violetbutterfly Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I'm almost at the one year mark in my deconversion process. It started in March of last year. For the most part, I've felt pretty peacful about everything. I was one of those people whose faith was being slowly chipped away for years without my realization. One day, everything kind of snapped into place. I felt like a weight was lifted and things suddenly got a lot better. But lately I'm really pissed. Angry at all the time I spent believing this bullshit. Angry at how much control it has over people. Angry at how widely accepted it still is. Angry that there is still a stigma against unbelivers. Angry over the stereotype that being religious automatically makes you a good person. There must be stages of deconversion, similar to stages of grief. I'm definitely in the anger stage. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted February 20, 2015 Moderator Share Posted February 20, 2015 We had a pretty good thread on deconversion stages a while back. I thought it had been pinned, but I'm not finding it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I have gone through similar stages of deconversion violet. They come and go less and less as time goes by. It's perfectly normal that you are experiencing these emotions as i and others on here can attest to. You are not alone, and if you need someone to just listen to you, feel free to pm me. I am a great listener. Others including myself are here to support you. -peace 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 20, 2015 Moderator Share Posted February 20, 2015 We had a pretty good thread on deconversion stages a while back. I thought it had been pinned, but I'm not finding it. Here it is......Pinned in Ex-Christian life. http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/21830-phases-of-deconversion/?hl=%2Bphases+%2Bof+%2Bdeconverting#entry350012 Hope this helps a little VB. It's a good thread that sure helped me. (hug) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I hear you. I went through several periods of anger. The "stages of grief" are not linear, they are more like states of grief, or states of adapting to change and loss. Their origin is a book my Elisabeth Kubler-Ross about the stages a person facing their own death may go through. They were later interpreted to apply to grieving someone else's death, but they don't really fit with that. Still,I have found it useful to reflect on how we often tend to experience shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance at various times while we adapt to a significant change or loss. The key is that one day, when you're ready, you will spend more and more time in a state of acceptance. That doesn't mean you agree with the way things are, just that you accept them and your emotional energy is spent on a wider range of things. I'm all for feeling the anger when it hits as part of the deconversion process. Objectively, the things you mention about xianity should make us angry, if we have a basic level of human empathy. I get particularly angry when I think about xian parents denying their children good health through rejecting medical science, or directly abusing them physically and emotionally. I refuse to accept that as ok. However, I accept that it is a fact, and I adopt the position of anti-theism, in the hope that the efforts of many will reduce the harm done by xians, and other theists with harmful beliefs. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I'm almost at the one year mark in my deconversion process. It started in March of last year. For the most part, I've felt pretty peacful about everything. I was one of those people whose faith was being slowly chipped away for years without my realization. One day, everything kind of snapped into place. I felt like a weight was lifted and things suddenly got a lot better. But lately I'm really pissed. Angry at all the time I spent believing this bullshit. Angry at how much control it has over people. Angry at how widely accepted it still is. Angry that there is still a stigma against unbelivers. Angry over the stereotype that being religious automatically makes you a good person. There must be stages of deconversion, similar to stages of grief. I'm definitely in the anger stage. Realizing you are going through a process, and understanding where you are in that process, is healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I am on the 2nd anniversary of my deconversion - arrived at in a very similar manner as yours. I was much angrier a year ago and can tell you that you will find great peace in your 2nd year, if you're anything like me. I was wondering if the anger / shock at my previous 'wasted' life would ever end and about 6 mos ago this huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I began to forget the anger and the spiritual abuse. Now I'm feeling better than I ever have and don't think about xtianity too much unless I'm around fundy family / friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I've always been angry, for as long as I can remember. It comes with the territory of childhood sexual trauma. Anger was (and probably still is) a natural extension of my disbelief. Eventually I'll "get over Christianity," but only to the point where I won't always vocalize my disdain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Anger is good if you use it properly. It is a motivation to stand against the nonsense and injustice of the religious system; to think through the details of where you are now. It is a guard to quicken your reflexes against any attempt to preach at you. It is not, however, to be allowed to become a self indulgent and destructive obsession. Channel it and use it; then it will be your friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 I like that last post. Too often I think the power we give anger is the fear we have of it. I've experienced things in waves, including guilt. After all, I'm in part responsible for how my own Wife, still a Christian, discovered the more evangelical brands of it. And responsible as a parent for my daughter's exposure to it, even if I was always the challenger, at least for the past 15 years or so. Humans are complicated, our feelings are complicated, and it is a lot like waves rather than a chain or timeline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I deconverted in a similar way to you. I also had an anger phase. I think I'm over it for now, but who knows if something will trigger a memory and I might get angry again. Anyways I'm at that point where I remember all the embarrassing things I did, like giving my best friend a bible that I annotated myself. Ugh..... I was so brainwashed. Humiliation... Haha. I also think anger is good. Christianity really cuts you off from your anger and makes it a bad thing. Anger is one of our most primal emotions. It's unhealthy and unnatural to not be able to feel or channel your anger. Let it floowww 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wyson Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I went through an anger phase also... I now remind myself now that I was brainwashed from a young age, and absolve myself from embarrassing actions that arose from it. No one would blame a child if they were abducted and brainwashed by a Christian cult for instance. I also try to accept that although my parents are responsible, at the time they were trying to do what they thought was the best for me.The anger was / is real and valid but needed to be processed before I could move on. I stayed angry for 7 years. I was super pissed at God and Christianity, then myself, then my parents. This anger started subsiding when I started to understand my old circumstance, when I started processing my anger. What exactly is it I am angry about? That Christianity is a big fat lie? Really? What parts? According to who? My opinion?! What do the scholars and historians say about it? Who made the theology, because a lot of it as sure as heck isn't in the Bible (a lot of what is preached today is has been made up by theologians throughout history, ie. the Bible says D, then A,B,C must be true or else it doesn't make sense... of course others argue its EB-C=D etc etc). Reading about the historic reality of Christianity / The Church / Theology really reduced its authority in my mind and therefore its hold and power to make me angry. It wasn't just MY opinion anymore... it was history!Its ironic. In order to deal with my deconversion, I have / will end up knowing a lot more about Christianity than I knew as a Christian. From what I have seen and read, lot of its basis is tenuous, often fictional. Even insights / things that maybe reasonable in 70CE are often downright absurd in a 21st Century context. Which gets me thinking... a lot of priests / preachers / pastors will know and understand the difficult reality behind the message. Why would they keep it to themselves and preach something they KNOW to be based on shaky ground without any disclaimers? They are no better than the politicians! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 This too shall pass VB. It's just a normal part of the process. Look on the bright side. Now you know the truth & you found your way out of their cult. Rejoice,& be happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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