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Goodbye Jesus

So Are There Any Ex-Christians Here Who Aren't Bitter Toward Christianity?


Darius

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My topic question may seem confrontational, but I don't mean it to be. With pretty much every deconversion story I've read so far, there seems to be a lot of bitterness and resentment towards Christianity, and Christians in general. And based on what some of you went through, I can certainly understand why.

But for me, my experience with Christianity was a positive one. The church I went to was southern baptist, but it was a good church, and it was filled with good people. Maybe misguided, but I never felt intentionally lied to or betrayed by them. As such, I don't harbor any ill will toward any of them. In fact, if it weren't for my own deconversion, I'd still be there. I didn't decide to walk away because of some traumatic event; I just decided it was time to stop being intellectually dishonest with myself.

I know some ex-Christians are actively working to deconvert others, and that's fine. But I'm one of those people who wishes we could find a way to co-exist peacefully and just agree to disagree. I actually think Christianity is good for some people; it got my alcoholic mother to give up the bottle, and some other destructive habits. If a Christian feels like he/she wants to leave their religion behind, I'd be happy to try and help them. But if they feel fulfilled and are happy with it, so be it. They might be living a lie, but it's really none of my concern. The truth is out there and pretty easy to find for anyone who wants to seek it out.

Of course, we will never stop Christians from trying to convert others, but I think we can convince them that trying to use politics as a weapon to beat people over the head with is really not in their best interest. About the only thing you're going to do by banning gay marriage and other such nonsense is to piss people off. It's not going to further your cause when trying to lead people to Christ.

Anyway, just curious if there are others out there like me ...

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Goodbye Jesus

Hi, Darius.

 

There are actually quite a few xtimonies in which people say their christian experiences were good and they left only because they couldn't believe the religion's claims any more.

 

I also don't perceive that very many Ex-C's are actively trying to deconvert christians. On the contrary, my perception is the opposite -- most agree with live and let live.

 

I'd love to live and let live. It's the religionists who seem unable to accept us as we are. The christians who come here to try to "save" us deserve the arguments and the shellacking they get.

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Welcome, Darius.

 

I'm pretty much where you are on this. I had a good experience with my church, but I understand that many didn't. I was angry with myself for being so gullible for so many years, but I can't blame anyone else. I'm happy to let all the Christian sects believe as they like, handle snakes if they like, but I have a real problem when they want to impose their religious rules on society at large.

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I had many good friends when I was a Christian. Some of them still are. I am grateful for many ways in which it enriched my life.

 

I am bitter about the attempts of Christians (and other religionists) to control social and political policy in ways that directly damage me and people I love. I oppose their religion as the root of their political belief system.

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Mine wasn't bitter. I just woke up one day and smelt the coffee!

 

After deconverting I did have issues with the hell dogma as it troubled my mum picturing her firstborn son burning for eternity. I had a few gripes but I'm not bitter. I've even played music at churches since and taken part in projects around inter religious dialogue. It's so interesting to watch from this perspective.

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Well I'm trying to get over my bitterness... The thing for me (and probably for some others here) is that a lot of my life revolved around hateful, bigoted, fundy Christianity and Christian people. In a way it still does. It's in my face all the time. I still feel like my identity is wrapped up in being the opposite of that. But I'm trying to get over it. I don't try to deconvert or talk about atheism in everyday life but if somebody starts preaching to me or being holier than thou it seems to get my goat more than it does to other people. Idk, my goal is to be free of bitterness.

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I had a good Christian life. I still sort of lead it because I cannot come out to my wife or her family. I no longer believe, but I simply go through the motions. I was very bitter for about 6 months, but it has subsided and I am content at the moment.

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Good to see there are others like me :)

 

And for those of you who are bitter, I hope I didn't come across like I was picking on you. Honestly, if I had to go through what some of you went through (esp the abusive parents), I probably would be too.

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I was really angry and bitter at first. I felt that most of my life had been wasted. I had been robbed. 

 

Now, not so much. I completely understand why my parents raised me the way they did and I'm OK with it. They had no malicious intent.

 

I'm just happy to be out of it and to provide a non-religious life for my kids.

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I've never delved into Christianity that deeply, there was a period where I was considering going into it more deeply when I was having some personal problems, but there were things in the religion that I disagree with.  It doesn't make sense that doubt would be considered a bad thing, since doubt is the foundation for curiosity.  To try and seek a deeper truth and better comprehension of the topic. I don't like how they consider Christianity to be the only way to god, that god would cast everyone else to hell because they chose the wrong way to worship.  Christians don't even agree with each other on the specifics and how to worship, with each sect considering themselves to hold the key to the Truth.  There are a couple other issues I have, but those two are the main things.

 

Where I become resentful is when Christians start pushing their beliefs into legislation to enforce their sect of the religion onto the rest of the population. If it just so happens to make sense outside of a religious context, fine it can be considered, but if the only reason is because "the good book says so" than no.

 

That is what pisses me off, but other than that I'm content to live and let live. Don't push your beliefs onto me and we can coexist peacefully.

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Good to see there are others like me :)

 

And for those of you who are bitter, I hope I didn't come across like I was picking on you. Honestly, if I had to go through what some of you went through (esp the abusive parents), I probably would be too.

Not bitter, but rather amused that so many still believe Bronze Age myths.
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Good to see there are others like me smile.png

 

And for those of you who are bitter, I hope I didn't come across like I was picking on you. Honestly, if I had to go through what some of you went through (esp the abusive parents), I probably would be too.

Not bitter, but rather amused that so many still believe Bronze Age myths.

 

 

Yeah. And LOL. I was just over in another thread arguing with End3 about Genesis and god's orders to Adam and Eve. Then I got to thinking, WTF am I doing? This is like arguing with a five year old about whether Santa gave reasonable or unreasonable orders to his elves.

 

I'm all for live and let live, but I admit I'm bitter -- at least bitter enough to get riled when somebody makes fuzzy god claims right in my face.

 

Someday maybe I'll be a better person. But when/if it happens, it won't be because of christianity.

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Bitterness was a phase for me and fortunately it passed quickly.  I am also a live and let live person.  I do occasionally get annoyed with myself for being so gullible; but I don't let that grind me down.

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My topic question may seem confrontational, but I don't mean it to be. With pretty much every deconversion story I've read so far, there seems to be a lot of bitterness and resentment towards Christianity, and Christians in general. And based on what some of you went through, I can certainly understand why.

 

But for me, my experience with Christianity was a positive one. The church I went to was southern baptist, but it was a good church, and it was filled with good people. Maybe misguided, but I never felt intentionally lied to or betrayed by them. As such, I don't harbor any ill will toward any of them. In fact, if it weren't for my own deconversion, I'd still be there. I didn't decide to walk away because of some traumatic event; I just decided it was time to stop being intellectually dishonest with myself.

 

I know some ex-Christians are actively working to deconvert others, and that's fine. But I'm one of those people who wishes we could find a way to co-exist peacefully and just agree to disagree. I actually think Christianity is good for some people; it got my alcoholic mother to give up the bottle, and some other destructive habits. If a Christian feels like he/she wants to leave their religion behind, I'd be happy to try and help them. But if they feel fulfilled and are happy with it, so be it. They might be living a lie, but it's really none of my concern. The truth is out there and pretty easy to find for anyone who wants to seek it out.

 

Of course, we will never stop Christians from trying to convert others, but I think we can convince them that trying to use politics as a weapon to beat people over the head with is really not in their best interest. About the only thing you're going to do by banning gay marriage and other such nonsense is to piss people off. It's not going to further your cause when trying to lead people to Christ.

 

Anyway, just curious if there are others out there like me ...

 

I think a lot of Ex-C's share your perspective. There wasn't any abuse or bad experiences. They just outgrew it. 

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i still meet my christian friends, and most knew i dont do church anymore,,,,,,

 

except for that ONE FUCKING EX-PASTOR who con me of nearly $3000, i love the people of the church,,,,,

 

it is just not the TRUTH thats all,,,,,

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I'm not bitter at all, but I would like to have my money back.

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Anyway, just curious if there are others out there like me ...

I'm technically with you here. I left the cult in peace, simply because I had established contact to the basic tenets of another faith that captured my heart and soul in a way I can't describe and that the cult never did. Only after I had deconverted did I learn about the dark (dark-ages) side of the cult and developed a remarkable hatred of at least the doctrine of it, if not the individual followers.

 

Of course I'm a German and mainstream German protestantism which I was a part of is quite liberal/lukewarm so that doesn't compare well to the jebus taliban you find in many parts of the world... but anyway, I'm at least not totally bitter toward the cult as such. I despise the doctrine for the many horrible parts in its scripture, but I do my best to not apply prejudice to individual believers. Most standard German christians are quite okay, so I'm kind of going with "hate the scripture, love the believer (until and unless she proves she's a nutjob)" wink.png

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Guest MadameX

I daresay there are gazillions of Christians that are really non-believers, who may not identify as ex-Christians, yet they never go to church. Unless Grandma forces them to once or twice a year. Mainstream Xians particularly. And not bitter because for most people, Christianity doesn't really matter. They are not likely to post here.

 

It is more the hard and fast cults that demand so much, that are Taliban-like in their bigotry and manipulative of the vulnerable (children; people who are emotionally hurting and or lonely; those who are way outnumbered due to their location) that you will hear bitter complaints about. They are more likely to post here than ex-lukewarm mainstream Xtians area.

 

BTW I have been pondering for a long time the question of whether religion is a net positive or not for humans. It is a huge question, and I cannot think of how to quantify it. This site is probably not the place to launch this type of question, however, as it is for those who are recovering and need to feel safe and free of overbearing Christianity. I also don't want to hijack this thread. :-)

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I don't recall a bitterness phase in my de-conversion or up to now, though I may have a couple of posts on file here that might indicate otherwise.  I've made some fun.  

It's like most others have said in reply to you, it's when christians get in your face and/or act abusively and/or try to affect political policy with what they think is right that something stirs and I can get upset.  My de-conversion was all about me and what craziness I fell into with christianity.

 

If I am bitter toward christians and christianity it's subtle and I'm not aware of it.  I don't rule out the possibility.  Mostly I just cringe a lot.

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What I am angry at is the way Christianity destroys relationships.   I am still upset sometimes, but mostly I have learned to accept it.  That is really all I can do. 

 

Most of the time I would say that I really am not embittered. It took many years, but I see things as they are.

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I'm not. I did have a bit of a bitterness phase, but I'm long past that now. 

I'm married to a Christian and have a family full of them. They don't care that I am not a Christian, and I don't care that they are one. They all walk the talk, would give you the shirt off their back, do charity regularly, march in Gay Pride Parades, can spend hours talking about science, have actually have read the Bible and take the time to understand it, and they are very vocal and outspoken against Christians that try to spout hate and intolerance in the name of Jesus.

Religion is a lousy way of judging someone's character. I see no reason to get up in the faces of people who know how to use religion properly. 

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Not bitter and I don't think I ever was. I was embarrassed at my own gullibility after having studied cults for years. Now I study the mind and how the programming of the mind works and how religion and other beliefs are able to function despite evidence to the contrary. I hope to find ways to interrupt the thinking that keeps the mind locked against change of belief.

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I don't feel bitter. Part of my deconversion was coming to understand how people can be wrong about stuff, so I have sympathy with those who think something I see as wrong--and many of the Christians I was hanging around with, especially in the last 10 years or so, were good, compassionate people. And I got some good from my time trying to follow Jesus--it just turns out I was wrong.

 

Most of the stuff that was really harmful was from earlier in my life, and I turned my back on it longer ago.

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Bitterness is an ugly thing, but I do admit to it.  I hope it doesn't last forever.  

 

Christianity-lite might work well for the in-crowd, so long as they never delve deeper into the bible.  There is always a chance that someone raised as a moderate christian will become radicalized if they experience a personal crisis and turn to their religion for answers.  It's like having mild chicken pox when you're young and then having years of the dormant virus inside of you, and then, suddenly, you develop shingles.  

 

Like Sam Harris so eloquently describes, I too believe that the moderates of any religion lend credibility to the extremists.  Because these moderate denominations teach the original stories to young children, they plant a seed for future exploitation.  Many people avoid the dark side of religion and don't see the harm, but for those that experience it, it damages their lives immensely.  

 

Personally, I'd rather see people bitter than people enslaved.  But, I am not actively trying to deconvert anyone.  Two of my nephews have chronic, fatal diseases.  If christianity gives them hope of an afterlife, then I can see the upside of that.  It's when christianity gets in the way of science discovering actual cures for these fatal diseases that I get angry.  

 

What really pisses me off is what a financial drain the monotheisms are.  There are so many good people who are willing to give money to help people in need.  Where the hell does all this money go?  And wouldn't the world be in a much better state if these funds were actually used to improve society?  What a waste!

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xtify, after reading your story, yeah... I would be pissed :P Obviously your experience wasn't anything like mine, so it's no wonder that you're angry.

I do not believe, however, that the moderates of any religion lend credibility to the extremists. For example, I went to many churches in my Christian days and I never found one that taught its congregation to murder abortion doctors. As Chris Rock once said, 'Whatever happened to CRAZY?'
 

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