Dagny Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I wanted to share a story of how I told my mother that I was no longer a Christian. It was about six months ago... It was morning. I felt pretty anxious, because I knew that now I had to tell my mother the news. The evening before I told my father and we had a big discussion, but after I repeated a number of times that the burden of proof is for Christianity and that I don't want, nor have to, defend my new position. I think he got the point or it was clear that arguing was pointless. I thought my father told my mother by now, so when I saw my mother in the kitchen: Me: "mom you may have heard it from dad, but I have to tell you something". *silence* Me (thinking): "oh no now she thinks I'm gay!" (seriously that's what I thought, haha ) Me: "I, eh, don't really believe anymore". Mom: "Ok. Hm, to be honest your father and I don't like to go to Church either". Me: "It's not just about the Church. I don't believe in God anymore". Mom: "Oh ok. Then weren't your years at your Christian student group a wasted time?" Me: "No I had a good time there. I don't worry about that". That's about the whole conversation. It was shocking to find out that she didn't really seem to care a lot, but at the same time I know my mother, she does not like to argue about such things. Anyways I felt relieved that I told her and that it went well. In the six months after we didn't have any conflicts. We didn't really talk about it either but I did feel like I grew closer to my parents now religion is out of the way. Just wanting to share this story. I know it's scary to tell your parents, I waited many months and felt very anxious about it, even depressed, but apparently it doesn't have to be difficult - I count myself lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted April 24, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hmm... When I first told my mother, her response was something along the lines of, "Well that's just one more way that I failed you as a mother." Yep, it really is all about you, ain't it, Ma? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagny Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 @TheRedNeckProfessor - ai that's not a good thing to hear your mother say. Sorry your experience was so bad. Were later conversations better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlindersRemoved Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I still haven't told my mother. She knows that I don't go to church but not that I've completely rejected it. She lives 3 hours away so I make sure not to visit on Sunday. My wife took it pretty hard and I think mom would be even worse. What a fucked up religion that causes people to agonize over believing their loved ones are going to hell. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoubtingNate Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I've kind of let my parents know without having to say it explicitly. This is hands down the hardest part for me because I know deep down they are very sad. What a fucked up religion that causes people to agonize over believing their loved ones are going to hell.n heaven, I've heard it to mean that 'wipe away every tear' means that god waves his memory erasey wand so yo u never think about your loved ones again, so you can just keep praising him forever and ever and ever. This. I don't know how anyone have any real peace or happiness with a burden like this, without having so,e sort of spiritual lobotomy dome to you. I know I couldn't. It is such a dreary and dismal view of the universe that it breaks my heart to know how many people are taken by this idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted April 24, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted April 24, 2014 @TheRedNeckProfessor - ai that's not a good thing to hear your mother say. Sorry your experience was so bad. Were later conversations better? Since then, on the rare occasion that we discuss it, I just shoot down every argument she throws at me about why I should get right with jesus again. It's kind of like The Lion's Den in real life. I find it highly entertaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ousian Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Congrats on coming out and not having a horrible experience with it. My Mom will react much similar to TheRedneckProfessor's, it'll probably break her heart as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted April 24, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted April 24, 2014 Congrats on coming out and not having a horrible experience with it. My Mom will react much similar to TheRedneckProfessor's, it'll probably break her heart as well. If you ask me, and I know this will sound heartless, but my mother deserved it. I mean to say, a person gets out of life what they put into it, and my mother was manipulative, controlling, guilt-inducing, and just downright mean when I was growing up. Don't get me wrong, I didn't derive any kind of pleasure by telling her that I no longer believed; but I sure as hell weren't sad about it either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 You did well and had what was probably the best response conceivable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MadameX Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Religion makes a great stick to beat people with. And so that is what my mother did. When I called her on it, I asked her WHY she was so mean? (and she admitted she was, MANY years later) She said, 'Well, that's what my family did to me.' Very honest, and gets to the heart of it. Through the generations, traditions passed along, as well as religious beliefs, superstitions. Some good traditions too, don't get me wrong. But some of these things persist mostly because that is what was done before. (It's also important to remember, the whole idea of children was very different a couple generations ago: they were not the precious indulgent financial extravagances that they are now - they were wild beasts to be tamed, or valuable assets to work the farm! but that is a tangent, sorry) I told my mother as a teen that all that Christian stuff made no sense. It really helped to defuse the manipulation. Sure she sends me preachy things from time to time. Most are not offensive and very ignorable. Some need to be called out as ludicrous and bigoted. I am very glad I am honest with my family about this. And lucky, too; some of you folks best not say a peep about your lack of belief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I'm still in two minds about whether to say more to my parents ie I don't believe anymore. They know I don't go to church anymore, I said it was because I don't need to and they were ok about it. They are pretty laid-back about their faith. It's my sister I really don't want to tell - she is a fundy and is sort of a sibling+, meaning she was like a substitute parent to me. I don't want to hurt her feelings or feel her disapproval. I'll eventually make a decision, it's a work in progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hey Freethinker NZ, consider yourself lucky that your parents "are laid back". Seriously. Some of us have parents that still try to convert us when we are 55. Just saying. My advice, be careful what you say to your sister, probably best not to say too much if you want any kind of relationship at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hey Freethinker NZ, consider yourself lucky that your parents "are laid back". Seriously. Some of us have parents that still try to convert us when we are 55. Just saying. My advice, be careful what you say to your sister, probably best not to say too much if you want any kind of relationship at all. Oh I do, every day. Sorry to hear about your parents. I think you are right about my sister. I do really want to have a relationship with her. I will keep dodging the issue and if she forces it, I will try to obfuscate. If she pushes hard though I will let go of my dream of a relationship and stand my ground. I don't accept unacceptable behaviour these days. Too many years of being a doormat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francesco Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 glad your experience was not stressful for both of your mom and you no drama, tears, yelling, curse, meet the pastor, etc congratz, your mom treat you as a person and respect your choice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeExChristian Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 i am on the verge of coming out. i want to get rid of the stereotype around over here that atheists are merely "uninformed or misinformed" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 i am on the verge of coming out. i want to get rid of the stereotype around over here that atheists are merely "uninformed or misinformed" It's ironic that theists should claim that atheists lack information, when theism itself is believing in something with no evidence to support that belief. All atheism is, is the non-acceptance of the god claim. By definition there is no information about such a god, with which an atheist might be misinformed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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