Woodsy Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 My friend, whose husband is dying of brain cancer, called me to ask for prayer. She doesn't know I've deconverted and I wasn't about to tell her. She said that everything is just so sad and she wanted me to pray. So, I did. I fell back on a familiar formula of prayer and when it was over she thanked me. What a moment. The prayer meant nothing to me but everything to her. Glad I could do it. Thoughts?? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 If I had been in the same position as you, like you, I would have dug back into my Christian past and would have said the most uplifting prayer I was capable of saying. That was what your friend needed and you were a good friend to her in her time of great need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duderonomy Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 I think you did the right thing Woodsy, or at least the best thing you could do at the time. I'm sorry to hear that your friend's husband has cancer and that she is (understandably) sad. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pratt Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 remember you did a kind deed for a friend, and you did not insist on your own belief. she needs a friend, and you are there.... thats all that matters 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25YearsLater Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Initially I agreed with the other posters, and on balance I still do. But it occurs to me that you've now deceived your friend, which may or may not become a problem. Is she a close friend? Will the dishonesty matter to her, or to your friendship, once this period is over? Will it make it even harder in the future to 'come out' to her, given that it may reveal the deception? Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying you were wrong to do what you did, and I would probably have done the same thing in the same situation. But it might yet prove complicated. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodsy Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 Initially I agreed with the other posters, and on balance I still do. But it occurs to me that you've now deceived your friend, which may or may not become a problem. Is she a close friend? Will the dishonesty matter to her, or to your friendship, once this period is over? Will it make it even harder in the future to 'come out' to her, given that it may reveal the deception? Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying you were wrong to do what you did, and I would probably have done the same thing in the same situation. But it might yet prove complicated. I see what you mean. We were close friends once when I was a Christian but we both have become distant this past year. We'll see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted November 19, 2014 Moderator Share Posted November 19, 2014 Woodsy, It's nice to give.. or be given 'hope' at any time during one's life and you gave someone a little hope. That's what kindness is all about. I hope things will be OK for all of you. Big hug hon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted November 19, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted November 19, 2014 I think you did the kindest thing you could do under the circumstances. It's a tough situation for you, for sure, but an even tougher one for your friend and her husband. Giving comfort to someone who is suffering is a good thing! I do think that 25YearsLater brings up a good point. You might have to brace yourself for that, unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fernweh Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 There's no shame in offering comfort to someone facing the death of a loved one. Look at it this way; there are many atheist clergy/pastors who offer up prayers to a god they do no believe in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 You did a beautiful thing for a friend going through a horrible time, and that is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodsy Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. Life sure can be tough sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Woodsy: Don't think for a minute that you did anything but the kind thing. Good for you. Rip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 You did the right thing. I am sorry to hear that her husband is dying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrive Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I think you did a very kind thing. Your friend needed support and was strong enough to ask for specifically what she felt she needed. While you know that your prayer will not offer any other help than just comfort you might want to offer something more practical. Maybe stop by with some groceries or easy to heat healthy meals? Tell her you are going to the store/post office/bank etc, and ask if she needs anything while you are there. Offer to sit down with her and go sort through mail or bills to make sure nothing is getting overlooked. If you have the funds pay to have her house cleaned or laundry done on a day that they are out at doctors appointments. Care givers tend to be really bad at taking the time to care for themselves so these types of things will be an actual blessing to her instead of prayer. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodsy Posted November 20, 2014 Author Share Posted November 20, 2014 I think you did a very kind thing. Your friend needed support and was strong enough to ask for specifically what she felt she needed. While you know that your prayer will not offer any other help than just comfort you might want to offer something more practical. Maybe stop by with some groceries or easy to heat healthy meals? Tell her you are going to the store/post office/bank etc, and ask if she needs anything while you are there. Offer to sit down with her and go sort through mail or bills to make sure nothing is getting overlooked. If you have the funds pay to have her house cleaned or laundry done on a day that they are out at doctors appointments. Care givers tend to be really bad at taking the time to care for themselves so these types of things will be an actual blessing to her instead of prayer. Good ideas, Thrive, thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I agree with what was said here. What a tough situation for them. You did the right thing, in my opinion. I know if I was in that situation, and the Wife found out I had prayed for someone, She might be insulted knowing that I don't believe it. And I understand that. But fortunately, there is always the formula for how to pray something uplifting. Obviously we know it won't help the cancer patient, but it did help her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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