Non-Religious Advice About... Girls?

[LukeExChristian]

*sigh* im gonna swallow my pride and just try to put to rest this situation...

i was raised in a christian household. i took to heart everything i was taught.

it is one thing to advise a junior high boy that he may not yet be mature enough to handle a relationship... it is another to add disobedience to god and lots of guilt.

i'll give it credit for working... i avoided pitfalls and girl problems that i'm sure many junior high/high school guys get... but at the cost of my confidence and self-esteem. i was convinced that no girl was ever going to be interested in me and i had come to terms with that. by high school i had mastered bottling up and suffocating any emotions i started to get about girls. girls were no more than wastes of time. long-story-short, i found out i CAN have a relationship and it is possible... since then, i've felt so empty.

i know little about the opposite gender. (i have learned a thing maybe, after breaking free from christianity 5 months ago) i work a part-time job and i have 2 classes this fall... i understand that girls MAY not be something to concern myself with. but i'm not going to do as i have always done and be intellectually dishonest and say to myself "girls do not matter, i should just avoid them right now" and just go on. i'd rather BE SURE OF MYSELF before i come to that conclusion.

MT POINT: most of those who i look up to are christians, if i brought this up to them, they'd LIKELY start quoting buy-bull garbage. i do not know what girls like. what girls ARE like. (for the most part) i do not know how i should go about making friends with them. or how to tell the nice ones from the insane bitches. or if it's something i should concern myself with.

anyone know where i could get started?

[WaitingInfinity]

Sometimes you can't tell the nice ones from the insane bitches right off the bat.  Sometimes girls don't turn into insane bitches immediately (guys are like this too). That's why getting to know someone is key. So how do you get to know girls? Well, how do you get to know anybody? Look for a shared interest. Plenty of girls like video games and would love to talk about what kind of video games they play. Maybe you have some in common! Maybe you like the same MMORPG and could play together online or something. Books, movies, music, pick a topic and a girl might astound you with her diverse and nifty interests. 

 

You should know that girls are as diverse as guys in their likes and dislikes. We aren't aliens, I promise. We all like different sorts of guys. I tend to think a macho guy isn't fun to hang around with, but some girls really like machismo. Some girls like guys with abs and defined muscles, but I prefer skinny, lanky, non muscular guys. I like facial hair, most of my friends don't. I'd take a nerdy or geeky guy over an athletic outdoorsman any day. And most of these personal preferences are reflected in my friends. I don't have a lot of macho athletic outdoorsy guy friends just because I've never been able to make those kinds of guy friends. 

 

Oh, and most importantly, just be yourself. You don't have to put on a facade. Girls don't like fake guys (okay, there may be some weird exceptions somewhere), but generally, girls like a genuine guy. Someone who is fun to talk to and to hang around with. Someone who likes to share things with them. Someone who likes to laugh and doesn't take himself too seriously. Someone who shares a lot of interests but also broadens them. Someone who is gentle and who listens--truly listens--and responds. (Okay, maybe this is what I personally look for in sig others and guy friends, so it's probably not true for all women.) But one of the first things I remember about my boyfriend (before he was my boyfriend) was that he listened to me and was supportive of me.

 

You seem like a pretty nice and honest sort of guy, so don't worry about it too much. Just go make some girl friends and you'll learn. Maybe you'll screw up a bit in the beginning and say the wrong things. Don't let it get you down. It's all about learning how to socialize. And nothing anyone says can replace that experience for you.

 

Note: if you see a girl sitting alone and not socializing during class, you should go befriend her. Just be like, "Hey, I'm so and so." And just start up some conversation like you would with any other human being. I can't tell you how many times I've sat alone in a class (I'm pretty shy) and wished someone would talk to me. It's a good opportunity to try to make friends without the pressure of having a bunch of her friends around.

[VacuumFlux]

You should know that girls are as diverse as guys in their likes and dislikes.

 

Very muchly so. For women with similar personalities and similar cultural backgrounds, it is often possible to make some generalizations, but approaching all women as a sample of this thing that is The Opposite Sex instead of unique individuals is not going to be very effective. This also means that if you ask a woman on a date and she's not interested in you, it does not mean anything about your value as a person or your desirability as a partner. You know how some christians get married young in order to "avoid temptation" then when they grow up a bit they find they're not really good for each other at all and don't know what to do about it? Women saying "no" helps you not end up like those people. It also gives you the oportunity to move on and look for someone who's more compatible, instead of getting obsessed over someone it's not going to go anywhere with.

 

Once you've gone on a few dates with someone and are still interested in them, be sure to have a combination of group activities and one on one time. Both with your friends and with hers. Some people can put up a good show when it's just the two of you, but can't hide the crazy as well around other people. Or maybe you're infatuated and ignoring the signs of crazy; your friends can help point that out to you. This will also help you figure out if she's jealous and controlling by seeing how well she handles you balancing your attention between her and the rest of the group. It was also help you figure out if you're so nervous about loosing her that you're the one being a jerk. Even good people can find themselves doing that, especially when they're new to dating and a bit insecure.

 

One thing that I had a lot of trouble with, that you may or may not have picked up from your time as a christian, is that you don't have to take going on a date very seriously. Yeah, sure, in the long run you may be looking for someone to marry, but you're not going to figure that out from one date. Going on one date doesn't even mean that the two of you are "dating", so one date does not mean that you are making any sort of commitment to the other person (well, other than to go to one date). It's ok to go on a date with someone you're not sure it's going to work out with, because going on dates is supposed to help you figure that out. Once a few dates have gone well and you're both interested in more, then you talk about whether you'd like to be in an exclusive realtionship and what each person's expectations are. I put off asking someone on a date for... over a year, I think, because I wasn't ready for "that level of commitment". But for not-super-religious people in my culture, that's not what a date means anyway, so that was quite ridiculous.

 

Another thing I had to relearn is that romantic/sexual ethics isn't about purity. It's about consent from both partners. It took me a long time to work through all the implications of that. Right and wrong isn't about following a list of rules and figuring out if you're far enough along in a relationship that you're allowed to demand it become more physical, or trying to guess whether she'll think you're less of a man if you're not being physical enough. It's about figuring out for yourself where your own limits are, and asking the other person what they want and are comfortable with, and not going past a point you're both ok with. And then not feeling guilt when you both say yes. That applies not just to sex, but to kissing and cuddling and deciding when you're serious enough about each other than you're in an exclusive relationship instead of just going on dates. It's all about communicating with each other and working towards mutal happiness.

[mymistake]

Start with everything Christians say about it is wrong.

 

Know this:  The friend zone does not lead to a romantic relationship with that lady.  Exceptions happen but those are so very rare that you should forget about it.  However you should look to friendships with women to helping you understand women better.  The key is don't have that desperate desire to be with the lady who is your friend.  If you are lucky she will think you have enough potential that she will introduce you to a lady she thinks you would be compatible with for romance.

 

Look for hobbies and interests that have a high female population.  That will give you the change to make more female friends.  Your strategy should be slightly hard to get.  Presume ladies are not interested in you unless they give you an overt sign or come out and talk to you about it.  Desperate desire turns women off but making one of them work for it builds interest.  If a lady starts flirting with you flirt back but assume it is a non-serious game.

 

If any lady asks your orientation be very open about it.  Women are beautiful.  It they ask you why you haven't made a move on anyone say "I didn't think I was her type".  If one of your friends informs you that a lady is interested then go ahead an pursue that.

 

When dating the most important thing is to not be nervous.  Would you be nervous when you went out with the guys?  No, you would have fun.  So try to do the same.  Avoid that desperation of focusing on wanting to score at the end of the night.  Give a lady time to decide when she is ready for that.  If you date for a couple of months and the lady loses interest don't be afraid to let go and move on.  However if she has chemistry for you then go with it.

[LukeExChristian]

no one's ever told me these things, thank you all of you. 

 

Plenty of girls like video games and would love to talk about what kind of video games they play.

i imagine maybe in other parts of the nation. i try to be optimistic, but in this red-neck bible-belt territory a girl who take video games as seriously as i do just isn't realistic. if i get evidence to prove that wrong, i'll think differently (sound familiar?) but i definitely don't let that stop me from exploring other interests and hobbies girls may enjoy. but i just do not know what! i'll find out though.

 

 

 I like facial hair, most of my friends don't. 

this kind of stuff can get irritating, dark clothes? or bright ones? hat? or no hat? beard? or no beard? i can't please everyone.

 

 

 

Oh, and most importantly, just be yourself. You don't have to put on a facade. 

i always try, but the real me is scared to talk to girls... i'd have to break and NOT be me for a little bit first.

 

 

 

Look for hobbies and interests that have a high female population. 

examples?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another thing I had to relearn is that romantic/sexual ethics isn't about purity. It's about consent from both partners.

sex is like Europe to me. it exists and it has many features, but it's nothing i'll see or experience... at least not for a long time

[wyson]

One thing I struggled with as a fundamentalist Christian was coming to terms with my sexual desires. Frankly, they need to be listened to in order to progress things along with women. I had a lot of friends who were girls, but no girlfriends for ages. Many of my friends who were girls trusted me implicitly and joked I was like a girl to them! They would think nothing of climbing into my bed after a house party etc and then just fall asleep, with complete trust knowing that nothing would happen to them. God those nights were sometimes tough! On the romantic side of things, I was always trying to be "nice", "caring", "understanding" and frankly this always got me pushed into the friends zone. One day, I had enough. I decided the next girl I dated, I was going to try and sleep with her as soon as possible, but do it in a way where she would be totally happy to consent. (Being pushy would just make you a creepy jerk) My behaviour in the first date was unbelievably different to normal... with sex as a primary goal, I did and said all the right things, and helped created such a strong rapport that one thing led naturally to another. Don't get me wrong, she happened to be a girl I could get along with, I don't doubt that I would have been unsuccessful with a lot of other girls. Anyway to cut a long story short, I ended up sleeping with her on the second date (could have on the first but we had talked all night, it was 6am and I was more interested in sleep to be frank, Lol) and she eventually became my wife. Sex became front, centre and back to the whole relationship. Have a heart to heart, have sex. Have a fight, have make up sex. Find conversation a bit dry, have sex. Have sex no for particular reason, other than the fact you are both into each other. Honestly, getting in touch with your sexual desires, and expressing them in a healthy way will open up no end of fulfilling relationships with the opposite (or same depending on your desires) sex. Christianity has sex / sexuality completely and utterly wrong. 

 

Anyway, I never knew I had this in me.  It was a case of setting a goal and then going for it.  I would advise you do the same.  If you have good male buddies, then you already know how to get along with people.  Girls are primarily people.  Just take the pressure off yourself.  Next girl you meet, set a goal.  Oh I'll have a bit of a shit chat with this gal.  See how she responds.  Does she want more? Then reset the goal, I'll get to know this girl a bit better.  And then with the goal in mind just say whatever pops in your head.  If she seems reluctant to talk, its most probably not you.  She could be busy or whatever, then just let it go.

 

Be flexible and go with the flow.  Don't make scripts for yourself, or think up scenarios.  Once, I chased a new classmate down the stairs, asked her what her hurry was.  She slowed down and we got talking.  Somehow I found out her parents owned a chinese takeout.  We then ended up doing impressions of chinese takeout staff and laughing at each other.  Never in a million years would I have expected the conversation to turn so silly.   Anyway, after making it clear to each other that we were both involved, she gave me her number and said it would be nice to meet up for drinks as friends.

 

You'll click with some, be neutral with most and get weird vibes off others.  Be prepared to have fun getting to know people!  

[LukeExChristian]

i had always figured that the LAST thing any girls wanted was for someone to ask about what they were doing, but i will try it out

[Darkillusion]

i imagine maybe in other parts of the nation. i try to be optimistic, but in this red-neck bible-belt territory a girl who take video games as seriously as i do just isn't realistic. if i get evidence to prove that wrong, i'll think differently (sound familiar?) but i definitely don't let that stop me from exploring other interests and hobbies girls may enjoy. but i just do not know what! i'll find out though.

That is unfortunate. I am obsessed with video games and have several lady friends who are as well. Any and all types of games. Ironically, I probably married one of the few guys out there who doesn't like gaming. Then I'm left explaining to him why I need to stay up to the wee hours of the morning raiding in WoW, or playing online with friends on Halo. I say this to encourage you not to give up, there are female gamers out there! And even if the girl you like isnt one, if she is open-minded she might be willing to join you in your hobby and then become one! It was many years ago that a boyfriend introduced me to gaming, and I got interested in it to spend more time with him. 10 years later and it is the all encompassing hobby of my life. Stay optimistic!

[wyson]

i had always figured that the LAST thing any girls wanted was for someone to ask about what they were doing, but i will try it out

If your interest is genuine and they aren't busy, most will be amiable for a chat.

[Ramen666]

 

i imagine maybe in other parts of the nation. i try to be optimistic, but in this red-neck bible-belt territory a girl who take video games as seriously as i do just isn't realistic. if i get evidence to prove that wrong, i'll think differently (sound familiar?) but i definitely don't let that stop me from exploring other interests and hobbies girls may enjoy. but i just do not know what! i'll find out though.

That is unfortunate. I am obsessed with video games and have several lady friends who are as well. Any and all types of games. Ironically, I probably married one of the few guys out there who doesn't like gaming. Then I'm left explaining to him why I need to stay up to the wee hours of the morning raiding in WoW, or playing online with friends on Halo. I say this to encourage you not to give up, there are female gamers out there! And even if the girl you like isnt one, if she is open-minded she might be willing to join you in your hobby and then become one! It was many years ago that a boyfriend introduced me to gaming, and I got interested in it to spend more time with him. 10 years later and it is the all encompassing hobby of my life. Stay optimistic!

 

 

 

[wyson]

 

i imagine maybe in other parts of the nation. i try to be optimistic, but in this red-neck bible-belt territory a girl who take video games as seriously as i do just isn't realistic. if i get evidence to prove that wrong, i'll think differently (sound familiar?) but i definitely don't let that stop me from exploring other interests and hobbies girls may enjoy. but i just do not know what! i'll find out though.

That is unfortunate. I am obsessed with video games and have several lady friends who are as well. Any and all types of games. Ironically, I probably married one of the few guys out there who doesn't like gaming. Then I'm left explaining to him why I need to stay up to the wee hours of the morning raiding in WoW, or playing online with friends on Halo. I say this to encourage you not to give up, there are female gamers out there! And even if the girl you like isnt one, if she is open-minded she might be willing to join you in your hobby and then become one! It was many years ago that a boyfriend introduced me to gaming, and I got interested in it to spend more time with him. 10 years later and it is the all encompassing hobby of my life. Stay optimistic!

 

 

Lol, I concur with this.  One of my friends totally got his girlfriend into WoW.  They moved in together, set up 2 computers opposite each other and met online for dates.  To me it was weird, but it worked for them.  They would joke that it was a shame their cat couldn't join them online! 

 

One day a friend from class wanted a new computer and came to talk to me about it.  It soon became very clear she was totally into it.  It wasn't a case of oooh... is this pink laptop any good?  We ended up comparing the relative merits of DDR to DDR2 ram, access times for hard disks, refresh rates for monitors... it was soooo very geeky.  I would have never guessed she had this geeky streak in her at all... she was quite hot, the kind of girl guys would approach in a bar to buy drinks for (moral here is don't judge a book by its cover!).  After this conversation she started calling me her techy friend, and would love to call me and talk geek.  Anyway, we became (and still are) really good friends.

 

Remember girls are people!  You get all sorts, just like with guys.

[LukeExChristian]

um... this is sonething i also have not thought of until earlier today...

 

what are the chances that i meet someone outside of a church... but would rather avoid me because i'm an atheist?

[Guest Marty]

um... this is sonething i also have not thought of until earlier today...

 

what are the chances that i meet someone outside of a church... but would rather avoid me because i'm an atheist?

 

Its generally a good idea to not go straight into the "deep discussions" with girls you just meet.  Areas to stay away from is religion, kids, politics.  Just get to know her.  Even if she is an Atheist herself, you will probably scare her (or anyone, really) away if you start taking about religion and Atheism too soon.

 

But as a more direct answer to your question, I don't think Atheism matters so much to the general public, unless they are voting for someone.  I would say the vast majority of the public may identify as christian, but do not think about religion or even take it seriously.  The only time I have had truly negative reaction to my Atheism is when someone is an overt christian.

[mymistake]

um... this is sonething i also have not thought of until earlier today...

 

what are the chances that i meet someone outside of a church... but would rather avoid me because i'm an atheist?

 

 

Go out during church time.  Visit the park.  Take your dog for a walk.  The people you meet on Sunday from 8am-11am are not going to be fundies unless they are SDA.  But it will narrow down the field.  There might be a lady wishing that she could meet a guy who isn't a fundie.

[ExCBooster]

um... this is sonething i also have not thought of until earlier today...

 

what are the chances that i meet someone outside of a church... but would rather avoid me because i'm an atheist?

Meet girl AT atheist meet-up. Problem solved.

 

Atheist female gamers: we do exist. I don't have anything else to add, other than to underline what's already been said, and maybe that that's why being a friend first, and getting to know people, and getting involved can be so important. If you meet people into the same things you are, and you get to be their friend, first, then you know what you're getting into, before going on a date, and already have a handle on what she believes. And, since you met them at things related to your own interests, then you have a better chance of seeing eye to eye.

 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

The best advice I can offer is to be honest and open from the very beginning.  I don't mean you have to tell your darkest secrets on the first date; but if you think something might cause a problem later on, best to just put in on the table up front.

[LukeExChristian]

 

 

um... this is sonething i also have not thought of until earlier today...

 

what are the chances that i meet someone outside of a church... but would rather avoid me because i'm an atheist?

Its generally a good idea to not go straight into the "deep discussions" with girls you just meet.

well of course not. i meant down the road eventually

[LukeExChristian]

 

 

um... this is sonething i also have not thought of until earlier today...

 

what are the chances that i meet someone outside of a church... but would rather avoid me because i'm an atheist?

Atheist female gamers: we do exist.

put that on a billboard

[rach]

I don't know how old you are and it would help to know that.  Be classy because the world has a shortage of men and women of class.  Being "classy" does not mean you have to belong to a particular social class or have a lot of money.  The type of guys I am attracted to are those that know how to take care of themselves and know how to treat others with respect.  You can start working on a relationship when you are not even in a relationship- did you know that?  You can.  You can practice everyday.  Keep yourself clean and well-groomed, and as physically fit as possible.  Learn whatever new skills you can pick up (how to iron a shirt?  how to manage money?  how to mop a floor?  A man who can mop a floor is a certified sex god in my book lol).  Be responsible in all the little things- getting to work on time for instance.  A man who shows responsibility, and drive, and can be relied upon, is appealing.  A man who thinks of doing little things for you is outstanding like maybe he will draw you a bath some evenings, or he will brush your hair, or maybe he knows you love Shakespeare and that the local theatre will be performing Hamlet, so he takes you.  He has taken the time to get to know the little things about you that you love, and he likes to try to make you happy.  That doesn't mean he needs to stop attending football matches and cater to her every whim.  It means that sometimes he's going to set aside what he wanted to do so you can do something together.   If you want an example of a real sex god look no further than the Bible.  Oh god did I just say that?  Did I really just suggest that?  That guy in "Song of Solomon" is a sex god.  The perfect combination of sweet and wild.  Epic bonus points for use of the word "my darling."  Relationships can't be conjured.  Just because one day you might find yourself really attracted to a lady or a man does not mean that you are compatible for a relationship.  Relationships are two things: physical attraction and personality attraction.  When you have both of those together then you are ready to pursue a relationship.  You know you've got a winner if you are physically attracted to her and find yourself sharing things about you- good things and bad things- and you just feel comfortable opening up around this girl and she feels likewise. 

[LukeExChristian]

im 20

[wyson]

Luke, unless that's you, ignore Rach. Be yourself and go for the girl you want.   When it comes to dating, you should NEVER change yourself to fit in with someone else's expectations.  Of course if you are in a relationship you will change and grow together, but that is different.

 

I knew many girls at your age who would think Rach's ideal guy (her advice is a fantasy checklist) to be a total bore.  If one day, you have the total hots for a girl, and she demands you to change for her to even contemplate dating you, then she isn't the one for you.  You also can't expect someone to change for you.   In fact I would go as far to say that love is the process of understanding and accepting the qualities of your partner that are both desirable AND undesirable to you.  If your partner was perfect, I honestly doubt you could ever love her.

[rach]

Luke, unless that's you, ignore Rach. Be yourself and go for the girl you want.   When it comes to dating, you should NEVER change yourself to fit in with someone else's expectations.  Of course if you are in a relationship you will change and grow together, but that is different.

 

I knew many girls at your age who would think Rach's ideal guy (her advice is a fantasy checklist) to be a total bore.  If one day, you have the total hots for a girl, and she demands you to change for her to even contemplate dating you, then she isn't the one for you.  You also can't expect someone to change for you.   In fact I would go as far to say that love is the process of understanding and accepting the qualities of your partner that are both desirable AND undesirable to you.  If your partner was perfect, I honestly doubt you could ever love her.

Wyson, my advice is certainly not that he should change who he is.  I did not suggest that nor did I mean to suggest that.  There is a difference between self-improvement and changing who you are.  Learning new skills, learning how to treat a lady, and becoming a better "you" does not mean that you are changing who you are.  Nor did I suggest that he needs to be perfect or to have a perfect partner.  I suggested that there should be physical and emotional compatibility, not perfection. 

[milesaway]

Another girl who likes games here. It's really too bad we're as hard to find as we are, but we're out there. Hell, I liked video games long before dating and relationships were even a thought for me.

[WaitingInfinity]

no one's ever told me these things, thank you all of you. 

 

Plenty of girls like video games and would love to talk about what kind of video games they play.

i imagine maybe in other parts of the nation. i try to be optimistic, but in this red-neck bible-belt territory a girl who take video games as seriously as i do just isn't realistic. if i get evidence to prove that wrong, i'll think differently (sound familiar?) but i definitely don't let that stop me from exploring other interests and hobbies girls may enjoy. but i just do not know what! i'll find out though.

 

 

 I like facial hair, most of my friends don't. 

this kind of stuff can get irritating, dark clothes? or bright ones? hat? or no hat? beard? or no beard? i can't please everyone.

 

I live in the Bible Belt and know many "redneck" people and I love video and computer games. And I take them quite seriously as I am an immersive gamer. That's kind of what I've been doing all summer! (That Steam sale killed my bank account btw). I have girl friends who love gaming and it's one of their sole hobbies. I also have many girl friends who love anime, if you're into that. There are girls out there into every sort of hobby. And don't worry if you don't share hobbies either. Sometimes, the fun is in taking an interest in a different hobby and trying it out. My best friend started dating a guy who loves video games and Pokemon. She's never been into either of those things, but as they've been dating, she has participated in those hobbies with him. She texted me this week to say she was playing a Pokemon game and LOVING it, which made me question if she was still the same girl. Haha. With my boyfriend, he was a movie buff and I was nothing of the sort. As we have been participating in each other's hobbies, I've come to be as obsessive over movies as him. (And he's learned to enjoy doing DIY projects with me too.) Common interests are an easy way to start but don't be discouraged if they don't have one. You might find a new and exciting hobby! Just ask questions about it.

 

Also, don't worry about pleasing every single girl with your look. However you are, you will be attractive to the women who are attracted to what you have. I was just saying that to make a point that all girls do not just like the muscular jock featured in magazines. I think that's one lie that is told to men--that men have to be tough and muscular to be attractive or sexy. Those types of men usually attract certain types of girls, sure, but not every type. Sexy to me is when my boyfriend talks about something he loves and his eyes light up or when he laughs at something clever I've said.

[Scottsman]

Um, I am/was in the same boat. 23 here. I just joined sports clubs, reached down for a pair and talked to girls. Once you realize that some are nuts, some are nice and some are awesome, you want to talk to them to figure out which category they land in.

 

Don't discount online dating(okcupid and match are the best). Match is pay, but the caliber of girls is higher. They have their lives together. Get a quality photo, write an awesome, witty profile. Photo gets them in, profile makes them message you. I have been on dates with 4 different girls in the last 6 weeks and got my first kiss with a really cool girl 2 weeks ago. If you want I can proofread the profile for you. I just looked at the dates as practice in interacting. No expectations. I didn't know these girls. If they shot me down id never see them again anyway. First one I was trembling I was so nervous(actually still dating her). Now I walk in totally confident. Once you get a bit of confidence it grows exponentially. Especially once you realize many girls are cool and down to earth and want to talk to you more than you want to talk to them. I kid you not, the first time you go on a date and realize you are the confident one and she is the nervous one, it is a massive confidence boost. Just don't become an egotistical bastard.

 

Lastly, you WILL get rejected. But let me elaborate. You can get rejected for a MILLION reasons that have nothing to do with you. Even after you get a number, girls will flake on dates for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

She doesn't feel well.

She has a huge zit and wants to look her best

She just broke up with someone.

She just started seeing someone else and doesn't want to lead you on.

 

When you do get rejected girls will be sooooo nice about it. That scene you imagine of getting slapped will never happen. They will let you down in the gentlest of ways. Don't take it personally. She is likely flattered and is rejecting you for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

 

Learn by doing. Get out there. It will start slow but your dating life will grow exponentially if you give it a chance. I'm speaking from very recent experience here.

 

I'm going to assume you're a virgin as well. Tip. Don't tell her your a 5 month ex Christian and don't tell her you're a virgin. If you tell her the first one she'll assume the second. If she knows or thinks you're a virgin she wont sleep with you. 99% of women wont. Its too much pressure for them. Women on here will probably say tell the truth but I say lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. You will be looked at as worthless. If no other woman wants you why should she want you. The girl I'm currently seeing asked me if I was because we are close and she knows my back story. I lied and told her I wasn't a virgin. She bought it and said she was very relieved. Lie. Lie. Lie. If you don't lie about being a virgin you will stay one. You're playing catch up with people who are 5-8 years ahead of you. You are going to have to cheat a little.

 

Lastly the first time you have sex is not the first time to be trying on a condom. Make sure you know what fits and is comfortable. Don't look like you've never used one before.

 

Edit: ive learned alot in the last few weeks so i have more to add. Do not ask girls out. Tell them.

Example.

"Hey, steph wanna go out sometime?" LAME!

"Hey, steph lets go out this thursday. Pick you up at 7?"

See the difference? One is confident, one is lame and pathetic. Admittedly if she is super into you the first will work. The girl im seeing now however has told me that she loves that i dont ever ask "what do you want to do?" Like a pushover. I tell her what "we're going to do." The first question implies she has a choice in the matter. The second one confidently tells her that you are a man and you are taking her out. Now obviously no means no and she can still decline, but you will get big points for confidence if she does go out with you. Also the other thing guys like to do is ask girls out at the end of an interaction. When its akward. Do not do this. When you're flirting with her ask her out on a high note. When she is smiling and having a good time. Better chance she'll say yes. No matter what she says, stay calm. If she says yes, great! You have a date. Keep casually talking to her like it never happened. Act like this happens all the time for you. If she says no, same thing. Dont get offended, just keep casually talking to her. Like i said before. She will be flattered and likely is rejecting the offer for one of a million reasons that has nothing to do with you.