AManWithOutAGod Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 I grew up in a baptist church all my life at the same church. Everyone knew my family because we were members so long and everyone knew me. Around the age of 5 (1994), I became "saved" I remember the lesson well, the "teacher" was telling us how we could leave the church today, get into a car accident and die, and if we weren't saved, we would go to hell, so that day when my brother and I saw our mom, we told her we wanted to be "saved". So my mom took us to one of the well known members and he "lead us to Christ"... As I got older and entered middle school, I started to find church boring and never wanted to go, but my mom made me because "it was good for me"... I would always get mad because I had to go and after a while, just accepted I had to go.... Even back then, I had some doubt, but just pushed it out of my mind as the devil trying to get to me.... Come high school, and I honestly never made one friend so far at the church, I didn't care for most of the people my age and wanted little to do with them outside of the church.... So I entered the high school ministry and joined the tech team, so I spent most of my time in the back doing that... And I started to find all the people my age really fake and always trying to outdue/one up each other about who is more/better Christian.... And at this point, still no one even tried to befriend me. The adults would often tell me I should attend the events, but was never interested... Now my brother (who is a year younger then me) was very active with the HSM... He would go almost everyday for all the different events. I was also baptised while I was in high school, and my dad, after all those years of never going to church, finally started to go. So right before I was to graduate high school and leave the HSM, I had a senior member of the church approach me. And told me that the 3-5 grade ministry needed a new tech guy, and since I was about to leave the HSM, that I should take over it.... So I agreed. So the first people who were running it were real nice and cool and I got along with them for the most part.. But they ended up moving away and another couple took over.... Lets call them C and L..... C and L got along with me at first..... But then they found out I never attended "main service", that I would only help with the kids and go home... So they started to tell me I needed to go to main service so I can get my "spritual whatever they called it"... and I really didn't wanna go, because I found it boring... And I was also working graveyard at the time... So I would work all night and right after, head to the church and help with the kids.. And by the time main service was going on, I was tired. So I informed L that I fall asleep during the service because it gets quiet and I have been up all night, but she didn't care, she wanted me in service... SO I finally started to go... Sure enough, that wasnt good enough... She started to tell me, I should come during the weekday evenings for some of the events... I told her I can not, because I work graveyard, and during those event hours, I am sleeping before going to work... Once again, she didn't care. So things were starting to get strain between us.... Even though I was always the first one to show up, I would set up everything for them and help with the kids (who loved me btw, because I wasnt preachy). They wanted more from me....By this time I had real doubt in my mind about their being a God and I really started to dislike a lot of the people at my church... Finally I ended up leaving about 2 - 3 years ago. I was fed up with them. So one day I was curious and started to look up "flaws in the bible" "contradiction in the bible" and anything to do with atheist debunking the bible...... and in those 6 months I read a lot (including here) and the more I read, the more my eyes opened. A lot of stuff was right there in the bible to see, and of course, the church never pointed it out or just never taught it. So my doubt slowly grew .....So finally one day, after all this reading I thought to myself.... their is no god.... the bible is wrong and none of it is true. For the next few months, I really struggled with this idea, I kept thinking "what if I am wrong? I will go to hell". But finally as time went by, I did more reading and became more confident.... To this day very few people know I am atheist... My parents do not know nor does my brother.... My mom is super religious and she would freak out and worry if she found out, and do not have the heart to do that to her. I doubt I will ever tell her and make her think I just dont go to church because I never liked it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Thank you for sharing your story. Welcome to Ex-C! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Welcome to reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Welcome to ExC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 It took me a couple of years after leaving xtianity to tell others I was an atheist and it took several more years before I let the rest of my family know. Religion plays so many guilt trips with our minds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Welcome. It is probably well to tread carefully with family. Take your time, think through how you can best deal with the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Welcome to Ex-C! It is really good to hear that you have been working to 'educate' yourself on historical facts and biblical inconsistencies. Your personal research has already opened up a part of your mind that was previously closed. Keep searching and keep learning - you won't regret it. You've come to a good place to find answers for many of the questions you may have. There are many really cool people here who can and will help you along your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted December 2, 2014 Moderator Share Posted December 2, 2014 Welcome to Ex-c! Thanks for sharing your story. Take your good ole' time and build up the confidence that you will need when you do decide you face your family and friends. It's wonderful that you are doing all the research. When the blindfold come off the eyes...it amazing what one learns!! Get ready for your new worldview...it can be quite the 'trip'. Glad your here with us! You got a good family here for you at EX-c! Hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ax345 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Welcome! Interests: Not going to church? Amen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 It's so hard not being able to tell your family because you'll hurt them. thanks for your story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AManWithOutAGod Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 It's so hard not being able to tell your family because you'll hurt them. thanks for your story Yes it is, a few of my friends know, but as for my family, at this point, I can't tell them. Maybe one day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AManWithOutAGod Posted December 6, 2014 Author Share Posted December 6, 2014 Update: Since I shared this with chat, ill put it here, please note, i have never told anyone this before. i remember when I was really depressed in high school and i told my mom i wanted to hurt myslef and wanted help... instead, she said "we can go talk to pastor" i said no, i wanna talk to someone else. and she pretty said youll be fine, and went to church that night. I was pretty shocked, she left me home alone while she went to church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 Update: Since I shared this with chat, ill put it here, please note, i have never told anyone this before. i remember when I was really depressed in high school and i told my mom i wanted to hurt myslef and wanted help... instead, she said "we can go talk to pastor" i said no, i wanna talk to someone else. and she pretty said youll be fine, and went to church that night. I was pretty shocked, she left me home alone while she went to church. Hey AMWOG, My story and your story share a lot of eery similarities. My dad was a Baptist minister, and I had a really hard time pulling myself away from all of the brainwashing and spiritual abuse I suffered because of him. If you get some time, please read mine. http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/63201-religious-fundamentalism-nearly-destroyed-me/#.VIKHr3sizKE I just want you to know that you are not alone in your experiences. I truly hope that you are able to find some peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rach Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 It was a revolution in my life when I discovered I didn't actually love the people at church. Hell I did not even like them or want to be around them. Nor did I love their system of beliefs. I had always just been so brainwashed into thinking they were my eternal "brothers and sisters in Christ". I thought I loved them and wanted to be with them. But every time I was with them, every single time, I was left out and unhappy. I don't need Christ and the artificial family he offers. I sat through many sermons where the minister would call us, the congregation, his loved ones. He frequently said to the congregation "I love you." And looking back I know those are empty words. He had no love for me, someone he hardly knows, and I had no love for him. And that is ok. I feel so relieved not having to belong to a false family anymore. It is so freeing to be able to say "I don't love everybody. There are just a few people in this world that I love." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Thank you for your story. Being raised in the Baptist church, I understand all of this very well. The car accident threat - wow. The pastor who baptized me actually died in a car accident. At age 13, you can imagine how it effected me for years afterward. It was probably one of the things that eventually broke through the brainwashing. This "godly" man (and I still think he was a good person) died in his early 40s..and we were all supposed to rejoice at his funeral because he was in heaven. It was all so fake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
totallyanonymous Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Rach, I completely hear you. To me it was fake. Once when I was in deep I heard all about "friendship evangelism" --purpose is to make friends for the purpose of winning people to the Lord. I felt like I was somebody's mission project. Yeah, I'll take my real friends (those people who accept me as I am) as the family I choose...any day of the week. I have found more acceptance around a table of good friends and beer than I ever did from "friendship evangelism." Ugh....It is a revolution though isn't it? It was a revolution in my life when I discovered I didn't actually love the people at church. Hell I did not even like them or want to be around them. Nor did I love their system of beliefs. I had always just been so brainwashed into thinking they were my eternal "brothers and sisters in Christ". I thought I loved them and wanted to be with them. But every time I was with them, every single time, I was left out and unhappy. I don't need Christ and the artificial family he offers. I sat through many sermons where the minister would call us, the congregation, his loved ones. He frequently said to the congregation "I love you." And looking back I know those are empty words. He had no love for me, someone he hardly knows, and I had no love for him. And that is ok. I feel so relieved not having to belong to a false family anymore. It is so freeing to be able to say "I don't love everybody. There are just a few people in this world that I love." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to do so. Welcome to Ex-C brother. -peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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