Canon Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I deconverted about 5 years ago and kind of put all that on the back burner until a couple of weeks ago. I've started re evaluating everything I've come to think, believe and how I grew up. Before I was on the fence about there being a god or not. Earlier this week I've gone from being on the fence to full blown atheist. I just woke up and it made more sense to me that there was no god than there being one. The thing though is I loved being a xian, I loved everything about it. Now that I'm looking back on what I used to believe I am disgusted. How can a religion teach people love, understanding and knowledge on one page and teach the opposite the next page? I've been trying to find other people that I associate with that also happen to be atheist but living in the bible belt it is kind of hard to find someone. Everyone is a xian and that's the way it is. I actually came out to a couple of co workers and a lutheran asked me that if god were an alien would I believe in him then. That has to be the craziest question I've ever heard. I was confused because up until then I had no clue that people were taught that atheists believe aliens created us or something. Another thing that gets me is that "Jesus Camp" movie. I watched it for the first time while still believing in god. I really didn't see anything wrong with it except the tongues part. That was how I grew up and that was how I wanted to raise my children, even if I didn't believe in xianity. When I stopped believing in xianity I still thought the bible was a good book, just not written by god. I can't believe some of the shit I believed because of the bible. How in the world can slavery be ok? Or how does a woman rate lower than a man? all those years of oppressing women and having slaves, and It's still going on. Xians oppress anything and everything that they deem is a threat to their "values" or religion. Interracial relationships? nope that's bad. how about homosexuality, that is bad too. I'm playing catch up right now. Looking at all of this with fresh eyes and I am not liking what I am seeing. This sunday i plan on meeting up with a local atheist group. or at least a couple of people from the group. It will be nice to have a face to face conversation with someone that (i hope) came from a similar background as I. I tried coming out to a family friend yesterday. I couldn't do it. They are extreme conservatives and not very educated on the bible. there would be no convincing them that I made the right choice. I came out to my wife. Thing with her is we married as I was no longer becoming a xian so we never really went to church or talked of religion. She is also an atheist but has no knowledge of xianity (thank FSM). So she really doesn't know what I'm going through and she didn't really know how strong of a xian I was. Death. Not scary oddly enough. Right as I was deconverting I actually became extremely curious in what happens after we die. I really didn't figure out what I believed until recently when I became an atheist. But I have accepted the fact that there is a good chance that once I die I am gone for good. It becomes easier to accept this knowing that I won't be around to do anything about it. Though I do love the idea of living forever. I am going to come out to my mother though. For as long as she has known I have been a hardcore xian. and I was up until 5ish years ago. I am pretty sure I can answer any and all of her questions and hopefully get her to look at things in a new light (I will not hold my breath). I will say one that that is nice. It is a lot easier to come to conclusions thinking like an atheist than it is thinking like a xian. No longer will I ever have to use the bible and try to justify it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Discern Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Nice, good to hear your mind is clearing up. To me, an atheist position is the most consistent with reality. The amount of mental gymnastics and cognitive dissonance I went through as a christian was ridiculous. I was always trying to figure out apologetics for why the world is the way it is. Why all the suffering? Why all the confusion over which parts of the bible to believe? Why do so many homosexuals feel like they have no choice in the matter if God hates homosexuality? Why doesn't God actually prove his existence? It all makes more sense from a naturalistic point of view. Maybe aliens did spark life on earth. Or maybe a god did it. Who knows. But if that alien/god makes no effort to make itself irrefutably known to mankind, then there's no point believing in it until it does. What kind of dickhead god is going to punish me for not obeying it if it can't genuinely make its existence known. That's all got me thinking, the amount of mental anguish I went through in christianity was unbelievable. God was like this codependent leech that I always had to defend and make excuses for. The bastard never fought his own battles, it was always up to me. My brain feels like it's been on vacation ever since I deconverted. Break out the pina coladas, baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Whatever makes sense to you is the way you must go. Congratulations on finding sanity in this less than sane world of ideas. Might be worth a cooling off period and some clear thought on how to approach "coming out" to your family, however. Not saying you should reconsider whether to do so - just make sure you've got your tactics right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeExChristian Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I feel as though I am playing catch up too. logging on this forum and learning how others are dealing with life has helped me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Your path has been illuminated and it seems that you are on your way to finding comfort in your newfound freedom from religion. Keep staying true to you. <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Congratulations on getting some of this figured out! Don't feel compelled to do anything before you're ready. Some people here have spent years not telling their folks they don't believe anymore. It's okay, whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canon Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 I've met with an atheist group in my hometown, they meet up every Sunday. I learned a lot from these people and am looking forward to going back next week. I think I'll come out to my mother when I see her next month and I'll come out to my aunt and uncle whenever they ask me "what church do you go to". I hate lying and if they didn't want to hear the truth then they would not ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ousian Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Congratulations on rejecting the bronze-age mythological ideology omnipresent here in the Bible belt. As a fellow Texan, I completely understand how hard it is to be an atheist where we live. I can't believe Christians believe they are a minority. As somebody with a predominantly fundamentalist Christian family, I also understand how hard your belief is from that angle. On the bright side, you're one step closer to living your life to the highest potential without the shackles of religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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