Deidre Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 There's something that has been unsettling for me, lately. Not sure what it is, or where it's coming from, exactly. Perhaps, we are always on this journey, seeking truth, whatever that may be. We think we have finally found truth, but then the path keeps leading us elsewhere...Idk. I consider myself an atheist, but not sure why I feel this void inside of me tugging away at my heart. I've decided to go to church for Xmas Eve service this year, with my dad. He asked me, as he has done these past couple of years since my deconversion, and I've always declined. But, this time, I said yes...and I'm actually looking forward to it. Is it possible that it's merely due to the effects of the season all around me? I didn't feel this way the past couple of years, but for some reason, I do this year. Hoping you don't consider me a weakling, but...there it is. I wanted to be honest with you, my e-family of sorts...who know what it's like to let go of Christianity, and perhaps too, have a void you have never quite filled. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ crazyguy123 ◊ Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 There could be a large number of things that have caused you to decide to go to church with your dad. The effects of the season could be part of it, but it could also be that you are simply looking forward to spending quality time with your dad, even if it happens to be at church. That could very well be the reason if church is important to him. What makes this year different from the last couple of years, I really can't say, since I don't know your situation well enough. Regardless of the reason, there is nothing wrong with wanting to go to church with your dad. As long as you're not being pressured into anything and are looking forward to it, then by all means, go and enjoy it. I don't think you're weak and I doubt anyone else on ex-C will either. In fact, if you can make it through a Christmas service at church without getting nauseous, then you are probably stronger than I am. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 I went to a Christmas church service last year. I just felt like doing it. It went OK, but I never went back there and this Christmas I don't feel like going to one. I do like some of the Christmas hymns and I suppose the thought of singing them was the principal pull. Almost up until the end of the service I debated taking communion (it was an Episcopal Church and this is done in every service) and I did so because the priest made clear that everyone was welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted December 14, 2014 Moderator Share Posted December 14, 2014 Deidre, I personally do not think you are weak at all. The christmas eve's we all spent at the church with the beautiful carols, candles and the nativity scene of baby jesus is in-bedded in a lot of us. It's part of our life story. Add the niceness of going with your dad...nothing wrong with that. I'd go if my mom was alive, that's for sure. She loved Christmas. As I walk the malls right now and here all the carols, tears always come to my eyes. I actually sang to one of the songs the other day. We cannot forget the things that have been so important to us during our lives. Memories are very hard to wipe out. Go and enjoy the evening with your dad. Hug hon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 I find some Christmas Eve services in some churches to be quite moving. One does not need to believe in Christianity to enjoy some of the aspects of the Christian traditions involving Christmas. I still love a good performance of Handel's Messiah, for example. I don't think one need embrace beliefs to share with someone else what they find important. I once went to a friend's mother's Hindu funeral and I found it moving, too, yet I have never been a Hindu. I asked about the meaning of some of the things they did and, even though I did not share their beliefs, I saw how much it meant to them so I shared their joy at their rituals. It apparently means a lot to your father that you share the Christmas Eve service with him. What a strong statement of love for your father to share with him that which gives him joy. It is not weakness on your part, but it shows a strength of character on your part to do this for your father. I hope both of you enjoy the service and more than that, that you both enjoy each other's company on that night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25YearsLater Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 The militancy of fundamentalism doesn't have to be transferred to your atheism. The universe isn't judging you, the way the fictitious God did, that you once believed in. There is no need to fight against hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which has led us to feel certain ways in certain circumstances. Feeling those things is just fine. I see a lot of aggressive atheism here, and that's very understandable - people feel resentful, angry, bitter, about what they've escaped from and that's perfectly reasonable. But it's important to realise that this railing against what went before is a step on the way, it's not the destination. Go to church with your Dad if you feel so minded, although you may wish to make it clear that it doesn't mean you've changed your mind. But if it's high church, just resist the temptation to call out to the priest shaking that incense holder ... "excuse me, sir, your handbag's on fire.." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 No problem at all. The sounds and sights and smells of Christmastime are forever "nice" in my mind and emotions. I just refrain from singing along with the religious carols. I figure the candles and evergreens, holly and mistletoe, and such were pagan symbols first, and I understand the reasons that people have historically gathered in the dark of winter to remember life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 One thing I always loved about Christmas Eve services was the candle lighting. Everyone gets a candle and we light them and sing Silent Night. I still don't want to sit through a sermon for an hour, though. Hope you enjoy the time with your dad. That's more important. Who cares where you do that? You should do what you want to do and not feel bad or ashamed about it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pratt Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 go enjoy the evening with family, i enjoy the carols still, there is absolutely nothing wrong to have a nice warm evening with familiarity,,,,, just need not believe in the crap they are spewing thats all,,,, enjoy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rach Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Follow your heart. If your hearts telling you "go to church this Christamas" then go, and have the most enjoyment of it that you can get. Going to a church service does not make you a Christian. I still have a lot of Christian elements in my life, even though I have rejected the belief system, there are still parts of it that I can find beautiful. I have no inner pull inside me telling me to go to a church service and so I stay away. I never enjoyed the carols we sang or listening to the nativity story. I found it too boring and somber to enjoy. My heart tells me stay out of it, and if you rather stay home, listen to some Lakota music, do some meditation, some reading, then that is what is right for you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I have never minded going to the Wife's mom's Methodist church at Christmas. I really enjoy their music, the traditional carols and such. A lot like growing up, in that respect, although I'm not really familiar with all the liturgical stuff. But the evangelical Christmas with the long sermon and the altar call, and usually no, or at least very poorly-done, carols. Maybe their visual decorations are nice, I don't know: I can't see those. So, I found the evangelical -- be it Foursquare, Assemblies or similar -- to be totally bland and vapid at Christmas time. A particularly gauche -- and in my opinion boorish -- practice from the last Foursquare place we went, they'd hve everyone stand up for how many years they'd been a Christian, then having the oldest remaining till the end, each successive year sitting down. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I hope you have a wonderful time 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I'm not sure what Christmas Eve service is like because my church wanted everybody home with family on Christmas Eve. Christmas and Easter time is usually bright and cheery so it would probably be fun. I've been to several religious ceremonies of religions that I didn't believe in. I stated as much before I ended up in the ceremony anyway. Since the religion was so foreign to me, it felt like watching a bunch of people have a mass delusional experience. I think it will be more interesting as an atheist unless it brings up bad memories. There is a good chance if the people there know you don't believe they will try really hard to convert you. I'm sure you've had that before already. Have fun! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted December 15, 2014 Moderator Share Posted December 15, 2014 Many atheists frequent church services. Do what makes you and/or your dad happy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I accompany my wife to church practically every Sunday. It gives her a degree of security. I don't regard that as weak, but if it is to be so judged, at least you know than I am far weaker than you for just going with your father at Christmas. Go where you wish, do as you wish, enjoy yourself and don't worry about how others may view you. After all, what do the prejudices of observers matter? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 There's something that has been unsettling for me, lately. Not sure what it is, or where it's coming from, exactly. Perhaps, we are always on this journey, seeking truth, whatever that may be. We think we have finally found truth, but then the path keeps leading us elsewhere...Idk. I consider myself an atheist, but not sure why I feel this void inside of me tugging away at my heart. I've decided to go to church for Xmas Eve service this year, with my dad. He asked me, as he has done these past couple of years since my deconversion, and I've always declined. But, this time, I said yes...and I'm actually looking forward to it. Is it possible that it's merely due to the effects of the season all around me? I didn't feel this way the past couple of years, but for some reason, I do this year. Hoping you don't consider me a weakling, but...there it is. I wanted to be honest with you, my e-family of sorts...who know what it's like to let go of Christianity, and perhaps too, have a void you have never quite filled. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Perhaps you miss chasing the endorphins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Thank you to everyone here, your posts all had something unique yet comforting to say. I shouldn't make a big deal about it...and I'm not doing it to please my dad. Interestingly, I want to go with him...looking forward to it. At no other time of year do I ever feel Christianity is as inviting as it is during Xmas. The warmth of the season. I don't know. I haven't been to church in a while, but we shall see. I hope everyone here is enjoying their holiday seasons, whatever you've decided to do. Again thank you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarflungWanderer Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I go to church with my family all the time. I don't go for lessons, or to please them, but to see an old friend the only place I can. Find a reason and stick with it. Tune out everything else, and you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
totallyanonymous Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I agree Deidre. Do what you want to do! Life is short, enjoy it. If you are looking forward to it..by all means..go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted December 16, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted December 16, 2014 This is your journey, Diedre. Only you can give it meaning. Don't worry about where it will lead, or what might become of you, or even what others might think of you. Simply enjoy the moment that you're in; savor this part of the journey. And imbue it with whatever meaning you wish it to have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 The head of the Board of the school where I used to work told me, "I don't believe in God, but I believe in ritual." She still values the rituals of the Russian Orthodox church in which her father's family was raised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 The head of the Board of the school where I used to work told me, "I don't believe in God, but I believe in ritual." She still values the rituals of the Russian Orthodox church in which her father's family was raised. This is really common in some countries. In some places nearly everyone is atheist/agnostic, but they still go do the religious ceremonies on big holidays because it's their tradition. And in some places the people are Christians now, but they still do religious ceremonies of their old tribal religions because they don't want to let go of tradition and heritage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Christmas means so many different things for us all. It has lost its religious undertones for me, but there is something nostalgic about attending church service for the first time in a long while. I think the beauty of deconversion comes in the form of letting yourself go to explore there here and now, and what might ever be. I don't know if there is a god, but I know there is no objective evidence to support the existence of one. My thoughts, anyway. That said, I can still wonder, and be amazed in my own way...and let others be amazed at the universe in their own way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 @ ficino, yes...that is a good way to put it. I was never one to get caught up in rituals, but when you let go of them, at times you miss them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ax345 Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 The idea that we have a creator, and that this creator took on our nature and lived among us is one that I wish was true - trouble is, I don't really buy it. But anyway, I do like the "idea" of Christmas. As you can see from many of the responses here, it's fine to do whatever you want. Enjoy the service, and enjoy being with your Dad! I try to avoid the crowds both at stores and at churches this time of year. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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