Super Moderator Popular Post TheRedneckProfessor Posted January 23, 2015 Super Moderator Popular Post Share Posted January 23, 2015 In my grandma's hallway there are several rows of pictures--one row for each of her grandkids. Each row contains our school pictures from every year from kindergarten to Senior year. I look at my row every time I go back home. It fills me with horror and soul-wrenching anguish. My kindergarten picture displays a little boy full of joy, hope and the excitment of life. A boy with, not just a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, but with a "spark". As I progress from year to year down my row, I can literally see that smile disappear. I see a little less joy, a little less hope. I see that "spark" diminishing in noticeable degrees from one year to the next. Until I get to my Senior picture... The young man that stares out at me from behind those dead shark eyes is haunting. A face so filled with anger, frustration, hopelessness, and depression. That same expression never left my face for many years. I almost cry when I look at the little boy in my kindergarten picture. Because I know that I betrayed that little boy. I didn't give him the life he deserved. I didn't stand up for him, fight for him, or let him be himself in spite of what everyone else wanted him to be. I'm only just now, in my forties, learning to let that little boy come out and play. I will not allow Redneck Jr. to suffer the same fate. I won't necessarily say I was abused physically--just a belt when I earned it. But anybody with a rudimentary grasp of human psychology could look at those pictures and know that that little boy faced something dark and sinister during his childhood. That is the psychological cost of childhood indoctrination. I don't know why I felt like sharing this with you; but it felt good. 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 It's hard to think back at what some of us went through and how long we wasted feeling shame and guilt...for what? Thankfully we're here now. We can only move forward and do our part to try to save the next generation from the same fate. I am so worried about my niece. She's 2.5 and such a happy kid. She's a really sensitive kid. And I know that my being sensitive made religious guilt that much more awful. I want to save her from it but my sister and BIL are still Christian. My sister was telling me that my niece has started saying her prayers and I wanted to scream in frustration. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Thanks for sharing, TRP. I'm so glad you got free of the cult. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VahnBlue Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Actually I believe this happens to everyone when the lose their innocence as they get older and see the world for what it really is, not just religion. Not that I'm trying to downplay your thread or anything. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 One small critique, RNP. You didn't betray anybody. It may feel that way but that is not the case. You are not responsible for what others did to you. Kudos to you for breaking the cycle. Our kids will grow up to be better people. And in turn their kids will grow up to be even better people. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Thanks for sharing this, RNP. One of the psychological costs for me was a sense of failure, of never being good enough. This came from the Biblical teaching that only Jesus was perfect, and that we were all fallen sinners. Even with Jesus as my savior, somehow that feeling never went away. The part that stuck was "you'll never be good enough". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 It's not necessarily Christianity. It's finding out we've been lied to about reality in general. I feel bad when I think about young me. I was so full of hope and beliefs about how awesome god's glorious creation was. I believed the world to be so much better than it really is. But my world is more expansive and diverse than it used to be. So that's a trade off I suppose. Invisible angels aren't helping us along. But invisible demons aren't trying to cause us harm either. Another trade off. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Redneck professor-Thanks for having the courage to share this story and your photos. Christianity, really far from improving people's lives, it actually seems to seek humans destruction. Religion, as well as jesus doctrine really causes human misery and suffering. I hope you are doing better now. I think you are a great guy who is extremely smart. You have a lot to offer everyone on this website, especially newbies like me who love to learn. I wish you all the peace, love, joy, and happiness life has to offer you. -scott 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Thanks for sharing! I think that all of us probably get more jaded and cynical as we grow older but religion sure doesn't help. I too remember as I grew older I got more and more confused, angry and upset as my xtian responsibilties increased. As a kid I could just enjoy life and forget about the "big picture". As I got older I got pressure to become an elder, get married, get a large family and do all the things that my church said were "proper" and "godly". I'm finally free of all that crap and for the first time since my tweens I no longer have nightmares or anxiety attacks. I used to think I suffered depression, but in the two years since I deconverted I've not been depressed even once. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I'm finally free of all that crap and for the first time since my tweens I no longer have nightmares or anxiety attacks. I used to think I suffered depression, but in the two years since I deconverted I've not been depressed even once. Strange isn't it. My depression and anxiety left as soon as i left the religion as well. Makes you wonder what all that christianity stuff is doing to the younger generation. Poor kids 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Directed back to the original post - I felt exactly the same way as I watched the old Super 8 mm films that we had of us kids growing up. Even though in the videos I looked happy, I was dealing with an extreme fear of hell after about 7 or 8 years of age, which culminated at around 16 years of age by me picking my method of suicide, which is apparently what brought me back from the brink. It's terribly sad what parents will do to their kids, all in the name of religion. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I am wondering how anyone could read and understand this thread and not be an anti-theist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 It's shocking when you grow up and discover the extent of reality denial among people in society. This idea -- sometimes stated out loud, but usually not -- that people need to be lied to, placated with comfortable myths, or else they will not be able to function. Not just religion, but history, economics, politics ... everything. Reality actually does become so saturated with mythical ideas and needs that "reality" itself becomes difficult to establish. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 It's tough to look back on your life when the past reflects a change from innocence to fear, to depression, etc. And religion can be a major contributor to that. There are so many traps in life that it's hard for me to imagine anyone, religious or not, avoiding them. The very aging process can be such a trap for many people, but with maturity, a person can teach herself to appreciate the life she has rather than the one she used to have. I'm referring the aging process. If you don't learn that, you will live to regret it. Without this new look on life, when you look at old photos of your family and yourself, it will be a very depressing business. Sorry to bring this up, but if you learn to live for today, rather than yesterday or tomorrow, you can avoid this suffering and enjoy what life offers you at any age. (Because of my age I get pretend like I know enough to advise you once in a while.) Rip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Yep, I'm a lifelong Kool-Aid drinker too. Glad we're out and honouring truth and honesty finally. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VahnBlue Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 We'll all probably be cynical old farts, by the end of our days lol I miss George Carlin. Would've loved to hear his thoughts about now, 7 years later. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Christianity -- and especially its doctrine that humans, on their own, are "sinners" fitted for destruction, just victims of Yahweh's infinite hatred, bounded at every turn with rules enforced with curses -- is the source of a great deal of human misery. There are some good quotes from H.G. Wells about the effect of the doctrine on children. Here is what George MacDonald says about it: "The prophets of such a God take all the glow, all the hope, all the colour, all the worth, out of life on earth, and offer you instead what they call eternal bliss—a pale, tearless hell. Of all things, turn from a mean, poverty stricken faith. . . . I write for those whom such teaching as theirs has folded in a cloud through which they cannot see the stars of heaven, so that some of them even doubt if there be any stars of heaven." Christianity is not alone in poisoning humanity. It began when Plato posited an eternal Good which stands above humanity, in contrast to the Sophist position of the homo mensura. The look on your face in the senior photo reflects the bleakness of the sexism, racism, oligarchy, inequality, xenophobia, homophobia, and speciesism across the human population. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Indoctrination, of whatever form; evangelism, of whatever message; enforced conformity, of whatever norms. All are odious and can only lead to psychological issues, either through self perpetuating prejudices or the pressures of jumping ship. At least you got out. Be glad of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Thanks for sharing your experience; it was beautifully written. I'm glad that you're determined that your child will have a better experience. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCM Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 My god look at those photos. thank you for showing them, they really illustrate the point. I have some similar photos, and the surviving ones from my strongest fundamentalist period have that same look in the eyes -i thought i was the only one . sure kids photos are always more exuberant, joyful and childlike than their teenager/adult counterparts, but not many teenage/high school photos go that direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 My heart breaks for your childhood self; no child should be indoctrinated with terror stories by their trusted adults. I'm so glad you're raising your own son with truth and goodness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I had a friend who in his 50's converted to Xtanity. I have discussed him before, so I hope I don't bore you folks who already heard this. I knew him for about 30 years before he converted. Slowly at first he began working on me to visit his Sunday School class at a Baptist church. After a couple of years I agreed to visit. My wife went with me. We continued to go to the class for several years. My friend grew more and more aggressive in trying to get me to join his church, get baptized, etc. To me the Baptist church was way too extreme and the longer I attended Sunday School the less I liked what was being taught. Crazy stuff. My friend started questioning me about why I read so much. This from a guy with a master's degree. I told him why. I like to read and I like to learn and it is entertaining. He never came out and told me why he was asking in the first place. Of course, I knew why. He thought I was trying to find all the deep questions about life. And he thought it was a waste of time because he "knew" it was Jesus. Soon a troglodyte in the class taught a lesson to the class about how bad it is for a Xtian to read anything other than the bible. Anything! I couldn't believe my ears. Of course, it was obvious that my friend had arranged this "lesson". The "teacher" was borderline hostile in his presentation. This was not all. Later, a member a the class committed suicide. He had been an unhappy camper for a long while. I had suggested that he see a psychologist a few weeks before. Not strongly enough I must admit. Anyway, the Sunday after his funeral one of the teachers of the class (a good friend of my friend) announced that the man's widow was present and that we should be careful about the questions we ask and the things we say in respect for her. I am sure that came from my friend because I was the only one in that class who questioned anything said and no one else had been trying to "convert" me. He misjudged me terribly. Because I was crass enough to question things in class about doctrine, my friend thought I would ask why this Christian committed suicide in view of the biblical provision that says god would not give us more than we could handle. I'm sure of it. What an insult! Shortly after that we left the class for good. Later I learned my friend contracted terminal cancer. And then his wife died of cancer. What a sad thing this was. He was such a good friend before his conversion. Sadly, he went all over the state looking for a health care provider who could cure his cancer, all to no avail, of course. The moral of the story? Christianity can be the worst nightmare one could encounter. Rip 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted January 29, 2015 Author Super Moderator Share Posted January 29, 2015 I've read all of your responses and I am deeply grateful to each of you for making them. I haven't responded to any of them yet, though I would very much like to. I didn't realize how deeply this thread would affect me, which is why I have stepped away from it for the past week. Sometimes, I'm still that lost, confused, frustrated little boy. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 30, 2015 Moderator Share Posted January 30, 2015 I've read all of your responses and I am deeply grateful to each of you for making them. I haven't responded to any of them yet, though I would very much like to. I didn't realize how deeply this thread would affect me, which is why I have stepped away from it for the past week. Sometimes, I'm still that lost, confused, frustrated little boy. It takes a long time Professor to let go of all the things that were put into our innocent heads when we were younger. I've been going through the same thing in the last 6 months. Hang in there bud. We'll get free eventually. I've got hope for all of us on Ex-c. (((hug))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VahnBlue Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I've read all of your responses and I am deeply grateful to each of you for making them. I haven't responded to any of them yet, though I would very much like to. I didn't realize how deeply this thread would affect me, which is why I have stepped away from it for the past week. Sometimes, I'm still that lost, confused, frustrated little boy.Virtual hugs all around! <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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