The Story Of Santa Christ

[TheRedneckProfessor]

“Daddy, why do we give presents to each other at Christmas time?” little Evian asked, her eyes all aglow with excitement, as she peered behind the fragrant cloud of pipe smoke to find her Father’s face.

 

“Well, Little One, that is a long story indeed, and you should be off to your beddie-bye soon,” her father responded tenderly. But her eyes, crisp as the new-fallen snow besought him eagerly, and his kind father-heart could not resist.

 

“Very well, my Precious, I will tell you the story of Christmas, but you must promise me that you will go to bed directly when I’ve finished.”

 

“Oh! I will! I will! Tell me Daddy, please!”

 

“And you won’t tell Mommy I let you stay up late?”

 

“No No, Daddy! I won’t tell.”

 

“Very well, then.  I will tell you the story.”

 

And so the good father puffed on his pipe, and let into his tale:

 

“Many, many years ago, on the other side of the world, a little baby was born, on a night much like tonight.  Such a beautiful baby has never been seen before or since, for this baby had the fairest skin and the biggest, most sparkling eyes you could imagine—most people said it was left-over fairy dust in his eyes that gave them that twinkle.  In fact, so beautiful was this baby, that a certain group of Angels passing by, who were in charge of the Chocolate Factory in heaven, could not resist kissing him all over the face.  But the

Angels forgot that they had been eating chocolate and had it all over their lips and so they left tiny chocolate Angel Kisses all over his cheeks, which most people called freckles, which would never ever wash off.  Well, the baby’s mother, whose name was Merry, did not mind her baby having freckles, for she knew they were kisses from the Chocolate Angels, which is the next best thing to a real live blessing from God.  What she did mind, however, was that her baby had a big, bright, shiny red nose, which was so shiny it almost glowed in the dark.  This troubled Merry because she was afraid the other children might laugh and call him names and not let him join in any of their games.  But Merry loved her baby, and so she named him Santa Christ.  Now as Santa Christ grew, Merry was troubled again by a certain star in the eastern sky that began following him around every night.  Wherever the boy went, this star followed him.  So Merry decided to consult Three Wise Men about it, but they could offer nothing but a Golden Frankenstein Mirror.  Besides, they were in a hurry anyway to help the shepherds who had no well, no well and were getting tired of searching for water.  So Merry kept these things in her heart and pondered them in secret.

 

“But still stranger things began to happen.  Once, when Santa Christ was just a little bit older than you, dear Evian, Merry decided to take him into town so they could go to church.  But after the ceremonies were over, Merry could not find her little boy anywhere.  She was just about to cry when she suddenly spotted him talking to the Preacher; and do you know what he was saying?  He was telling the Preacher that his sermon had been all wrong and that what he had said in it wasn’t at all true!  As it turned out, little Santa Christ knew more than the Preacher did, and everyone was amazed by his wisdom—except the Preacher, of course.  Another time, Merry noticed Santa Christ giving toy birds to all the other children in the neighborhood.  When she asked him where he had gotten the toys, he laughed and said, ‘Silly Mommy!  I make them—like this…” and with that he scooped up some mud and fashioned it into a beautiful bird.  And when he held the bird up, it flew away singing the prettiest birdsong you’ve ever heard.  Still these things troubled Merry, and although all the people loved him, she still wondered about her dear son.

 

Eventually, Santa Christ grew up and the time came for him to do something with his life.  So, Merry sat him down and asked him what he wanted to do with it and he responded, “Silly Mommy!  I want to give toys to everybody in the whole wide world!”

 

But Merry told him, “Not everybody wants toys, son.”

 

“But they’ll want my toys, for I will give them just what they need!  And the first gift I will give them is a new type of weather—I’ll call it ‘snow’”.  And Santa Christ raised his arms into the sky and suddenly little white flakes began to fall and cover the earth; then Santa Christ jumped with glee.

 

“Now I will give the world a new type of vehicle.  I’ll call it a ‘sled’.”  And he took an old log and fashioned a sled out of it.  After sledding for a while, Santa Christ grew tired and wanted to find some way of sledding without having to keep pushing the sled back up the hill.  It just so happened that several reindeer came running out of the forest just then.  “Of course!  I’ll get the reindeer to pull my sled for me!”  So Santa Christ made friends with the reindeer and even gave his shiny red nose to the one he liked best.  And all the people marveled at him because of his goodness and generosity.

 

And Santa Christ did spend his life giving toys to everyone he met.  To one man, who was blind, he gave a set of toy eyeballs and the man could see with them.  And to another man, who couldn’t walk, he gave a pair of toy legs that really worked and the man could walk and skip and run just like everyone else.

 

But Santa Christ remembered the old Preacher who had led the people astray with his Sermon, and decided not to give him a toy because he had been a naughty boy.  Now when the Preacher heard about this, he was angry and decided to get back at Santa Christ.  He vowed to kill Santa Christ in revenge, but he couldn’t because the people loved him so much.  So the Preacher began turning the people against Santa Christ by secretly breaking their toys and then saying that Santa Christ was a cheat who was giving them damaged goods.  The evil Preacher even smashed the blind man’s toy eyeballs and he couldn’t see anymore.  This angered the people and they began saying amongst themselves that Santa Christ was making sport of them and laughing about it behind their backs.

 

And so they all met in the town square and demanded that Santa Christ be make to regret the fun he was having at their expense.  As they were shouting, the Preacher brought Santa Christ out in front of them and said, “Here he is!  I found him hiding in a garden!  What shall we do with him?”  The people shouted that they wanted to see Santa Christ hung on a tree.  So the evil Preacher took Santa Christ and hung him on the tallest fir tree in the forest.  But deep down in his heart, the Preacher knew that Santa Christ was a good man, and he was ashamed of himself for what he had done and for what he was doing.  That night, the Preacher snuck out of his house and went to the tree where Santa Christ was hanging.  When he saw Santa Christ’s body, he couldn’t bear the sight, so he covered the tree with tinsel, and wrapped colored lights all around it, and hung glowing orbs on all its branches so that no one would ever be able to find Santa Christ in it and so that he would never again have to look upon what he had done.

 

Then all the people were sad, for they missed Santa Christ, and some even began to suspect that the Preacher had tricked them.  But, alas!  It was too late.

 

Now, the reindeer who had made friends with Santa Christ soon got to know about the Preacher and what he had done.  They were determined to do something about it.  While they were discussing what to do, the reindeer with the red nose spoke up and said, “Shortly after Santa Christ gave me this shiny red nose, I discovered it was a magic nose.  It makes me able to fly in the air just like a bird.  Maybe if we could find Santa Christ and give him his nose back, it could make him come back to life again.”  The reindeer all decided that the plan was worth trying, though none held out much hope it would work.  They went into the forest and found the tree where Santa Christ had been hung.  After clearing away all of the tinsel and lights and orbs, they found his broken body still hanging there.  The reindeer slowly went up to his body and placed the nose back on his face and suddenly POOF!  Santa Christ disappeared!  The reindeer were dismayed and didn’t know what to do.  Then all around them they heard the voices of the Chocolate Angels.  The Chocolate Angels told them not to be upset, because Santa Christ was alive again and that he would return every year with toys and gifts for all the people.  The reindeer were so happy they ran down into the town to told everybody the Good News.  And even though the Preacher said they were lying, all the people rejoiced and were of good cheer.  Sure enough, every year since then, Santa Christ has come back with toys and gifts for all the people.  But these days, there are more people in the world than there were back then, so we have to help Santa Christ out by giving gifts to each other for him.  And that’s the story of Christmas.”

 

“Oh Daddy!  What a lovely story!  Is it true?  Is it true?!”

 

“Why of course it’s true!  Every word!” said the father, puffing on his pipe, “But now it’s time for beddie-bye for you.”

 

“Will Santa Christ come tonight, Daddy?”

 

“You can bet on it,” said he, with a twinkle in his eye.

[MerryG]

Weirdly wonderful!

[seeker001]

Santa Christ is made of awsome

[chrisstavrous]

Very odd indeed.

[amateur]

Can't wait til xmas morning to see what Santa Christ brought me!

[OnceConvinced]

Hallelujah! I want to worship Santa Christ!

[seeker001]

Santa Christ even has his own theme song, and he really loves pancakes