Deidre Posted July 19, 2014 Author Share Posted July 19, 2014 Deidre32 wrote in post # 38 "Yes, let's say it that way...it would be easier if it were all true. Not if we believed. For we did once believe, and well...here we are. lol " Very poetically put, Deidre32 I agree. I like it enough that I decided to make it my Signature, if that is ok with you Diedre. See that, Deidre32, you're something of a celebrity now. I might just use it for my signature, too, if I could figure out how to do that. But for the first time, this "Quote" button actually openened up the entire post in html format for me. the reason it opened it up is because you had the box at the top left hand corner of the text box clicked so it greyed out the icons. If the icons are greyed out, the quote should post. I'm not sure why that is, but happy it's working for you now. lol Thanks for being such a kind poster here! I've enjoyed what you've had to say. Deidre32, You're welcome. I enjoy reading what you write. Your words make me think. BTW, As I was setting my signature, I noticed it allows for html links. Maybe you could put in your signature a link to your blog main page. That way, whenever somebody reads one of your forum posts, they can easily click to your blog. + Human ok, maybe i will do that. Deidre32, And I might ask you another techy question later. Your definitely more savvy about tech stuff around here than I am. + human fire away lol i'll do my best to help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaraOlive Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Wasted time. The idea that it was a time of personal growth doesn't resonate with me because there's no reason to think that I wouldn't have experienced growth or learned anything about life without spending that time in the church. I didn't take much if anything away with me. I was a good student and my education at a Christian school was sub-par compared to if I'd had the opportunity to take AP classes and be involved in academic interest groups and projects. Most of my friends drifted away when I deconverted and my former best friend told me that I was going to hell in a cowardly way via email instead of talking to me face to face. I spent a long time in college being awkward and not fitting in anywhere because all my social reflexes were messed up. Basically, I feel like Christianity arrested my development, and I became who I am DESPITE it. But I could have started making real friends, pursuing my own interests and getting the education I wanted years earlier if my life hadn't been so bogged down with Christian guilt and fear and repression. ETA: I'm sure that I would have made mistakes and had setbacks - but they would have been consequences of my own choices. As a teenager, I felt the only real choices that I had were to put my head down and do well in school waiting until I could have my own life, or live in constant, absolute rebellion - running away or getting expelled from Christian school, etc. I was aware that girls who run away as teens with no support system or job skills generally have a very hard time building a good life. Since I didn't think that was a good option, doing small rebellions that would put me under even more constant scrutiny seemed like a bad idea. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 To me, the question is irrelevant. I was what I was. I am what I am because of what I have been. I have no way of knowing what I would have been had the past been different. Therefore, it was neither time well spent nor a waste of time. It is simply a past reality. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 As a lukewarm xian I didn't spend much time besides Sunday thinking of Jesus. At the time I was enjoying my faith and the fear and guilt was minimal. If I once played volleyball and enjoyed it but now am tired of it...it was time we'll spent. As well spent as watching TV perhaps. Lol. I think time spent regretting past activities is not time well spent. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 As a lukewarm xian I didn't spend much time besides Sunday thinking of Jesus. At the time I was enjoying my faith and the fear and guilt was minimal. If I once played volleyball and enjoyed it but now am tired of it...it was time we'll spent. As well spent as watching TV perhaps. Lol. I think time spent regretting past activities is not time well spent. lol this made me laugh...I guess you're right. To me, the question is irrelevant. I was what I was. I am what I am because of what I have been. I have no way of knowing what I would have been had the past been different. Therefore, it was neither time well spent nor a waste of time. It is simply a past reality. I like this line of thought, and I'm going to apply it. Not only to this topic, but when I look back at other bad situations I've endured. Thanks for the thoughts, everyone. Has been a huge help to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 Wasted time. The idea that it was a time of personal growth doesn't resonate with me because there's no reason to think that I wouldn't have experienced growth or learned anything about life without spending that time in the church. I didn't take much if anything away with me. I was a good student and my education at a Christian school was sub-par compared to if I'd had the opportunity to take AP classes and be involved in academic interest groups and projects. Most of my friends drifted away when I deconverted and my former best friend told me that I was going to hell in a cowardly way via email instead of talking to me face to face. I spent a long time in college being awkward and not fitting in anywhere because all my social reflexes were messed up. Basically, I feel like Christianity arrested my development, and I became who I am DESPITE it. But I could have started making real friends, pursuing my own interests and getting the education I wanted years earlier if my life hadn't been so bogged down with Christian guilt and fear and repression. ETA: I'm sure that I would have made mistakes and had setbacks - but they would have been consequences of my own choices. As a teenager, I felt the only real choices that I had were to put my head down and do well in school waiting until I could have my own life, or live in constant, absolute rebellion - running away or getting expelled from Christian school, etc. I was aware that girls who run away as teens with no support system or job skills generally have a very hard time building a good life. Since I didn't think that was a good option, doing small rebellions that would put me under even more constant scrutiny seemed like a bad idea. lol at your 'friend' telling you you're going to hell. some friend, eh? i marvel at all the religious people, not just christians, who act like they actually know where everyone's 'going' after we die.i honestly want to just say, ''go fuck yourself,'' but i don't. but i might. lol because then, at least if they depart from me, i'll know why. i appreciate your sentiments. it is something i wrestle with from time to time, but in viewing others' replies, perhaps it's time to stop viewing it as time wasted, and just time we spent. spent, without any adjective attached to it at all. i think cleaning my house is a waste of time, too, but i don't sit around regretting it. thanks for the thoughts. means a lot to see i'm not alone in my thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I enjoyed a lot of it. I did not enjoy the guilt and the pressure to conform to some of the crazy things that Christians try to get you to do. But I had a lot of good times with people. I never had any harm done to me by any Christians. So, I would say that christianity was a generally good experience for me. I am still somewhat involved in it, as I still regularly attend church and play in the worship band. I am content at this point to fake it. I never cared for my pastor's preaching before I deconverted, but now its kind of fun to break down his arguments and see if I can come up with good counterarguments. I play the game pretty well, apparently, because, outside of my wife, no one on the outside has said anything or made any comments regarding my changes in my life. I have been pretty vocal on facebook regarding a few questionable Christian doctrines regarding evolution and gay marriage, and no one has said anything to me that would make me think they see me as a threat. Storm, I understand this about attending church and faking it. I just don't tell any local Christian friends my views now, because I don't want to deal with their drama over finding out. I was able to be in the church environment on a few occasions after no longer believing. But now, I feel an unsmooth vibe (not easy to describe the sense of it), so I avoid the church environment. But I talk with the Christian friends if I see them in public. People are still people. I'm sure you understand that. Peace, + Human Its kind of funny how things change in the spur of the moment. As we were going home from church yesterday, I had a rough day with playing on the worship team and after thinking about it for a while, I decided that I was no longer experiencing any joy in playing anymore. I voiced this to my wife and after a moment of thought, she said "maybe its time we started looking for a new church". This kind of surprised me. Although she has been clear that she enjoys the people of our church and the things she is involved in, she has expressed dislike for the pastor and his sermons. I think this was a step in a new direction for me and my wife as well. I am now thinking that I might be able to use this as a stepping stone to get myself out of going to church altogether, or at least regularly. While I have no issues with Christians, I think it would be good to get away from them more often and allow myself the freedom to grow without the reminder of what I used to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I have an entry in my blog on here, talking about how I can never recover the 'lost time' I spent on religion. On Christianity. But, maybe it wasn't all wasted? Maybe I learned a lot about myself, about life, about truth, through my journey in and out of Christianity. A poster commented in the blog, suggesting that starting a thread about the topic might be a good idea, as we can all discuss how it's impacted us, the 'time spent' on Christianity. So, do you feel that you've wasted time during your days as a practicing Christian? Or was it time ...well spent? Thanks for contributing, in advance! you can sit around regretting the decisions you make and the time you spend doing this or that, or you can put that energy into actually living in the now and making a better future for ones self. maybe some lost time like this but if they learned one way that they do not want or like to live I would say they gained and didn't lose. The time can't be had back but knowing now on what not to waste that time is valuable as anything in life. I watched my parents in their religion growing up and took what I wanted from it and left the rest at the side of the road. Then I got older and realized it was actually how my parents acted that I learned and not what they practiced in religion. I can be good, kind, loving, generous of myself, honest and honorable. I never needed to believe in anything to know that felt better than the other thing. Not sure how I escaped their religion but them never pushing it on me helped. They did me favor I know a lot of people here did not have. I never had to "waste" that time and I would just want others to get something for themselves from it even if they leave it by the way. Learning to believe in yourself through trials of life is just part of it. Live whatever you have left with vigor and drive yourself towards better with your own mind and it makes all that time perceived as lost worth it in my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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