well, her religion is her choice, if she wants to go she can." and my husband agreed, but as time goes on I am feeling less and less comfortable with this. She is still so young, it's really not her choice, it's just me allowing her to be brainwashed. Or at least that's how it's beginning to feel.

 

She doesn't know that I no longer believe in god. I'm not sure I should tell her. I don't know that she could really understand. I always don't want her to think she is not allowed to go to church or not allowed to believe in or talk about god. I want her to feel free to explore religion and talk with me about it. But I don't know how to do that.

 

Those of you with kids, how did you help them deal with the change you were going through? What did you do about church and kid's ministries?

 

 

 


  • 0

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.”

 

#2 Serendipity Rose

Serendipity Rose

    Strong Minded

  • Regular Member
  • 225 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:Computers, self-taught webmaster-love designing websites for friends, non-profits.
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :Gods are dangerous delusions--Anti-theist

Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:15 PM

msipsy, my oldest was a lot like that. I didn't leave the church until about 4 years ago when he was about 20 years old. He's still a (Catholic) Christian.

 

I don't really have TOO much of a problem with that but of course I have no choice in the matter now. At least so far he is still somewhat of a critical thinker on all matters except for the brainwashing his church and friends have done on the matter of being "pro-life". Now that he is getting married soon I fear that he is getting even more wrapped up and dependent on that culture.

 

 The problem I see with you allowing your daughter to continue with this is that as she grows up she will likely make some life-long friends in the religion that she is in. That's what seems to keep my son involved in the church. 


  • 0
"In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life"
~Mumford & Sons, Awake my soul

#3 J.W.

J.W.

    Apostate

  • Regular Member
  • 719 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:You're getting warmer
  • Interests:Movies
    Adrenaline
    Endorphines
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :My Dick

Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:16 PM

Thats a tough call. Part of it is social activity for her. 

 

Use your intuition. There are a lot of things to consider in your circumstance. 


  • 0
Have you found the secret I have lost?
Yes. You and the land are one.

- Excalibur: the grail scene

http://hark.com/clip...-fire-on-people

#4 Blue elephant

Blue elephant

    Apostate

  • ★ Gold Patron ★
  • 856 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Australia
  • Interests:Sudoku, reading, fitness
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :Nah!

Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:24 PM

At this age it might be easy to substitute family outings to fun places at the time when the church activities are on.


  • 0

#5 falemon

falemon

    Apostate

  • Regular Member
  • 850 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:london
  • Interests:reading/writing, programming, science, philosophy, neuro science, quantum physics, music, art, creativity, love, dance
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :The quantum anti-god!!

Posted 01 January 2013 - 09:03 PM

At this age it might be easy to substitute family outings to fun places at the time when the church activities are on.

 

Science museums :)


  • 2

#6 roadrunner

roadrunner

    Clueless

  • Regular Member
  • 756 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:North Carolina
  • Interests:Astronomy, Psychology and Social Sciences, Sports. Still collecting data about myself.
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :There's No Such Thing. Duh.....

Posted 01 January 2013 - 11:19 PM

Lol. I googled this exact topic just last week?. I have two kids 4 and almost 3 and the 4 year old is sharp. I had the luxury of her being in a class with a Muslim who didn't celebrate Christmas. I teach her all about science. She's still too young to get it but I find comfort in older people who say they have a kids who was an atheist too even if they had a Christian kid too. I am waiting for my kids to be maybe 11- 12 and sit them down and give them a history of it all and tell them that I've done the research and its fake.......but their mother still believes it.


  • 0

my phone does word prediction and i dont look at the screen so pardon any mistyped words.

 

“I've given up asking questions. l merely float on a tsunami of acceptance of anything life throws at me... and marvel stupidly.”  - Terry Gilliam


#7 Akheia

Akheia

    Princess of Gemworld

  • Regular Member
  • 3,185 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:United States
  • Interests:Baking, sewing, writing, tabletop gaming, Sims 3, history
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :Polytheism/deism

Posted 01 January 2013 - 11:54 PM

 

At this age it might be easy to substitute family outings to fun places at the time when the church activities are on.

 

Science museums smile.png

 

 

This is like the gay agenda, isn't it? THE SCIENCE AGENDA. You just want to suck another innocent soul into the world of dinosaurs or something. I'm on to you, man. I'm on to you.

 

@Msipsy: I second the outings idea. I'm not a parent, but I used to be a child so this is my experience. I wish my parents hadn't let me go to church without them; it primed me to go fundie later, I think. And I do know that church so often puts all kinds of awful ideas into a child's head that may take decades to shake loose, if they ever get shaken loose at all. Whatever benefits religious participation gives are not balanced by what harm it may do to her little spirit. You don't have to let a kid do everything she wants to do--after all, you're the parent, and it's not like she can just teleport to these meetings/outings. Letting a kid make up her own mind about religion doesn't mean you have to let her engage in practices you find reprehensible or harmful to her emotional development. You also want her to make up her own mind about the KKK, but that doesn't mean it's okay to let her go to weekly KKK meetings and hang out with the Grand Dragon, right? And it doesn't mean you don't tell her in age-appropriate ways *why* you think the KKK is bad either, and help her to logic it out in age-appropriate ways. I think Zomberina had some awesome posts about doing exactly that a few months ago. I mean don't be scared of church, but don't make it this mystery either. Right now her attachment to it is purely irrational and emotional, and probably to some extent fear- and shame-based. I hope I'm making some sense. Obviously whatever you do is totally fine by me, as it's your family, but those are my two cents.


  • 0
“Nothing is so easy as to deceive one’s self; for what we wish, we readily believe.” – Demosthenes

#8 Tzarza

Tzarza

    Thinker

  • Regular Member
  • 104 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Austin, TX
  • Interests:Dancing, cooking, eating, playing, traveling, being a goof whenever possible.
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6_DZ6rOquI

Posted 02 January 2013 - 07:01 AM

Thats a tough call. Part of it is social activity for her. 

 

Use your intuition. There are a lot of things to consider in your circumstance. 

 

 

 

At this age it might be easy to substitute family outings to fun places at the time when the church activities are on.

 

Science museums smile.png

 

 

I'm no parent either, but these suggestions sound solid. I'd recommend you make sure you know what she's getting out of church (social times, world view construction, story time, whatever it is), and see if you can't slide her into some other activities which fulfill those same needs. If you take her out and she is no longer fulfilled in that way, then she's prone to believing that church = fulfillment, and can't be replaced. Try to expose her to healthy secular activities which meet her needs, and maybe she won't even miss church. 


  • 0
"What are you doing?"
"I'm cloud bursting. It keeps me in shape." ... [crash]
"Jesus, you had like.. the whole desert to drive in, Lyn."

#9 TrueFreedom

TrueFreedom

    ​ƪ(˘⌣˘)┐ ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ ┌(˘⌣˘)ʃ

  • ★ Gold Patron ★
  • 2,865 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Dallas, Texas
  • Interests:Arts, Sciences, Games, Good food, drink, and conversation
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :no gods, no labels

Posted 02 January 2013 - 10:59 AM

I watched science and history programs with my kids, took them to science and history museums, and enrolled them in classes at local science museums.  I would ask them about contrasting explanations from the Bible vs. scientific sources.  They have been able to answer most questions themselves rather well.  Though they enjoyed children's programs at church they don't miss going to church.  They still attend with friends at times, but they don't believe the teachings.


  • 1
My Ex-timony

“All the miles of a hard road are worth a moment of true happiness.” - Arnold Lobel

#10 mymistake

mymistake

    might be the Antichrist

  • Regular Member
  • 10,996 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:family, support, meditation, peace of mind, moving on as forgiveness, deprograming, laughing at the Bible
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :"I enjoy mythology but I'm not religious about it"

Posted 02 January 2013 - 11:48 AM

If a child is asking to attend religious events I wouldn't prevent them.  My oldest really liked church but when we stopped attending he was like "meh".  I do like to take the kids to parks or restaurants during church time.  I presume the other parents I see there are not religious.  My oldest considers himself to be a believer.  I try to feed him as much science as possible.  All kids reach a development state where they shed child-like thinking.  That is when many of them shed their faith.  So I hope my son rejects his soon.  If so, then I will support him but I'm not going to try to force it.  My youngest is getting slightly indoctrinated at play school.  I plan to go the same route with her.  The Easter Bunny and Santa Clause make for great tools in exposing the lie of religion.  But I'm going to wait till the child's mind is ready.  Till then I will keep pumping the science.


  • 0

/\/\.  /\/\.

There's an elegant solution to most Bible problems.  The Bible is the word of ignorant men who couldn't agree with each other.


#11 falemon

falemon

    Apostate

  • Regular Member
  • 850 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:london
  • Interests:reading/writing, programming, science, philosophy, neuro science, quantum physics, music, art, creativity, love, dance
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :The quantum anti-god!!

Posted 02 January 2013 - 12:08 PM

The Easter Bunny and Santa Clause make for great tools in exposing the lie of religion.  But I'm going to wait till the child's mind is ready.  Till then I will keep pumping the science.

I guess you could do them all at once ...

 

 

"Daddy, I know that Santa clause isn't real?"

 

"And the Easter Bunny?"

 

"Yes {giggle}, of course."

 

"And God?"

 

"Oh that too, oh I never knew that."

 

"Well you're a smart girl, you'd have figured that one out yourself soon enough :) Well done sweetie"

 

:P


  • 1

#12 Sheerbliss

Sheerbliss

    Thinker

  • Regular Member
  • 149 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Denver
  • Interests:Dancing, gardening, blogging
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :I'm passionate about the truth

Posted 02 January 2013 - 12:51 PM

A six-year-old doesn't have the ability to carefully consider religion, but she does have the ability to swallow it whole. Children generally go by what adults tell them; Richard Dawkins suggests this is hard-wired into them through evolution. Your allowing her to attend church puts your stamp of approval on it.

 

You could teach your children comparative religion. I don't see anything wrong in telling them that you don't believe in any of it.

 

As to teaching children about science, it's all well and good, but they won't necessarily apply what they learn to religion. In the small mechanical engineering department where I went to school, there were two ordained ministers and another extremely bright professor who was said to know as much about the Bible as they did.


Edited by Sheerbliss, 02 January 2013 - 01:21 PM.

  • 0

#13 msipsy218

msipsy218

    Strong Minded

  • Regular Member
  • 316 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:NW Ga
  • Interests:Photography, Star Wars, video games
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :No

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:53 PM

It's frustrating that the only free options are church-related. We live paycheck to paycheck so it's not really an option to go out to museums and such every week. Plus, the closest ones are 45 minutes away. The park is an option once it warms up a bit. Can't take the baby out in the cold we've been having though. Maybe a craft night at home or something....

 

I signed her up for girl scouts hoping that would help but they meet in a freaking church and have god in the stupid pledge. So no.

 

We may have an opportunity to move to Savannah in a few months though. Maybe that would help with this.


  • 0

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.”

 

#14 CDFree

CDFree

    Strong Minded

  • Regular Member
  • 265 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:Varied
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :.

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:57 PM

Personally I'd let her go to the Girl Scouts, there surely isn't that much religion in them.
  • 0

#15 msipsy218

msipsy218

    Strong Minded

  • Regular Member
  • 316 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:NW Ga
  • Interests:Photography, Star Wars, video games
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :No

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:05 PM

I have no intention of taking her out of girl scouts She loves it. I was just disappointed to see that it wasn't the escape from religion I was hoping for.


  • 0

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.”

 

#16 TrueFreedom

TrueFreedom

    ​ƪ(˘⌣˘)┐ ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ ┌(˘⌣˘)ʃ

  • ★ Gold Patron ★
  • 2,865 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Dallas, Texas
  • Interests:Arts, Sciences, Games, Good food, drink, and conversation
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :no gods, no labels

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:33 PM

Check out the local Unitarian church.


  • 0
My Ex-timony

“All the miles of a hard road are worth a moment of true happiness.” - Arnold Lobel

#17 ConureDelSol

ConureDelSol

    Ornithomancer

  • Regular Member
  • 1,320 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:VA, USA
  • Interests:Computers, animals (mostly birds), gaming, technology in general, Sci-Fi (Star Trek, Doctor Who, etc.)
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :Secular Humanist, Atheist

Posted 02 January 2013 - 04:14 PM

Check out the local Unitarian church.

This.

 

They'll at least teach her to be open-minded and give her a base of friends.  Just like a church without all the "THIS IS WHAT YOU MUST BELIEVE YOUNG MOLDABLE CHILDREN" sort of thing.


  • 0
"Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings." - Salvador Dali

#18 msipsy218

msipsy218

    Strong Minded

  • Regular Member
  • 316 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:NW Ga
  • Interests:Photography, Star Wars, video games
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :No

Posted 02 January 2013 - 04:32 PM

The closest one is 40 minutes away :(  I have decided no more AWANAS effective immediately. The local ministry I'm still on the fence about.

 

Last night I tried to talk to her about it a little bit. I said "Some people don't believe god is real." She said "But he is! Isn't he?" (yikes) I said "Well baby, no one really knows.." and she interrupted me with "I think he is real."

 

She seemed so content with that I just didn't say anything else.


  • 0

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.”

 

#19 Vigile

Vigile

    Fully Human

  • ☆ Silver Patron ☆
  • 25,812 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:St Petersburg, Russia
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :Nebbiolo, devushki and Kerouac.

Posted 02 January 2013 - 05:17 PM

It's frustrating that the only free options are church-related. We live paycheck to paycheck so it's not really an option to go out to museums and such every week. Plus, the closest ones are 45 minutes away. The park is an option once it warms up a bit. Can't take the baby out in the cold we've been having though. Maybe a craft night at home or something....

 

I signed her up for girl scouts hoping that would help but they meet in a freaking church and have god in the stupid pledge. So no.

 

We may have an opportunity to move to Savannah in a few months though. Maybe that would help with this.

 

Are there any programs at the local library? 


  • 1
It is lamentable, that to be a good patriot one must become the enemy of the rest of mankind.
-Voltaire

#20 Rank Stranger

Rank Stranger

    Mechanical Messiah

  • ☆ Silver Patron ☆
  • 10,145 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:.
  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what? :FSM

Posted 02 January 2013 - 06:59 PM

The closest one is 40 minutes away sad.png  I have decided no more AWANAS effective immediately. The local ministry I'm still on the fence about.

 

Last night I tried to talk to her about it a little bit. I said "Some people don't believe god is real." She said "But he is! Isn't he?" (yikes) I said "Well baby, no one really knows.." and she interrupted me with "I think he is real."

 

She seemed so content with that I just didn't say anything else.

 

Just tell her that god is like Santa.  Some people believe he's real- some don't.


  • 0


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users