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Goodbye Jesus

Children Of Christian Narcissistic Parents


earthmama514

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I came across these 2 articles on 'godless in dixie' on patheos. I cried through the first one because that was my life to a "T" growing up. Part 2 again was me. I was (still am) the family scapegoat. And sadly my child is the family grandscapegoat.

 

After I was done crying, I really wanted to just scream my anger out at being treated how I am for being me and not some cookie cutter (ex)christian. And then cry again over not having normal parents and pretty much living in therapy to help me cope. Blah

 

Anyway I thought they might help others as well.

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2014/10/01/its-not-me-its-you-children-of-christian-narcissists-2/#sthash.1YfdaMn6.qjtu

 

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2014/10/03/im-okay-youre-not-okay-adult-atheist-children-of-christian-narcissists-2/#sthash.AMQEq2iL.qjtu

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I'm going through the same thing, getting help for childhood abuse. I'm tired of constantly abandoning myself, I treat myself like dirt and I'm getting really tired of it. The therapy is starting to work though which is good.  I believe healing is possible and I'm excited about what's in store because I'm the first person in my family to start recovery. These things are passed from generation to generation, but now I feel hope it's going to stop with me.  

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Good for you. It's definitely stopping with me. I refuse to treat my daughter the way I was treated.

 

You will get there.

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Because of different things I've read on these forums, I just read a book called Toxic Parents, and it really helped explain to me how horrible it is growing up like that, how insidious it is, and how therapy can truly help people.  The psychologist who wrote it deals with people who had been abused as children and still live as adults in those same roles with their parents and in their families.  Several times through the book she specifically mentioned how xianity is extremely misused by parents for physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.  

 

My heart goes out to you both for what you've been through.  I'm glad you're both in therapy and are aware it's not you, it's them.

 

earthmama, I'm so proud of you for wanting so much more for your daughter!  Beautiful!

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At the moment I actually am more or less fine...like as long as I don't see any of my parent's (adopting parents and birth mom with partner) I am quite well. But thinking about them sometimes angers me, sometimes makes me sad, sometimes I don't care. To actually see, know and admit that my parents are weird, all of them, that they are psycho helps though. Not finding excuses anymore. There are no excuses. What they did was wrong, period. I don't need to understand them because they where overwhelmed or it was not easy to raise children and whatever else people use to tell me. Because it is not that they made mistakes like every parent does. Their mistake was that they can not love for whatever reason. As long as you truly love you can make many mistakes with children, they will be fine. But if love is absent, everything you do is a mistake...I guess that one Paul got right...

 

My birth mom left to the caribbean with her partner to spend their winter's there and come back for the summer's only. It is good they are far away for the next few months. I can't take her somehow. I managed to not see her for more then a year and while sometimes the thought of being a bad daughter tries to show up I am quite happy about it. When she texts me I ignore or give a brief non interested answer like when she asks me how I am I just say I am fine, thanks. What comes back usually just confirms my impression that it is all about her in her life. Like last time she went: Great. Then sent me pictures with their new dog at the beach telling me they where going to that town I have been to learn spanish five years ago. If she ever really knew me she would know that I don't really care about dogs...

 

Low contact to no contact does a pretty good job for me. It is quite amazing how that is possible with my adopting parents, only living 200 meters away from me. But it is. Mostly I see one of them from the far and wave shortly while stressing to the train station or wherever. So I ll see how Christmas this year will go. At the moment I feel quite secure but that can change in an instant. Whatever will be.

 

And yes, treating yourself good on purpose can make a difference. Not to blame yourself for things too.

 

Sending hugs!

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Because of different things I've read on these forums, I just read a book called Toxic Parents, and it really helped explain to me how horrible it is growing up like that, how insidious it is, and how therapy can truly help people. The psychologist who wrote it deals with people who had been abused as children and still live as adults in those same roles with their parents and in their families. Several times through the book she specifically mentioned how xianity is extremely misused by parents for physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.

 

My heart goes out to you both for what you've been through. I'm glad you're both in therapy and are aware it's not you, it's them.

 

earthmama, I'm so proud of you for wanting so much more for your daughter! Beautiful!

I read that book and it was actually the catalyst to me getting in to be tested and working with a new therapist. That combination was amazing. I discovered I have ptsd from my childhood upbringing which explains so much. Since finally realizing it's them not me a lot of my anger is gone. Since limiting contact my ptsd symptoms are few to none most days. It's been a great year this year because of that.

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At the moment I actually am more or less fine...like as long as I don't see any of my parent's (adopting parents and birth mom with partner) I am quite well. But thinking about them sometimes angers me, sometimes makes me sad, sometimes I don't care. To actually see, know and admit that my parents are weird, all of them, that they are psycho helps though. Not finding excuses anymore. There are no excuses. What they did was wrong, period. I don't need to understand them because they where overwhelmed or it was not easy to raise children and whatever else people use to tell me. Because it is not that they made mistakes like every parent does. Their mistake was that they can not love for whatever reason. As long as you truly love you can make many mistakes with children, they will be fine. But if love is absent, everything you do is a mistake...I guess that one Paul got right...

 

My birth mom left to the caribbean with her partner to spend their winter's there and come back for the summer's only. It is good they are far away for the next few months. I can't take her somehow. I managed to not see her for more then a year and while sometimes the thought of being a bad daughter tries to show up I am quite happy about it. When she texts me I ignore or give a brief non interested answer like when she asks me how I am I just say I am fine, thanks. What comes back usually just confirms my impression that it is all about her in her life. Like last time she went: Great. Then sent me pictures with their new dog at the beach telling me they where going to that town I have been to learn spanish five years ago. If she ever really knew me she would know that I don't really care about dogs...

 

Low contact to no contact does a pretty good job for me. It is quite amazing how that is possible with my adopting parents, only living 200 meters away from me. But it is. Mostly I see one of them from the far and wave shortly while stressing to the train station or wherever. So I ll see how Christmas this year will go. At the moment I feel quite secure but that can change in an instant. Whatever will be.

 

And yes, treating yourself good on purpose can make a difference. Not to blame yourself for things too.

 

Sending hugs!

Yes. It's so hard to stop blaming yourself like they always did. Once that stops it's amazing how life improves

 

I'm glad you are doing better. ((Hugs))

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Ironically, if you are your family’s black sheep, you may want to consider the possibility that this is a good thing for you.  It means you’re likely the only healthy one.  As it turns out, the Christian religion is built around the symbolism of Christ as the scapegoat.  In the Hebrew Bible, the scapegoat is a goat that is used as an animal sacrifice to appease an angry God, a God who will never be appeased.  In modern times the scapegoat is anything Christians are taught to hate: atheists, homosexuals, Democrats, feminists, etc.  Blaming those outside their tribe validates them and gives them a false sense of superiority. It is their rage that needs to be appeased. But they will never be appeased.  It is a wicked and vicious cycle.

 

Read more: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2014/10/01/its-not-me-its-you-children-of-christian-narcissists-2/#ixzz3GbDILx2F

 

 

 

To be a black sheep in this culture is a positive thing. 

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Jiddu Krishnamurti

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I'm loving these articles. I could quote them all day. 

 

 

 

Our society has largely given consent to their beliefs, so their religious delusions are protected by a bizarre social contract.  It is the sacred cow we cannot tip over.  Therefore we are not allowed to say anything back because then they would feel persecuted.  What we are not allowed to say is the evidence you have provided for God, Jesus, Heaven and Hell is hearsay, subjective, rhetorical, and invalid.  We are not allowed to say things like:

If you truly believe that Satan and demons are out to get you, and that a realm called hell actually exists, then you are having a profound delusion and you need serious mental health counseling.  And by “counseling” I don’t mean by your pastor or someone in your church; I mean by an actual mental health professional.  It only makes sense to believe in heaven and hell if you have been indoctrinated to believe in these things.  You never would have come up with these beliefs on your own by observing the universe.  You were sold a story which you learned to believe, most likely when you were too young to listen critically.



Read more: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2014/10/03/im-okay-youre-not-okay-adult-atheist-children-of-christian-narcissists-2/#ixzz3GbFECOzP

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Christianity encourages and fosters narcissism in many, no doubt about that. It tells people that they are demigods who deserve immortality just for the supposedly noble act of giving over their critical thinking faculties to the church authorities. 

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So true. I'm actually glad to be the black sheep of my family as they are all crazy and I No longer wish to be a part of that craziness.

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