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Goodbye Jesus

The Paul Revere Phase In The De-Conversion Process


Geezer

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I will start with an admission that I’m guilty of doing this too. It has been documented that de-converting is a process, some refer to it as a journey, and the process is often a long and drawn out affair. It is not uncommon for it to take years to complete and some are never able to fully cut their religious apron strings.

 

Some have compared de-converting with leaving a cult because there are numerous similarities. Much has been written about this process, and that material is readily available with a simple google search. These studies reveal this process is almost always experienced in identifiable stages. It would be rare for this process to be a “come to Jesus” event (pun intended).  It is usually a slow and painstaking procedure that is usually experienced in phases.

 

Anger is a predicable stage as is something I’ve affectionately named the Paul Revere stage. I define the Paul Revere stage as something akin to the being born again phase of Christianity. The recipient has new information and a new life changing experience and they have a need to share that with anyone who will listen, voluntarily or not.

 

It’s the reverse of being born again, but similar in that there is a desire to tell the world about the new information that has been discovered, and to change the hearers mind about their religious beliefs. The thinking goes something like this, if they just knew the truth, like I now know, they would be much better off and as happy as I am now.

 

Here’s the problem. They don’t care and they don’t want to hear about your knew revelation. And besides that they are convinced you’ve lost your mind. Now that you’ve acknowledged you’re an enemy of God you are their enemy too and dangerous because you are trying to get them to deny their God and that will send them to hell. They won’t want you around their spouse or children because they now view you as a threat to their eternal security.

 

At this point the new non-believer begins to lie and misrepresent themselves by claiming they really aren’t trying to de-convert the believer, just supply them with new information that will show them they are positively wrong about their beliefs and the new non-believer tends to also imply they are intellectual idiots for believing such non-sense. The obvious problem with that is that the new non-believer was likely was a long time believer themselves, so that kind of hampers their credibility.

 

A professional salesperson knows how to identify a real prospect, so they don’t waste their time, energy, and money when there never was a chance to close the deal. A real prospect is someone who is actually interested in the information you want to share. A believer will never be interested in information that challenges their beliefs until they first begin to have doubts. At that point their minds will become receptive to information that disputes their long held beliefs, but until that happen, if it ever does, you’re wasting your time and probably making an adversary in the process.

 

We, of course, have the Christian version of this here too. They come here to convert us and bring us back to Jesus. They obviously don’t understand what a prospect is either.

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I never had that Paul Revere complex either as a Christian or now as a de-converted one. I hated the idea of witnessing and really put myself through hell because I felt a failure. Now I know better. But I still don't "witness" my deconversion to anyone except those who think the same way I do.

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I agree with woodsy. I hated the witnessing we were to do as christians and avoided it as much as possible and still don't do it now. My family is full of people I would love to see deconvert but it's not my place to force it on them.

Honestly I'm just so relieved to be done with that all and so sick of being told to force my beliefs on others that I just don't think I could ever do it again. About anything not just this.

 

I do agree that some people will go through that phase though and that it might help them along in their journey.

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I experienced a Paul Revere phase last time I was a Christian. I remember telling my priest that I wished I could help my atheist friends be Christians except that I didn't know how. Luckily I'm very introverted, so I didn't embarrass myself too much. smile.png

 

Sometimes I wonder if I should try to help my Christian acquaintances into the darkness of atheism instead of pretending to believe like they do. I know that deconversion is stressful and can cause marital problems, so I don't want to be responsible for planting those doubts.

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Early on in my deconversion I was in the Paul Revere phase for quite a while. I'm out of it now, but every once in a while, I feel like I'm about to slip back into it. I've noticed that since I haven't been to a church in a while, I don't really feel like I'm slipping back into that stage.

 

Perhaps all of those years of going to church as a silent unbeliever, to keep the peace, is why I've gone in and out of this first phase so many times. Maybe if I found a way to avoid going back to church ever again, I'd be free to move on and complete my deconversion.

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I've never been a Paul Revere type.  Probably because I'm such an introvert.

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I took my feelings and thoughts and wrote a book about my deconversion. I haven't done anything with it, but it has become a reference for me when I do make arguments online. If I ever do move forward with it, I'll have to spend serious time rewriting and editing. So I haven't been public with my thoughts like a Paul Revere, but have definitely codified them and that helped me nail down some thoughts that make my arguments more cogent.

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I think a pretty good measuring stick for where a person is in their journey out of faith is when there is no longer a desire to debate believers, or to even care what they believe. When religion simply no longer matters I think a person can safely say, "It's over. It's ancient history in my life now."

 

I can honestly say I am at that stage now (finally). I just don't care what religious people believe anymore or why. I'm okay with simply saying, "Yeah, okay, whatever works for you."

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Witnessing is totally contrary to my nature. I never share things important to me unless I know the other party is receptive and would be understanding. I am introverted and quiet.

 

You know, even if it was the best thing in the world for me, I could not know it would be for you. Everyone's psychology is different.

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Deva: That was the position that I took when I was a Xtian. "Bringing people to Christ" never felt right to me. I thought it would be arrogant of me to presume to tell others to whom they should commit their whole life. And you know what that means as well as I do. I was not sure I was right. I did not know that my belief was true. I always needed more time to become sure of my belief before I started telling people what they should believe. Until finally I realized that I really didn't believe. Thank the stars.   bill

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I actually don't talk to people about anything, much less something as emotional and personal as religion. We have internet forums for that. 

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Deva: That was the position that I took when I was a Xtian. "Bringing people to Christ" never felt right to me. I thought it would be arrogant of me to presume to tell others to whom they should commit their whole life. And you know what that means as well as I do. I was not sure I was right. I did not know that my belief was true. I always needed more time to become sure of my belief before I started telling people what they should believe. Until finally I realized that I really didn't believe. Thank the stars.   bill

Agree. I still feel this is the right approach. I cannot know what is good for everyone.  For some people, I am even willing to admit that Christianity is the best thing.  Granted, not something I can EASILY comprehend, but its possible. I cannot walk in other people's shoes, so to speak, and at this stage in life (getting older here) I surely cannot think one formula works for everyone.  To me, that is just not being realistic.

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Some people need Xtianity (or something like it) as a sedative. These folks are not proud or supercilious. These are good people. Others use Xtianity to promote themselves and inflate their own ego. I can't tolerate them. bill

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I find the Internet cathartic and meet with atheists locally. But, aside from the Wife and daughter and one cousin, I have never told another Christian. Well, I did tell one, as sort of practice, before coming out to Her.

I really don't want to keep up on apologetics, and hope I don't have to debate that way.

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I came out of Christianity with a deeply held hatred of witnessing.  As a Christian, it was a duty.  Where I am now, I see it as an entirely unacceptable activity that is aimed at ruining the lives of others, regardless of the belief system that is being "witnessed".  Hence I have no need to preach deconversion to the converted.

 

(No offence meant in that - just the way I see it and the reason I have no automatic need to tell others of what goes on in my head).

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