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Goodbye Jesus

Satan Helped Me Drive On The Freeway, Y'all.


Aiyana

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My twelve years as a Christian (ages 21 to 33) can also be marked as Twelve Years of Anxiety. I dealt with horrible, horrible anxiety; sometimes on a minute-to-minute basis. I cried out to God over and over and over, hoping he would give me that "peace that surpasses understanding", that I was promised would come only through Jesus. I never received it. My anxiety took the form of generalized anxiety, with various triggers, but in addition to the general stuff, I also had a huge driving phobia.

 

At the age of 26, I finally got my driver's license. This was a HUGE accomplishment and one that was done through tiny, baby steps. But I never could bring myself to drive on the interstate. I was terrified of it.

 

Something funny happened along with my deconversion about a year ago: I began to experience freedom from my anxiety issues, for the first time in my adult life. It just... stopped. I go day after day after day without feeling any of it anymore. I am convinced that a HUGE reason why I experienced it in my Christian years was because it was a result of the enormous pressure that cognitive dissonance brought to my brain.

 

Early in my deconversion, I spoke with several Christian friends, and shared with them how I felt such an amazing peace; how I seemed, finally, to be healed of anxiety. Of course I heard your basic "Satan is deceiving you with peace" answer over and over. I told my sister about this (she's agnostic) and she said, "Really? Well, shit. If Satan's able to deliver the goods like that, I say follow him." She was being totally facetious; she doesn't believe in the existence of Satan at all, but her comment showed me the absurdity of Christian belief once more. Hmmm... as a Christian, my life sucks and my mental faculties are ALL fucked up... when I realize the religion is bullshit, I experience peace and joy for the first time in years? And I am supposed to believe that it's all some kind of demonic illusion, I guess.

 

Anyway, since deconverting, I have FINALLY, at 34 years old, been able to attack my freeway fear. I've driven on it several times now, as far as 15 or 20 miles on one occasion, and twice in the past couple of days I have jumped on it just for the fuck of it. It's FUN. So fun. Weird that it's from Satan, guys.

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I am so glad you have beaten this phobia... I go through phases of it from to time so I know how much it SUCKS.

 

I like your sister's approach too :)

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I've never experienced phobias, but I agree that atheism gives more peace of mind. It is such a relief to have the cognitive dissonance finally gone.

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Great story, I am glad your anxiety is over! I can relate to it, I also feel more at peace now that religion is over. So thanks for that satan!

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Very nice!  Like we learned in trucking school, "Relax, and drive!"  

 

It's sad how xians can't just enjoy good news in your life, and have to try to make you feel bad for any accomplishments or joy.

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Hail Satan! :P

 

Glad to see the anxiety isn't an issue anymore, life is so much more full without it. Have fun driving!

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Wow that story resonated with me to a point. Like your sister, I don't believe in any kind of Satan anymore. But there's a lot of, I don't know the psychology words for this, sort of inner ice blocks or rocks melting away the longer I deconvert. Just, like you said, no conflicts between Bible and conscience, no cognitive dissonance -- especially as it pertains to the sciences, and no more seeing friends and coworkers who died as nonChristians, every time the subject of Hell comes up.

Actually the last is not entirely true: I don't hear their voices calling out, or have any hell images, no. But I have a profound sense of relief that whole scham is simply not real.

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Conquering a phobia is a wonderful and awesome thing congrats ^_^ I wish I could conquer my arachnophobia. But alas holding a tarantula, and having a friend sneak a freakin bird eating tarantula on my shoulder didn't do the trick. My friend got decked was all that happened.

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Glad you are conquering your fear. That's great!

 

I can totally relate with never feeling peace as a Christian. I always had anxiety and always felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt and inadequacy. I am so much happier and so much more at peace now that I've deconverted.

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