Episco-Paganism

[Aiyana]

I've been out of (conservative, Evangelical) Christianity for several months now. It was over New Year's that I realized I no longer believed, and in March I posted a very public renouncement of my faith on my blog.

For several weeks, it was enough just to have the burden gone from my shoulders. You know... the burden of pretending (to myself and others) that I believed in the religion. It felt so free, and I just focused on that freedom, as well as on the social aftermath of my blog post.

I realized pretty quickly, though, that I still have a longing for a defined spirituality. I started looking into other forms of spirituality with an open mind, something I hadn't been able to do since high school.

I found myself very drawn toward certain elements of paganism (the wheel of the year, especially), but I was unable to get on board with the god/goddess worship. I just can't take it literally. I have read that there are pagans who take it only symbolically, but they seem to be in the minority. But what I was beginning to discover is that I connect strongly with RITUAL, and I am drawn to paganism for its beauty, reverence of the natural world, and ritual.

My realization of how much I love ritual sparked a re-interest in Catholicism, the religion of my childhood. Maybe, I thought, I have been meant all along to be Catholic. One evening several weeks ago, I went to a local Catholic church and sat quietly in their "perpetual adoration" chapel. But again... they just take the stuff too dang literally. I can't do it.

Then, (I'm not even sure how I thought of this), I thought about the Anglican/Episcopalian churches. I remembered reading a book once, where two teenage sisters at the turn of the 20th century converted from their family's Baptist church, to the Episcopalian church. They told their strong Baptist father, "It's the beauty of the service, Papa." I decided to try out a local Episcopalian church.

I really enjoyed it. It seemed to fulfill that desire for ritual that I find within myself. I am going to go again this morning. I feel like it's a church that I can go to, and connect with Spirit, but that I don't need to take the Jesus mythologies or the Yahweh mythologies literally. They have a labyrinth outside, which speaks to the side of me that connects with Paganism. I like the idea of prayer beads. The people were very open and friendly. I kept silent during the Apostle's Creed, but I enjoyed the blessing of the priest, the taking of Communion, and the moments of silence for prayer.

I've also taken time (at home) to connect with Spirit in a more pagan way. I have gone outdoors on a full moon and lit a candle for Fire, set down a glass of water for Water, lit incense for Air, and touched dirt for Earth. I have spent some time researching pagan prayer beads as well as the Anglican ones.

I think I might be onto something... having a more pagan approach to spirituality on the personal level, but connecting to Spirit at an Episcopalian service for the community-minded side of things. I was also really shocked that my husband allowed me to take my little ones to the Episcopalian service (he had previously vetoed any liberal church).

Basically, to sum up where I have arrived with my beliefs... I think that we all have Spirit within us, (as do the plants, animals, stars, etc.), and many of us find within ourselves a desire to reconnect with Spirit "out there"... like a drop of water wanting to get back to the ocean. I think that's what religion is all about. To me, the problem is when people take the mythologies of their religions literally to the extent that they hurt others (physically, emotionally, or mentally).

Does anyone have any thoughts to offer? Anyone else find themselves drawn to "Christopaganism?"

[Deva]

Aiyana: Thank you for this post. I identify very much with what you have experienced in the Episcopal Church. I love the liturgy and the more elaborate, the better.  The question is: can you discard what is behind the liturgy? All the Christian stuff. You understand?

[Aiyana]

Deva and Human, thanks.

 

Deva: Yes, I think I can. I went to the service again today, and enjoyed it again. I can relate to certain things in the service (I don't mind The Lord's Prayer, for example. I agree with asking for all of those things, it's just that I don't consider myself to be asking the Christian God). And yes, like you, the more liturgical the better! There is something about the priest raising the Bible into the air, crossing herself in prayer, blessing the congregation from the back of the church after service... I love the reverence and solemnity of it all.

 

Human: I would really love to go to a pagan service of some sort, and see if I love it as much as I suspect I might. There isn't anything like that local, though (local meaning in my town.) I live near Seattle, and I know I could find something there, but at this season of my life, I can't really go down to Seattle for something like this. It wouldn't work with where I'm at in my marriage and family at the time being. It certainly wouldn't go over well with my evangelical Christian believing husband. But I would love it!

I am so drawn to it, though, in so many ways. I can remember having emotions and thoughts, even as a Christian, that I always thought were pagan-ish. I am strongly, strongly drawn toward nature and simplicity. I always "saw" God in rushing rivers, partly cloudy skies, deep forests. I absolutely love the thought of connecting to the earth in celebrating the Wheel of the Year. I don't find myself drawn all that much to Wicca, though, due to not being interested in magick, but, something else paganish. What, exactly? I don't know. We'll see!

[Leo]

Deva and Human, thanks.

 

Deva: Yes, I think I can. I went to the service again today, and enjoyed it again. I can relate to certain things in the service (I don't mind The Lord's Prayer, for example. I agree with asking for all of those things, it's just that I don't consider myself to be asking the Christian God). And yes, like you, the more liturgical the better! There is something about the priest raising the Bible into the air, crossing herself in prayer, blessing the congregation from the back of the church after service... I love the reverence and solemnity of it all.

 

Human: I would really love to go to a pagan service of some sort, and see if I love it as much as I suspect I might. There isn't anything like that local, though (local meaning in my town.) I live near Seattle, and I know I could find something there, but at this season of my life, I can't really go down to Seattle for something like this. It wouldn't work with where I'm at in my marriage and family at the time being. It certainly wouldn't go over well with my evangelical Christian believing husband. But I would love it!

I am so drawn to it, though, in so many ways. I can remember having emotions and thoughts, even as a Christian, that I always thought were pagan-ish. I am strongly, strongly drawn toward nature and simplicity. I always "saw" God in rushing rivers, partly cloudy skies, deep forests. I absolutely love the thought of connecting to the earth in celebrating the Wheel of the Year. I don't find myself drawn all that much to Wicca, though, due to not being interested in magick, but, something else paganish. What, exactly? I don't know. We'll see!

I took a look at Odinism this past winter, out of curiosity. The problem for me is, elaborate ritual and liturgy doesn't do anything for me. I find the idea of a supreme goddess interesting, but see no evidence of her existence. But whether you're pagan, Christopagan, or even an atheist as I am, you can fully enjoy nature. Listen to the patter of the rain, the sound of wind blowing leaves, the birds chirping and flapping their wings, look at all the pretty colors, look at the Moon, sunset, rainbows, feel the Sun on you, and so much more. If you believe there is someone or something out there, wouldn't she / it / he be honored by you simply enjoying its creation? Most the pagan people I have run into don't seem to have what people call services, more see nature as a cathedral. I know Portland culture is different from Seattle. And you don't need me, an atheist, telling you how to do this just some random thoughts.

[directionless]

I grew up in the Episcopal Church, so I always felt comfortable there. It's nice because the core features of Christianity are all present in the liturgy, but it is all ritualized so a skeptic doesn't need to fake sincerity to participate.

 

Robin Williams was an Episcopalian and here is a link to his "Top 10 Reasons to be an Episcopalian":

...

And the Number One reason to be an Episcopalian:

 

1. No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.

http://www.saint-augustine.org/_sep02/ef0902b.htm

 

Another denomination with a lot of ritual is Eastern Orthodox. My Eastern Orthodox parish was just as liberal as any Episcopal Church IMO. However, other parishes are more strict. It all depends on the priest.

 

I've been thinking of trying to use Christianity as my vocabulary and toolkit for seeking God/Great Spirit/whoever. I find myself naturally talking to God or Jesus when I am inspired by nature even though I don't know who God and Jesus are anymore. I've detached them from Christianity. Right now I'm enjoying not going to church, but I see some similarities with your OP.

[VacuumFlux]

I'm going to throw out some other ideas for you, since some of things you said reminded of stuff I've read on the internet. (I have some pagan friends, so I've been reading some pagan blogs so that we can have more intelligent conversations, and I have a christian friend who's big on experiencing the Holy Spirit, so I read a bunch about non-mainstream ideas about that part of the trinity. The baptists I grew up with were so afraid of anything charismatic that we didn't talk in too much detail about that part of the trinity, so I wanted to know what all ideas were out there.)

 

Your talk about everyone having Spirit in the sounds a lot like Quakers. Though they're not very liturgical; if I understand correctly, a lot of their meetings involve sitting around and waiting for someone to have a Word to say, but not in a dramatic showy way like the Charismatic christians do. I think they're one of the few religious groups that have gotten permission in some states for a couple to get married without an officiant - they just stand up in the middle of a bunch of witnesses and announce their promises to each other - I really appreciate how non-heirarchical they are. Anyway, here's a real Quaker (a pagan Quaker, actually) talking about that better than I can:

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/quakerpagan/2014/07/the-work-in-the-middle-2.html

 

 

There's also a pagan subgroup of the Unitarian Universalists, called CUUPS. I think it's pretty neat that UUs can accomidate so many different religious beliefs in one group of worshipers.

 

As for the pagans taking their deities too literally - yeah, that's one of the big reasons I haven't tried to get more involved in the local druid group that some of my friends are in. But sometimes I like to play with the symbolism of deities, but I feel like I'm just tapping into pieces of myself and nothing outside of me. I could probably call myself a Jungian pagan. Here's one story I really liked:

 

http://www.catb.org/esr/writings/dancing.html

 

 

 

I rejected supernatural explanations, but learned to believe in magic -- the magic of the human mind and hand and heart.

...

The two forms of practical magic are healing and divination. Healing works because human minds have more control over their bodies than we normally think; divination works because humans know and perceive more than they are consciously aware of.

(Disclaimer: Even if I were really really good at inducing the placebo effect, I would only do so for minor things like the common cold, and to help someone feel happier while being under a real doctor's treatment for a serious problem. I believe we have more control over our minds that we tend to realize, and that the mind can affect the body, but it's also true that the body can have plenty of problems that the mind cannot fix.)

 

 

I do like some of Christo-Paganism, mostly because my experiences of "deity" are of the Jungian type where it all comes from inside my head, and my Christian upbringing means that Christan idea are some of the most powerful to me. I also really like some Jewish pagan ideas, such as the ones here:

 

http://telshemesh.org/shekhinah/ http://telshemesh.org/fire/

 

Part of what I like about that particular site is that Shekinah Goddess is associated with the element of fire. I'm female-bodied and my favorite element is fire, so every time I read about dualist conceptions of man=fire/sky/active and woman=earth/water/passive, it feels like they're getting it wrong. (Also note that I said "female-bodied"; I don't quite identify as "woman" because I'm genderqueer and don't really understand what normal people exerience as gender, so god/goddess dualism does not sit well with me. This particular version bothers me a lot less than others I've read.)

 

 

I'm glad that for now, you've found some ritual that you can enjoy that doesn't cause too much trouble with your family. I like ritual too, so I definitly understand wanting to find some that you can put up with.

[Deva]

Deva and Human, thanks.

 

Deva: Yes, I think I can. I went to the service again today, and enjoyed it again. I can relate to certain things in the service (I don't mind The Lord's Prayer, for example. I agree with asking for all of those things, it's just that I don't consider myself to be asking the Christian God). And yes, like you, the more liturgical the better! There is something about the priest raising the Bible into the air, crossing herself in prayer, blessing the congregation from the back of the church after service... I love the reverence and solemnity of it all.

 

Human: I would really love to go to a pagan service of some sort, and see if I love it as much as I suspect I might. There isn't anything like that local, though (local meaning in my town.) I live near Seattle, and I know I could find something there, but at this season of my life, I can't really go down to Seattle for something like this. It wouldn't work with where I'm at in my marriage and family at the time being. It certainly wouldn't go over well with my evangelical Christian believing husband. But I would love it!

I am so drawn to it, though, in so many ways. I can remember having emotions and thoughts, even as a Christian, that I always thought were pagan-ish. I am strongly, strongly drawn toward nature and simplicity. I always "saw" God in rushing rivers, partly cloudy skies, deep forests. I absolutely love the thought of connecting to the earth in celebrating the Wheel of the Year. I don't find myself drawn all that much to Wicca, though, due to not being interested in magick, but, something else paganish. What, exactly? I don't know. We'll see!

 

I also enjoyed the Episcopal liturgy for a few years. If one can just view it as a common meal and not go into all the other meanings behind it, then it is really the ticket. I might even return to it one day.  The sense of being in a community with others is something I do miss a lot, and the Episcopal Church does this better for me than anything else I have seen.

 

Its true the Eastern Orthodox church also has an elaborate liturgy. I think if I could have icons and the more approachable Episcopal service as well then I would be really happy. My personal problem with all of it is that I think too much.

[Aiyana]

Very cool article, VacuumFlux...I really enjoyed it.

 

Both Quakers and UU are belief systems that I had at least enough interest in to study a bit (Quakers I studied only online; UU I experienced for myself at a service.) I came away from the UU service feeling almost as though I had been at an inspirational speaking conference, nothing more. It was devoid of the "religion" aspect that I am looking for (in the sense of ritual). I definitely relate to some of their teachings, as well as Quaker teachings, but I just crave that ritual, which neither of them really seem to offer.

 

Nice Robin Williams quote (RIP), Directionless, I get the same feeling about the Episcopalians. I feel like they wouldn't be judgy, if I were to share my unorthodox beliefs. Soooo refreshing after the years in a Pentecostal environment.