Viewing My Family's Xianity Differently Now

[FreeThinkerNZ]

My parents, sisters and a niece are fundamentalist xians.  I have been deconverted 7 months today.  I haven't told them but I think they (surely?) know on some level.  My lack of belief is never discussed.

 

In the last 7 months I have had times of feeling very angry at religion for infecting me and my family members with a mind virus that did more harm than good in our lives.  And I have felt very down about their continued belief.  At times I struggle to understand how they can be so resistant to reality and so uncurious about the world around them.  I have felt isolated among them.

 

Because of circumstances beyond my control I now live with my parents while I get things back on track, and this means I hear xian radio several times a day.  Hearing the music I used to love usually brings up feelings like anger or sadness, as I marvel at my stupidity for believing in nonsense in the past.  But today I noticed something different so I wanted to share it with you all.

 

I felt compassion for my family members for being affected by a mind virus.  I'm not mad at them for being ignorant, or despairing for all they're missing out on, I'm just feeling sorry for them that they feel they need an imaginary friend and they want to prostrate themselves before it.  At least for now, I am  at peace with this, I accept it for what it is.  Believe me folks, this is progress!

[Orbit]

I feel the same compassion for believers. Some people just deeply need the fairy tale, and it seems cruel to take it away from them.

[seven77]

I haven't reached that point of compassion yet. Probably because the x10s in my life are self-righteous a-holes.

 

Yay for your progress though.

[Brother Jeff]

My parents, sisters and a niece are fundamentalist xians.  I have been deconverted 7 months today.  I haven't told them but I think they (surely?) know on some level.  My lack of belief is never discussed.

 

In the last 7 months I have had times of feeling very angry at religion for infecting me and my family members with a mind virus that did more harm than good in our lives.  And I have felt very down about their continued belief.  At times I struggle to understand how they can be so resistant to reality and so uncurious about the world around them.  I have felt isolated among them.

 

Because of circumstances beyond my control I now live with my parents while I get things back on track, and this means I hear xian radio several times a day.  Hearing the music I used to love usually brings up feelings like anger or sadness, as I marvel at my stupidity for believing in nonsense in the past.  But today I noticed something different so I wanted to share it with you all.

 

I felt compassion for my family members for being affected by a mind virus.  I'm not mad at them for being ignorant, or despairing for all they're missing out on, I'm just feeling sorry for them that they feel they need an imaginary friend and they want to prostrate themselves before it.  At least for now, I am  at peace with this, I accept it for what it is.  Believe me folks, this is progress!

 

I have several relatives who are fanatic fundamentalist Christians, among them two aging aunts that I love dearly. Most of the others I have little contact with now. 

 

Congratulations on your glorious 7 months of de-conversion, Sister! I have been out of the cult for almost 15 years, and all I could feel for a long time was anger and rage. That you have progressed to feeling compassion for believers now is a testament to the Lard's magical work in your life and His influence on your inner spook. Um, I mean, it's a testament to the deep down good person you are that you have moved to that place so quickly. I too feel compassion for believers who are trapped in the cult, but I usually do a poor job of showing it since I'm usually either busy ridiculing religion or slamming the hell out of it. 

 

The anger you felt is a totally normal part of deconversion. I was angry for a long time too about a lot of things that religion did to me. Now I tend to be more angry about what religion does to my country and to the rest of the world as a whole. But I also remain angry at what religion does to individual believers. 

 

I am 48 years old, and because of lifelong issues with mental illness (bipolar disorder), I live with my father. I feel no shame for that at all, and neither should you. 

 

I marvel that I used to take the morally reprehensible concept of Hell seriously and that I wasted a bunch of time and emotional energy worried that my family or friends would go there or that I might end up there myself. I marvel that I didn't recognize Hell at that time for the morally reprehensible concept that it is, but that's at least partially because my moral compass was warped beyond recognition by religious belief. I marvel too that I used to seriously believe that an Invisible Magically Undead Man named Jesus lived in the Sky. Talking snakes? Magic fruit from magic trees? The obviously mythical Adam and Eve? We all believed some really stupid shit, often for a very long time. Part of the deconversion process is recognizing that and coming to terms with it. You were indoctrinated and brainwashed, as were we all. Religion kills a thinking mind!

 

I am beseeching the Magic Sky Man in your behalf, Sister, regarding your circumstances and getting things back on track. 

 

Hope that all makes sense and helps. Glory!

[TheRedneckProfessor]

It's good that you can still have emotions for your family.  I've grown increasingly indifferent toward my immediate family over the years, due in no small part to their religion.  I've pretty much accepted that my wife and son are the only real family I have.

[amateur]

Good for you!  It's definitely progress!  Lugging around anger gets heavy; good for you to be able to feel compassion towards them.

 

And congrats on the 7 months!

[Guest BreathinHeathen]

It can be difficult.  The worst part is noticing all the wrongness that is right in front of their face.  There is only so much you can do, and sometimes, that is just watching it happen.

[OnceConvinced]

My parents are also dedicated Christians. I have been deconverted now for around 8 years but haven't told them. It may be that they have worked it out or a blissfully unaware. If I happen to stay at their place over the weekend, I'll even go along to church with them. I find it amusing now attending church, seeing all the deluded people who seriously believe the garbage they are preaching. I find it fun to pick holes in the sermon in my mind as the speaker preaches. It's all such a big game, isn't it?

 

Will I tell my parents? Who knows, maybe some time. Probably when I get pissed off with some religious bullshit they come up with. But right now I think i'd rather just avoid all the aggravation.

[Ellinas]

To be honest, I find myself largely indifferent to Christians, family or not.

 

Actually, that's not quite accurate.  I am generally indifferent to their religious state, as opposed to the people themselves whom I may like or dislike according their individual personalities.  Of course, their propensity to try and thrust their religion down others' throats does tend to inform my reaction to them.  But I do not pity, hate, like or adore anyone for their religion.  It's their decision how they live their lives, and not my business unless they choose to make it so.

 

Nevertheless, what you describe does sound like progress in terms of getting free of the anger.  I'm not necessarily against anger, I have to say.  It can be a strong motivator and source of strength if channeled appropriately, but equally can become destructive if kept alive too long.

 

What you describe is evidence, I think, of an emotional healing.  That's good.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Thanks, Ellinas.

[Leo]

FTNZ,

I'm on board with you. Been out as a deconverted since April, though I have not told my aging parents. Feels odd to be feeling nervous about doing so, and I won't do it unless there comes a cause, aka my mother starts in on the apologetics. She had had her doubts for years, I think, several Christians did in my circle, so my deconversion was more of a realization of what they already apparently had realized.

But I am finding the situation to be somewhat like yours: pity for those that are still in, I also have guilt as a parent, and then I am still mad at the matrix. It's kind of like one of those oscillating fans. Goes back and forth for me. The guilt with my daughter I had actually had for a couple years now, though I did my duty to the family by carrying on with this till she was out of high school.

I admit, it's the system I am upset with, far more than the people in it. I'm no saint, it's just that I tend to be one who notices how systems work, rather than individual people. And I've been on to the RepubliChristian game for enough years now, even though for most of that time I still called myself a 'reasonable' Christian, that I understand enough to know. But what would I do listening to Xian music all the time? I don't know. I didn't like most of it when I was a Xian. I still have Handel's Messiah because it is a beautiful work, especially the Christopher Hogwood version. But plenty of dancing bear Pentecostals don't acknowledge that stuff as Christian, and that is where we spent a few years.

This stuff gets complicated, and I wish you all the best. Just don't get down on yourself if you are going back and forth. Especially if people start laying on you the opinions they have of all nonbelievers or atheists, assassinating your character and saying things that aren't true for you.