Positive Thread To Support Ex-Cs With Depression Struggles At The Moment

[jdog]

The other day when I posted, I forgot to mention chia seeds! They are loaded with Omega-3 fatty acids that are so important for brain function and mental health. Those have been a glorious miracle for me! I add them to my Shakeology smoothies for breakfast, and rarely skip a day. Since I have added chia seeds to my diet, I have not been depressed. I was depressed for three days while I was on vacation in Texas in 2013, and that was when I was out of chia seeds. Otherwise, I have been feeling great. I also occasionally drink kombucha tea with chia seeds in it. I am working on a bottle of it right now! Bless the Lard again for this glorious thread, and Glory!

That's amazing. I'm happy they are helping you.

 

Since you posted about chia seeds. I Bought a jar of them and I add them to plain yoghurt.

I have been eating them nearly every day.

Those are some tiny seeds. Get stuck in my teeth.

 

I have been doing better emotionally the past few months. I think the summer months I do better but I still have a level of depression and anxiety is difficult.

I'm Not sure If I can contribute my latest improvement to the chia seeds or not.

However I have been going out more and I even joined meet up groups. I haven't done group social stuff in years. It's been years since going out for a drink with a group of friends.

And considering I've been quite reclusive for a long time these recent outings for me is a big change.

I haven't done social stuff in a very long time. Anxiety and depression have been much of the reason. I also suffer chronic pain due to RA, OA and fibromyalgia,

I'm also naturally an introverted person and so the combination of my personality and then physical and mental health issues has been very difficult for me.

And though I'm mostly an introvert I do like some kind of social life too but I've been at home a lot and avoiding social situations over the past few years. I've Mainly seen my husband and son, grandson.

 

I have tried SSRI's in the past and they have helped to some degree but side effects and how they make me feel are too negative. I do not feel myself when on those drugs. I become numb and not able to access my creative side. And there's physical side effects too.

So The last couple years I've been off all regular anti depressant and tried to do my own self help. Exercise, getting outside into garden, sunlight. Improve diet.

I've been maintaining enough to function but it's still being challenging. And I only take an anti anxiety on an as needed basis.

But like I said the past few weeks I have noticed an improvement.

 

So whether it is a chia seed miracle or not I'll certainly keep eating them as they are a super food and I need more omega 3 in my diet. Got to increase my good cholesterol level, my number was slightly lower than it ought to be.

I add flax seed to food too and I add hemp oil to my salads. Hemp oil is another good source of omega 3.

 

***I feel for everyone here who has depression. I've struggled with a combo of anxiety and depression for years. Since being young. I didn't get diagnosed until I was in my 40's. I've always thought it's how everyone else is.

And I've been the biggest actor ever! I can smile and make people laugh, people in the past have commented that I seem a happy person.

Oh how little do they know that when I go home and close that door behind me I'm feeling sad, depressed and have wanted to die. And an emotional wreck. I have thought of suicide a thousand of times. I've planned it and played how I would do it in my head. I know suicide ideology is common. I Even attempted it many years ago. I've just wanted the pain to go.

 

And I have mentioned depression to people before but I don't think they quite believe me or realize the intensity I feel it.

I seem to feel everything. I am a sensitive and emotional type person.

They say things like that I've got so much, nice husband,kids, home etc. and they just make suggestions like exercise, get out, etc.

I'm originally from the UK.

And family members say "chin up" Get your act together sort of comments and count your blessings

it's hard to explain that it goes beyond the physical or circumstances. It's something deep within. Can't explain it. You can't just think happy thoughts and it goes away.

It is something in the brain.

So I don't tell people. I have just put on a mask and faked my way through life much of the time.

It's been tiring.

 

Anyhow I'm glad that I can share I'm not in that darkness right now and things are going better.

And even with finances and family worries I'm doing fine. That's pretty good. yeah?

 

Hugs to everyone here.

 

Especially you brother Jeff. You are Always an inspiration and offer such good encouragement.

[Deva]

I am not a positive thinking type of person. I like pessimistic philosophy because I really think it is true. But, I have found for myself that getting out in nature is really essential. I am fortunate enough to live in South Florida and it is a birdwatcher's paradise. Being out in the swamp or the woods always helps me.  Its best if there are no other people around, either.

 

I went out this morning and took this picture of a purple swamp hen:

 

[mikey101]

I'm getting therapy for childhood abuse. Things we learned and experienced in early childhood don't just go way and affect adult life. All abuse is emotional abuse, and most people have experienced different forms in various degrees in early childhood. Getting treatment for it is definitely helping with my depression. I'm seeing connections now and it's helping to understand myself. It's learning to be myself, and that depression is unnatural to me.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I am not a positive thinking type of person. I like pessimistic philosophy because I really think it is true. But, I have found for myself that getting out in nature is really essential. I am fortunate enough to live in South Florida and it is a birdwatcher's paradise. Being out in the swamp or the woods always helps me.  Its best if there are no other people around, either.

 

I went out this morning and took this picture of a purple swamp hen:

 

 

That's a beautiful photo, so crisp and clear.  We have similar blue swamp hens in NZ, how about that.

 

[Deva]

It is probably the same species FT, or very close to it.  They are not native to Florida, but like many tropical species, have adapted and are now established here. I know the home range of these birds is  India and other parts of Asia.

 

Getting back to the purpose of this thread, I have had some years of depression - very bad after my divorce, and more recently, after loss of my job in 2010 with failure to find any other job comparable.  I have a very bad time with financial worries and general overthinking of things.   I do not have a complete answer, but I think getting out of the house is very beneficial.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Thanks Deva for your ideas.  I am feeling more encouraged to get out of the house.

[Prometheus]

I am currently struggling with depression and isolation issues, and also financial anxiety since I lost my job in the US last year and moved to South East Asia (I'm a regular caucasian American).

 

When I hit any difficulty and turn to my parents, they always refer me to Jesus and his "loving arms".  It drives me absolutely bonkers.  I've been struggling with insomnia issues due to financial problems, and to hear your father say, "Well, for me, I always cast my cares upon Jesus and it helps me sleep better", even though he says it with all the love in the world, just makes me want to kill a kitten.

 

My most hated hymn (and one of my mother's favorites) is "His Eye is On the Sparrow."  Sparrow my ass.  LOL.  Is his eye not on the worm which the sparrow eats?  Or the cat which eats the sparrow?

 

Anyway, thanks for starting this thread.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I am currently struggling with depression and isolation issues, and also financial anxiety since I lost my job in the US last year and moved to South East Asia (I'm a regular caucasian American).

 

When I hit any difficulty and turn to my parents, they always refer me to Jesus and his "loving arms".  It drives me absolutely bonkers.  I've been struggling with insomnia issues due to financial problems, and to hear your father say, "Well, for me, I always cast my cares upon Jesus and it helps me sleep better", even though he says it with all the love in the world, just makes me want to kill a kitten.

 

My most hated hymn (and one of my mother's favorites) is "His Eye is On the Sparrow."  Sparrow my ass.  LOL.  Is his eye not on the worm which the sparrow eats?  Or the cat which eats the sparrow?

 

Anyway, thanks for starting this thread.

I totally hear you!  I hate that song and the sentiment behind it.

 

Welcome to the ex-c depression club and thanks for posting.  May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his noodly appendage!

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Here's something that may help those with insomnia who also happen to use their computers at night before sleeping time (like me!)

 

https://justgetflux.com/

 

Free software that dims your screen slightly while the sun is down.  Screens emit blue light which stimulates the brain and can help keep you awake.  It seems to really help me.

[Brother Jeff]

Here's something that may help those with insomnia who also happen to use their computers at night before sleeping time (like me!)

 

https://justgetflux.com/

 

Free software that dims your screen slightly while the sun is down.  Screens emit blue light which stimulates the brain and can help keep you awake.  It seems to really help me.

 

Bless the Lard, Sister! Ex-C is now pink! But my monitor is much less bright and I can tell this is going to help a lot. I'm feeling sleepier just with the monitor dimmed significantly. Glory!

[Helvetios]

History of depression, unspecified mood disorder (like bipolar-lite), insomnia, social anxiety, self-harm, anorexia, hallucinations, etc. Also came out as queer while still a Christian, which was one of the major problems with faith that I had (couldn't reconcile it without twisting either reality or the bible). My parents believe in faith healing and are part of several prayer ministries; I'm finally able to move out in January but for now I'm undercover. My major problems now are depression/anxiety, insomnia, and a bad case of impostor syndrome; everything else is in the past, thank FSM.

 

Medication is the main thing that helps, honestly. I can't sleep at all without it and sleep deprivation makes everything much worse. And talking to other people who go through the same thing - like this forum, and I also lurk on relevant parts of Reddit - helps with the loneliness. I have a mixed track record with therapists but in general I do recommend seeing one.

 

And who can forget music? Besides meds, music has been the single greatest thing to happen to me. I'm a metal fan but I like almost everything else as well.

[Darkillusion]

I think this is a helpful thread and would like to add my thoughts. When I'm sad or depressed I like to...

 

1. Escape into a fantasy world where there are adventures, magic, and happy endings. This is usually accomplished thru reading a book or playing a video game. In fact, if I don't have the time to do either of these activities for an extended period of time I will become depressed even if I wasn't before. I guess it's my preferred "me time" that helps me escape the crappy realities of this world

 

2. Sing to and play with my cats. They are so talkative it's like having a conversation!

 

3. Go to starbucks, buy an overpriced indulgent beverage, and sit outside with my husband and talk about many things-the mysteries of the universe, our future goals and dreams for our lives and how we are going to get there, plan a future vacation (even if we don't know when it will ever happen!), religious debate, etc.

 

4. Getting dressed up so I feel really good about myself and going out for a fancy dinner. Sometimes treating yourself can do a world of good!

 

5. Make changes to get myself out of a crappy circumstance. I don't hesitate to find another job, end a friendship, take a semester off school, or whatever it takes to eliminate (or take a break from) the source of something negative in my life. There's plenty of negative things that I can't change, so if it's in my power to change something bad, I usually do. If it's something that can't be changed right away, I make sure that I have a plan in place and an end date for when I'm going to kiss that misery goodbye.

 

6. Listen to audiobooks in my car so traffic and road rage doesn't get my day started off badly.

[Brother Jeff]

Not sure if I've posted this in this glorious thread or not before but... I would like to offer the book that I wrote last year on bipolar disorder and my religious experience free of charge to my glorious friends here at Ex-C. Hope it's helpful... Glory!

 

Bipolar Religiosity - Bipolar Disorder and My Religious Experience.pdf

[Orbit]

I am completely overwhelmed by my deconversion at this moment. I'm hoping this will change soon.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I don't like going into detail about my depression, because it depresses me further knowing that discussing it brings no solution. (That goes for me only; I'm not implying it about anyone else's situation.)

Sorry to hear that, human.  For me, I have found that talking about it can help.  I hope you have read some things in the thread that might help you a bit.  Your contributions to ex-c are very much appreciated... you bring some fascinating insights and wisdom.

[moanareina]

Traveling helps.

 

I am back from my Croatia trip since three weeks and I still feel good and all. Hope it lasts. Only thing right now I am fighting a cold since. And it gets worse...and I should do some catching up with the latin class I started two weeks ago. The pace is quite fast. But my mind is slow.

 

And I hope by getting well I won't go back to depression because that is a weird thing but when I get sick or half sick I usually feel great emotionally...I never quite understood that. My only guess would be that I got all that positive attention (bringing me tea, and doing other good things for me) from my mom that I so longed for when I was sick as a child. And now somehow my subconscious links being sick with positive feelings. But now it is crazy because I feel so good emotionally that I kinda want to conquer the world but my body is not allowing me to do all the things I lack motivation for when I am not sick...So I am thinking of how to transfer that emotional energy into my healthy days...any ideas?

[Margee]

This thread just keeps growing and I'm so glad. There are so many good points being made on this  issue. I can relate to everyone in so many ways.

 

I can relate to what Deva said about having a 'pessimistic' outlook. That's sounds like a person may walk around town with a big scowl on their face but that is not true. I still love to smile at the world because the world needs a smile. That's why I do it. I am watching a 14 part series on 'World war 2' right now that confirms to me 'the way of the world'..... and I see the world as it really is. Instead of calling my attitude 'pessimistic', I would prefer to call it ''realistic'' now.

 

What I am beginning to see  very clearly is that humans have been struggling since the very beginning. We are a 'struggling for survival' species. It's up to us to make it. Some people seem to get away without being unscathed too much for a long time. Now that I look back at my whole life, I can see where I created my some of my own own 'downfalls'  by not making good choices...and I also see where I had many things happen to me which I had no control over. I lost my mom, only sister, my dad, a husband and god all within eleven years. Seriously, this is not a pity ploy...it just a fact. So I've had to deal with the reality and grief of losing loved ones, being without money at times and very ill heath in my own journey. I can't even imagine how hard it would be for some of those on earth who have lost their whole families due to floods, earthquakes, etc.....Right now, I have 2 very older fragile people in my life that need attention. I've admitted to myself and am trying to accept the fact that responsibility will never end until I go to the grave.

 

So we're all in this game of life together. It doesn't look to me as if I have the power to change the world, but I do have the power to change me. I'm going to put my shoulders back and dust myself off as good as I can and continue to try and 'win' at the game of life. That's how I look at it now.

 

Watching this documentary on 'World War 2' just confirms to me that man is a stupid/intelligent species. Unfortunately, we have too many power hungry people 'at the top' to be able to stop some of the insanity on earth, so I suspect it will continue to be this way until the end of time. War will never stop. I see that now. I always thought war would stop at some point. I don't think that's going to happen.

 

Now, we have no god who is protecting us, so we know it's up to us to get our lives straightened out to the best of our ability. I've watched the struggles of so many people on this board in the last few years. My heart always bleeds for anyone who is struggling.

 

 Sometimes, we have to make money any way we can. That might include getting a part time job at MacDonalds' to make the rent payment. I work very hard for the money I make and my job goes 24/7. I look after my 93 year old MIL. I would much rather be completely retired living on a beach in the south, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen so it is up to me to make the very best of life that I can. I take 'mini vacations' whenever I can to help reduce the stress. Going for a walk is a wonderful thing to do.

 

I also watched an extremely funny movie last night (Last Vegas) and had tears running down my face from laughter. That felt real good. We need to get more laughter into our lives. That's why I adore the ''Boring Thread'' because it totally cracks me up. 

 

So onward, we start the day!!  I give you all the biggest hug in the world for being here for me.

 

There is also one very special person on this board that I would like to thank for always being there for me throughout all

my struggles in the last 3 1/2 years. I love you my friend....forever.. 

 

 Part of my life will always be EX-c. I couldn't have made it without you guys and I mean that.

 

I hold you all up in our quest for survival.    Keep posting!!

[mikey101]

I'm about to try going on a health diet involving colon cleaning, juicing, fasting, getting outside, excercising, etc for the first time in my life.  I'm overweight and not in good health. I'm not sick (other than in my head), just bad health levels all around shown by a medical test I did. I've heard people say this helps with depression.  Also in therapy for childhood issues that started it all, and a little meditation/earth appreciation for spirituality, and hopefully more social interaction and sex. All that outta do something, probably better than pills (in my case).

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I'm about to try going on a health diet involving colon cleaning, juicing, fasting, getting outside, excercising, etc for the first time in my life.  I'm overweight and not in good health. I'm not sick (other than in my head), just bad health levels all around shown by a medical test I did. I've heard people say this helps with depression.  Also in therapy for childhood issues that started it all, and a little meditation/earth appreciation for spirituality, and hopefully more social interaction and sex. All that outta do something, probably better than pills (in my case).

Sounds great Mikey, hope it helps.  Don't forget to keep in touch with your doctor, as juicing and fasting can sometimes have unwanted effects on your health.  Losing weight is fantastic, I lost over 100 lbs and it has really helped me.

[mikey101]

 

I'm about to try going on a health diet involving colon cleaning, juicing, fasting, getting outside, excercising, etc for the first time in my life.  I'm overweight and not in good health. I'm not sick (other than in my head), just bad health levels all around shown by a medical test I did. I've heard people say this helps with depression.  Also in therapy for childhood issues that started it all, and a little meditation/earth appreciation for spirituality, and hopefully more social interaction and sex. All that outta do something, probably better than pills (in my case).

Sounds great Mikey, hope it helps.  Don't forget to keep in touch with your doctor, as juicing and fasting can sometimes have unwanted effects on your health.  Losing weight is fantastic, I lost over 100 lbs and it has really helped me.

 

Congratulations on losing that much weight! I'll be careful with the diet, definitely.  Not sure how I'm going to be able to give up the unhealthy crap I'm so used to, and eat the good stuff I hate like vegatables, but I'm going to try.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

 

 

I'm about to try going on a health diet involving colon cleaning, juicing, fasting, getting outside, excercising, etc for the first time in my life.  I'm overweight and not in good health. I'm not sick (other than in my head), just bad health levels all around shown by a medical test I did. I've heard people say this helps with depression.  Also in therapy for childhood issues that started it all, and a little meditation/earth appreciation for spirituality, and hopefully more social interaction and sex. All that outta do something, probably better than pills (in my case).

Sounds great Mikey, hope it helps.  Don't forget to keep in touch with your doctor, as juicing and fasting can sometimes have unwanted effects on your health.  Losing weight is fantastic, I lost over 100 lbs and it has really helped me.

 

Congratulations on losing that much weight! I'll be careful with the diet, definitely.  Not sure how I'm going to be able to give up the unhealthy crap I'm so used to, and eat the good stuff I hate like vegatables, but I'm going to try.

 

Science is your friend.  The more you read up on nutritional science, the less you want to eat sugar and junk food, believe me.  After 3-4 days of not eating sugar I stopped craving it.

[RealityCheck]

It appears that my mood has been deteriorating over the last two weeks.  Time to change my methods again.

[Orbit]

I'm feeling better. I thought I would post so you know it does happen.

[bolianbob]

Hey all,

 

I've been in a really tough spot for the last month and a half. I had come off my meds earlier this year; however, due to life, I got swept back up into depression and old issues with christianity flared up considerably. I have OCD and anxiety issues as well, and there were some really tough days. I was scared of going to hell, sad that I would have to go back to christianity to be safe again, sad that I would have to leave my partner and the life we have built these last 5 years. ( I haven't gone back, and I am still with my partner. )

 

During this time I felt compelled to reasearch anything about science, ex-christians, life...anything to reconfirm my skepticism. It got, and is somewhat still is, to the point where I don't feel like these reasons for leaving christianity are satisfying anymore...and it drives me insane because in the back of my head is that voice that says, "well, that's because christianity is true." There is apart of me that just won't let go...its making me feel like I am the bad one; that I am being resistant to God, and it is reaffirms those stereotypes about why people leave christianity: they just want to sin, they love this life more etc...

 

Anyway I have been back on my meds for  a month, and I have gotten a little better. I just can't get rid of this sense of 'not being ok' that I need a final answer to make me feel like I can finally live again. I feel emotionally cold of numb when I think about my rational world. When I do think about church, or I hear old christain chants in music history, I can feel that emotional high. I know its because it is what I grew up in, but knowing that doesn't make the feeling go away.

 

I've also been getting "messages." And no I am not hearing voices. I get these "messages" from the media, or by glancing at certain words on the billboards or buisnesses as I drive by on the bus. For instance today, I was thinking about how I was starting to feel ok about life, that hell is not real, and exactly at that moment I see a poster of a human face that looks like its been dead, and then a few moments later I see the words 'Going places?' on a buisness advertisement. Part of me thinks that is a message about going to hell, because last night I saw a picture, of a person anguishing in hell, that looked simliar to the human face I saw today on the bus.  Another example, I was watching a home repair show a few weeks ago; they were cleaning up an old moldy, dingy attic; I thought, oh that looks depressing, like hell; as soon as I thought of hell, flames start to cover the attic, because in the show they are talking about how a fire could start, or whatever. Crazy, I know. Heck, even just scrolling up and down this message my eyes will glance to the words hell, that I have typed.

 

I've been having these 'messages' alot recently. I get them from tv shows, words I glance at on a music cover, or things people say in class. They always come into my head exactly after the moment I have thought about something regarding life, spirituality, reason, God, hell, etc...and they always correlate to what I was just thinking.

 

Now look, I know, I rationally know what is going on. I have been obsessed with these issues for the better part of a month an a half; these thoughts take up a lot of my day, and due to randomness in the words I see or tv images that pop up, I know my pattern seeking mind will make connections like this. I am just tired of hearing the 'messages.'

 

I'm at a point where I am just so tired. I just want my life back...and I don't know how to do that anymore. I have been to therapists, and I talk to my partner alot; he has been very supportive--this has strengthened our relationship.

 

I'm a deep thinker, like you all are; I'm concerned with finding truth and wanting to be honest with life. I think some of that extends from personality, but some of it extends from the religion I grew up in; it was black and white, there was TRUTH on the cosmic scale. There was security in that. Recently I haven't felt 'ok' about truth not being on that large a scale. Maybe that's why I am falling back into old thinking habits revolving around the old faith. I dunno. This is where I am at.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Bolianbob, sorry to hear you've been having a hard time.  I know what its like to wish you didn't need meds.  But I'm glad you''re back on them, because they will make life more bearable for you.  Maybe one day in the future if conditions are better you can try going off them if you want to.  

 

Your experiences sound like classic OCD and anxiety symptoms, coupled with the effects of a religious upbringing involving fear of hell.  OCD and childhood fear of hell when mixed together is greater than the sum of its parts.  What I mean is, it's no wonder that fear of hell is on your mind all the time, given that you grew up with it and you have OCD.

 

Apart from affirming meds, therapy and ex-c, I have no "solutions" to offer, just empathy and affirmation for what you experience.  I admire your courage and wish you all the best with your recovery.