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Goodbye Jesus

The Only Times I Wish God Was Real And Prayer Actually Worked....


DragonTheDruid

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Are times like right now, when my anxiety's so bad I can't eat for fear of vomiting even though I'm hungry, and I just feel like shit, like it's my fault and I should be able to willpower my way through these feelings since am the one in control here. But apparently anxiety's something bigger than me and no amount of breathing exercises, black tea, and Hozier(my favourite singer presently) can really make it go away(though I guess it can help). 

 

How easy would life be if you could truly just be like: ''Hey God, I'm not feeling too well, nervous about stupid things and getting anxiety over the tiniest excitement or fear. But you knew that because your God. So how about letting up on me a bit and letting these feelings go away? Aaaaaamen.'' 

 

and then the bad feelings go away! Then I could eat a nice big meal without having to worry about it making me sick and then I could go get my tattoo with HAPPY excitement and not be scared about stupid things.

 

But that's not the case.

 

And here I am, with anxiety, a fear of vomiting which is not letting my eat, and an inability to swallow pills without having a near panic attack, as well as having a strong dislike of SSRIs and other anti-depressent and anti-anxiety meds that I've been recommended.... but can't take anyway because I can't swallow pills. If I was 21, I'd probably drive down to the cannabis store in town and give that a shot, but alas, I have a few years.

Yeah. If only christanity was real and so was Yahweh and he wasn't a sadist so he could actually help me. But nope. Only I and those around me can help me. Sorry if this is rantish, but I'm sure others can relate to wishing God and prayer were real and worked so bad times wouldn't be so, well, bad.

 

*sad Dragon is sad, and hungry, but nervous*

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Sorry to hear things are going badly.  *hugs*

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I feel the same. I have depression and some days it's so hard not to just revert to begging God to take it all away.

 

Then I remember he's not real, it's not real, and I get angry all over again.

 

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I try to remember that things ebb and flow and it won't feel so awful forever.

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So thanks to cancelling my tattoo appointment I had today, I'm starting to feel a lot more at ease, though I'm sure it will take a bit for my appetite to get back to how it should be. For some reason, even when I look forward to things, I get very anxious. It's kinda the dumbest thing to be honest haha. I'm at least eating now....

 

Also I know how you feel about the getting angry part. I'm almost at my 1 year anniversary of leaving Christianity and am just now getting into the 'anger' phase, where I get irritated with all the people around praising god for this or that or just in the car today my mom had on the christian radio station(god those songs are annoying. I do like me some Skillet and the Fray, but a lot Skillet isn't even mostly religious music, they're just a xian band).

 

I actually will probably celebrate Easter in my own way this year, because it really was Easter or around Easter time when I started studying the origins of the holiday after a long bought of doubt and research into Paganism after hearing a friend of a friend mention it, and it was then I realised how much Christians copied from other religions, and how much it seemed like just another mythological story.  Now when I hear people talking about it like it's the solid truth, it makes me angry. I should go in the streets and start preaching about how soon King Arthur will be revived and the Once and Future King is going to return. But I've got a reputation to keep up in this small, conservative city. (the cosplaying anime nerd artist who always has a lizard with her)

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So thanks to cancelling my tattoo appointment I had today, I'm starting to feel a lot more at ease, though I'm sure it will take a bit for my appetite to get back to how it should be. For some reason, even when I look forward to things, I get very anxious. It's kinda the dumbest thing to be honest haha. I'm at least eating now....

I can relate. I have a chronic medical condition that is unpredictable and having plans always makes me nervous and anxious. I never know if I'm going to be totally uncomfortable that day and would rather just stay home. Life becomes a vicious cycle: either I have plans and I'm anxious, or I don't have plans and I'm lonely. If I make plans, I wish I was able to stay home. But if I am having a good day and have nothing to do, I can't find anyone to go out with. Having plans and a having a good day rarely ever happen at the same time.

 

Also I know how you feel about the getting angry part. I'm almost at my 1 year anniversary of leaving Christianity and am just now getting into the 'anger' phase, where I get irritated with all the people around praising god for this or that or just in the car today my mom had on the christian radio station(god those songs are annoying. I do like me some Skillet and the Fray, but a lot Skillet isn't even mostly religious music, they're just a xian band).

 

I actually will probably celebrate Easter in my own way this year, because it really was Easter or around Easter time when I started studying the origins of the holiday after a long bought of doubt and research into Paganism after hearing a friend of a friend mention it, and it was then I realised how much Christians copied from other religions, and how much it seemed like just another mythological story.  Now when I hear people talking about it like it's the solid truth, it makes me angry. I should go in the streets and start preaching about how soon King Arthur will be revived and the Once and Future King is going to return. But I've got a reputation to keep up in this small, conservative city. (the cosplaying anime nerd artist who always has a lizard with her)

I wonder if the one year mark is about the time you start to feel angry. I am definitely in the anger stage at the one year mark. It's pretty much my default reaction to everything religious these days.

 

I hear you about Easter. I have to work on actual Easter, thankfully. I'm going to brunch with my family the day before but I won't have to deal with any of the other crap.

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The most annoying thing about my anxiety is probably when I start feeling the physical symptoms of anxiety, while my conscious mind is like: I'm fine though?! Why do I feel like I'm going to die then?'' It's usually somewhat okay once I get to said place. It's the build up and anticipation for the event that really kills me.

 

 

And I'm just glad my family isn't SUPER religious. My mom works in the church so she's obviously really involved, but she's not like, militant about it. So 'religious' holidays aren't that bad. It'd be worse if I had to visit my extended family I'm sure, but they don't really live around us. I'll just chew on a chocolate bunny and focus on new beginnings rather than Jewish zombie Jesus

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Have you tried meditation? It's not instantaneous, but I find it helps me with me anxiety. I practice mindfulness meditation, and I find it very beneficial. I think there is a lot of research out there that shows it to be beneficial as well. Also, its completely free of any supernatural claims.

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I have tried meditation before, but only when I was practicing/conditioning myself to lucid dream haha. I just have a hard time finding time that wouldn't be right after I wake up or before I go to bed to meditate. I did the meditation where you focus on your breathing and whatnot, though I would like to go somewhere public to do the other sort of meditation where you just are aware of everything going on, but not reacting. I don't know the proper term for it...

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. . .  though I would like to go somewhere public to do the other sort of meditation where you just are aware of everything going on, but not reacting. I don't know the proper term for it...

 

 

I believe it is called Zanshin in Japanese.  I have no idea what it would be called in other languages.

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In my younger days I had a problem with a "nervous stomach" which stopped me eating or caused me to retch after forcing myself to eat.

 

I found meditation just before food helped - empty the mind, concentrate on the rhythm of breathing.  It's not a cure, but, little by little it helped turn things around.

 

I also found that eating slowly, little and often, and doing so alone was helpful.  Having people around just added to the stress.

 

All the best.

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gurl I feel you. there are times when I am feeling so sick from my chronic illness I wish I could pray to a god to make it go away. I have problems with vomiting from migraines and I'm like completely out of control. wish there was a god to intervene, but I just kind of go through the motions and get through it, try to take some medicine, and go to sleep. I wonder if you could get your pills in another form? like could you get them in a liquid form or suppository? I have a bottle of liquid anti-nausea medicine around all the time. That usually helps me if I take it in time. Anyways, I hope you're doing okay and can find some relief when you have bad times. 

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Liquid meds had been an option, but I am so so so taste sensitive and liquid meds always taste nasty! I'd probably vomit from the taste haha. I couldn't imagine taking liquid anti-nausea meds. I'd probably go with the under the tongue dissolveable ones.

 

I actually really hate conventional medicine in general. I hope I never get so seriously ill I need to be on meds the rest of my life...

 

I still have a poor appetite(I'm actually starving now, but I don't know what to eat haha) but that's alright. What really got me was my anxiety not allowing me to eat, and then knowing I HAD to eat a full meal to get a tattoo so I don't go into shock or pass out while getting it, then fearing vomiting if I did force myself to eat a full meal, so I was sort of going in an endless circle of panic until I had mom call the tattoo parlour to cancel it. My artist is nice and she understood.

 

It'll take me maybe another week to fully recover unless another stressor comes along....  One thing I've never gotten is migraines, and I'm very thankful for that and feel really really bad for people who do get them, and I know a lot of people who DO get them. 
 

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