My Novel

[R. S. Martin]

As some of you know, I'm working on a novel that I hope to someday publish. I'm not sure if this is a good place to post for feedback. If not, I trust a mod will inform me. I can't post the actual story but I'll post the first part of the introduction or synopsis, with a link to more. To read the actual story you'll have to buy the book when it gets published sometime down the road. Right now I could use reader feedback on ideas. 

 

What was supposed to be one book is turning into a trilogy. Here is a brief description:

 

The TILMAN WIDEMAN TRILOGY consists of the three following books:
 

• Book 1 Mennonite Summer
• Book 2 Bridge to Bloomingdale
• Book 3 The Schtedla Man

The TILMAN WIDEMAN TRILOGY tells the story of lives changed by the death of a man who wanted to leave the world like before he was born. Conflicting opinion around the cause of Tilman Wideman’s death under Terry MacDonald’s truck not only sets the scene for Mennonite Summer; it runs throughout the entire series. Terry’s traumatization by Tilman’s death, prolonged by the conflict and taking centre stage in Book 1, prompts his lifelong friend Constable Malcolm Crowley to seek answers that will sort the conflict and allow healing. Malcolm finds some answers but in the process, as the story continues in Bridge to Bloomingdale, he alienates Terry. In The Schtedla Man, the teenaged Mennonite girl Norma Brubacher finds definitive evidence for the cause of Tilman’s death but she is afraid of the schtedla man, Constable Malcolm Crowley, whose help she needs.

 

For more of the story, see http://mennonitesummer.freeforums.org/post82.html#p82

[R. S. Martin]

I'm trying not to "post my story all over the internet" so that it turns publishers off. But I could use some input from nonMennonites on what they know or don't know about the horse and buggy people, on your impressions or experiences. I'll post a bit more, hoping some people might have ideas to share. If you're sharing impressions or experiences, it would be helpful to know what state or province the Amish or Mennonites were in that you encountered. If you read or learned about them or saw a documentary, etc. it would be helpful to know in what magazine/newspaper or media. Were they part of a course you took in school on religious diversity or Canadian history, etc.? The reason I'm asking is because I can never un-know what it's like being a Mennonite yet some of my characters are non-Mennonites who are just beginning to learn about them. I don't want to make them too naive as to make outsiders look ridiculous, but let's be realistic. There is a lot that outsiders don't know--can't know--because they haven't lived inside the culture. So here's a bit more from a different angle.

 

The goal of Book 1 is to highlight the dangers of ethnocentrism. To do this, I use a fictional controversy causing sharp disagreement between the horse and buggy people and mainstream authorities. A police officer Malcolm Crowley investigates the Mennonites but not in an official capacity, which further complicates social situations. First of all, the Mennonites do not know that he is working in a unofficial capacity. And secondly, an anthropology professor Ron Gavin from the university whom he asked for professional and moral support is taking his responsibility far more seriously than Malcolm anticipated. As part of his professional support, Ron turns watchdog on him and threatens to report Malcolm’s investigation of the Mennonites to his supervisor is he doesn’t read a basic cultural anthropology text and meet for weekly discussions. 

 

Book 2 is a closer look at ethnocentrism and its consequences. Terry MacDonald, the man whose truck was used as a suicide tool, sees the Mennonites from the perspective of years of business contact but no social contact. Thus, his view is that of the outsider living next door, of the merchant, of the neighbour looking on from a close proximity. Malcolm’s is that of one who learns about an exotic culture through the media, then from his friend Terry, and finally through professionals before finally entering the community. These two men, understandably, have very different responses to the same situation. Can their friendship withstand these differences?

 

Book 3 looks at ethnocentrism through the eyes of Old Order Mennonite teenagers. One of them bucks tradition and reaches across the cultural divide in ways that most people would disapprove of yet in the end helps both cultures solve a mutual problem.  

[Vigile]

It sounds like an interesting story.  If you're looking for constructive feedback, I'd try and make the intro a bit more grabbing.  Paint a picture for the reader so they'll want more.  Perhaps open by describing Tillman's death in haunting detail, then in the last sentence lead the reader to an understanding that the threads of the story emit from this event. 

 

If you've ever watched the show 6ft Under, you'll get an idea what I'm talking about.  There, each show started showing how a character met his/her demise -- usually in a surprising way.  From there the show developed. 

[R. S. Martin]

I think I know what you mean, Vigile. Thanks for the constructive feedback. I'll have to look at some more published books to see how they do it--how much (how many words and what part of the story) they put on covers and flypages. 

 

I'm not sure if I was clear. I'm still writing this story and could use some input on what it's like not being a Mennonite. I interviewed some local people but could use some insight from others to more fully develop my non-Mennonite characters to questions like:

 

1. Have you ever seen, met, talked to, or worked with Amish or Mennonites? If so, in which state or province? If not, how did you find out about them?
2. What media or educational program have you seen about the Amish or Mennonites? In other words, would you classify them with other minority groups such as Natives and Blacks and Muslims? Why or why not?
3. Some Mennonites live like mainstream Western society. I refer mainly to horse and buggy people. Would you classify them as ethnic minority or as religious minority or both? 

[R. S. Martin]

It sounds like an interesting story.  If you're looking for constructive feedback, I'd try and make the intro a bit more grabbing.  Paint a picture for the reader so they'll want more.  Perhaps open by describing Tillman's death in haunting detail, then in the last sentence lead the reader to an understanding that the threads of the story emit from this event. 

 

If you've ever watched the show 6ft Under, you'll get an idea what I'm talking about.  There, each show started showing how a character met his/her demise -- usually in a surprising way.  From there the show developed. 

 

How's this?

 

Tilman Wideman…braced against the wind and rain, his thin polyester cotton shirt no protection in the summer storm, his black straw hat like a sieve. The single most important thing in the world was that nobody knew it was him on the bike and it would be like he’d never lived. His hair was soaked and rain washed down his body but he didn’t notice. At the highway, waiting for the traffic to clear, idled a Ruppel’s Feed Mill truck. Behind it on the driveway in a pick-up sat Ralph Ruppel himself.

 

Putting more sheets of heavy rain between himself and Ralph Ruppel, with his bike Tilman squeezed between the guard rail and truck. Just so long as nobody stopped him now and the world would be like before he was born.

 

So thought Tilman Wideman but the truck driver’s best friend was a police officer.

[Vigile]

Great!

[Overcame Faith]

 

 

• Have you ever seen, met, talked to, or worked with Amish or Mennonites? If so, in which state or province? If not, how did you find out about them?
• What media or educational program have you seen about the Amish or Mennonites? In other words, would you classify them with other minority groups such as Natives and Blacks and Muslims? Why or why not?
• Some Mennonites live like mainstream Western society. I refer mainly to horse and buggy people. Would you classify them as ethnic minority or as religious minority or both? 

Answer to 1. I have had no personal contact with Amish or Mennonites and I know very little about them except that some do not use modern conveniences, get places by horse and buggy, wear fairly plain and modest clothing, and are fairly conservative Christians. My limited understanding is that feel their lifestyle is what God called them to, though they do not condemn those like me who were not raised in their beliefs for not living their lifestyle.

 

Answer to 2. I do not recall having seen any media or educational programs about them. My limited knowledge comes from an occasional news story and a few movies which feature them, though I do not recall what I specifically saw. I would not classify them as a minority like natives or blacks because those are racial classifications and do not necessarily relate to one's religious choices. While I think they are vastly different from Muslims, I would come closer to classifying the Amish and Mennonites as a minority Christian group, i.e., they are not mainstream Christians.

 

Answer to 3. Religious minority.

[R. S. Martin]

Thanks Vigile and Overcame Faith. 

 

Vigile, your use of the word "haunting detail" was very helpful. I wish you were in my writing group. 

 

Overcame Faith, you're the most articulate person I've heard from who "knows nothing" about the Amish and Mennonites and it is very helpful. Your answers sound a lot like I imagine my protagonist Malcolm Crowley's might be. He spent most of his life in Toronto where one can probably go a lifetime without encountering horse and buggy people. The last five years he's been policing in Kitchener where the horse and buggy people sometimes do business. A person who has lived in both Toronto and Kitchener told me the Mennonite presence is much stronger in Kitchener. While most people can still go a lifetime without talking to a horse and buggy person, I would guess they will see one at some point. 

[Overcame Faith]

Your planned novel sounds interesting. I do believe that if you want wide readership, you will have to find creative ways to explain to people like me, who have never spoken with a horse and buggy person, what the Amish and Mennonites are like. What I think could make for a very interesting novel is for there to be some sort of conflict involving their beliefs/lifestyle that a reader like me would not understand, but for the novel to reveal as it progresses so we say something like, "Wow, now I get it!" You know, one or more of those eye opening moments that makes much of what happened earlier in the novel in understandable focus.

 

Just a suggestion, try illustrating these things through character actions primarily and through dialogue secondarily. In other words, to the extent you can, let the characters' actions illustrate as many points as possible and use dialogue (not the omniscient narrator) explain the gaps.

 

Good luck with the novel

[R. S. Martin]

Your planned novel sounds interesting. I do believe that if you want wide readership, you will have to find creative ways to explain to people like me, who have never spoken with a horse and buggy person, what the Amish and Mennonites are like. What I think could make for a very interesting novel is for there to be some sort of conflict involving their beliefs/lifestyle that a reader like me would not understand, but for the novel to reveal as it progresses so we say something like, "Wow, now I get it!" You know, one or more of those eye opening moments that makes much of what happened earlier in the novel in understandable focus.

 

Just a suggestion, try illustrating these things through character actions primarily and through dialogue secondarily. In other words, to the extent you can, let the characters' actions illustrate as many points as possible and use dialogue (not the omniscient narrator) explain the gaps.

 

Good luck with the novel

 

Yep, that's my goal for the Mennonite Summer book. Culture clashes have fascinated me since who knows when. I'm glad you're interested. When I was in university I learned a term "ethnocentrism" that means "the way our people do things is the one right way." 

 

I know two very different cultures who don't doubt they've each got the final word on that. What do you expect to happen when you put them together in one cage?

 

That's what I'm hankering to put out there.

[Exther]

Martin, It sounds like an interesting story. I am not sure if I can give any feedback myself as I am myself in the process of rediscovering my literary creativity that I left to wither, years ago, for apparent reason. 

 

After allowing the idea to brew in the left side of my brain ever since I deconverted, four years ago, I have now transferred it to the right and and am subjecting it to extreme heat so it could boil and eventually overflow into the pages on my computer.  in the it to flow onto paper through my hands.

 

To do this I am utilizing some writers' resources available both for free and for affordable prices. I do not know what stage of the process you are at currently but you could try some those:

 

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_8?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=outlining+your+novel&sprefix=outlinin%2Cstripbooks%2C252

 

If you want to see you book in the book shelves in the next three months:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Days-Your-Novel-Day---Day/dp/1582979979/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418586248&sr=1-5&keywords=outlining+your+novel

 

These are only a couple of examples. 

 

I wish you good luck and looking forward to reading your book soon.