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Goodbye Jesus

Agnostic Expression And Growth


Googledotman

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Hello everybody! I haven't been here regularly since 2009. A lot has happened since then.

 

I used to be a die hard Christian in a black baptist church. During my senior year of high school, I was looking up articles against Christianity and ended up becoming an ex-Christian myself because of them. I deconverted slowly from graduation until I had a near death experience and someone offered me prayer and I told them no. Later, I end up moving back with my folks, and go to an HBCU back home where there are 10 different Christian organizations. I joined up with one because they had apologist views, and didn't mind me being around them while they worshipped Jesus and I ran a Gay and Lesbian club and was an open Agnostic. Eventually, I had another near death experience, which resulted in me being homeless for two years. In an act of total desperation, I faked being a Christian so people would have compassion for my homelessness, because no one wants to house a gay agnostic. (LOL!) In that time, I faked Christianity for that time until I was able to get back on my feet and rent a small apartment where I can finish out school. However, because I faked Christianity so well, people want me to grow deeper in my faith, and have went out of their way to invite me to church and bible studies when quite frankly, I totally loathe Christianity. Ok, maybe loathe isn't the best word, some stuff in the Bible is good, but the problem of hell and treatment of homosexuals, including me, are to big to ignore. It all came to a head when I went to a Christian dinner yesterday, and people were going out of their way to get me into church and deeper into faith. I then realized that I wanted nothing to do with Christianity, but didn't particularly want to lose the support which has kept me over the years. 

 

I do know that I need to grow deeper into my lack of Christian faith because I don't want to lie anymore, and I need leadership that will allow me to be a non-Christian but still grow as a human being. Sadly, I don't think I can find it though. Christians say they need church to grow deeper in their walk with God, and I feel as though I need a non-Christian equivalent that would allow me to deprogram spiritually, perhaps even from agnostic to full blown atheism, as well as evolve as a human being. I so desperately want to have non-believer fellowship, but don't know where to find it other than here. Can anyone help me?

Shout out to Dave and Florduh. You guys rock.

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I don't think atheism can be a goal. If you can't find evidence for any gods, you won't therefore believe in them. That is atheism.

 

If you need external guidance for your life, and many seem to, I guess a Humanist organization might be of some help. There are probably certain UU congregations that could be helpful, depending on the makeup of the beliefs found there. I'd watch out for virulent anti-Christian groups; they may be justified in their hard stance against the religion but that isn't what you need now. Of course, hanging out here should help!

 

And thanks!

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 I so desperately want to have non-believer fellowship, but don't know where to find it other than here. Can anyone help me?

 

 

Googgledotman, What a story!! Ya' know....sometimes we just gotta do what we have to do to survive!! I think your plan was kind of smart and you are so right...if you hadn't faked being 'godly' man you might have been a lot longer getting back on your feet. Unfortunately, the world looks at atheists as if we are evil people.

 

I haven't any suggestions for you unfortunately. I just wanted to welcome you back and let you know that Ex-c is my place to vent my struggles with christianity (and other matters) and I am so happy to have this site. I only wish there was a group around here.

 

Maybe, stay here with us for awhile until you find that special place?

 

Keep us posted on how you are doing?

 

 

Hug

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Great OP and welcome back to the forums

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