RealityCheck Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 During my time one this site, I've met some amazing individuals and made some friends. I've delighted in conversing with those who share the same thirst for knowledge that I do. I feel a deep connection with these friends as a result. I have to face a different reality at home though. I currently don't have anything equivalent in the real world. Even if I attempt to go out and socialize, there seems to be an atmosphere of anti-intellectualism prevalent. As I begin to engage in meaningful conversation, I notice that people get uncomfortable and bewildered. I even get hostile responses. This attitude is coming from people who aren't even necessarily religious. I've moved away from here several times but that attitude seems universal. I'm finding out what it's like to be surrounded by people and be truly alone. I've been doing my best to fight depression but sometimes the solitude gets to me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel233 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I take it you are in the US? Speaking for myself ( I live in the UK) I rarely have meaningful conversations with co-workers where ever I work. The usual talk is sport, sex, TV, wash, rinse and repeat. If I ever ventured an opinion on say, the works of Bertrand Russell, of the deistic views of some of the founding fathers, I would be met with incomprehension Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrive Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 In my personal life I am in the same boat as you. No one wants to talk about anything but those surface weather, sports, kids, etc. subjects. It can be isolating. I am not the most well read, and at times the intellects on this board can be intimidating, but it is definitely stimulating and would be nice to experience in real life. Even just a willingness to be open minded in a discussion, a willingness to listen to another point of view would be refreshing. Work is another story though. I share office space with another company and nothing is considered off limits to them. They will talk politics, religion, sex, everything. They can be quite intense and loud about their opinions as well. Thankfully they tend to break out the cocktails before any bloodshed occurs. I've never seen anything like it. I hesitate to bring up my deconversion yet, as I'm only in a few hours a week so I don't really know them. I did briefly discuss the public opinion on atheists the other day though and I wasn't lynched! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 During my time one this site, I've met some amazing individuals and made some friends. I've delighted in conversing with those who share the same thirst for knowledge that I do. I feel a deep connection with these friends as a result. I have to face a different reality at home though. I currently don't have anything equivalent in the real world. Even if I attempt to go out and socialize, there seems to be an atmosphere of anti-intellectualism prevalent. As I begin to engage in meaningful conversation, I notice that people get uncomfortable and bewildered. I even get hostile responses. This attitude is coming from people who aren't even necessarily religious. I've moved away from here several times but that attitude seems universal. I'm finding out what it's like to be surrounded by people and be truly alone. I've been doing my best to fight depression but sometimes the solitude gets to me. This I understand. I don't talk with many people. I work alone in a very large complex. I talk with other staff outside of my department sometimes as I help them but you have to be careful not to step on any toes around here because people are very closed minded and you end up having stuff said to bosses etc... It is stupid. I never seek these kinds of conversations anymore with anyone. I enter them sometimes but never start them. I got so sick of teh pseudo-intelligences at most of the public places around here (sadly mostly hipsters that don't actually at least around here have the mental skill to think their way around their beards and stylish hats.) or people that will literally fight you if you disagree with their view point and try to discuss it. I have had to walk away a number of times now and be the bigger person with someone basically getting ready to swing. It is not my approach it is the serious one mindedness of so many in my area. I live in a bible belt area of my state. Not the most productive place for good conversation. Most of the people in my actual office believe that the world is only 6000 years old so you can guess how much I talk with them. Sigh...lol whatever. I found that talking to myself was far more entertaining in most cases. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 It's hard to find likeminded people; when you do, hold onto them. You might meet someone unexpectedly though. A couple of weeks ago I met an agnostic in the bar and we had a great conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealityCheck Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 I take it you are in the US? Speaking for myself ( I live in the UK) I rarely have meaningful conversations with co-workers where ever I work. The usual talk is sport, sex, TV, wash, rinse and repeat. If I ever ventured an opinion on say, the works of Bertrand Russell, of the deistic views of some of the founding fathers, I would be met with incomprehension Yes, I do live in the US. I'm guessing this attitude is prevalent in most nations touched by American culture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel233 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 To be fair, I don't expect co-workers to be interested in the things I am, but it is a bit of a worry they virtually all talk about the same stuff no matter what company I work for Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealityCheck Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 In my personal life I am in the same boat as you. No one wants to talk about anything but those surface weather, sports, kids, etc. subjects. It can be isolating. I am not the most well read, and at times the intellects on this board can be intimidating, but it is definitely stimulating and would be nice to experience in real life. Even just a willingness to be open minded in a discussion, a willingness to listen to another point of view would be refreshing. I understand that some of us posses more knowledge than others. Relatively speaking, I'm not the most well read person either. Furthermore I sometimes have difficulty articulating my points. I don't really look at that, I look at an individuals willingness to learn, their thirst for knowledge, their openness to new ideas. This is why I spend a disproportionate amount of time online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted September 30, 2014 Moderator Share Posted September 30, 2014 Maybe you should look for or start a meetup group based on something that you're interested in like philosophy, psychology, atheism, electronics, or programming. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealityCheck Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 Perhaps I should drop this topic. The more I think about it the more it negatively impacts my mood. I just felt the need to address this issue last night but logically there isn't much I can do about it at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealityCheck Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 Maybe you should look for or start a meetup group based on something that you're interested in like philosophy, psychology, atheism, electronics, or programming. I've tried, the nearest ones are 2 and a half hours away in Miami. Not something I can practically do every week. When I lived in Austin for the summer there were plenty of groups like that, I just worked overnights and could never attend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I have noticed the absence of intellectual interest for many years, from even before I deconverted. Before I retired I could talk about intellectual things with my co-workers But not since then. I can talk with my wife abut politics; we're on the same page on that subject. But religion is off limits. It's not that I necessarily want to discus things with someone who agrees with me. I like a fair argument. It's just that few people will tolerate a disagreement with them. That's really sad. As you say, Reality, they get mad. And these are college graduates. But obviously they didn't get a good education. All I'm looking for is someone with an open mind. Was it Descartes who searched all of Athens to find an honest man? He wouldn't fair any better today. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted September 30, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted September 30, 2014 This is an issue with me as well. I've never been much for small-talk and I'm usually a fairly quiet individual. When I do have conversations, I prefer them to be meaningful and deep (or at least not shallow). I just can't sit around talking about sports and weather like others do. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Over here in Germany there's lots of hostility too to those who are using their heads for more than just seal their throats against rainfall. Now the (rather small) circle of friends I have, they are cool. In our large team at work I also have like-minded people around me directly, but just a few desks further out people just can't stand us discussing important things instead of the latest sCRAPted reality show on TV or such. I was raised with the idea that intelligence is the most important thing of all. Now I'm stuck in a world where independent thought is mocked daily. Do I have to explain how it makes me feel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 This is why I like being an expat. It's not a jab against America. I've found enclaves there where people are intelligent, interesting and open minded. But home has few mysteries to me anymore, while living in a foreign land brings mystery nearly every day. This is true even among those that just want to talk football (soccer in this case) as I get to see it from a unique perspective. Italy, though, far and away is a paradise for those who appreciate intelligent and intellectual conversation. There, you can spend hours in enjoyable (as opposed to uncomfortable and antagonistic) conversation about religion, politics, the economy, science, etc... Here in Russia, I've only been able to do this with my nephew. This is probably more a reflection on my lifestyle more than it is the Russian people, but most of my friends are interested in more basic things like family, nature, their work, and their dachas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Over here in Germany there's lots of hostility too to those who are using their heads for more than just seal their throats against rainfall. That kind of surprises me as nearly every German I've ever met seemed very educated and thoughtful. Perhaps the ones that travel are different. I know the Italians hate the German tourists though. They think they are drunken brutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesaway Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Same here. I've never been one for small talk, it always seemed so damn phony to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest end3 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Not that smart a person, but I enjoy when corporate sends down the R&D PhDs for projects. Good conversation and humor....not the redneck variety. Granted I love my part of the world, but the land is not the only desert-esk environment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I like butter and cheese... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 ...nearly every German I've ever met seemed very educated and thoughtful... Merkel. Case proven - we're a nation of unthinking idiots. I wish I could say something different without knowing that I'm lying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I don't really think these people who don't talk about intellectual things are dumb. I think they simply choose to live the life they live within whatever myths they adopt rather than seriously dealing with reality. They don't want to have to deal with harsh realities of this life. So they bury themselves in their myths. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I don't really think these people who don't talk about intellectual things are dumb. I think they simply choose to live the life they live within whatever myths they adopt rather than seriously dealing with reality. They don't want to have to deal with harsh realities of this life. So they bury themselves in their myths. bill Some of them are dumb. But I agree with your overall point. I believe that avoiding reality out of fear is a childlike trait. When I let go of belief in myths and faced reality I had finally grown up. People stay in the developmental stage of religious belief because they fear growing up, they perceive a need for a parental authority figure to define them and tell them what to do and what to think. Every single day for the last 7 months I have reflected on and celebrated my freedom from that. Vive la deconversion! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I always thought the majority of people were (geez, now I hesitate to use the word dumb because of the comments above) not deep thinkers. Back in high school, the majority of conversations among the girls seemed to involve eye shadow or something equally vapid. But I managed to find a couple friends and we'd have real conversations. Sometimes even about eye shadow, but more about the cosmic consequences of eye shadow. Work's the same. Most people are not deep thinkers. Most work conversations are polite and revolve around the usual stuff. But since it's work and we need to be around these people every day, I have no issue about actually getting my work done and not having deep conversations that bring productivity to a halt or getting into existential disagreements that affect work. But I have met a couple people at work that are deeper, and we've gotten together after work (or now on-line as one moved far away), and that's fun. Being on here is fun. Yeah, it can be depressing and I can get lonely. Books help me a lot, too. I like books. I'm sure if I had more time and energy and money I could find a meet-up group where I could find others I relate to better. Most of the time, I enjoy being alone or with one good friend, so it's usually not an issue. But I do get lonely sometimes, and those times are not fun. Not even a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Pee-pee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Fweetheart, you are so not invited to my "Smart People Saying Smart Things" group. Now shoo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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