megasamurai Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 My mother still occasionally admonishes my failures to find a girlfriend. She claims that if I don't go to church, not only will I be damned to hell, but I will also be damned to eternal loneliness. She claims that churches are the most convenient places to find women. I also am aware of the fact that most Christian women would instantly reject me if they ever found out I am not a Christian. It seems like the odds are against me when almost everyone in my state is a hardline Christian. I've been thinking about everything, and I don't think my state of affairs is not as bad as my mom makes it out to be. I've made tons of platonic relationships with women, and my female friends have made me very happy. The reason I have not found a girlfriend is that everyone in my small college clubs are taken. I know that churches probably have way more opportunities to meet women than a school club, but I'd probably have the same challenges there. So what should I do when I get the "Go to church or you'll die a lonely miserable man" speech? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 What state are you in? There isn't really any reason to try meeting a girl in church if you're not a Christian. It's misleading and unfair to the girl. Just tell your mom you'll look for a girlfriend when you're ready to. Don't date some Christian girl just to please your mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megasamurai Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 She doesn't know I'm not a Christian, but I try to keep a (very thin admittedly) cover when I speak with my family to avoid any bad thing from happening. I'm not to keen on deceiving any churchwoman. I wish I could think of what to do about the "go to church, or you'll be lonely" speeches. I guess I should just deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Do you still live with your parents? I personally found it difficult to date at all when I lived at home. Sometimes you need space to truly be yourself. For the time being, I'd just smile and nod and then live your life. There are definitely more places than church to meet people and there's no sense starting off a relationship pretending to be something you're not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Lots of people find love outside the church. I always did. Hang out with other people who have common interests, that's usually the best thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 You might ask your mother if she really wants you to spend less time on your studies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted January 26, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted January 26, 2015 So what should I do when I get the "Go to church or you'll die a lonely miserable man" speech? My response would depend on my mood at the time. It might range from, "Sorry, but I don't see it the same way you do" to "You're a fucking idiot." Is that rude? I believe people who say such stupid shit are being rude in ways they can't possibly comprehend. Of course it's Mom, so you (and possibly myself) would probably just find some convenient lie or platitude in order to keep the peace with a brain dead relative. Moms notwithstanding, I'm too old to have patience for people trying to make me agree with their moronic claptrap. Talk sense or move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Do what makes you happy. Don't live your life to please others, it will never work out. When you get the speech, just walk away. Personally i would tell her that she isn't making any sense, that she is coming off like a control freak. I have a controlling religious mother as well, and there were times in the past when i had to tell her off in a harsh manner. Sometimes people don't get a clue until you yell at them to back the fuck off. Christians always think they are right about everything, and they believe it is their business to tell others their business, these people are certified morons and don't even know 1% of what they think they know. So just take a deep breath, have the guts to tell them that they are dead wrong and just walk away. If she says you'll die lonely, ask her where she is getting this information from, and how she knows this to be true? Turn it around back on her so she feels stupid for trying to control you. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarflungWanderer Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I actually get a similar diatribe from my Dad. I don't buy it; it's blatant emotional manipulation that's as subtle as a thermonuclear bomb. I may not have the experience to back this up in my life, but trust me when I say that non-Christians can find love, settle down, and have families (if that's your style). Anyone who tells you otherwise has an agenda and isn't on the level. Besides, the kind of church you go to, you'll be second best in any romantic relationship with a girl from there to God, the biggest sugar daddy of them all. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25YearsLater Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 So what should I do when I get the "Go to church or you'll die a lonely miserable man" speech?Take up dancing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 If you live in the Southern US, then yeah, you're pretty much doomed. You either learn to accept it, or move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 The truth is, there is plenty of time. I hate it when parents or others put pressure on people to get a gf/bf, then get engaged, then married, then have a child, then have another child, then gets their kids into a good school, then get their kids into good activities, then get their kids to win at those activities... it just goes on and fucking on. I bet she is thinking about grandchildren. She needs to be told to back off and that you will run your own life now. Good luck getting that across to her though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megasamurai Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 I guess just sucking it up and letting myself be reminded that I'm an idiot for not going to church is what I have to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I didn't think you were supposed to go to church for "those kind" of thoughts? It's kind of hard to be all churchy and on the prowl at the same time isn't it? mwc 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 when i went to church plenty of females and some males, me included, were all checking each other out. Kinda hard to worship jesus when a sexy woman in a mini skirt is giving you come hither looks 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 They allow mini-skirts in church now? Times really have changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldenWolf Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I've had crushes out of church who have been non-xian. I think it's bullshit when xian parents pressure their kids into dating a xian guy/girl. My mum is always telling me God has the right guy for me who I'll get married to and have kids. A lot of parents I know care about getting grandchildren, but I'm not too keen on having kids anyway. I've constantly told my mum I don't want kids and she's always nagging me with why not, surely God will find a guy who you'll want kids with. Like no, I don't need God to be my fucking wingman, I'll choose who I like. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wertbag Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I found online dating worked for me, it allows you to narrow your search by religious beliefs, age, location etc so you only talk to people who are a match in the first place. I'm now married to a lady I met online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarflungWanderer Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 i've always been wary of online dating, but I have to admit that it does have a good chance of working. One of these days I'll give it a go, I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdp Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I'll die single before I ever resort to online dating again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wertbag Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I'll die single before I ever resort to online dating again. I had some bad dates from online dating but I've also had terrible dates when meeting people in public or being set up by friends. I believe online dating is a great way for shy people to get out there, people who would otherwise not be able to take that first step. Sure like any way of dating it has its good and bad but it is still better than the alternatives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I'll die single before I ever resort to online dating again. Same here. Never. Again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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