amateur Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 I was listening to a woman who was selling her church's Singles' Ministry, and she was saying how she has always been single, how god has "chosen her to remain single" even though she had always wanted to marry and have a family. Anyway, she was talking about sexuality and temptation and how she never succumbed but it had been hard for years, "but now that I'm in my early 50's, god has finally answered my prayers and I'm no longer tempted and bothered by sexual thoughts like I used to be." The people she was talking to were all like, "Praise god!" Uh, lady? Maybe that's not god? Maybe that's menopause and hormones slowing down? But I'm really glad that your god took away your sexual thoughts because they bugged you, but still hasn't answered prayers for, oh say, starving children or ebola. But whatev, at least you're not horny any more. That was my main rant: the stupidity of thinking that god answered decades of prayers by slowing down hormones in the early 50's, just like happens to all of us because it's a normal biological function. Not saying I'm dead, I still have sexual thoughts and temptations, but at almost 51 it sure is less painful than when I was younger! Another rant was: Why did this lady have to never experience sex and intimacy because she wasn't married? How sad. And if she really wanted children, she didn't have to be married. How very sad that religion keeps people from experiencing normal life and joy. Another rant was: Her singles' ministry was hosting a meeting for singles, but it was limited to single people "between the ages of 18 and 30." I thought that was pretty offensive! Below age 25, you're not "single" you're simply still trying to figure it out! And being unable to find a special someone doesn't usually start getting emotionally painful until after age 30, especially for women who are starting to run out of time to have a kid. I guess they were trying to make sure to get everybody married off before anyone got desperate and started doing anti-church things like having sex ANYWAY or having a baby outside of marriage. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ crazyguy123 ◊ Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 It truly is sad what being in the cult will cause people to do, such as throw away their own desires to have children just because they haven't been able to get married. What's even worse is that there is very little that we can do for people who are still stuck. The best we can do is praise the Lard that we got out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 What on earth is a "singles ministry"? I understand the words, can see how they combine, but have no idea what on earth a 50+ virgin can possibly have to say to an 18 year old struggling over the morality of wanting to get laid... As to waning sexual impulses - well, I've never been the most energetic, and am around the 50 mark, but I intend (with the help of the Mrs) to test the truth of the old saying "use it or lose it". Presumably the person referred to above didn't, and has... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
older Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 When I first read the first line of the OP, I thought it said "shingles ministry." Yikes! I had shingles and it's not fun. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesaway Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 This reminds me of the "young adult" service that one of the churches in the last denomination I tried held periodically, and it turned out to be a joke. They either pretended to care or they flat out ignored me. And it reminds me of the people who wanted kids but never had them b/c of their own damn superstitions and ideology. They were living cautionary tales. I'm lucky I got out when I did. I'm gonna have kids with or without marriage in the cards for me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 It always comes down to control. Let us control you with promises of a new life, freedom from "sin" (which is you being a normal human), buy my dynamic tape series on that (which implies that he/she found success in not being human which is bullshit), or join us at the altar to repent of wanking you lustful sinner - god will take you back and we'll take your tithe thank you very much. None of them are born again, none! It's a myth wrapped in false promises and candy coated to make you feel accepted and loved. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
older Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 This reminds me of the "young adult" service that one of the churches in the last denomination I tried held periodically, and it turned out to be a joke. They either pretended to care or they flat out ignored me. ... For a time I was a wedding photographer. I found that the more fundy the churches were, the more up-tight and insular they were and the more they treated me like a servant. The most open and welcoming were the Jewish congregations. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gall Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I was listening to a woman who was selling her church's Singles' Ministry, and she was saying how she has always been single, how god has "chosen her to remain single" even though she had always wanted to marry and have a family. Anyway, she was talking about sexuality and temptation and how she never succumbed but it had been hard for years, "but now that I'm in my early 50's, god has finally answered my prayers and I'm no longer tempted and bothered by sexual thoughts like I used to be." The people she was talking to were all like, "Praise god!" Uh, lady? Maybe that's not god? Maybe that's menopause and hormones slowing down? But I'm really glad that your god took away your sexual thoughts because they bugged you, but still hasn't answered prayers for, oh say, starving children or ebola. But whatev, at least you're not horny any more. That was my main rant: the stupidity of thinking that god answered decades of prayers by slowing down hormones in the early 50's, just like happens to all of us because it's a normal biological function. Not saying I'm dead, I still have sexual thoughts and temptations, but at almost 51 it sure is less painful than when I was younger! Another rant was: Why did this lady have to never experience sex and intimacy because she wasn't married? How sad. And if she really wanted children, she didn't have to be married. How very sad that religion keeps people from experiencing normal life and joy. Another rant was: Her singles' ministry was hosting a meeting for singles, but it was limited to single people "between the ages of 18 and 30." I thought that was pretty offensive! Below age 25, you're not "single" you're simply still trying to figure it out! And being unable to find a special someone doesn't usually start getting emotionally painful until after age 30, especially for women who are starting to run out of time to have a kid. I guess they were trying to make sure to get everybody married off before anyone got desperate and started doing anti-church things like having sex ANYWAY or having a baby outside of marriage. Wouldn't want any of them to adopt... Funny the church doesn't really talk about that does it? Squeeze out your own but surely don't help those already here they are already fucked... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Don't have time to read everybody's posts. But on the upside -- at least her stupid genes are no longer in the pool! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Don't have time to read everybody's posts. But on the upside -- at least her stupid genes are no longer in the pool! You're such a glass-half-full kind of guy! That IS awesome that she won't be passing her stupid advice and fears onto the next generation. God planned well there! This reminds me of the "young adult" service that one of the churches in the last denomination I tried held periodically, and it turned out to be a joke. They either pretended to care or they flat out ignored me. ... For a time I was a wedding photographer. I found that the more fundy the churches were, the more up-tight and insular they were and the more they treated me like a servant. The most open and welcoming were the Jewish congregations. When I worked as a caregiver for the elderly, my very favorite clients turned out to all be Jewish. I can't say enough about those clients, how interesting and intelligent they were, and I always felt very comfortable in their homes and not like a servant, which some clients made me feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 What on earth is a "singles ministry"? I understand the words, can see how they combine, but have no idea what on earth a 50+ virgin can possibly have to say to an 18 year old struggling over the morality of wanting to get laid... As to waning sexual impulses - well, I've never been the most energetic, and am around the 50 mark, but I intend (with the help of the Mrs) to test the truth of the old saying "use it or lose it". Presumably the person referred to above didn't, and has... From my years in church and different experiences there, my understanding of "singles ministry" is to have meetings with all the singles in the congregation so they can talk about how in the bible singleness is considered to be a good thing, how they can focus on god and purity, AND so all the singles can meet and hopefully pair off and get married. Yeah, just a tad hypocritical, illogical, and confusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seven77 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Some thoughts: What on earth is a "singles ministry"? I understand the words, can see how they combine, but have no idea what on earth a 50+ virgin can possibly have to say to an 18 year old struggling over the morality of wanting to get laid... As to waning sexual impulses - well, I've never been the most energetic, and am around the 50 mark, but I intend (with the help of the Mrs) to test the truth of the old saying "use it or lose it". Presumably the person referred to above didn't, and has... From my years in church and different experiences there, my understanding of "singles ministry" is to have meetings with all the singles in the congregation so they can talk about how in the bible singleness is considered to be a good thing, how they can focus on god and purity, AND so all the singles can meet and hopefully pair off and get married. Yeah, just a tad hypocritical, illogical, and confusing. Ah singles ministry. I went to singles ministry for a good 3 years or so. I wasn't a regular due to my work schedule at the time. Singles ministry was demanding. They had events like every other night. Bowling on Mondays, Ultimate Frisbee on Tuesdays, actual meeting + bible study on Wednesday, and community service on Thursdays. Plus church services on the weekends and another Bible study on Saturday mornings. I only went bowling a few times and did the Wednesday night and Thursday night activities when I could. It was pretty much like a cult for really pretty white kids. Most of them were in college and looking to meet their soulmate. One of the "leaders" was a woman who was my age who met her husband in singles ministry a few years before I joined the church. She was always talking about "the struggles of being single" and "containing sinful urges". Yet what the fuck could she know about such things? She married the first guy to come along. They started dating when she was 17, for fuck's sake and got married when she was 19/20! And so she lectured us about remaining pure and all of that, plus she gave a lot of false hope to the young pretty collegiate girls who were all sure that the equally handsome collegiate boys they were dating were "the ONE". It was pretty much a joke when I quit attending in 2011. There were about 20 of us in singles ministry and 12 were engaged. 4 couples were in the group itself; the other odd ones were engaged to people doing mission work overseas. The remaining 8 of us were all single women, 2 of whom were attempting to play straight (myself included). So what fucking hope was there in remaining in singles ministry? None that I could see, which is why I quit attending. Also, the church I was in encouraged marrying young. Since I joined at 22, I'd already missed the "prime marriage window". Everyone above 25 was married, engaged or "seeking", which is a nice way of saying "not marriage material". There were no single guys either. Well, there were single guys at my "pray away the gay" group, lol. But they were gay, which kinda means they weren't looking to marry a woman lol. -------- TL;DR: Singles ministries were/are bullshit. They are an extension of college ministries and exist only for the purpose of maintaining cult membership via intramarriage and enforced socialization within a narrowed group of people who believe the same things as you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Some thoughts: What on earth is a "singles ministry"? I understand the words, can see how they combine, but have no idea what on earth a 50+ virgin can possibly have to say to an 18 year old struggling over the morality of wanting to get laid... As to waning sexual impulses - well, I've never been the most energetic, and am around the 50 mark, but I intend (with the help of the Mrs) to test the truth of the old saying "use it or lose it". Presumably the person referred to above didn't, and has... From my years in church and different experiences there, my understanding of "singles ministry" is to have meetings with all the singles in the congregation so they can talk about how in the bible singleness is considered to be a good thing, how they can focus on god and purity, AND so all the singles can meet and hopefully pair off and get married. Yeah, just a tad hypocritical, illogical, and confusing. Ah singles ministry. I went to singles ministry for a good 3 years or so. I wasn't a regular due to my work schedule at the time. Singles ministry was demanding. They had events like every other night. Bowling on Mondays, Ultimate Frisbee on Tuesdays, actual meeting + bible study on Wednesday, and community service on Thursdays. Plus church services on the weekends and another Bible study on Saturday mornings. I only went bowling a few times and did the Wednesday night and Thursday night activities when I could. It was pretty much like a cult for really pretty white kids. Most of them were in college and looking to meet their soulmate. One of the "leaders" was a woman who was my age who met her husband in singles ministry a few years before I joined the church. She was always talking about "the struggles of being single" and "containing sinful urges". Yet what the fuck could she know about such things? She married the first guy to come along. They started dating when she was 17, for fuck's sake and got married when she was 19/20! And so she lectured us about remaining pure and all of that, plus she gave a lot of false hope to the young pretty collegiate girls who were all sure that the equally handsome collegiate boys they were dating were "the ONE". It was pretty much a joke when I quit attending in 2011. There were about 20 of us in singles ministry and 12 were engaged. 4 couples were in the group itself; the other odd ones were engaged to people doing mission work overseas. The remaining 8 of us were all single women, 2 of whom were attempting to play straight (myself included). So what fucking hope was there in remaining in singles ministry? None that I could see, which is why I quit attending. Also, the church I was in encouraged marrying young. Since I joined at 22, I'd already missed the "prime marriage window". Everyone above 25 was married, engaged or "seeking", which is a nice way of saying "not marriage material". There were no single guys either. Well, there were single guys at my "pray away the gay" group, lol. But they were gay, which kinda means they weren't looking to marry a woman lol. -------- TL;DR: Singles ministries were/are bullshit. They are an extension of college ministries and exist only for the purpose of maintaining cult membership via intramarriage and enforced socialization within a narrowed group of people who believe the same things as you. Holy fuck. It sounds like if someone wasn't one of the pretty white straight kids, then they were signing up to be Voluntarily Bullied. Thanks for doing the research for us and dealing with all that crap. The church I was at that had one, and one that my ex-husband attended decades ago, were just one weekly meeting that was half bible study and half social time, but definitely there to promote mingling (but not THAT kind of mingling) and marriage between the attendees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 My mind is boggled. So basically "singles ministry" is a sort of Christian dating club in a forum that creates automatic chaperones and seeks to reinforce both the absolute value of being celibate and the absolute necessity of being married... No wonder the poor blighters are confused. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Brings to mind 1989-1990 when I made a last ditch effort to be a "good little Baptist". I was living with my parents after my divorce (abusive, drugged up spouse) and totally at sea with what I was going to do with my life. I walked around like some kind of a zombie for about a year. Naturally I was invited to go to church and I hadn't been in one for about 10 years. What did I find at the Independent Baptist Church? Sunday school classes segregating people. There was the class for single women and a class for divorced women. So you know where I ended up. I have really never encountered a more depressing situation. These poor women. I did not fit in there at all, because most of the divorced women had children and I did not. They would just spend a bunch of time talking about how rough their lives were. Then the scriptures were made to seem the answer to everyone's problems, when what they really do is uphold how women are just the property of men. Ugh. One day the Sunday School teacher shows up at my parent's house with a bouquet of flowers for me. I said thank you very much. I went to her house once. I can't remember anything much about those times, except eventually I was asked to visit someone with a bouquet of flowers! So, it was not honest. It was just their obligation. By the way, I think a lot of church activities are like that - they are your obligation, not what you really want to do. The only good thing about that was I met someone at that church who wanted a roommate and I was able to get out of my parent's house. This fundamentalist gal had no idea she was getting a "in the process of deconverting" roomie! I even then felt a bit sorry for her. The only thing she wanted in life was to get married to a good Christian pastor. Yet I don't know if she ever did get married. Naturally, things only worked out a couple of years and then I had to find an apartment but by then I was in a better position to afford one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 ^^Wow, Deva, it sounds more like 1889-1890, instead of 1989-1990. I was never in a church that segregated people that ridiculously and meanly. But I did run into the "obligatory" visits, which were so very awkward for everybody involved. And also "obligatory" delivering of casseroles to people who had been recently hospitalized, which was nice in theory, but not nice in that the person ended up with waaaay too much food because people were signed up to drop off their meals every single night for a certain amount of time, so it ended up being wasteful. Also familiar are how the leaders are allowed to cherry pick random bible verses to make them apply to specific situations in today's world. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 ^^Wow, Deva, it sounds more like 1889-1890, instead of 1989-1990. I was never in a church that segregated people that ridiculously and meanly. But I did run into the "obligatory" visits, which were so very awkward for everybody involved. And also "obligatory" delivering of casseroles to people who had been recently hospitalized, which was nice in theory, but not nice in that the person ended up with waaaay too much food because people were signed up to drop off their meals every single night for a certain amount of time, so it ended up being wasteful. Also familiar are how the leaders are allowed to cherry pick random bible verses to make them apply to specific situations in today's world. Yes it was about 1890. The style of dress that was in vogue for women was a long dress- Laura Ashley was the store. They were not cheap, most of the fabric was in floral patterns and it was tight fitting through the bodice and loose at the bottom. I probably still have a picture of me somewhere wearing one. I think that store went out of business long ago, but I think you can still buy Laura Ashley online. However, I think their styles have changed since then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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