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Depression


Brother Jeff

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Mods, feel free to move this topic or moderate this topic as you see fit. I am reaching out for help the only way I know how at the moment.

 

I am reaching out to my friends on this glorious site. I need some help. I need some support. I need to talk. I am still struggling with depression. Not bad enough to go to the hospital, but bad enough for me to have thoughts of overdosing on my medicine and bad enough for some depressed suicidal thinking to be going on. I am not going to do anything to hurt myself. I slept a while ago for about an hour because I just wanted to block the whole world out, and it was about 3:30 pm here in Alaska at that time. It's just after 5:00 pm now. I do not want to go back to the boring hospital where I have no internet access. 

 

I have been through a couple of months or so from hell. See my "month from hell' topic for details. But that "month from hell" was over weeks ago. I have been struggling with mental health issues for weeks now. 

 

I get tired of fighting sometimes, and right now I am tired of the battle and I am down.

 

Please talk to me. Thanks.

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Goodbye Jesus
  • Moderator

What is it you need to hear Jeff? Do you need to hear that we care about you? Because we all do. I wish you didn't have to go through this. I feel so powerless to help you and that drives me crazy!! Again I say, I wish I could wave a magic wand. I sincerely hope you get a good sleep tonight because the body needs so much to recover from this 'stress'. Try playing some real relaxing music. Big cyber hug to you. 

 

Sister Margee  

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Hi Brother Jeff,

 

Sometimes during my regular workday when I am too busy to logon to ExC even for a quick look, I find myself thinking of you. I am mostly hoping to myself that you are doing okay. I do that fairly regularly. I just wanted you to know that. I thought it might help even if only a little to know of my thoughts. I am confident I am not the only one on ExC who does that.

 

I'll check in later.

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Hugs.  Thinking of you.  Have you told your Dad how you're feeling?  Even just spending some time with him might help.

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What is it you need to hear Jeff? Do you need to hear that we care about you? Because we all do. I wish you didn't have to go through this. I feel so powerless to help you and that drives me crazy!! Again I say, I wish I could wave a magic wand. I sincerely hope you get a good sleep tonight because the body needs so much to recover from this 'stress'. Try playing some real relaxing music. Big cyber hug to you. 

 

Sister Margee  

 

Thanks, Sister Margee. I know that you and a lot of other people here really care about me, and that helps. It helps a lot. You are helping just by being here for me. I hope I get good sleep too. I really need it. Thanks.

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  • Super Moderator

Could this be your body adjusting to the new dosage of your medication?  Wendyshrug.gif

 

Like Margee, I wish I had one of those magic wands too!   

 

Did you see Human's post (#10) in your Daily Scripture Reading thread?

 http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/65104-brother-jeffs-daily-scripture-reading/#entry1006364

 

You have really helped him.   Anytime you're feeling depressed, read that post and don't ever underestimate all the positive things you bring to all of us!   

 

We love and care so much about you!

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Wish I could be there just to be there. You mean a lot to us. Hope the docs can help you find a better way to even out the roller-coaster.

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Hugs.  Thinking of you.  Have you told your Dad how you're feeling?  Even just spending some time with him might help.

 

Thanks, Sister. No, I have not said anything to my father. I may or I may not. I am feeling better now. My mom and I talked on the phone, and she suggested getting out to museums or out in nature where I wouldn't have food available so readily, because of the intense sugar cravings the Zyprexa is giving me. I may do that tomorrow. Right now, I am about to go watch whatever is left of a football game with my father and give the cats hell. :)

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Could this be your body adjusting to the new dosage of your medication?  Wendyshrug.gif

 

Like Margee, I wish I had one of those magic wands too!   

 

Did you see Human's post (#10) in your Daily Scripture Reading thread?

 http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/65104-brother-jeffs-daily-scripture-reading/#entry1006364

 

You have really helped him.   Anytime you're feeling depressed, read that post and don't ever underestimate all the positive things you bring to all of us!   

 

We love and care so much about you!

 

The new medicine hasn't had a lot of time to work yet, but we just increased the dosage yesterday. It will be at least another week or two before I feel the full effects of the medication, if it is going to work for me.

 

I did see Human's post and it makes me feel good that I am helping him. Even if my glorious translation of the scriptures only helps Human, it is worth it. :)

 

I know a lot of people here really do love and care for me. Thanks, Sister. Glory!

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Wish I could be there just to be there. You mean a lot to us. Hope the docs can help you find a better way to even out the roller-coaster.

 

Thanks, Fuego. Just the fact that you took the time to post and show your caring helps. I hope this new medicine, Latuda, works. It's just too early to tell yet.

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Hi Brother Jeff,

 

Sometimes during my regular workday when I am too busy to logon to ExC even for a quick look, I find myself thinking of you. I am mostly hoping to myself that you are doing okay. I do that fairly regularly. I just wanted you to know that. I thought it might help even if only a little to know of my thoughts. I am confident I am not the only one on ExC who does that.

 

I'll check in later.

 

Hi Brother OF, thanks for letting me know that. It really does help knowing that so many people here love and care about me and are thinking of me. Thanks! Glory! :)

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Take care of yourself, Brother Jeff!  You will feel better soon!

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bro jeff,

 

rip a fart or two or many, who cares...

 

i do wish you well, hope you have better days asap,,,,

 

it is shitty to feel lethagric n shitty for days, and you suffered for months,,,,

 

breath deeply and slowly through the left nostril, exhale through the right nostril as much as you can and let me know if you feel better,,,,

 

cheers

 

pratt

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Bipolar depression sucks the will and desire to live out of you and takes all of the joy and fun out of life. Being awake hurts. I am tired of fighting it and I just want the pain to end. Nothing worse than depression and insomnia. Life feels like it will never be good again. No light at the end of this tunnel.

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You are very welcome to PM me if you are struggling

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Wow, Brother Jeff. I'm so sorry that you're having these issues. It really has to suck. I don't have the background to be of much help here, but know that you're in my thoughts and I hope you get the help you need.

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The best thing I can say is that your brain is lying to you. It is telling you that nothing will ever get better. It may even be telling you that your loved ones will be happier or better off without you. These stories are not true.

 

I have had episodes where all that gets me through is forcing myself to remember that this feeling of hopelessness is merely a delusion of a malfunctioning brain, and does not reflect reality. In other words, “this too shall pass,” even though my brain is screaming at me that this hopelessness is permanent.

 

I am the analytical type, so this way of looking at it works for me. I don't know if it will work for you, but you can try it.

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Hugs to you. 

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Guest Furball

Sorry bro. I tried to make you feel better by putting a pic of two cute little monkeys, one was consoling the other in a hug but i couldn't figure out how to post it here. Either way, hope you feel better ma' man.

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Since I can't get to a computer often, I am just catching up with you on here and on fb, Brother Jeff.  I've read everything you've written, all your ups and downs, and yes, I do care, too.  I wish I could help in some way, but I know I can't battle your depression or be helpful like a doctor.  Just know I do read everything you write and I do care.

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Brother Jeff, I won't pretend to understand what you are going through, as such brushes as I've had with depression seem inconsequential in comparison to what you describe.  All I will say on that score is that I always found quality sleep was key to getting through such experiences - make sure you're getting enough

 

Beyond that, you can be assured that you are valued here.  You manage to convey a depth of experience with a uniquely colourful way of expressing yourself.  Ex-C would be a far less "glorious" place without you.

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I just posted this to Facebook:

 

 

As I just told a friend on a forum I frequently visit -- I DON'T KNOW if I will make it through this bipolar depressive episode or not. I don't know how much fight I have left in me after 30+ fucking years of fighting this goddamn illness. I am not suicidal at the moment, but it wouldn't bother me at all if I never woke up again. I am TIRED OF FIGHTING. I am TIRED of being depressed. I am TIRED of hanging on when I have lost the will and the desire to live simply so I won't hurt the family and friends who love me. I am TIRED of feeling like shit all the time. I am TIRED! I AM JUST TIRED and I am READY FOR THIS LIFE TO BE OVER WITH IF THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO is CONSTANT BATTLES WITH DEEP DEPRESSION EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. I am TIRED of crying myself to sleep. I am TIRED of coming upstairs at football halftimes so my father won't see me crying or trying to hold back tears. I am TIRED of the depression, the anxiety, the paranoid concern about the status of friendships, the medication and the side effects that make me want to eat everything in sight and ALL OF THE SHIT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH BECAUSE OF THIS GODDAMN FUCKING BIPOLAR ILLNESS FROM HELL!!!

 

FUCK THIS SHIT!! I don't know how much more I can stand. WHEN IS THE FUCKING MEDICINE GOING TO START FUCKING WORKING??

 

 

 

I am going to bed.

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I am so sorry you're going through such a shitty time.   And I really hope today is the day your medicine is going to kick in.  

(((((Gigantic bear hugs)))))

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I am so sorry you're going through such a shitty time.   And I really hope today is the day your medicine is going to kick in.  

(((((Gigantic bear hugs)))))

 

Thanks, Sister. I really appreciate it. I am happy to report that i am feeling better and less stressed than I was last night.

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