My Deconversion Testimony - Sweet And Simple

[Exther]

The healing that followed my deconversion was a process. But unlike many other deconversion stories, the act of deconverting per se, was an instantaneous moment of decision. It is like I went to bed as this passionate youth evangelist, bringing youth to "confrontation" with Christ with her feiry messages about the meaning of life and after life, serving as the most sought after youth speaker in a large urban church back in my home country, India. The next morning I wake up as someone that has rejected Christ not only as her so called personal savior but also rejected him as a historical figure. In about a week’s time I moved on to rejecting organized religion as a whole.

 

I hail from a conservative, yet highly educated, broadminded and accomplished Brahmin family with a rich heritage of history behind me. My parents converted to Christianity during a vulnerable moment of their lives. Sounds like it wasn't a rich heritage, eh? But the credit goes to the street evangelist who saw them in exactly the state that he wanted my parents to be in for him to catch them in his fishing net. He gradually "strengthened" them in the faith and encouraged them to get baptized. A change in their faith resulted in my parents losing credibility among our extended family. The rest of the family on either side disconnected from us and disowned my family owing to their opinion that my dad had sold his two daughters to the missionaries.

 

As kids, in our pre-Christian lives, my father passed on his understanding of the Vedas and the pantheistic view of our religion to my four siblings and me. With the weekly visits by the evangelist to conduct the Friday evening worship service at our home Christianity slowly started happening to us, replacing the Vedic knowledge. The education the evangelsit brought to us about the stark contrast between disorganized Hinduism that we were to reject and the organized Christianity that he served us on a platter, that we were to embrace, was very welcome.

 

My father possessed some radical views about the many evils of the religion of his ancestors and therefore was an easy meat to the evangelist. He and my mother succumbed despite their ability to reason. My siblings and I followed suit like obedient children although at different phases and with different but “strong” testimonies.

 

During my senior year of school, I met my husband and we got married 8 years later. A year and a half later we had our daughter. My husband is a third generation Christian. In his youth, unlike his peers, my husband possessed the ability to question core doctrines that did not make sense to him. Going to church was merely a discipline to him on Sunday morning. He was a youth leader and engaged in activities like organizing youth retreats and other recreational activities.  

 

On the other hand, like all first generation Christians in India, I was a devout believer and shared a personal relationship with Jesus. In the process, I kept weekly fasts and the Lenten fasts, read the Bible everyday and initiated nightly family prayer. I proved my in-laws wrong who were skeptical about my faith in the beginning by turning out to be more conversant of the Bible than they were. I soon found myself preaching in new-convert youth meets. An ardent reader of fiction, my focus of reading shifted to theological books when my elder brother enrolled into MA in theology. I got my hands on his reading material. At master level also, Indian schools tell you only what they want you to know. Study material is what the professors prepare for you! My interactions with the other side of the story of Christianity began here. I went back to those books that I earlier discarded as nothing but fine artwork of Satan – The Da Vinci Code, The Jesus Papers, Jesus Lived in India, and the likes.   

 

My husband and I along with our daughter emigrated to the United States in the tenth year of our marriage. Curiosity landed me enrolling into the Master of Divinity at a Baptist seminary. It did not take me more than just one semester to “fall from grace.” I rejected Christianity in one go when I was reading the Gleason Archer’s A Survey of Old Testament Introduction in the very first class that I took – Intro to Old Testament. The content of the book that stole my god from me was the very content that the author used to establish the truth of the Bible. It just made no sense. For the first time I was reading what the apologists had to say in defense of their religion. I repeat, it just made no sense. I began digging deeper. In my quest I got my hands on some scholarly sources on the other side of the argument. And it all made so much sense. I did not resist. I let god go!

 

I came out to my side of the family. Their first reaction is what Christians usually say at such disclosures. They were sure of Satan’s role in it. They still think so!

 

One cold winter evening, I stood on my patio looking up at the Georgia sky, sweating profusely, thinking about my dad. He had passed away just a month ago. Overcome by guilt, I recalled all the moments I spent at his bedside justifying his pain that he received from his sickness, showing him in drawings the beautiful place that god had prepared for him in the holiest of holy places in heaven. How god so loved the way he lived his life that god was going to crown him with his own hands. How he won six people for god. How we were all going to meet again and live as one big family in a trouble-free kingdom. Standing there alone in the dark, I realized I had lied to my dad. At that moment I felt I will never be able to forgive myself for all the lies that I said to my father when he was just moments away from his demise.

 

I decided I was not going to spend any time in the process of healing. It wasn’t my fault after all. I have been made to believe like those million other around me, for centuries. I came out to my husband. Our daughter was ten then and my husband did not see why we should disclose it to her. My husband who had only lived as a namesake Christian with humanist views about human life and the world around him was not surprised. He said, “With your ability to reason, it took you longer than I anticipated.” I realized that all those years of my passionate faith he was only playing along. The only thing my husband asked of me was to keep going to church for our daughter. I agreed.

 

We continued to go to the large urban church that we had been members at for little less than a year then. The deeper I delved into my search for the truth, the harder it got to sit through the sermons. I felt like a hypocrite. Gradually our attendance fell from fortnightly to once a month until they completely stopped. Soon our daughter became a silent part of our conversations.

 

To the family on my husband’s side my stance is still a secret. My husband does not think it is necessary to disclose it to them particularly. My elder brother disowned me because he thinks I have brought disgrace to my family and the entire Christian circle that he thrives in, by questioning the Bible and rejecting god. My other siblings and I love each other so much that we agreed to never discuss this topic. They continue to worry for me and fast and pray.

 

During my recent visit to my home country, the topic just casually came up between my husband and my siblings and soon blew out of proportion. I had to join in to put sense into my fanatic kid brother. The outcome is a challenge from my brother which I accepted. Before talking about the challenge I have to tell you of our status in the US. After living a rich and affluent life in our home country, my husband and I had to start from scratch as new immigrants to this country. We had to downsize our lifestyle to the degree that day to day sustenance became hard. We did not find jobs to keep ourselves sailing. Our losses in business was a little more than 100,000 USD, in two years of moving here. We have been pumping our lifetime savings from India into our sustenance here. My siblings attribute our downgraded lifestyle to my rejection of the Christian god.

 

Coming to the challenge thrown by my brother, he challenged my husband and me that we can never get back our previous wealthy state until we repent and ask Jesus back into our lives. He added, the day we are able to see success without Jesus in our lives, he is going to accept the fact that god has no business in human lives and that indeed I was right. He continues to pray for the return of his prodigal sister. So do my other siblings!

 

I have finally found my calling! I am preparing to start an organization in India with a bunch of non-Christian freethinkers like myself to stop conversions. So far I have succeeded in deconverting three Chrisitan youth after a series of heated debates. I wish to carry on this endeavor with encouragement from fellow deconverts here! 

[Overcame Faith]

Hi, Exther, and welcome to ExC. Though you have been here for a while, welcome to the U.S. Your English is excellent!

 

It sounds like some of your family members gave and are giving you a hard time with your deconversion. Don't believe for even a minute that your financial issues are some sort of punishment from God for your rejection of Christianity. You sound extremely intelligent and I am sure you will recover economically.

 

Don't feel guilty about what you said to your father in his last hours of life. I am sure you gave him great comfort. Even now that I have totally rejected Christianity, I would even now tell a loved one who is a Christian and on their deathbed how "glorious" heaven will be if I thought it would comfort them in their last hours.

 

Again, welcome

[directionless]

thanks for the interesting extimony, Exther.

[Orbit]

Welcome!

[Deidre]

What an inspiring story and how awesome you are starting an organization like that! I wish you all the best of success with your journey and welcome to the forums!

[Margee]

Hi, Exther and welcome to Ex-c. Thanks for sharing your story - it was so interesting. You have certainly found the right web-site to tell this type of story. Each one of us can relate to your story, probably in many ways. I know I can. Read the bible intelligently...and lose your faith...end up on EX-c!!  That was me also. The whole bible fell apart for me.

 

There is a man who is ready to die in the same room as my sick stepfather. When we get around to having a little gab, he tells me he can't wait to go 'home' with the lord. I tell him it will be so nice. Why in heavens name would any cruel person take this away from a believer? I can just picture myself as a true believer and having some agnostic or atheist standing there telling me none of it is true?? No, No, no...you did the right thing for your dad at death. I am sorry you lost him. I know what that feels like to lose your dad. My heart goes out to you. I wish I had the faith of 'heaven' when I died. I know it would make dying much easier.

 

You sound full of spunk. I like that. I've kinda become that way myself!! Lol   If I was young, I would want to do the same thing you are about to do. You go and be one of the ones to get the word out...the 'real' word out....... that christianity is a lie. I wrote this for young people a couple of years ago. You might like it. http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/50092-a-letter-to-the-young-people-on-ex-c/#.VAG1IjJdXOg

 

Best of everything to you.

 

Hug

[Exther]

Thanks all! Thank you for your encouragement and best wishes.

 

Margee, I have read your post. Since the topic seems locked for any further replies, I am saying it here - your letter is needed for a smooth transition for new deconverts (I love to use the word deconverts more then ex-Christians as it is my way of getting back at all of them that thought they acheived the highest crown in heaven by converting a family like mine!) You are never too old to advise! So keep on adding your inputs!

 

Thanks Human! Before the official launch of the organization we are testing the waters to see how many like me are out there! The state of affairs in India is pathetic. It is a big battle for truth out there. During the recent two-month trip I have found out that I have a threat to my life just because I am coming in the way of the multi million dollar Christian business of preachers and evangelists. Although I have the backing of the current government whose interests are aligned with mine, there is still that threat at the grass root level! For this reason I have been advised to not put myself out there but to reach out through social media via a psuedo name, Kaachi Bharduaj - a slight variation of my pre-Christian name. No matter what, I have taken on the armor and am here to stay.

 

Thanks, Deidre32! My heart goes out to all these superstitious youth who waste their precious talent just to plan that next big 'healing crusade' that the new foreign missionary is flying from America or Europe, to conduct, or the strategic planning to plant new churches across the towns and cities of India using technology, or while away their precious evenings in what they think is development of the nation - praying, observing fasts and worshipping the "true god." The largest democracy in the world, with the largest youth population spends its youthful years promoting a religion. What a waste of energy and resources! Where has all the reasoning and critical thinking that our ancestors had, go? Shaking up these folks - That is my battle!

 

Deconvert or ex-Christian is a non-existent term in India. People do not believe that Christianity could be questioned, much less, rejected. Confronting them - That is my endeavor! It is guessed that there may be some that have taken on a similar route as mine. But they lack the courage to admit it openly, like these new ex-Christians that I have successfully confronted. That makes me one of the handful or even just one in the country! Do you see why the government needs to protect me? Thankfully for them, I am a citizen of America.  So no spending on day to day security services. However, that does not reduce the danger to my life! 

 

Thanks, Overcame Faith! Like they say, charity begins at home, I am on my way to deconverting my kid brother. He just needs to be shown that the God of the Bible does not have any role in the life of human beings. What happens to them is merely the result of the decisions they make. I have partially succeeded in establishing myself financially all over again. In other words, one foot of his is already out of the dark alley.

 

Thanks, Orbit! 

 

Thanks, Directionless! Extimony, ha ha ha..... I look forward to your continued encouragement in my mission. 

 

As for my dad, I have already started feeling not just better but also proud with all of your encouragement. Thank you all for your kind words.

 

-- Ex. 

[Ellinas]

Welcome.

 

The idea of an overnight deconversion is interesting and seems unusual.

 

I also find your brother's approach curious.  Whilst there is a good deal of hypocrisy amongst Christians over worldly wealth, it remains the position - as I understand it anyway, and amongst dispensationalists - that material advancement tends to be seen as a promise for the earthly people (i.e. Israel) rather than the heavenly people (i.e. "the Church").  Therefore, to put material wealth as a test of god's blessing seems somehow the wrong way round.

 

All the best in your quest to spread good sense.