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Goodbye Jesus

Remarriages Are Adultery


violetbutterfly

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Oh boy.

 

Shortly before my deconversion, when I was feeling really down on myself for divorcing my ex-husband and really depressed that I was going to be unforgiven for my sin, I came across this gem of a website. I was initially very upset, but then once the absolute idiocy of it sunk in, I was pretty angry. I have no idea what denomination they are but it was so extreme, it made me take a step back and question everything. I have to say, it really was a stepping stone on the path of my total deconversion.

 

Grab some popcorn and check it out.

 

Why I Repented of A Marriage God Called Adulterous!

 

I couldn't believe it as I read testimonies from people who actually ended happy marriages because their spouse had been married before and that meant they were in an adulterous marriage. There are fun Q&A sections, where absolutely no exceptions are made. It doesn't matter if the first spouse was awful and you had no children with him, and your current spouse is loving and wonderful and you have a happy family together...you must leave and return to your REAL spouse as long as he lives because GOD SAID SO AND THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS.

 

And in the case of abuse, if it's like...you know, REALLY bad, like he beats the ever loving shit out of you hourly and locks you in the basement and you can't handle it and fear for your children, then I guess it is okay to leave, but you should try to separate first and work things out, and if you can't you still remain joined and you are not free to remarry.

 

From http://www.cadz.net/abusive.html'> What About Abusive Marriages?

 

Comment/question
I can honestly say that if I have to choose between saving a life or upholding an abusive marriage, I will work towards the saving of the life. For me the life of a person is far more valuable than an abusive marriage. I now that you and I differ on that point. I can only assume you don't really believe a woman will be killed but the police can tell you differently.
Response
I'm not quite sure what you are supporting here. Is it that you support a woman's/man's right to divorce for abuse or is it that you support not only a divorce, but also the joining with another person after a divorce? In other words, you feel that abuse allows for the dissolving of the marriage bond (Romans 7:2-3, I Corinthians 7:39, I Corinthians 7:10-11)?

 

As far as statistics go, it appears to me that most domestic abuse cases involve NON-married persons (single, living together or divorced persons (ex-spouses).
http://www.divorcereform.org/vio.html

 

In those cases, it sure doesn't appear that divorce solves the problem of abuse as many would like to think. As a matter of fact, it appears that in many cases divorce can escalate the abuse sometimes to murder. I also read that divorce is a leading cause of suicide........so it's very hard for me to see anything "good" in a divorce taking place in a lawful marriage which has been joined by God.

 

 

Wendybanghead.gif

 

It's like a trainwreck. I can't look away. I have so much to say about it, but mostly I'm just in disbelief. If I ever needed any confirmation that following the bible to the letter is insanity, this is it. The message is clear about how our happiness means absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. It doesn't matter if we hate every second of our existence, because we aren't here to enjoy life or be happy. We are here to serve God. And when he chastens us, we should be grateful for the opportunity to suffer, like Jesus did.

 

From Are Remarriages Blessed By God?

 

Comment/question
I have seen 2nd marriages that have been blessed. If one of these couples divorced (and it would be painful) and said that God told them to so that they could return to the ones that had been mistreating them, unbelievers around them would think God was vindictive and cruel. Any children who have come to know that couple as adults would also be hurt. Unbelievers would then use this example to show that God was a harsh God.
Response

That can't be what sways us one way or the other. The truth is that God calls us to endure many HARD things in following Him that the "lost" do not think fair. Yes, God is a LOVING God, but He is also a God that will judge all of mankind..........and many think His eternal judgments are "unfair"...........do we then change the gospel to suit those who do not want a God that is a judger of mankind?

 

 

 

And to make my head spin even more...divorce is so incredibly sinful that if you remarry, which is also incredibly sinful, the only acceptable repentence is to get a divorce from the remarriage. Is that supposed to make any sense?

 

Yes, according to this person, who has several pages dedicated to refuting every possible scenario.

 

 

Adultery is forgivable, this is true. Many, many saints have turned away from their adulteries and returned to their spouses. Or, if they have lost spouses due to their sin, have remained single, being faithful to the Lord.

 

"remarriage is not the unforgivable sin".........a comment I see quite often. This is a true statement. Remarriage (adultery) is NOT the unforgivable sin. I know of a couple right now who are in the process of rectifying their sinful relationship. They are separating from each other and eventually will divorce legally. That is repentance from an adulterous marriage.........since God does not view them as lawfully joined in His eyes, they are doing the works of repentance.

 

From What About The Children Of Remarriage?

 

 

Comment/question

So, are you saying that in the second marriage with children, you believe the person should divorce the second spouse and return to the first?
Response  
I believe that if a relationship is shown to be adulterous, repentance, true repentance, would require leaving such a relationship---whether it be extramarital adultery or remarital adultery. I don't think the Lord differentiates between the two.

 

 

There is so much on that site to comment on, it's kind of overwhelming. This is my favorite section of Q&A, from Does God Join All First Marriages? (which is how I found the site in the first place):

 

 

 

Comment/question
Repentance doesn't mean divorcing from a second marriage and living single and destroying additional lives.

Repentance means "I will keep these vows" , It's a change of heart not a change of marital status.
Response

Who does God see one married to????? Did God join the two as One, or did man join themselves with another? Very big difference. We can "vow" something to another, but that does not mean God will enter and take a part in it, if it is sin.
Comment/question

And again I say, If your first union was sinful; if God told you not to marry your partner but you did anyhow, then repenting of that would be divorce since God never put it together. Man did!
Response
Anyone could say that, and that is why we must go to the WORD to find what God sees as a lawful union. In scripture, NT, we can see that ANY first marriage (to another whose never been married) is joined by God. In other words, concerning believer/non believer marriages, we see that God does in fact "join" them together and Paul gives an admonishment on how to live as married with an unsaved spouse.
Comment/question
Using that logic, if God did not join two people together in their first marriage, then divorce would be OK.

 

Example: If a prostitute and a drug addict ran off and got married just to save on rent or income taxes, then that is not a legitimate God ordained marriage and they can divorce and remarry again with no consequences.
Response

How do you figure that? If they willfully enter into a marriage together, what difference does it make WHY? Do you know that many marriages happen around the world in which the two who are marrying do not even know each other well? They are not "in love", yet they come together to be man/wife. The "whys" of marriage do not matter.........it is the WHO's of marriage that matter. Is one free to marry or are they "bound" to another in the sight of God? That is the determining factor.

 

 

As someone who married young for the wrong reasons (part of that reason being to please God) and ignored all kinds of red flags, I always felt my marriage was not blessed and was not "joined" by God. I especially felt that way because I knew who I was supposed to marry and who I should have married instead. So this little exchange MAY have been what actually made me literally say "Fuck this, I'm done."

 

I've said this before....but really, and this illustrates it nicely....it's ALL ABOUT SEX.

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Guest afireinside

Sisters stop and think. You committed to a lifetime of abuse and submission to your husband. When he hits you do as Jesus commanded and turn the other cheek, it is a wonderful way to honour your husband. When he throws you down the stairs thank God that he is with you and he delights in you keeping your promise. When he threatens your children remind yourself that he is the head of the family and to honour his authority. Marriage is made by God, without Christianity marriage would never have been invented, only Christians can understand the sanctity of marraige, God HATES you if you divorce, he will surely curse you and damn you. If you have remarried to a loving husband tell him that God wants you to go back to "love knuckles" and apologise for escaping his abusive clutch, leave the loving husband broken hearted so he can be lead to true repentance. If you have children from your second marriage take them with you to the abusive husband so he can beat them for being illegitimate children of adultery, that is what they deserve. Sin will find you out sisters, The Lord is so soooo ANGRY!! Don't FUCK with him!!!

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Hey, being divorced is the one thing that kept me from becoming a preacher, so it can't be that bad.  According to the assemblies of god denomination, of which I was once a part, no one who is divorced and remarried can be ordained as a minister.  Murderers, rapist, and child molesters can all be pastors, but woe unto the man who has had two wives!

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That's so sad.  Scripturally, of course, a man is only in an adulterous marriage if his wife has been married previously.  He can have as many wives as he wants, as long as none of them belong to somebody else.

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In the Church of Christ marriage, divorce, and remarriage is a big deal. And they teach that an "unscriptural" marriage must be dissolved. It's pretty simple really. End the unscriptural marriage or spend eternity in hell. Couples who refuse to divorce are "disfellowshipped".  There is no middle ground this is a black and white issue in the Church of Christ. And people in the c of c, who find themselves in this situation, do divorce to "save their souls".

 

"Grace" only applies to those who "fix" their sin problem. Divorce is sin unless it is to end an unscriptural marriage. Then it becomes a form of repentance that nullifies the "sin" of an unscriptural marriage. Members of the c of c generally accept this teaching as "sound doctrine".

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That's so sad.  Scripturally, of course, a man is only in an adulterous marriage if his wife has been married previously.  He can have as many wives as he wants, as long as none of them belong to somebody else.

This is how I thought it too. Where do christians support their idea of absolute monogamy? It wasn't a norm by the ancient jews. The only thing they cared about was the purity of the woman in a marriage.

 

This is only slightly more positive look on marriage though, since, well, polygamy is a complex issue and this lays a lot of pressure on the women in marriage.

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Marriage and divorce are a function of government, can't take place without license and registration from same. All religious stipulations are made up and added on, both for marriage and divorce.

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Through his own wacky church, my DFH knows a couple in this situation.  They divorced many years ago (20+) after a very tumultuous but short-lived marriage. Thankfully they had no kids.    Husband remarried and was married to his second wife for about 10 years and had a couple of kids.  They were happy.   Then he caught that bornagainism bug, divorced his second wife and remarried his first.   Totally broke Wife2's heart and messed up his kids' lives.  Wife1/3 also caught the christianbug when they were apart, so she was easily convinced to "do the right thing" and marry her husband again.   Husband and Wife1/3 still do not get along well.    Even my DFH thinks they're nuts.

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I always find it pathetically sad when I hear someone say that their marriage is horrible, but they aren't "allowed" to get divorced because god hates divorce.  Adults get married and adults can then make their own decisions about their lives.  

 

This last part is annoying too:

 

 Do you know that many marriages happen around the world in which the two who are marrying do not even know each other well? They are not "in love", yet they come together to be man/wife. The "whys" of marriage do not matter.........it is the WHO's of marriage that matter. Is one free to marry or are they "bound" to another in the sight of God? That is the determining factor.

 

So the xian god is also in charge of every marriage of every religion and has brought those two people together?  What insanity, what hubris, what egotism.

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And what's also interesting is that it doesn't seem to matter if you're living a godly marriage, the most important part is that you aren't ever ever ever ever ever allowed to have sex with anyone else ever for the rest of your life. No matter the circumstances.

 

You can be abused, abusive, physically separated, whatever, but you are either to have Godly joined covenant marriage sex or be celibate until the day you die.

 

Have I ever mentioned it's all about sex?

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I always find it pathetically sad when I hear someone say that their marriage is horrible, but they aren't "allowed" to get divorced because god hates divorce. Adults get married and adults can then make their own decisions about their lives.

 

This last part is annoying too:

 

Do you know that many marriages happen around the world in which the two who are marrying do not even know each other well? They are not "in love", yet they come together to be man/wife. The "whys" of marriage do not matter.........it is the WHO's of marriage that matter. Is one free to marry or are they "bound" to another in the sight of God? That is the determining factor.

 

So the xian god is also in charge of every marriage of every religion and has brought those two people together? What insanity, what hubris, what egotism.

That's the stupid thing about Christianity's view of marraige. Ok, so we declare to God we will commit to a life monotony, I mean monogamy in a Christian belief that God honours our pledge. Divorce in a Christian marraige is where you say to God sorry we were wrong.

 

Why does God have the right to judge unbelievers who never made a promise to God?. Marriage isn't between them and God, it's between them and the state. God wants his fingers in every pie it seems.

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     These people sure know a whole lot about what god says/thinks/does.  It's almost like they are their own god.

 

     Nah.

 

    ;)

 

     mwc

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A relative said, "God will forgive you" when I got divorced....as if I thought this item was important. I then remarried a year later to spouse #2 and am still happily married. The parents of spouse #1 had a tumultuous relationship but of course stayed together because God doesn't really like divorce. (eyeroll)

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Rape virgin girls, kill little boys, kill the elderly and helpless, check.

Two adults willfully choosing to get married and then later on choosing to get a divorce and be with other people?  They must burn! 

 

Christianity:  Your mind will be fucked over on this life because you're waiting to live your life in the next round. 

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^^Midniterider, I had a similar comment from a church member.  We talked about my upcoming divorce and she asked if my soon-to-be ex was a believer and I said no, he's an atheist.  She said, "Oh, then it's ok to get divorced because god doesn't expect you to be married to a non-believer."  Her tone was very much like she was granting me permission from god.  She also didn't ask ME if I was a believer; she just assumed I was but didn't know I was agnostic.  So she didn't know my ex and I were actually equally yoked (stupid expression, isn't it!) in our non-belief!  Oh, the stupidity and presumption!

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The metaphorical ham and cheese sandwich just gave me a revelation.  God's like those kings who practiced prima nochta (thanks Braveheart).  No, even worse.  He doesn't just screw over your spouse on your wedding night, but for all the nights to follow so long as you both shall live. 

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That's the stupid thing about Christianity's view of marraige. Ok, so we declare to God we will commit to a life monotony, I mean monogamy in a Christian belief that God honours our pledge. Divorce in a Christian marraige is where you say to God sorry we were wrong.

 

Why does God have the right to judge unbelievers who never made a promise to God?. Marriage isn't between them and God, it's between them and the state. God wants his fingers in every pie it seems.

It's all really stupid. That website just really confirmed that for me. Part of me actually wants to feel sorry for the people who believe this nonsense. Even though it' awful that they're spreading this insanity, I almost kind of see then as victims of a vicious lie.

 

And sorry about my sex obsession. ;) I've been oppressed and guilty for so long, it's like my own personal sexual revolution.

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That's the stupid thing about Christianity's view of marraige. Ok, so we declare to God we will commit to a life monotony, I mean monogamy in a Christian belief that God honours our pledge. Divorce in a Christian marraige is where you say to God sorry we were wrong.

 

Why does God have the right to judge unbelievers who never made a promise to God?. Marriage isn't between them and God, it's between them and the state. God wants his fingers in every pie it seems.

It's all really stupid. That website just really confirmed that for me. Part of me actually wants to feel sorry for the people who believe this nonsense. Even though it' awful that they're spreading this insanity, I almost kind of see then as victims of a vicious lie.

 

And sorry about my sex obsession. ;) I've been oppressed and guilty for so long, it's like my own personal sexual revolution.

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And sorry about my sex obsession. ;) I've been oppressed and guilty for so long, it's like my own personal sexual revolution.

 

Your man mustn't get much sleep lol. Burnouts a serious issue, go easy on him!

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I like how de mello say it: "Scripture, like the Sabbath, is for human beings, not human beings for Scripture"

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^^Midniterider, I had a similar comment from a church member.  We talked about my upcoming divorce and she asked if my soon-to-be ex was a believer and I said no, he's an atheist.  She said, "Oh, then it's ok to get divorced because god doesn't expect you to be married to a non-believer."  Her tone was very much like she was granting me permission from god.  She also didn't ask ME if I was a believer; she just assumed I was but didn't know I was agnostic.  So she didn't know my ex and I were actually equally yoked (stupid expression, isn't it!) in our non-belief!  Oh, the stupidity and presumption!

 

God (meaning myself) grants you permission to get divorced. lol.

 

Ten years later both of these people (the fundy ex and fundy in-law) still think I'm a Christian and ask me to pray for things. I don't really see them much though. :-)

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  • 4 weeks later...

yeah yeah that bullshit is why a priest thought it was ok to tell me I should've died at birth, and even hinted at grave punishment for me because since my dad was re-married, my existence was profane. I wish I could meet that douchebag, fuckface asshole today, id REALLY give him a piece of my mind.

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yeah yeah that bullshit is why a priest thought it was ok to tell me I should've died at birth, and even hinted at grave punishment for me because since my dad was re-married, my existence was profane. I wish I could meet that douchebag, fuckface asshole today, id REALLY give him a piece of my mind.

He said that because you were a child born of a second marriage? Sometimes the "love and kindness" of Christianity is overwhelming.

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Remarriage is a sin, stop sinning you bunch of heathens.

 

Coincidentally, here's a confirmed cave drawing of God being his own grandfather.

 

fry_family_tree.jpg

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