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Goodbye Jesus

Anyone Out There Have Anything They Do To Help Them Calm Down And Think Logically Again


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I'm in a weird situation with my boss. We hate each others guts, but our employer kind of needs us both so we try to make it work. It's like I would imagine a loveless marriage would be like.

 

Recently I was contacted by another employer and I went to the interview. I felt my integrity required me to disclose this information to my current boss. Big mistake. So everything is still ok between us, but now after the third interview he's turned, erm how do I say this, his narcissistic tendencies are showing themselves completely.

 

As the new employer haven't decided if they're going to make me an offer and because I'm now in a work environment which I would imagine resembles the Christian hell somewhat I'm under immense pressure. 

 

Now people deal with extreme stress in different ways. Some people get angry, others drink, but myself, I just cry like a little girl. (unfortunately) 

 

In my deluded christian state I found immense relief from sitting in my car for five minutes and just explaining the situation to god and leaving it in his capable hands. Now, however I doubt that's going to work. I've tried meditation, but I'm probably doing it wrong.

 

Anyone out there have anything they do to help them calm down and think logically again? I'm completely open minded. Anything to avoid myself getting dust in my eyes at work.

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Goodbye Jesus
Guest MadameX

Seriously, do what you used to do: talk it through. It's called, in the real world, role playing (in the Xtian world it's called talking to God.) even if you are playing both roles. 

 

Putting those thoughts and emotions into words will really help, as will rehearsing difficult conversations.

 

Good luck, and I hope your job situation works out to your liking.

 

 

 

edited to add: and yes I do that, too. It really helps

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Learn to meditate (it's not as hard as you have been led to believe) or become an alcoholic. I recommend meditation.

 

"How to Meditate in Just 2 Minutes" by Phil Pierce, $2.99 Kindle Edition or paperback available through Amazon (or Amazon Smile).

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I do what MadameX does.  I also sometimes talk to my grandfather about it.  He's been dead since I was ten, so it may seem weird; but there's nothing spiritual about it.  I just think about whatever problem I'm having and then recall a memory of my grandfather.  If that particular memory doesn't have an answer in it, then I start the process over and use a different memory.  Eventually, some memory I have of him will contain some little nugget of wisdom that I can apply to my problem.  I hope this helps.

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Seriously, do what you used to do: talk it through. It's called, in the real world, role playing (in the Xtian world it's called talking to God.) even if you are playing both roles. 

 

Putting those thoughts and emotions into words will really help, as will rehearsing difficult conversations.

 

Good luck, and I hope your job situation works out to your liking.

 

 

 

edited to add: and yes I do that, too. It really helps

 

Yes, either talk it through or write it out in some way. If writing, it could be anything from a rambly monologue to a pro-con list. But expressing it all in some way helps a lot.  Tell yourself whatever you used to tell "god." Your own hands may not feel capable right now, but your own mind is as capable as it ever was back when you thought somebody else was in charge of it.

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Do you have a pet, animal friend?

I cry and talk to my dog. :)

I've also talked out aloud to myself not really aiming my words TO any body or any being but just getting it out of me.

 

I don't think you can do meditation "wrong". Even Five minutes can be beneficial. Doesn't have to be long sessions though the more one practices the more beneficial it is.

Sit somewhere in a position you feel the most comfortable. Traditionally on the floor with legs crossed is ok but not everyone is physically able to do that so you modify things to suit your self.

Whatever works for you. That's how I approach it.

Allow thoughts to come and go, just let them float on by, don't analyze why or what you are thinking, no chastising self. focus on breathing. You'll have clear spots where no particular thought is there, that's good you want more of that clearing, A thought might pop into your head, and that is ok, just let it go and focus back to your breathing, You can Look and focus on an object if you want, candle flame, cloud, tree etc You can listen to a sound. Or you can repeat a sound or a positive word or phrase to your self if that helps.

 

There's different ways to meditate. I find sitting in the grass and watching a tree and listening to the wind is meditation.

I've sat in my parked car in the rain and listened to and watched rain drops going down the windshield, It's a form of meditation to me.

 

There's also YouTube videos you can get ideas from. There's plenty of info out there about meditation.

 

Anyway, good luck. I hope you get the job offer.

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Release your hold on integrity. Do what you need to do to get a paycheck. Lie or at least withhold negative information during the interview. Bosses always become the focus of hostility. :-)

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Sit down, empty your mind and concentrate on the rhythm of your breathing - don't breath more deeply or slowly, just naturally.  As thoughts intrude, just dismiss them and return to the rhythm.

 

You should relax within about 10 minutes and be more clear minded.

 

I got my wife to do this once to combat a panic attack.  It worked for her, and I've found it helpful in the past.

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I know it's neither here nor there at this point- but IMO you don't owe an employer that kind of information. I generally give 2-weeks notice as a courtesy- and only after the next job is in hand.

 

As for calming down, my advice will be similar to what others have said. I fairly recently went through possibly the most difficult time of my adult life- my wife and I both came down with some pretty nasty health problems at about the same time. Now I've been godless for 24 years... I'm not tempted to return to the arms of Jesus. But I actually prayed on occasion for a while there. It helped me calm down and get some perspective. Whatever 'spirituality' is... mine pretty much doesn't work. The only way I can access it is the same way I learned as a kid. And while it's not factually true in that there's no magic skydaddy that will hear my plea... I suspect that the practice of prayer can give the spiritually stunted like me just a little bit of whateverthefuck it is that people get out of meditation, worship, etc.

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Praying to an imaginary god OR venting on here are both good, but I would add that if you vent on here you might get some good, relevant answers, some sympathy, and some actual ideas on handling your situation.

 

Good luck with the interviews.  Having lived in a loveless marriage, I have nothing good to say about any relationship like that (marriage or work, religion gone sour, any daily relationship).  Life is too short and you need to get out.

 

I do find that venting on this site is cathartic.  

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faceahem: I guess I am a heretic for saying this, but you said prayer worked for you before. Try that again. You know there is no invisible god up there listening and giving you advice. So pretend there is for a moment. If it works, what's the harm? Being an exchristian is not like being a Xtian, where you have to watch what you say and think or the devil will get you. Do what works. bill

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Thanks for all the great answers. 

 

Yes, I made the mistake of telling my employer about the interview before I had an offer in hand. That was stupid. I should have waited until I had the offer in hand and then simply tendered my resignation. I always try to be ethical and I thought I was being considerate. I now realise that other people don't respect these values and views it as an opportunity to further their own agendas.

 

It sounds like meditation is something I should reconsider. I have tried it in the past, once, and afterwards felt that it was a great waste of time. I will however try youtubing it this weekend as it seems like it works for a lot of people here. Also some of you have even given me some guidance on it in your answers and maybe I'll try that in my lunch break this afternoon.

 

I'm not comfortable praying to anybody imaginary. I respect that it works for some of you and I'm really grateful for the advice, but if I don't believe it my brain is going to reject it.

 

Jdog, I considered following your suggestion and talking to my dog, but he worries me sometimes and at other times scares me a little. And he weighs less than 10 kg's!! (Sorry I don't know how to convert to pounds.)

 

A bit of good news though. My potential employer have started phoning my references. This means I'm in the top two candidates. I have also visited my doctor and he prescribed me a little something to help me out in the short term. I know this is not the correct solution and I need to find a way to deal with my stress, but I also feel that right now too much is at stake to screw it up. I'm going to work on handling my stress better and I'm going to start with meditation and see if I can't get it to work for me.

 

As always I'm touched by the interest this forum has in a random stranger on the other side of the planet. You guys are awesome.

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Good luck with the potential job!  Sounds good if they're phoning your references.  yellow.gif

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  • 3 weeks later...

I would like to update everyone.

 

I found a site that explained the basics of meditation in a non religious and non cultural way and also explained why it works and how it works in a scientific manner. I tried it and although it initially felt really strange/stupid the actual effect it had on me was even more strange. For the past few days I did not need to take any more doctor prescribed calming pills or sleeping pills. When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake. For me it's like all the clutter in my head goes away and then I start feeling calm. And the effects lasts a couple of hours.

 

My manager is still an ass, but somehow it doesn't bother me anymore. I can't explain it but after meditation, everything else in your life gets the volume turned down. 

Stress is still there and is always going to be there, but I believe I might have found a coping mechanism. I would like to thank everyone here. Again. 

 
I'm pretty sure I'm not an expert at it or even doing it slightly right, but fuck it, I'm not a crying wreck anymore. I sleep without using any kind of medication so I must be doing something right.
 
Plus, my favourite movie that perfectly summarise my generation and my experience of life showed last night and I remembered how awesome it is and threw in some references just for fun. Don't spoil it for those that don't get it please.
 
Also, I got the job and tendered my 30 day notice. This is my final proof that there is no god. If there was then there's no way he would have let me get it. Not after all my blasphemy.
 
And also from the bottom of my heart. Thanks everyone. It was your idea. I would not even have considered meditation. I guess I still had my fundie mindset of it being "that weird thing those buddhists does"
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This is good news indeed.  I'm happy for you that you found something that works.  I got into meditation early in my deconversion but was never really any good at it; though I will say, when I was doing it, I had similar results to yours.

 

And congrats on the new job!

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I would like to update everyone.

 

I found a site that explained the basics of meditation in a non religious and non cultural way and also explained why it works and how it works in a scientific manner. I tried it and although it initially felt really strange/stupid the actual effect it had on me was even more strange. For the past few days I did not need to take any more doctor prescribed calming pills or sleeping pills. When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake. For me it's like all the clutter in my head goes away and then I start feeling calm. And the effects lasts a couple of hours.

 

My manager is still an ass, but somehow it doesn't bother me anymore. I can't explain it but after meditation, everything else in your life gets the volume turned down. 

Stress is still there and is always going to be there, but I believe I might have found a coping mechanism. I would like to thank everyone here. Again. 

 
I'm pretty sure I'm not an expert at it or even doing it slightly right, but fuck it, I'm not a crying wreck anymore. I sleep without using any kind of medication so I must be doing something right.
 
Plus, my favourite movie that perfectly summarise my generation and my experience of life showed last night and I remembered how awesome it is and threw in some references just for fun. Don't spoil it for those that don't get it please.
 
Also, I got the job and tendered my 30 day notice. This is my final proof that there is no god. If there was then there's no way he would have let me get it. Not after all my blasphemy.
 
And also from the bottom of my heart. Thanks everyone. It was your idea. I would not even have considered meditation. I guess I still had my fundie mindset of it being "that weird thing those buddhists does"

 

 

First, Congratulations! 

 

On which site did you find the information? And do you meditate with or without a guided video - audio? Just curious smile.png

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First, Congratulations! 

 

On which site did you find the information? And do you meditate with or without a guided video - audio? Just curious smile.png

 

Also congratulations. So great to get good news isn't it? Good for you!!

 

Welcome dutchie.....Glad to have you here with us. I also would love to know what site helped!!yellow.gif

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Im so glad it's worked out for you and you're getting out of that toxic work environment! I too would be interested in going to that website on meditation, if you want to post it?

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