My First Christmas As An Ex-C

[violetbutterfly]

I had my deconversion lightbulb moment this past March, which means this is going to be my first Christmas as a fully aware ex-christian. I am working 12 hour shifts on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so that gets me out of the family celebrations. However, I know I am still going to hear about Jesus being the reason for the season and all that for the next month or so. I get a little stab of annoyance every time I see a nativity scene. And for the most part my family has no idea of my change in beliefs. So it's going to be all smile and nod as prayers are being said. Last year I had kind of a sour attitude about everything but it wasn't official yet. This year I'm feeling more anger at being lied to all these years and anger that everyone else is still stuck there, if that makes sense.

 

I thought maybe we could have a support thread for getting through the religious part of the holidays this year.

[Fweethawt]

Since my deconversion I like to look up the exact time of the Solstice each year and if I can, I go outside that evening and just look up at the stars while telling myself, "THIS is the reason for the Season!"

 

Its my own little celebration. Nobody else that I know knows I do this.

 

Then on christmas, I just go with the flow. But I won't go to church.

[TrueFreedom]

Good idea, violetbutterfly.  I'll be spending the holidays with fundamentalist Christians.  I goal this year is to remain sober and avoid conversations about politics and religion, which might mean avoiding all conversation.  Dr. Marlene Winell posted a nice coping article on the main blog: http://new.exchristian.net/2014/11/family-coping-leprechaun-technique-and.html

[buffettphan]

Good idea, violetbutterfly.  I'll be spending the holidays with fundamentalist Christians.  I goal this year is to remain sober and avoid conversations about politics and religion, which might mean avoiding all conversation.  Dr. Marlene Winell posted a nice coping article on the main blog: http://new.exchristian.net/2014/11/family-coping-leprechaun-technique-and.html

 

TF, that sounds like my holidays and my plan too.  I downloaded Marlene/Valerie's e-book to my phone and will probably sneak off to the bathroom or somewhere to re-read parts of it during our lovely family get-togethers.    I can hardly wait for them to all start going on and on and on and on about today's moral decay, throwing god out of schools, government, how christians will be jailed, etc. and how they long for the good ol' days.   I am ThisClose to telling them I agree with them because back then it was considered bad manners to discuss religion and politics at social gatherings.   

 

I also ran across this article and while it won't do one bit of good for my dense, brainwashed family, it does make some good points and makes me feel better.  

 

http://cloudfront.mediamatters.org/static/items/thanksgiving-survival-guide.pdf

[buffettphan]

Thanks for this thread violetbutterfly!  Great idea.  Maybe we can share any useful tips for dealing with our loved ones and also blow off some steam when the inevitable fundy fallout happens.    

 

Personally, I sure would love a one-liner that will just make them STFU!  I am so sick of having to hear all the same stuff every single time we are all together.  

[TrueFreedom]

Good luck, buffettphan.  Good luck, all.  Keep calm and remember that you used to believe the same BS (if you're one of us that did).

[Fweethawt]

Thanks for this thread violetbutterfly!  Great idea.  Maybe we can share any useful tips for dealing with our loved ones and also blow off some steam when the inevitable fundy fallout happens.    

 

Personally, I sure would love a one-liner that will just make them STFU!  I am so sick of having to hear all the same stuff every single time we are all together.

 

You got your one-liner right there!

 

But just use the UNabbreviated version. Its much more effective! :-)

[Thrive]

The small town I am from in Utah does a Christmas light parade the night after Thanksgiving.  I was watching it tonight with my parents and my son and it was hard not to give into the instinct to be bitter.  Watching the school marching band playing religious christmas songs and wanting to get angry about separation of church and state. Or seeing the 5th "Remember the reason for the Season" banner and wanting to start talking about pagan symbolism.  It was a knee jerk reaction and thankfully I was able to chill out and just enjoy the lights. 

 

I had to laugh when one of the floats was from a small christian church and it was basically a huge lit up cross. (Mormons don't like crosses) You could hear the shocked whispers all around us.  My christian parents were so excited... until my son shouted out "momma look it's a big t!"  Made my whole night

[buffettphan]

 my son shouted out "momma look it's a big t!"  Made my whole night

 

Love it!  And reading that was soooooo worth spewing my first sip of coffee all over the screen!  Smart kid!    

[Helvetios]

Since my deconversion I like to look up the exact time of the Solstice each year and if I can, I go outside that evening and just look up at the stars while telling myself, "THIS is the reason for the Season!"

 

Its my own little celebration. Nobody else that I know knows I do this.

 

Then on christmas, I just go with the flow. But I won't go to church.

 

I like this idea. It's my first exmas too.

[mymistake]

I've thought about it a lot.  When Christians start ranting about other groups how about challenging the Christians to respect other religions and other points of view?  I might try that strategy next time.  The idea is to set some groundwork for when the exact same Christians demand that I respect their religion.

[Positivist]

One of my best friends is a lifelong atheist and also a choir director. She is continually amazed/stunned/gobsmacked that people (i.e. Christians) actually *believe* the Jesus Xmas story. She views the story along the same lines as the stories of Santa Claus and the Lord of the Rings. As an ex-fundy, I found her viewpoint so refreshing and helpful!

 

I try to view Xmas gatherings as an ethnography. 

[Leo]

This will be mine too. I was well on my way last year, and was glad our family didn't go to the evangelical church, where every year people raised their hands or stood for how long they'd 'walked with the lord'. I do like the type of classic Christmas carols, very beautiful music, like what the Wife's mom's Methodist church does. I didn't grow up with the liturgy and so don't really relate, and She rejected it as a young adult in favor of what She sees as a more meaningful spiritual experience. Ironically, during my last years of Xianity, She would usually chide me for siding with her father in talking about the music or the scenery, rather than focusing on what we were supposed to be focusing on. Well there ya go; so much for that, I suppose.

I admit, I'm not one to get upset over Christmas or other classical music being played. It's grand and majestic. The evangelicals, on the other hand, at least the places we went, were really light duty on the aspects of the season I do like; the music mainly and similar stuff. Their praise and worship is just so bland!

[StillLooking]

I usually feel angry all year long when I hear anything about god.

I have to control myself every time I heard the students at my kids' school reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, every single school day. I can't take my kids away during the Pledge because I don't want them to feel left out.

[FarflungWanderer]

Quite frankly, I don't mind. It's a wonderful season with wonderful memories to be made and remembered.

 

Besides, classical Christmas music is actually quite beautiful. Even if you disagree where it's from, it is wonderful to listen to.

[★ Citsonga ★]

I had my deconversion lightbulb moment this past March, which means this is going to be my first Christmas as a fully aware ex-christian. I am working 12 hour shifts on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so that gets me out of the family celebrations. However, I know I am still going to hear about Jesus being the reason for the season and all that for the next month or so. I get a little stab of annoyance every time I see a nativity scene. And for the most part my family has no idea of my change in beliefs. So it's going to be all smile and nod as prayers are being said. Last year I had kind of a sour attitude about everything but it wasn't official yet. This year I'm feeling more anger at being lied to all these years and anger that everyone else is still stuck there, if that makes sense.

 

I thought maybe we could have a support thread for getting through the religious part of the holidays this year.

 

Congratulations on breaking free! Good luck with the holidays.

 

Since my deconversion I like to look up the exact time of the Solstice each year and if I can, I go outside that evening and just look up at the stars while telling myself, "THIS is the reason for the Season!"

 

Its my own little celebration. Nobody else that I know knows I do this.

 

Then on christmas, I just go with the flow. But I won't go to church.

 

That sounds like a great little tradition.

 

(Mormons don't like crosses)

 

I wasn't aware of that. Is it because they don't like the idea of symbolizing suffering?

 

One of my best friends is a lifelong atheist and also a choir director. She is continually amazed/stunned/gobsmacked that people (i.e. Christians) actually *believe* the Jesus Xmas story. She views the story along the same lines as the stories of Santa Claus and the Lord of the Rings. As an ex-fundy, I found her viewpoint so refreshing and helpful!

 

Seeing that she's a "choir director" initially conjured up an image in my mind of a church choir director who's an atheist, but out of curiosity, is she a choir director for a school or something else?

[amateur]

violetbutterfly, working 12-hour shifts on both days is a great idea!  I used to do that when working at jobs where I could take advantage of that.  Nobody had to know that I volunteered to work those hours, and I had a great answer if anybody asked me anything I didn't want to answer.  "Are you going to xmas eve service?"  "Oh my, no, I'm working 12 hours that day and the next and I'll just need to sleep!"  It was a great diversion and non-answer.

[Thrive]

(Mormons don't like crosses)

 

I wasn't aware of that. Is it because they don't like the idea of symbolizing suffering?

 

Citsonga, I don't know the actual church's stance, but growing up there I was told that crosses are sacrilegious, and that was why they only put a spire on their churches.  I do think it has to do with seeing it as a symbol of suffering. 

[sparklingphoenix]

Hi, I'm in a similar situation as you. I was not liking Christianity and questioning it a lot last Christmas, and I de-converted in February. I think my mom may have her suspicions about me so I hope I don't get coerced into going to church, since I'm also under the radar as an atheist too. My mom made my brother pray during Thanksgiving and he's also a secret deconvert. Not looking forward to Christmas honestly.

[sparklingphoenix]

 

Good idea, violetbutterfly.  I'll be spending the holidays with fundamentalist Christians.  I goal this year is to remain sober and avoid conversations about politics and religion, which might mean avoiding all conversation.  Dr. Marlene Winell posted a nice coping article on the main blog: http://new.exchristian.net/2014/11/family-coping-leprechaun-technique-and.html

 

TF, that sounds like my holidays and my plan too.  I downloaded Marlene/Valerie's e-book to my phone and will probably sneak off to the bathroom or somewhere to re-read parts of it during our lovely family get-togethers.    I can hardly wait for them to all start going on and on and on and on about today's moral decay, throwing god out of schools, government, how christians will be jailed, etc. and how they long for the good ol' days.   I am ThisClose to telling them I agree with them because back then it was considered bad manners to discuss religion and politics at social gatherings.   

 

I also ran across this article and while it won't do one bit of good for my dense, brainwashed family, it does make some good points and makes me feel better.  

 

http://cloudfront.mediamatters.org/static/items/thanksgiving-survival-guide.pdf

 

Wow this sounds just like my family conversations when we get with my grandparents. It's really irritating. They always say how they can't wait for the rapture. I'm thinking no thank you...

[Positivist]

My strategy will be to substitute any "Jesus" I hear with "Frodo Baggins".

 

i.e. Frodo Baggins is the reason for the season. It's absurd either way!

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

Since my deconversion I like to look up the exact time of the Solstice each year and if I can, I go outside that evening and just look up at the stars while telling myself, "THIS is the reason for the Season!"

 

Its my own little celebration. Nobody else that I know knows I do this.

 

Then on christmas, I just go with the flow. But I won't go to church.

 

I like the way you celebrate. Perhaps I should start doing that, since it really is the reason for the season.

[Discern]

I love Christmas. If we got rid of everyone's traditions, the world would be pretty boring. The only sad thing is people actually believing those traditions. No one believes in Santa but that doesn't mean we get rid of Santa decorations, etc. I don't care about nativity scenes, bring em on. Sure we have to put up with a prayer or two at the dinner table, but at the end of the day, just enjoy your family. Family is more important than religion.

[violetbutterfly]

To be clear, it's not the traditions I mind at all. People can sing and decorate and bake and play carols all they want. I'm personally not into it, but I don't begrudge others. What I am worried about is being bombarded by religious talk by my family. I'm still in the closet, so this is going to be the first time I'm sitting in silence through the holiday season secretly saying "what a bunch of bullshit!" in my head with a smile on my face. That's all.

[Margee]

This is my fourth Christmas without  jesus being 100% not in it... and not going to church. I do the same thing most of you do, not say anything. I nod and smile and will bow my head (out of respect) if one of my christian friends wants to pray.

 

 For many years, jesus was the reason for my season, and nobody would be able to talk me out of it, so I figure I must give the same respect to others who believe this lie.  I refuse to get into discussions that will ruin my day. I can't save the christians from their indoctrination and brainwashing unless they themselves are questioning it.

 

This year I plan on making the the Winter Solstice my celebration. Here's a little history on it for you...... hon....http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2002/12/1220_021220_solstice.html 

 

I'm even going to play all the secular songs of the season for enjoyment. I decorated my house totally different than all the past years. It's not traditional anymore but very pretty. Make up your own celebration!! Best of everything to all the x-cer's this year!

 

Hugs to all