Hello

[Canon]

For as long as I can remember I've always had the church, God and Jesus in my life. I grew up southern baptist. It's funny really because I wasn't really forced into religion as I pushed it down my own throat. I guess I was gullible enough and was originally taught it at a young enough age where I did not question it one bit.

 

Growing up I only listened to Christian and classical music. I went to church on Sunday and Wednesday, volunteered my time as much as I could. I lived as close as I could to what the Bible taught me. I would read as much as I could about Christianity, talk on Christian forums and debate online with atheists. I had answers for anything the atheists wanted to argue about, from inconsistencies in the Bible to moral issues. Honestly I think I won most of those arguments but cannot tell for certain because the forums I used to be on now no longer exist.

 

I went to several different types of churches (which I think in the long run helped me out of Christianity). I went to Church of God, Church of Christ, a big Baptist church, a small fire and brimstone baptist church, a church for teenagers and probably a couple of others out there that I can't remember. One thing that always got to me was the fact that all these different churches that I went to believed in Jesus the same but on other topics disagreed with each other. Like Church of Christ believes that you must be baptized to be saved and you cannot have instruments to worship God. There are other differences that I don't really want to get into now between the churches but they are there.

 

Another thing is the book itself. How can you have one book and millions of followers but so many different beliefs based off of that one book and they all have something supporting them? This wasn't a deal breaker for me. I believed there was only one way to interpret what the Bible meant and I was wanting to figure out what it was.

 

Fast forward a couple of years. I'd say I was 19-20 at this time and I had a friend who was Islamic. We have had many long conversations about religion. Mainly about what he believed. This was an eye opener for me. Up until then I believed pretty much the same thing every Christian from America believed about the Islamic culture and beliefs. I can tell you I was surprised that Islam had so much in common with Christianity. It was at this point that I decided that I should look at the 3 Abraham religions with the same light and see if the Bible held up to the other 3.

 

I first did my research on Judaism, figured out that wasn't right then I did my research on Islam. Islam made a lot more sense than Christianity and I almost ended up converting to Islam except there were a couple of things that they believed in that didn't make sense. In the end I determined that the 3 books based off of the 3 Abraham religions were all wrong and that I could not believe in a religion that was based off of a book that was wrong.

 

What led me to believe that Christianity was wrong was the many inconsistencies of the Bible and the fact that the Biblical age of the universe did not line up with the "atheist" age of the universe. That and the other evidence that the earth is older than what the Bible says and so on and so on. I just couldn't believe that an honest and true god would deceive all of us by making the universe and earth appear older than what it actually is.

 

At this point I was almost 21 years old without a religion. I still believed in God but I was no longer tied to any religion. Did I feel liberated? No. It sucked. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to tell someone for the first time that I was not a Christian and I didn't tell anyone that I wasn't a Christian for a good while. It was probably 2 years when I told the the first person that I was not a Christian.

This person was a guy who was deeply religious and has been having deep conversations with me about Christianity for over a year at the time. He never took it on himself to actually ask me if I was "saved". When we were having a conversation about Christianity he casually said "You are a Christian aren't you". When he heard me say "no" he gave me the most disgusted look I have ever seen off of someone. It was like I raped one of his kids it was that bad. I found nothing but humor in the look and gave him a hard time about it for a little while longer. Needless to say after he found out that he and I shared different beliefs he stopped talking to me.

 

Ever since I've given up Christianity I have really put it on the back burner. I haven't really put any thought into how I was raised or what my beliefs were. I still believed most of the teachings of Christianity like Homosexuality is wrong and that women are less than men. I just stopped believing in the Bible and Jesus. I would still have religious talks with people. Mainly to find out what they believe and hopefully find a religion that is actually right and correct. I would use my knowledge on Christianity to get a definite answer on what they honestly believed. That is how it has been for a good while.

 

The time is now. I am 26 years old and after 6 years of marriage my wife is going to give birth to my first child. My daughter named Summer. I guess it takes a big change, something either very good or very bad happening in your life for you to refine and understand what you believe in. For me it was both.

 

Summer was diagnosed with Spina bifida at her 20 week ultrasound. Needless to say this has been hard on the wife and myself. My wife has had to relocate to have prenatal surgery for the spina bifida. The surgery went well and so far everything is looking great. My wife had to quit her job and we are currently selling our house so that we can make ends meet while we go through this.

 

While most of this was going on I was faced with some issues that I hadn't thought about before. Do I go back to my roots and pray for the safety of my child and my wife? Do I ask God if he did this to me so that he would bring me back to him? Do I pray to God to forgive me of my sins and spare my daughter and my wife? No. It would do me no good to pray to something that I firmly believe does not exist. (for any Christian reading this, try wanting to pray to Zeus instead of God, that is how I felt).

 

This happening in my life actually opened my eyes on my old faith. A couple of months ago I had no issues with homosexual people but god forbid if one of my kids were gay. I still believed that a woman needed to submit to the man and I believed that I would spank my kid any time she needed to be punished. My eyes have been opened and I have been able to start shaking off the last bit of Christianity in me. I have come to realize that Christianity is a hateful religion and I want no part of it in my daughters life.

 

It's a weird feeling I have now. I feel kind of free getting rid of my old Christian beliefs now. It is like I am able to truly think for the first time in my life. It is also scary at the same time. I have to discover which beliefs I have that are actually mine and which beliefs that I was taught from the Bible.

 

This is my testimony.

[mymistake]

Welcome!

[Roz]

Welcome to Ex-C sir!  Nice to breathe free air, ain't it? 

[Guest afireinside]

Welcome canon

[Roz]

Just wanted to add, Canon, that I was raised as a conservative SDA (7th day Adventist), and was also "strongly discouraged" to listen to anything other than classical or Christian music.  Even the "Christian" music was closely monitored heh.

 

And yeah, back in my HS years I thought I'd won every theological discussion I had with people as well.  Now that I look back on it, I cringe as I can easily shoot down every single defense for Christendom I once held.

 

I wish your family well, glad the surgery went OK for your wife and child.  You'll find the people here as diverse and spirited as all hell, but generally good folk. 

[Guest MadameX]

Welcome! and sending you best wishes as you and your wife go through this terrible ordeal. From what I understand, this surgery is amazing and you can expect good results. 

 

And congratulations on your deconversion. Reality really must be dealt with, the sooner and the more honest the better. And I do mean congratualtions - having been raised the way you were, you have a lot of courage and smarts to see your way clear of all that.

 

All the best to you.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

I have to discover which beliefs I have that are actually mine and which beliefs that I was taught from the Bible.

I did this same exercise early in my deconversion, only to discover that not one single belief of mine was original; they had all been planted by somebody else without a shred of evidence as to their veracity.  Don't be surprised if you have a similar discovery.

 

Welcome to the forums.

[Sophrosyne]

Welcome.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Welcome to sanity.  You're doing great.

[Llwellyn]

Good thing you didn't convert to Islam.  Apostasy from Islam is punishable by death.

[Deidre]

Hi Canon. Welcome

[ExCBooster]

Hello, Canon. That was really well written. I hope all goes well with your daughter.

 

About the music, though - that really shows just how far some belief systems will go to control people. Believe whatever you find true. Listen to whatever you like.

[lareason]

Welcome, canon! i'm a newbie too and you'll find a lot of support here.

[DrNo]

Welcome fellow Texan! 

[amateur]

Welcome, Canon!  I'm sending all my best wishes to you, your wife, and your dear daughter Summer.

 

And congrats on the deconversion!  

[Ellinas]

Welcome.

 

You are doing precisely what Abrahamic religion forbids - thinking for yourself and getting rid of preconceptions.  Christianity represents both religious and social authoritarianism with effects that its' former adherents often don't appreciate for some time.  Freeing yourself is a process, and you are well on the way.

 

All the best for a safe delivery and a healthy child.

[DarwinAdmirer]

Hi Canon!

 

First, I hope everything goes well with your daughter!

 

I feel I can relate with some of the things you share. The crazy thoughts that were planted in my brain by my christian upbringing are sometimes right around the corner and there's so much that I actually don't have an opinion about... I always just assumed the mainstream christian view. It's really hard to shake these things off.

 

I also totally recognize the feeling that you want to pray for something, but then you realize that's not going to do any good, since there's no one out there to hear you. In my case, I try to replace praying by talking to other people more, and they actually respond, so that's cool! Moreover, I think not praying actually makes you a stronger person.

 

My childhood also saw a lot of christian and classical music and till this day I cannot answer questions like 'What's your favorite kind of music?', because I really don't know. Feel a bit embarressed about that, actually

 

Finally, I have a question for you: are your parents religious? I noticed they don't appear in your story and was wondering what their role was. Don't feel obliged to answer, if you think I'm being too personal.

 

Thank you for your story! All the best of luck with freeing yourself from christianity even more!

[Canon]

I would like to thank everyone for the warm welcome, advice and support for my daughter. It's good to be at a place where so many have been where I am currently.

 

 

Now that I look back on it, I cringe as I can easily shoot down every single defense for Christendom I once held.

It's amazing how easily I used to grasp at straws, and "redefine" what a Biblical verse meant just to make it "true". When you show a Christian the light they (me) would grasp harder on their faith and religion. The only way that I was able to stop being a Christian was to learn more about it.

 

 

From what I understand, this surgery is amazing and you can expect good results. 

All the best to you.

Thank you. It's been hard but everything is looking to turn out well. Went to the ultrasound today and Summer was actually moving her legs, feet and even saw some toe movement. Hydrocephalus looks like its not getting worse. It is pretty much staying where it's at. We'll know more when they do the MRI.

 

 

Good thing you didn't convert to Islam.  Apostasy from Islam is punishable by death.

Lol

 

Finally, I have a question for you: are your parents religious? I noticed they don't appear in your story and was wondering what their role was. Don't feel obliged to answer, if you think I'm being too personal.

 

Thank you for your story! All the best of luck with freeing yourself from christianity even more!

My parents where Easter and Christmas Christians. When I was young there was a bus that would come and pick us up and take us to a baptist church every Sunday (they had free donuts and lunches too). I was hit with Christianity at a young enough age that later on I made my parents take me to church Sunday and Wednesdays. Eventually I would hitch a ride with my friends parents.

 

Even though my parents weren't all that religious they did support me in my faith and would buy me almost anything I wanted related to Christianity. As of now the only person in my family that knows that I am no longer a Christian is my wife. I plan on telling my mother soon and am not looking forward to her reaction. She takes pride in my level of dedication that I once had in Christianity.

[Blood]

Your story is unusual. The only reason most kids went to church was because their parents forced them. That you decided on your own I take to be evidence of free will. 

[jobear]

 I have to discover which beliefs I have that are actually mine and which beliefs that I was taught from the Bible.

 

 

This is still a struggle for me. Welcome!!