Ellinas Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I was going to use this as a reply to the "handling people who worry about you" thread, but it was growing in length and seemed in danger of becoming an attempted hijack on a not quite sufficiently related topic. So, I find myself in a somewhat strange situation. My wife knows of my disillusionment in general terms. She knows I have problems with Christianity. She does not know where that has taken me. Recently she said to me that she does not want to know "what goes on in your [i,e, my] head" as she felt she might not like it. So be it - I told her that I would not tell her what she does not want to know. A couple of weeks back her sister came over for a coffee. I was in work. Her sister has one child (a son) who has suddenly found huge enthusiasm for his Christianity, and a daughter who has practically turned her back on the church. The son's attitude has apparently proved a huge encouragement for her husband. She and my wife were talking about this and about the state of things in the church when my sister in law mentioned that I was obviously not happy and wanted to know if anyone or anything had upset me. My wife fobbed her off with "things generally - it goes back years..." My wife told me of this conversation - not, I have to say, in a way that suggested she was putting any pressure on me, but simply as part of a conversation about what she'd been up to that day. Therefore, I have: A sort of partial disclosure to my wife - the person whose sensitivities prevent me being open. An "agreement" (for want of a better term) with my wife that I will say no more. Others - whom I see regularly - talking to her about me but saying nothing to my face (I gather that there have been past comments from other church members also). Therefore, I am not having to handle people who worry about me as such. Rather, my wife is finding herself having to do that for me whilst (I suspect purposely) turning a blind eye to what worries her. And, by telling me that she doesn't want to know, she is practically making it inevitable that she will have to bear the burden of the questions of others as she cannot really refer them on to the proverbial horse's mouth for fear of what I might say. I'm not really asking for advice here - more just expressing a sense of bemusement at the daftness of it all. The one thing that does occur to me is whether the conversation between my wife and sister in law is a prelude to the latter offering to get her son to talk to me and "encourage" me as he has done his father. Now that will be an interesting one if it does arise... Though I've no doubt my wife will do an excellent job in repelling the advance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted August 20, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted August 20, 2014 Though I've no doubt my wife will do an excellent job in repelling the advance. It's kind of nice that your wife is such a good christian-repellent. Much better than being the "good-christian" repellent that most of them are. I'd sure like it if my fundy-hubby would run some interference for me when the relatives start their jesus-jabbering. But no such luck, so I just sit back and watch with amusement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 ... Therefore, I am not having to handle people who worry about me as such. Rather, my wife is finding herself having to do that for me whilst (I suspect purposely) turning a blind eye to what worries her. And, by telling me that she doesn't want to know, she is practically making it inevitable that she will have to bear the burden of the questions of others as she cannot really refer them on to the proverbial horse's mouth for fear of what I might say. Ellinas Is there an understanding between you and your wife that you don't wish to talk with anyone else directly about the issue? So your wife is being your buffer. She's shielding you, because she loves you, and she's content with the understanding and arrangement the two of you have concerning the matter. And by her not wanting to know the details, she doesn't have to give any detailed response to third parties who ask her about you. She's protecting herself too. She's protecting you, herself, and your relationship. She seems like a great wife! You seem very fortunate to have her. Human That I am fortunate - I know. She tells me that quite regularly... There is no explicit "understanding"; I suppose, however, a sort of unspoken arrangement has grown up due to the fact that she's probably concerned that I may cause an upset amongst her family and friends. She knows that I have a track record of being rather forthright when my patience runs out. Yes, she's protecting herself and me as well. From her standpoint the two go together. It just strikes me as very odd, albeit quite understandable, situation where a sort of enforced silence - which she apparently wants - is putting her in the firing line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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