This Is My Story, And I'm Sticking To It.

[Bedouin]

So, here goes...

 

I was raised in the Pentecostal/apostolic/holiness branches of Protestantism. The beliefs of speaking in tongues, faith healing by laying on of hands, interpretation of scripture by revelation were the fundamental teachings.

 

In addition, strict dress codes (for women), and rules of behavior were expected to be followed, such as not going to parties, no listening to "worldly" music, no going to movies. Sex, outside of marriage, was a huge no-no, and even sex within marriage was supposed to be limited to plain vanilla.

 

The church I attended was small, a "storefront." Everyone knew everyone else, and everyone else's business, or at least thought they did. Neither the pastor nor any of the ministers, as far as I know, were ordained by any major ecumenical body. Like I said, it was all revelation authority.

 

This was all while I was in my early to late teens. Prior to that we attended a small Baptist church. I only have vague memories of that, but the one that stands out is of when it got to time to "bring the tithes to the storehouse." This was when the scripture about Ananias and Sapphira was told (Acts 5). God killed them because they withheld some of their dough. You can imagine how that effected me as I was known to spend some of the money my parents had given me to put in the collection plate at the candy store down the block.

 

My step-father was deacon in that church. He was also a raging alcoholic. My mother was a deaconess, and didn't drink at all (though I heard that she used to enjoy wine before I was born). For whatever reason, my mother decided to leave that church, and that's how I wound up in the holiness version. My step-father remained a Baptist until the day he died. My mother eventually returned as well.

 

I'm the youngest of 6, with 4 sisters and 1 brother. They all share a common father, I have a different one. My step-father was NOT their father.

 

One of my sisters, Terri, is the one that gravitated to the Pentecostal church, and took me with her. To this day, she is still very active in the church, and is now a follower of its off-shoot, the so called "prosperity" gospel (T.D. Jakes, Creflo Dollar, et al).

 

Anyway, the notion that I had to be "saved and filled with the holy ghost" in order to avoid hell was drilled into me. If I wasn't I risked being left behind when Jesus came back and raptured the saints away. I used to have this horrible dream where I could hear the trumpet sound, and I would be jumping up trying to be taken. Sometimes I made it, but most often did not. To this day, I still dream about this church (the "Friendly Church of the Apostolic Faith, in Jamaica, Queens, NY).

 

One night, at my sister's house, she decided that it was time for me to "tarry" for the holy ghost. This belief of tarrying, or waiting to be filled with the holy ghost is loosely based on Luke 24:49 and Acts 2:4. One of the signs that the filling of the holy ghost was being accomplished was being "purged" which was essentially foaming at the mouth, while one was saying "thank you Jesus" over and over as fast as one could until, eventually, that turned into speaking in tongues. So, I did it. I was saved! Filled with the holy ghost! I felt great! Special! Determined to witness to everyone how wonderful it was to be God's chosen!

 

Then reality (and puberty) kicked in.

 

I went through such inner turmoil. My natural instincts at war with the religious indoctrination caused much mental anguish. I'm sure most of you can understand and identify with what I mean, so I don't think there's any need to go into that in depth.

 

I think that I can place the exact event that sparked my initial real questioning of the truth about religion in general and Christianity in particular. An evangelist by the name of A. A. Allen brought his tent revival to town. He was known for his firery preaching, faith healing, and great music. He also cast out demons. I remember having one of his LPs that recorded one of those exorcisims. That was some scary stuff. Anyway, we went to the service. When it was time for the altar call, my sister convinced me to go up and ask him to pray for my step-father to stop drinking. I did. When I got to him and gave him my prayer request, I got a "move along kid" type of look from him and he went on to the next person. I assumed that my earnest request wasn't sensational enough to warrant God's attention and intervention. I found out, years later, that A. A. Allen himself died in a San Francisco hotel room of liver failure as a result of acute alcoholism.

 

At age 17 I joined the military, U.S. Navy. Thus was exposed to many different people and cultures. My journey to atheism began then, though looking back, I don't believe that I ever really bought into church.

 

For many years I paid lip service to religion, occasionally becoming interested in one form of Christianity or other, but with no real conviction. I also struggled, and still do struggle with substance abuse issues, as well as mental health, major depression disorder.

 

In 1984 or so I read the book "Holy Blood, Holy Grail." This book more than any other greatly influenced my thinking and pretty much convinced me that Christianity was all bullshit. While I didn't buy the whole Jesus left a bloodline that survives to the present part, the background into the formation of Christianity offered by the authors most certainly did lead me on to start some serious investigation about Christianity for myself.

 

I discovered Dr. Elaine Page's, and devoured her books on early Christianity. Began reading the published books from the dead sea scrolls and Nag Hammadi texts.

 

Once the World Wide Web became more and more accessible, I searched endlessly on topics of religion, philosophy, apologetics, etc.

 

Within the past few months, I ran across internet infidels, TTA and similar websites, and finally here at ExC.

 

The information provided here has been instrumental in solidifying my rejection of all religions and cults and the dogma associated with them. I have no fear of identifying myself as atheist, and plan to equip myself with the tools, resources and techniques to successfully debunk any arguments for, particularly, Christianity.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this, my extimony, and I look forward to your continued help in my journey to sanity. Please feel free to ask me about anything that I may not have been clear about, and all comments are welcome.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Welcome aboard! Quite the journey, and echoes many I've heard here.

[Orbit]

Thanks for sharing your story. Welcome!

[Ellinas]

Welcome.

 

Though, having just eaten some ice cream, you did cause me to choke over the idea of "plain vanilla sex"...

[Bedouin]

Welcome.

 

Though, having just eaten some ice cream, you did cause me to choke over the idea of "plain vanilla sex"...

LOL! My apologies.

[Llwellyn]

I also struggled, and still do struggle with substance abuse issues, as well as mental health, major depression disorder.

 

Hang in there, man!  Great story -- thanks for sharing it.  

[Positivist]

Welome! I too got sucked into the Pentecostal BS. I rue the day I set foot in a charismatic church.

 

Onwards, friend! 

[Abrooks2007]

Very well written.

 

Giving all sides a fair hearing...especially a side that is on the stark opposite side of what one believes in or perceives, in my experience...can be revelatory.

 

And thus what led me on the journey from Christianity to deism that I am on now. 

 

Hopefully we'll see more posts.  Welcome.

[Deidre]

Very interesting story, thanks for letting us in on your life a bit. I'm so happy for you that you're FREE! Hope you enjoy the forums. (I post on TTA, maybe see ya there too)