true2u Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hello, I'm new here. I was a Christian for 26 years. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 6 years old. I trusted God & Jesus with all my heart. Until they betrayed me with unanswered prayers, contradicting scripture, abuse all my life, a horrible abusive marriage to another supposed Christian man, & a divorce. If God is omniscient & omnipresent, he ordaines & predestines everything from the beginning to the end. I saw my ex-husband at my doorstep one day dropping off our son. I was still angry with my ex for all years I gave him so I said to my self in my mind "YOU!" Like Paul said "be angry but do not sin" little did I know God was offended by it & led me into temptation a few days later & I committed the unpardonable sin. This was in January 1997. Ever since then it's been hell. I'm out of work since July 2012. Also I'm seeing a psychiatrist because I've been hearing voices (derogatory) saying how worthless I am & also of me going to hell. The Dr. diagnosed it as auditory hallucinations. So I guess I was created to go to hell. I wish I never met God & Jesus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel233 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Throwing off the shackles of religion makes you worth while. External voices need medical treatment and in seeing a trained professional in this matter you are doing the right thing. Christianity is an abusive and cruel religion. A god that demands our complete surrender and apology for merely being alive, while at the same time offering zero feed back as to whether or not we are making Him happy isn’t worth our time. I am nearly in my mid 40’s now and I have never met a bible obeying Christian in my life, ever. I used to debate them online and of course hear all about how “true” their faith was and how much it meant to them etc. When I used to whip out my favourite weapon against them (Luke 6:30) they would go very quiet indeed and disappear quicker than lightning I have little fear of the next life. I have done (and am doing my level best in this one) If there is a place of misery and pain in the world to come then so be it. A God that tortures children, that hurts widows and fries fathers is not a God that can ever be loved. Be kind to yourself and try not to dwell too much on a book that has talking animals, ghosts and magical sticks. Cas 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanderinstar Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Welcome true4u! I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. Religion is a dangerous beast which you will be far better without. It really effects mental health too. I have Bipolar and PTSD and christianity nearly killed me with its oppression and controlling ways. It also kept me from professional help and now two years after deconverting and receiving excellent treatment I can say I am doing so much better than while I was a christian...and I was a passionate christian who truly loved god/jesus and did all I could to follow his commands. I know this must be an incredibly difficult time for you so I wish you all the best on your journey. Keep posting and chatting to us if it helps. Many people here will be able to relate to your story. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Yes, a lot of us wish we never met God or Jesus. A lot of people have posted on this site about having mental problems due to Christianity. I firmly believe that if anyone has issues, if they are Christian then those issues are made much worse. Christianity is a horrible religion that tries to make people feel like shit - wretched sinners. There is nothing to recommend it. I am glad you are seeing a psychiatrist and getting help for the voices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Welcome to ex-C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 true2u, I hope the psychiatrist can help you with the voices. I've only heard voices a few times and it was startling and the voices were hateful. It must be very difficult to hear voices often. It seems like you still believe in Christianity somewhat. Learning about the evolutionary changes to Judaism and Christianity has helped convince me there was very little divine inspiration. Maybe that would help you? Also there is a online community for people who hear voices. Maybe if you debunk Christianity then the voices will diminish or become less negative. http://www.intervoiceonline.org/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
true2u Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 Thank you for all of your warm welcome & advice. I actually found this site by googling "Jesus hates me" it was a letter written by a sad Christian girl that I could relate to. I also cringe every time when somebody asks me if I go to church. The voices are 24/7 & the first to weeks it happened it interfered with sleep. Then I went to the hospital for a week where I met another patient with the same illness who is a Muslim & he was really nice that we became friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Welcome! I second everything that has been said so far in response to you. The "poor miserable sinner" aspect of Christianity can really mess people up, especially those of us who want so badly to do it right and please god and live a godly life and grovel enough and sing enough and pray enough and donate enough and sacrifice enough and be good enough and repent enough and ... aaaahhh! Make it stop! I'm glad you have professional help. The religious negativity of self-shame and going to hell has been embedding itself in your brain patterns for a long time now, so it will take some time to retrain those synapses to healthier patterns. I assume that your professional help will give you some tools to move this process along. It might be scary and painful, but you will be happier and healthier once you push through all this old nonsense. I for one would be happy to hear about your journey, since many of us had to figure out that nasty brain rewiring thing on our own -- might be interesting to compare stories and ideas. I promise you that one day you will look back and see how far you've come, how high up you feel, and how brightly the sun is shining in your inner self. Keep working and asking questions, and please speak up on this forum if you have issues you want help sorting out. Nothing is too silly or mundane. We know your pain to some degree. Many of us have "been there" in our own way and to varying degrees, and we want others like you to feel good again. You and your son are in for a whole new life of freedom, and dare I say -- joy. Good for you for taking the first steps on this journey. Peace to you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Medication can make the voices go away. Don't let their negativity get you down. Christianity is a damaging religion; I hope you use this site to support you as you figure it all out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesaway Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I'm glad you found us. Xtianity itself sets you up for failure by basically promising you the moon and failing to deliver because they can't. Please don't feel bad that you fell for it. I did too, and what matters is that we both saw it for the shell game it is, and you got out. You're free now. The only thing worse than being in xtianity for 26 years is being in it for 26 years and a day. It'll take time to undo the damage it's caused, but you'll get there. It may not feel like it right this instant, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rach Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Hello, I'm new here. I was a Christian for 26 years. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 6 years old. I trusted God & Jesus with all my heart. Until they betrayed me with unanswered prayers, contradicting scripture, abuse all my life, Join the club! I found out too late that Jesus and his dad were insane, tyrannical, cruel, lying, psychopathic sons of bitches. I should have figured that out in sunday school when Yahweh was like burning people to death because they touched his special ark or something and Jesus was telling people they'd go to hell if they didn't love their enemies. If somebody abducts and tortures you, you better bloody force yourself to love them and forgive them, or else you are going to hell. You know what, it is so not worth it. Just let it go. I went through a many years long phase where I was positive I was going to hell. I was going to be literally set on fire and no amount of reasoning would calm me down because I was convinced I had done the unforgivable sin of renouncing Christ. I believe that my unforgivable sin phase was a reaction to being traumatized and threatened all my life with all the cruelties and horrors in the bible. The bible is not healthy for the mind, especially the emotionally fragile mind. What I have done is put the bible away for good. I will not look at it. Just reading one verse can send me spiraling into suicidal depression. Jesus said "you will know them by their fruits" (meaning character). Well I for one have experienced the "fruits" of Jesus' teachings and they are bitter fruits indeed. I cannot follow such a warped and unstable man. He is the one with the problems, not us. He is the one going to hell, the hell of crushed dreams and false expectations, and leading everyone else there as well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
true2u Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 Just wanted to thank you all for the positive reinforcement...I also haven't looked at my bible either, come to think I can't even find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel233 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Hello, I'm new here. I was a Christian for 26 years. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 6 years old. I trusted God & Jesus with all my heart. Until they betrayed me with unanswered prayers, contradicting scripture, abuse all my life, Join the club! I found out too late that Jesus and his dad were insane, tyrannical, cruel, lying, psychopathic sons of bitches. I should have figured that out in sunday school when Yahweh was like burning people to death because they touched his special ark or something and Jesus was telling people they'd go to hell if they didn't love their enemies. If somebody abducts and tortures you, you better bloody force yourself to love them and forgive them, or else you are going to hell. You have nailed it, yet Christians still insist God is love and they love Him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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